A Journey Into Darkness

by eclyptyk neo

The Clone Wars has begun and Anakin Skywalker reflects on all that has happened in the past few weeks. COMPLETED

A JOURNEY INTO DARKNESS (PG)

ORIGINAL: 02/04/2003

CREATED: 12/28/2004

WRITTEN BY: Eclyptyk Neo

SUMMARY: The Clone Wars has begun and Anakin Skywalker reflects on all that has happened in the past few weeks.

DISCLAIMER: Star Wars does not belong to me, but to the great storyteller himself, George Lucas and all affiliates to his cause. I only use the characters of the story to create my own set of adventures, like all of us here. So enjoy.

A/N: This was written almost one year ago, but I just never had the time to get it typed up and posted. It takes me a long time to do that. And since no one has said anything about my other Star Wars stories, I kinda put this project aside. They're still here on the net waiting for reviews. But this is just something short and simple. I hope you like it. May the Force Be With You Always.

-X-X-X-X-X-

I always knew it was going to be a hard life. The life of a Jedi. It's been a dream of mine for as long as I could remember. And I always wanted to fight alongside other Jedi in the galaxy to keep the Republic intact. But as we step away from the beginning of the Clone Wars, I'm not sure where my journey truly lies. These voice in my head call out to me with dark messages about a future that is yet to unfolded. Where do I fall? I'm ready to face the trails, but Obi-Wan doesn't think I am ready.

That is all I hear out of his mouth. To put me down in anyway possible just to make himself look good. He is jealous of me, and I know it. He doesn't realize that I have passed him in rank with my skills and he doesn't want to put himself behind me. He just can't admit it. I am better than him.

I have a wife now, and even if it is forbidden in the Jedi Code, I don't care. There has already been a series of changes in this galaxy the other Jedi couldn't handle. Why should my matter be of any concern? Some of them don't even recognize me. But they aren't the one who needs to worry about Padme. Only I do. I made that choice and I am willing to face the consequences for my decision. I will protect you, Padme. No matter what, even if it has to be from the other Jedi. I will not let any harm come to you. Not like how this Republic is falling to the hands of the Sith and Separatists.

But there is this hidden anger, hate and coldness I feel inside of me. I can't seem to escape it. And my destiny has yet to be determined.

'A Jedi shall not know anger. Nor hate. Nor love. There is no emotion there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force."

The very oath and Code that all Jedi must abide by. Personally, I find that rather pathetic. I mean, as Jedi, we can travel all over the galaxy solving problems for everyone else, and we can't even enjoy a little time to ourselves or a vacation. We do so much for this galaxy, and it feels like we don't get enough recognition for what we do.

I was always quick to learn. I understood things the moment it was said to me; the lightsaber sparring that would go into the early morning hours with Master Kenobi, to using the Force to see the surroundings around me in a new light, to moving objects with the power of my mind. There were so many lessons that I took in and understood, but they way I learned them at came and went like nothing. I set the example for the younger Jedi Padawan at the Temple. They adored me and all I did to make even the most skilled Jedi look bad. I can't stand being known as a Jedi Padawan, especially during a time like this. I already did so much for this galaxy, I deserve to show myself as something more. If not a Jedi Knight than a Jedi Master.

Making the commitment to becoming a Jedi meant it was forbidden for any one of us to get attached to someone or something. We could not possess anything unless it was just our lightsaber alone. But there was compassion, an essential part to a Jedi's life. A way for me to say is unconditional love giving us every right to be encouraged to love.

And one person changed that for me. It made things so much more easier. Padme. Every time I hear her name it brings me warmth, but haunted me for ten years. It took ten years just to see her again, and it was so agonizing to admit that I felt something between us. I couldn't live with the scars or could I afford to go on another ten years without seeing her again. I don't want to lose her again. I don't want another ten years to pass between us before I could hold her in my arms and call her more than just the Senator of Naboo.

"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." Yoda had spoke those words to me on the day I was tested for admission into the Temple.

But to this day, these hidden feelings I have inside had teased and attacked me like I was some defenseless taun-taun in a hot desert. There was fear there when I watched Qui-Gon Jinn's body light up on that pyre. There was continuous anger for Obi-Wan limiting my training or never trusting me to take on a mission on my own. There is hate inside for those animals that took my mother's life. There is fear, anger, and hate that should not be there. Not in a Jedi. And as much as I am better than all these setbacks, I just can't seem to break away from it. There is a darkness that feels so much like a friend I've been looking for all my life. It knows exactly what I am looking for and how I feel.

Those words that past Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's mouth meant the world to me. All those guiding words like he knew exactly how I felt. He called me one of the most powerful Jedi he has ever known. He ranked me even higher than Master Yoda. I just wish the rest of the Temple could see that. Because I am. I know what I want and if I have to fight to get it, I will.

"Be mindful of your thoughts, Anakin, they betray you. You've made a commitment to the Jedi Order, a commitment not easily broken." Obi-Wan had instructed.

The life of a Jedi is hard. I get that. Than how come we weren't able to destroy the droids or Dooku for all that has happened? If we could have stopped him then, we never would have gone to war. I think the Council is afraid to attack their own. He was one of the best. But he is no longer a Jedi.

He is the leader of the Separatist group against the stability of the galaxy. He wants nothing more from the Republic or the Jedi. He should have died.

Now, we have clone troops running the show. The Jedi work as the generals to each unit and more. But what good will that do for us if we couldn't even stop it in the first place? The Jedi are weak. All of them are caught up in the unifying Force, they can't even look at the world around them for one second. I've been told time and time again that the path of the Sith is so much more easier, so tempting that it is easy to fall into its wing. And if I, who would stop me? All of the other Jedi are too caught up in this war to notice. Even my own master is too pre-occupied with it. My future is yet to be determined, but maybe all these mixed feelings mean something more to me. That darkness could very well be the answers I am looking for to ease this pain I feel inside. The journey of life is rough, but maybe the light at the end of the tunnel really is darkness.

--Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Padawan