I got board during the night.
Disclaimer: I own nothing from the KA movie… damn.
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"COOOOCKAAADOOOOODLEDOOOOO!" Lancelot awoke to the sounds of that damn rooster… again. He lifted his head up and glared at the bird that insisted on sitting outside his window in the mornings.
"COOOOCKADOOODLE—Bugahhh!" Lancelot smirked evilly as the pillow he threw hit its intended target and the rooster fell unceremoniously out the window. He pulled the blanket back up over his head, and slowly started to drift into a realm of women, wine, and women, lots and lots of women just waiting to be taken to his room and…
"COOOOOCKAAADOOODLEDOOOOO!" Lancelot growled in frustration. He looked to his window, and there was the damn bird again. He glared at it, and grabbed his remaining pillow, brandished it in a threatening way. The rooster just glared at him, chest puffed out, tempting the Knight. Lancelot threw the pillow with all his might, but the bird, expecting the knight's actions, flew up and dogged the projectile. He then, rather pompously, perched atop one of the rafters in the disgruntled Knight's room. Lancelot glared at the bird, he opened his mouth, about to yell obscenities at the foul feathered fiend, when the bird, quite purposely, dropped him a present. The knight sat there in shock for a moment, the roared in rage.
The roar awoke the other knights, and they rushed to their comrade's room, weapons ready, and minds prepared to battle anything that Satan could muster… except what they saw when they opened the great oak door.
"You little Bastard! Get down here and take your death like a man!" Their companion roared, swinging his swords around wildly into the rafters. They looked up, and saw the bird, easily dodging the swings as it leapt from one rafter to the other. The knights looked at the bird, back to Lancelot, who had yet to realize he had an audience, then to each other. The same thing went through all their heads; he'd finally lost it.
"Lancelot?" Arthur said, as if he was talking to an irate five-year-old… one that held very sharp, pointy, dangerous weapons. Lancelot turned, surprised, to the Roman man, his swords out in front of him.
"Arthur!" He exclaimed. Then, noticing his swords were held quite menacingly at his best friend and commander's throat, he pulled them away and tried to hide them behind his back, innocent look plastered on his face. "What are you doing here… and how long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough." Arthur said, a little unsure of what else to say.
"Really?" Lancelot asked looking to the others, whom nodded their heads in agreement, still too shocked to talk. "I can explain," Lancelot began, "This ruddy bird, you see, he has it in for me."
"Sure he does, lad." Bors said as if he were talking to an unstable person.
"He really does!" Lancelot exclaimed. "I'm not making this up!" He pointed at the bird hysterically, "He's after me! This morning, I hit him with a pillow but- but he came back, and he- I – he- Cooockacoodledooed and shite- I – he." The knight's slowly started to back out of the room.
"COOOCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!" The roaster crowed, in a boasting way. Lancelot turned his attention back to the bird.
"This is all your fault!" He yelled at it. He grabbed his book off the desk and chucked it at the bird. The beast fell off the rafters and ruffled his feathers as if to exclaim, "How Rude," then flew out the window. "No you don't! I'm not letting you get off that easy!" The knight cried as he rushed out the room. The other knight's looked at each other, then raced after Lancelot, curious to see what he would do next, and a little bit frightened.
Lancelot ran down the stairs, and through the kitchen, grabbing a pan on his way. The cooks looked on the parade of knights in curiosity, and then followed behind.
Lancelot ran outside, looking left and right, he finally spotted the bane of his existence. He was strutting around the courtyard as if he owned the place, pecking at the ground. Lancelot grinned maliciously, and tiptoed up the bird. He raised the pan high above his head, both hands gripping the handle.
The rooster looked at the strange shadow that fell over him, then turned his head, "Bugahh?" It questioned. Then it saw the man, the bane of his existence, "BUUUGAAAAAAHHH-"
Lancelot brought down the pan with as much force as he could. "BUUUGAAAAAAHHH-" "CLUNK!" and all was silent. The group that had grown in numbers watched in curiosity, horror, and disgust. It was widely thought that the Knight's were bloodthirsty killers, but to murder an innocent animal? Monsters.
Lancelot laughed hysterically, that damn bird wouldn't be bothering him ever again. The crowd made a path for the man as her walked away, still laughing. Everyone looked at each other, and then went about their way, gossiping about what they just saw. The head cook walked over to the bird, picking it up by the feet, he sniffed at it, then, shrugging, took it off to be prepared for the evening dinner.
That night Lancelot went to bed, smile still plastered on his face. So what if people were going out of their way to avoid him, and what if his friends were giving him queer looks as if they were looking at a diseased individual. They'd all get over it eventually. He had had his final revenge against that foul fowl.
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Galahad and Gawain had to suppress their giggles as they crept up to Lancelot's door, burlap sack clutched in Gawain's hand.
"What are you up to?" Arthur asked. The both put their fingers to their lips and shushed him. Galahad motioned for him to come over. Arthur did, curiosity getting the better of him. Gawain opened the sack and showed Arthur what it contained. The roman grinned at his two youngest knights and shook his head.
"Care to join us?" Galahad whispered. Arthur though a moment before eventually, agreeing. The three silent crept to Lancelot's room. Arthur slowly turned the door handle, and pushed it open a crack, seeing that his best friend was sleeping quite peacefully, he pushed the door open further. They all winced as the door creaked and groaned, but the curly-haired knight still slept. They all grinned as Gawain opened the sack and Galahad took its contents out and set it on the floor. After making sure the sleeping Knight was still asleep, the three crept form the room and into their own.
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A young maiden sauntered over to Lancelot, hips swaying in a seductive way. She grinned as he pulled her into his lap. He kissed her soft skin and whisper in her ear. "Do you want to get out of here?" He asked her. She gave him a lusty smile, lent into his ear and said,
"Bugaahhh."
"Huh?" The Knight asked unsure of what he just heard. The maiden smiled, then threw her head back and screamed loudly,
"COOOCKADOOOODLEDOOOOO!"
Lancelot was shocked back to reality, he jumped form his bed and landed on the hard stone floor. Wincing, he rubbed his sore backside. What a strange dream, he thought. Maybe he was feeling a bit of remorse for killing a defenseless animal. He guffawed as he picture the rooster in armor with a sword tucked under his wing. Slowly getting back to his feet he stretched out his sore muscles, and groaned as his joints crack. He started to rub his should, but stopped abruptly. Sitting on the headboard of his bed was what looked to be the ghost of the 'innocent' creature he had slain just the past day. He rubbed his eye furiously, trying to clear his vision. But it wouldn't go away.
"Oh, gods." He said as he backed away from the bird slowly. The bird looked at him, and then hopped off the bed, following the knight.
"Cluck, cluck, cluck?" It said in a questioning way.
"I-I-I-I didn't mean it!" Lancelot said, backing further and further away. "I'm sorry!" The bird kept following him, clucking. "Please, please, forgive me." He pleaded with it. The rooster looked at him.
"COOOCKADOOOODLEDOOOOO!" It crowed, ruffling it's feathers and flapping its wings. The knight yelled in terror, flung open the door, and bolted down the hallway. Oblivious to the three laughing Knights that stood just to the left of his door.
"What the hell was that all about?" Bors asked as he, Tristran, and Dagonet came cautiously out their doors. Gawain walked into Lancelot's room, closely followed by the others. He walked over to the 'ghost' rooster, and gently picked it up.
"Bugaahhh?" It questioned. And for those of you who can't speak rooster, I'll translate. 'What the hell is his problem?'
"That'll teach him to kill innocent animals." Gawain laughed. Galahad grinned and looked at the other knights.
"Yeah, who'd have thought that a little flour and a rooster could have such an effect on one man?"
The End
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This was written in honor of the rooster who was murdered by my neighbors, and who, to this day, still crows at all hours of the morning. If you're reading this, dear rooster, please, SHUT UP!!!
Amanda