Sweeter than Okonomiyaki
A/N: I know. It's another Mary-Sue parody. Whatever, deal with it. I like this one better than my other one, and that was a preemptive parody. This one is long overdue. The amount of 'Mysterious girls with a curse showing up at the Sohma house' is so ridiculous, it makes me want to retch. (And yes, I know Okonomiyaki is not sweet. It's just a silly title)
So when in doubt, don't complain, parody! Hearts to y'all. Mwah!
(End A/N)
Kyou shifted a bit, leaning boredly against the traffic sign, as he waited for the light to change across the street. He glanced over the contents of the plastic shopping bag he held, with the orangey store insignia stamped over the white exterior.
Cabbage, mayonnaise, eggs, flower, fish flakes (All leek and onion related ingredients judiciously excluded from the shopping list by the ever tactful Tohru), and... soba.
'Looks like she's making okonomiyaki tonight.' he mused, with a small spark of amusement playing over his mind. While he was a guy who generally kept his joyfulness to an exterior minimum, he couldn't help but feel a small amount of excitedness at the thought of some good okonomiyaki for dinner. It was worth even going to the store for Tohru, while she busily worked away at her neverending list of household tasks, and scholarly duties.
He didn't much care for the store. Too many people all too eager to give him a cordial smile, and joyfully sing "Irashaimase!", or poke him to buy some fresh fish, or the like. Being a cat, the fish section was naturally tempting, but ever since they started playing that incessant song over and over, he'd developed a slight irritance with the fish section.
In spite of it all, with the slow stoplight, and the creepy kiddy music voices merrily chirping "Sakana Sakana Sakanaaaaa!" in his head, which caused him more than once to give a little slap to his own cranium, it was still a nice day. And of course, being a cat, the warm sunlight was naturally a comforting sensation on his shoulders.
As the crossing music drawled out on the speakers, he hastily rushed over the crosswalk, readjusting the groceries in his bag unconsiously, mostly out of the impulsive need to fiddle with something rather than make eye contact with another pedestrian. This apathy proved to be something of a problem, for as he made it to the other end of the street, there was a certain unfortunate collision.
"Ow! Watch where you're going, you moron!" He yelled, rubbing his shoulder, hissing at whatever stupid guy had just run into him.
"I- I'm sorry," came the soft coo of a girl's voice. His mind scrabbled. Wait... girl, collision, hug... not cat. What the-?
He jerked his head to see a yellow haired girl, kneeling beside him with a remorseful look on her face.
"Hold on! If I'm not!-"
"If I'm not-!"
They paused and stared at each other for a moment, then looked away blushing.
"Um-" The girl began tentatively, "I'm sorry. My name is Reiko. I was just looking for my friend Tohru, and I heard she lived nearby."
"Your friend is named Tohru?" he asked, helping her up, "What's her last name."
"Honda. Tohru Honda. We... know each other quite well."
"I know this Tohru." Kyou offered subtley.
"Really?" Reiko was overjoyed.
"Yeah. I'll bring you back home to visit her."
"Thank you so mu-" She began exuberantly, but stopped mid sentence, as if low on air.
"Are you alright?" Asked Kyou, who was unexplainably concerned. His response, was the weight of the girl on his shoulder, her arms around his neck as her knees gave out.
"I'm so sorry. I've been walking for so long. And my ankles hurt so badly. Could you... carry me?" Kyou's mind shot through several hundred simultaneous thoughts, several which were less than noble, and some which included cheese, and he had no idea what they had to do with his current situation.
"Um," He gulped, "Sure." He slung the handles of his shopping bag over his elbow and lifted the girl gently. The situation was more than a little akward, since the last time he'd ever held a girl was when he was four years old, and trying to prevent Kagura from killing one of the local bullies who'd teased him.
A few people gave them stares and shook their heads as if to say 'Kids these days...' However, Kyou's mind was filled with a frantic train of thoughts of "She dosen't make me transform... we can hug... that means we can-"... His mind was cut off by a beet red blush. He wasn't sure where his sudden infatuation came from, but did he ever like it!
"Is that you, stupid cat?" A familiar voice came, "What are you doing, carrying a girl? What if you... transformed?!"
"It's okay," Said Kyou, "She's not affected by the curse. ... Besides, what are you doing out here right now, moron?"
"Student council meeting ran long. I swear, it would save everyone a lot of time if President Takei just came out of the closet, rather than making everyone akward," Yuki paused, "...including me."
Kyou snickered under his breath at the thought of that nerd and his blatantly obvious obsession with the dumb rat.
"So... who is she?"
"Her name's Reiko. And she's a friend of Tohru's." Kyou said, in an uncharacteristically civil manner.
"And she's unaffected by the curse?" Yuki asked, which was responded to with a nod.
'She dosen't transform... we can hug... that means we can...' the rat blushed at the next ungentlemanly thought that invaded his typically squeaky clean mind.
"She's... pretty." Yuki commented absentmindedly, looking at the girl's sleeping face. Before he realized what he'd just said out loud, he recieved a snap from the orange topped cat.
"Over my dead body, girly man! She's all mine!" He hissed.
"You would, you stupid cat! You're so crude, you know. You have no idea how to treat a lady."
"What do you mean? I treat you just fine!"
"Oh. You wanna say that to me again?" Yuki asked, cracking his knuckle.
They came up to the front of Shigure's house, and the sleeping angel awoke in Kyou's arms.
"Oh, we're here?"
"Yeah."
"Thank you so much! Is Tohru inside?"
"Yes" Both boys responded, following her in the front door.
"Okaeri, Kyou ku-" Tohru began cheerily, broom in hand, stopping suddenly, "Re- Reiko-Chan?"
"Tohru!" Reiko Squealed.
"Reiko Chaaaaan! Uwaah!" The girls commenced in a typically female reunion squealing fest, and moved into the living room while the boys began glaring sparks at eachother.
"Stupid cat," Yuki hissed, "You got to carry her come, so I get to be the first one to kiss her."
"You wish, Rat boy! I found her! I get to have her all to myself!" Kyou fumed in a testosterone pumped declaration of masculinity and the dirtiness of the primitive male mind.
"It's not a matter of finders keepers, imbecile. It's a matter of who would truly love her more. And I would fill that role."
"How can you love her? You haven't even met her!"
"Well you just picked her off the street!" At this point the boys were locked in a palm to palm grapple of death, with static electricity forming between them that would have been a field day for Hanajima.
"But we shared a special bond! I carried her all that way. I feel a deep affection for her!"
"You mean shallow!"
"Up yours!"
"Screw you!"
"Friggin mouse!"
"A-hole!"
"Wimp!"
"Brute!"
"Femmie!"
"Slut!"
"Maybe we should just go to Reiko and ask her who she loves most!" Kyou growled through fanged and clenched teeth.
"Sounds fine to me!" Huffed the ruffled and rabid Yuki.
They both stormed toward the living room on a mission of idiocy and hormonal impulse. There was a slam of a shoji screen, and a flash of light, as they both stood in the frame of the doorway, mouths half open to ask the big question.
However, before making a single sound, they stopped in unison, and froze in shock at what they saw.
There, happily seated upon the couch in Shigure's living room, was their dream girl Reiko, and their former flame Tohru, passionately kissing eachother in complete oblivion to their audience.
The shoji slammed again, and both boys turned in static reaction to each other.
A long and exceedingly akward silence ensued, punctuated by ticks of a distant clock, and the muffled giggles of the two giddy high school lesbians in the next room.
Yuki, swallowed hard and was the first to speak.
"So..." He began "You wanna play cards?"
"Muh," Was all Kyou could manage, which his arch nemesis took for a 'yes'.
"Okay then." The purple haired teen said, grabbing Kyou by the wrist, and stepping lightheadedly up the stairs.
And so, the rivalry was cured.
And another beautiful relationship began.
(So did several years of therapy.)
The End
A/N: Any flames will be taken as compliments. :D Peace!