Authors Note: This hasn't been beta-read so I apologize if it has grammar/spelling errors in or if the characters sound a bit off. Please let me know what you think of this, complaints, suggestions; any feedback would be helpful as long as it is constructive.

Sorry for the delay, had a hard time writing lately because of too many plot bunnies.

Here it is, with only one more chapter after this, plus the epilogue. Sorry in advance for the slightly evil cliffie but a McWeir moment abounds.

Spoilers: For Season One episodes 1-14

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Stargate in any incarnations of course and I'm not making any money, this is just some harmless fanfic fun.

Chapter 10: Losing the Plot

His screams met her ears as she entered the infirmary. They could be heard faintly all the way down to the mess hall, which was why she was here.

It was always about her death, a muttered name that sounded like 'scinta'.
Elizabeth felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought, then feeling guilty for it.

The nurses however where quicker, two restraining him and the third administering a sedative at which his screams died down to babbling.
Carson came out to meet her, manilla folder in hand.
"How they are all doing?"
She knew she should have asked before but only now had she regained her control, acting as the responsible leader and less emotional.

Carson looked vaguely happy thinking of his other patients."Ah just released Lt. Ford and Peter has some nasty burns but should be up and about in a day or two."
"And Dr McKay?" she asked, keeping her voice surprisingly neutral.
Carson gave a worried glance behind him to Rodney's bed.
"He seems to be regaining some memories. I think he has some idea who I am or at least he relaxes around me because he senses I'm trying to help. I've tried asking about it but most of the time he zones out. I think he may be having flashbacks to his torture."

She swallowed her fear, not wanting to know but needing to ask.
"He was tortured, for sure?"
Carson grimaced before answering.
"Aye, not much permanent damage I can see, a few minor scars, anything done seems to be old news. Physically at least. There's even evidence he's been stabbed but its completely healed if I didn't know better I'd say that particular injury happened months ago but it certainly wasn't there at his last medical, .I'm much more worried about what they put in him that forced the healing, his neurology is quite bizarre but it could be caused by whatever they gave him, along with the brain damage. I think its either that that's affecting his memory or post traumatic stress disorder. Too early to tell how much is one or the other. One of his other wounds look quite like it was caused form some kind of intravenous drip feeding him the drugs they used but whatever they were they seem to be disappearing from his system, breaking down and ah can't get a decent sample to study to tell us what they did to him."
She nodded in acknowledgment, saying nothing, her throat tight form a combination of rage and panic.

She made her way to Rodney's bed, pleased to see a faint smile on his face at her approach.
Sitting down she heard his weak voice whisper "Elizabeth." One word full of wonder.
"You're alive."
She knew in that moment that the woman had been the 'Scinta' he mentioned over and over in his half awake nightmares, that the dream had been real. For there was no other explanation she could think of for why a man she'd considered dead would worry that she herself had been. The how and why were mysterious but it mattered little now he was back.

She squeezed his hand tightly, ecstatic inside that she could touch him, talk to him, that he was back and not just in body. There was a long way to go yet but it was something good.
Then she remembered their little problem, a small frown escaping, her eyes avoiding him.
She heard him attempt to say something, her behavior not lost on him.
Luckily John walked in calling howdy to Rodney.
She blinked back the tears, raising her head to see Rodney study Major Sheppard.
"Sheppard, right?" he asked, looking round for confirmation.

Sheppard smirked proudly. "That's right, give the man an medal, or better yet an MRE." he said, revealing one he'd had hidden behind his back. She'd never even noticed.
Rodney leant forward, reaching out to receive the price eagerly but Carson darted forward snatching the bag out of the Major's hand.
"Oi, who said you could have one of these? Besides I thought you said you liked hospital food Rodney."
Rodney pouted, staring at the MRE tucked under the doctors arm.

But the good cheer didn't last long, as the her comm activated.
"Zelenka to Dr. Weir. We have a... solution."
The others waited worried and she mouthed to them Zelenka's message.
Sheppard seemed to relax and Carson also broke out in a smile. She wished she could feel so relieved but there was a hint of something untoward to the Czech tone that only she had heard.

"What problem?"
They all turned to Rodney, his face fearful. When no one answered he asked again.
She hadn't thought he'd be able to lipread from where he was lying and this made it all the worse.
"What's wrong?
Carson stepped forward.
"There's some bad news, you'll survive, albeit brain damaged..."
"What!" the scientist shrieked in horror.
"You're right about that being bad news. That's why I can't remember stuff, right?"
"Oh, no you misunderstand me."
Rodney raised an eyebrow and Carson continued less enthusiastically.
"Aye that's bad news alight but that wasn't the bad news I was talking about. We have a problem much worse than that..."
This was where Sheppard piped up, getting to the point Rodney really wanted to know.
"You're leading them straight to us."

Her link came on again, Zelenka's uncertain voice calling her. "Dr. Weir?"
"I'm on my way. Carson, you're needed at the briefing. John, look after Rodney."
She released Rodney's hand reluctantly, his fingers trailing off of hers trying to catch her grasp.
With one last look she left the two men, making for the door with speed and battling the urge to stay.

The table of top scientists all stared at her, grim and guilty expressions.
She tried to retain the earlier optimism, finding it difficult as she met a similarly gloomy face of Dr. Zelenka.
"So what options do we have?"
"Just the one." was his quiet reply. The enigmatic Czech was sombre looking for a change.
"Which is?"
It came out blunt, the words stabbing at her painfully.

"We kill Dr McKay."
There was a stunned silence in which she hoped she'd heard wrong, that his command of English had faltered. The shock must have been evident, Zelenka catching on and seeking to explain further.
"...by stopping his heart, as was done with Major Sheppard. The device feeds of McKay's energy just the same. Once it sees him as dead perhaps it can be extracted. It is the only solution we have come up with."

She sighed. At least it was a tried an tested way of dealing with it, if a a little drastic.
She prompted the doctor for his opinion. "Carson?"
Elizabeth felt the same fear again as she met Beckett's eyes, clouded with concern, the Scotsman not ashamed of his emotions.
"I doubt his body can take it. He's been under a lot strain, we already had to resuscitate him yesterday. I wouldn't recommend it."
"Understood."
So much for a solution. It could kill him in the process and not merely as part of that.
But she smiled gratefully at the the team, still hopeful on the outside.
"Don't give up. There's still time to find another way."
Zelenka gave her a pat on the shoulder as he escorted her out, away from the now arguing team who were back to work on another plan.

"Elizabeth"
"John"
They greeted each others by first name but there was still a tension from before wrung out by what she needed to discuss with him now."I need a word."
They both started to move off but Rodney wailed at them, getting there attention.

"Hey, don't think you're getting out of telling me."
She eyed Sheppard and Rodney, wondering what they'd say. Already pretty sure Sheppard would say go for it.
"To try the same trick we used on the Major when he had the wraith tick."
She gave Sheppard a look, waiting for his challenge but not expecting the yes that came instead from the bed.
"Do it."

"Excuse me?"
She watched Rodney carefully, wanting him to not have said what she thought he had.
"It's the only solution right? And the wraith are closing in. It's our best chance right so just get it over with."
He treated it as if it was obvious. Leave it to him to want to be heroic.
"Its not that simple." she said, voice on edge.
"Why not?" Rodney countered defiantly.
"Carson doesn't think you're odds of survival are good."
He laughed of all things at that, angering her.
"They were never too good anyway, it's amazing I escaped. Of course now I know why, I'm the bait. But whatever, this is your best chance of survival so take it."
There was a strength to his eyes that she'd seen few times, his will demanding to be done.
"Do it."
She walked away, Sheppard following, as she went to make the preparations.

It had been scheduled at 17:00. Beckett had wanted Rodney to have as much time as possible to recover to give him a fighting chance and Sheppard had given him six hours to get his affairs in order in case it came to the that.

Six hours to prepare for death.
Some how it had been easier to have it suddenly upon her.
The whole last two days having given her a false sense of hope.
It was 15:38 now.

She sat upright on her bed, back slumped and supported by the wall. It was uncomfortable without adequate cushions but she didn't care, she wasn't really reading her book anyway.

There was a short rap at the door, three knocks in succession.
She jumped off the bed, opening the door and letting him in.
Rodney stood there however, unsure it he was allowed in to the sanctum.

Of course he'd never been in her quarters, she'd forgotten.
She held out an arm to him when she saw he was holding himself up by the door, his arm muscle shaking and his bandaged hand not able to be used to support his weight.
For once he said nothing in complaint, letting her guide him to her bed where he sat lamely.

She stood, folding her arms across her chest, not knowing what to say.
There was what she wanted but she couldn't bring herself to blurt it out, as if saying it meant admitting he might truly die this time.

He was the first to speak
"I don't want this to happen, for me to be death of anyone. It's the only thing that got me through it all."
And then there came the slight tears, silent, rolling down his ashamed face.

She was there in an instant, by his side, arms around his shoulders. Still she couldn't find any words to say what she had to say, only her face communicated how she felt. He stared mournfully at her, grieving for his own loss prematurely.
And then he stole a kiss, right away under her nose.
It was tender and salty.
And gone just as quick as he had been taken away from her.
"I don't want it to be goodbye."
At last she'd found the strength to say a little, even though she sounded far from normal as she said it. Her voice wavering, weak like she'd been taught against. Never show your doubt.
But what was the use when it was almost hopeless and everyone knew it.

"I know." He replied, trying to reassure her with his strength.
That was when she let go, hers tears running freely, his fingers trying to catch them all, to ease her heartbreak, even as he went through the same.

It didn't work though and he took a chance, perhaps his last and stole another kiss. Not breaking it off this time, hands lacing in her hair. Cherishing the moments he had with her, what could be his final hours alive.

A/N: More coming soon but going to bed now because I start uni again tomorow.