A/N: ::Looks incredibly guilty:: I know, I know, I haven't updated in more than a year, but I would never be able to completely abandon my fic. Thank you so much to everyone that has reviewed, they always make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and I would always read over them to get motivation to write when I was feeling particularly lazy. This past year was crazily busy for me with college applications, crazy amounts of homework, school plays, going to London, prom, graduation, packing for college, long, sad goodbyes with my friends, moving into college, adjusting to the dorm and workload. With all that was going on Senior year, every time I had free time I'd be wanting to spend it with my friends, or just be a couch potato, and would only occasionally write. But, as I was just off for winter break for a month, I am actually updating! And I guess if you care any more about my life you can read my xanga, linkage found on my bio. So on to the chapter!
Chapter 15: Draco's Wrongs, Ideas, and Songs
Maybe I'm not ready for this, and you know it.
Maybe I'm too scared to tell you what I'm really thinking
It's not fair to stay together because of regrets we might have.
I don't want to fall asleep alone,
But do I want to wake up with you?
I'm only trying to be completely honest
So I guess this is the ending
Or a beautiful mistake.
And if we both agree that we shouldn't be together
Why does it hurt so much?
I feel like I lost my closest friend.
I don't want to fall asleep alone,
But do I want to wake up with you?
I hope you're happy and completely lonely
There I am standing all alone on Sydney Harbor Bridge.
And you know I would jump into the fucking ocean
If it meant I was truly capable of being satisfied.
Will I ever be?
Did I just give up the best thing I ever had?
I don't want to fall asleep alone,
But do I want to wake up with you?
I hope you're happy and completely lonely.
I don't want to fall asleep alone,
But do I want to wake up with you?
I'm only trying to be completely honest.
-The Beautiful Mistake, The Ataris
That night Hermione returned to her dormitory, a while after the Ball had ended, in hopes that her roommates would be asleep. However, instead of sleeping figures, she was welcomed with a bombardment of curious, anxious looks and questions from the Gryffindor girls.
"What's been going on with you and Malfoy?"
"Why were you two paired for the Ball?"
"Why did that Cupid's surprise happen to you?"
"What was it like to dance with him?"
"Why did he walk out?"
"Have you kissed him? I bet he's a good kisser!"
"Enough!" Hermione shouted, silencing the two girls who soon appeared pouty, but still just as curious.
"Look, Lavender, Parvati...I really don't feel like talking about this now," she replied a little more calmly, going over to her bed and closing the curtains around her.
Shrugging to each other and hopping into their own beds, the two girls continued chattering and giggling about their own experiences at the ball that night.
Even when the excited giggling ceased to nothing more but a quiet lull, Hermione still laid awake in her own bed, sadly pondering the only reason she could think of that could have made Draco run out like he did. 'Is it really that shameful to be seen with me?'
The next day Draco walked throughout the halls dead tired, having yet another sleepless night. With Hermione constantly on his mind these days, sleep was becoming a foreign thing to him. The night before had been bittersweet...so like a dream....a perfect dream....but once he came to his senses he realized that dreams always had to end, and what was happening was very much reality. And the reality was that almost the whole of Hogwarts had seen them together. He liked Hermione....he really did, and had long since stopped trying to deny it. But having everyone's eyes on just him and her, not in any sort of conflict, but indeed much the opposite...it had terrified him. As he continued along his train of thought, he knew he had to find Hermione and try to explain this to her. As his luck would have it, just as he was about to start his search, a bushy haired girl appeared in his line of vision up ahead.
"Hermione!" he called out to her, the few passing students giving interested looks in his direction.
Running to catch up with her, he called her again, but she still continued walking. Finally, closing in their distance, he tapped her shoulder, and she spun around angrily, causing him to unexpectedly back up and almost fall backwards.
"Yes?" she asked him, trying to keep an aloof and unfeeling air about her.
"Hermione..we-we really need to talk."
At this statement, she finally looked into his eyes, and he was met by a torrent of emotions in her gaze. Confusion, disappointment, resentment, nervousness, anger, hopefulness...but most of all, the most prominent emotion he saw was dejection.
"Oh, you bet we do!" she replied, trying to cover up her sadness with a glare.
She started pulling him down familiar hallways and he almost instantly knew where they were headed. As they reached the room of their destination, a room he had grown very much accustomed to in the past few weeks, Hermione pushed him inside and slammed the door behind her.
"You wanted to talk. So talk," she stated, crossing her arms, not letting her glare falter.
"I...we...." he stuttered, wary of what to say.
"Well??" she asked, growing more impatient as the seconds ticked by, with no answer from the boy in front of her.
"I-I really don't know where to start. I mean, I know I shouldn't have done what I did, but-"
"Oh you definitely hit the target there, Malfoy," she spat out bitterly.
"Would you please let me finish?" he continued, exasperated. She let out a huff, and seemed to calm down a bit as he plunged forward into his justification once more.
"I know I shouldn't have done what I did, but I was acting on impulse! Almost the whole school was watching! How do you think that made me feel?"
"Well how do you think I felt! Did you ever take the time to consider that? All those curious stares, all those watchful eyes, asking questions that even I can't answer. I may be an intelligent witch, Draco, but I can't read your mind!"
"I don't know what I'm thinking ok? I've never been in a situation like this before!"
"Oh, and I go around making friends with my enemies every day."
"Look, I know you're angry, you have every right to be, but-it was a normal reaction! I panicked, I couldn't handle everything that was happening at that moment I...I've never felt like this before. I've never-liked-someone that I was taught to hate...that everyone believes I should hate."
"Well congratulations, Draco Malfoy, welcome to the world of the emotionally involved, it's a really nice place to visit. Oh you know, you might run into Harry, he lives here."
"Oh of course, your precious, perfect Potter. He can't do anything wrong because he's just a bloody saint."
"No, he most certainly is not a saint. But I do know that he wouldn't run away from something just because he's scared of what other people might think."
Draco ran a hand through his hair, trying to compose his growing annoyance at the turn the conversation had taken.
"Hermione, listen to me. Y-you must know how.... I feel about you. Why does everyone else have to know?"
Hermione's face suddenly grew quite calm as a look of understanding passed over her face.
"Ooh, so...you figured we could...have some sort of...secret relationship? Romantic trysts? A hidden rendevous? Just like Romeo and Juliet?"
"Exactly! Well, except for the utter sappiness, and the death of course. I'm so glad you agree with me!"
Hermione almost laughed out of frustration, unable to believe what she was hearing. She sighed and shook her head, her voice becoming strained. "Draco, why are you so concerned about what other people think? What is it...are you ashamed of me?"
"No of course not! I-"
"Well from what I can see, your reputation is the most important thing to you."
"It's not," he automatically denied.
"Really. Then I'd like to see you prove it."
"Then I'd like to see you prove it," Draco mimicked in a high voice, now mumbling to himself as he wandered the halls a short while later, idly making his way back to Slytherin. Surprisingly, he spotted Hermione rounding the corner, and oddly enough when she saw him, she smiled faintly and came towards him.
"Hermione! Before you just walk away, I'd like to say something. I've had some time to think and...well I know what I said and how I acted was wrong...it's just that, I'm not used to having anything really good in my life...nothing like this, so when it happens I guess I tend to...push it away. But I won't push you away anymore, and we don't have to hide. If- if people have a problem with it, well then they can go screw themselves," he rambled on all in one breath, with a very confused looking Hermione staring back at him.
"And well I guess as they say...actions speak louder than words."
Draco would later deny what happened next, but it was at that moment that he leaned in to give Hermione her first real, meaningful kiss from him-only there was one problem. Hermione, or at least who he thought was Hermione, pushed him away with unbelievable force as soon as their lips came within a fraction of an inch of each other. Before he got the chance to ask what was wrong, he heard an oddly recognizable voice.
"Eugh. What in God's name do you think you are DOING Malfoy?!" the person shouted, furiously wiping at their mouth.
Draco was horror stricken as Hermione's hair became increasingly shorter and darker in front of his eyes, and was met with a very familiar face. Oh no...no, no, this couldn't be happening.
"Potter?!?" Draco exclaimed dumbfounded and disgusted, now vigorously wiping his mouth too.
"What the bloody hell are you up to trying to kiss Hermione?"
"What the bloody hell are you up to as Hermione?"
"I was trying to figure out what exactly has been going on between the two of you! I wasn't expecting....that!"
"Well that's what you get for prying your nose into other people's business. Potter, no one and I mean NO ONE hears of this ever, got it?"
"You think I want people to know I was almost snogged by Draco Malfoy?" Harry responded with a shudder.
"I'm sure many would be jealous, and many hearts broken. A few might even attempt to jump off the astronomy tower. However, since I did think you were Hermione, could you not be a prat for once and tell me where she is?"
Harry narrowed his eyes but did not reply. Taking this sign as a blatant no, Draco turned and walked away, but before he reached the end of the hallway, he heard Harry's cautious voice from behind him.
"Malfoy! I don't know why Hermione's been acting so odd lately, but if you're the cause of it, you'd better fix whatever it was you messed up. Which, I guess you had intended to," he added as an afterthought, more to himself. Draco only turned around halfway before replying.
"My life is none of your business Potter."
"No, but Hermione's is. So if you really know Hermione as well as I think you do, well, then you should know where she is."
"Wha-," Draco began to ask, understanding dawning on him. He turned and headed to his destination hoping to regain the conviction that he had just displayed to Harry along the way. And he hadn't failed to notice the ghost of a smile on Harry's face, and was surprised to find he wore an equally similar one.
Draco entered the library, anxious eyes scanning the room for any sign of Hermione. Since it wasn't very crowded, he soon found her sitting at one of the more private tables further back. She was furiously scribbling on a long piece of parchment, several books spread out around her. He cleared his throat to divert her attention away from her work. She was so deeply engrossed that it wasn't until Draco began pulling out the chair next to her that she jumped, startled out of her intense concentration. When she saw just who was taking a seat next to her, she narrowed her eyes, and kept writing fervently. However, Draco would not be deterred, and sat back in his chair, making himself comfortable. Finally resigning to the fact that he wouldn't be leaving, she calmly placed her quill down, folded her hands on the table, and, seemingly indifferent, turned to him.
"Was there something you needed?"
"I need to talk to you."
Hermione let out a sigh and tiredly pushed some stray strands of hair back before continuing.
"Draco, I already gave you the opportunity before to speak your mind and you made it very clear that you're just too concerned about your reputation."
"Hermione, that came out all wrong. I didn't mean it."
"It doesn't matter what you meant. It's what you said and how you acted. Now, I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone who's embarrassed to be seen with me."
"I already told you I was sorry for that! You know that I like you. Do you want me to shout it from the bloody rooftops?"
Hermione just sadly shook her head and looked back down at her parchment.
Wait a minute...shout it from the rooftops...
Draco suddenly stood up with a relish and pulled his chair out, standing on top of it, looking as though he had an announcement. The few nearby students exchanged curious glances, waiting as Draco called for their attention.
"Excuse me, sorry to interrupt everyone, but I have something very important I'd like to say. This," he said, motioning to the bewildered girl next to him, "Is Hermione Granger and I lo-"
Before he could continue, Draco was sharply pulled down from the chair, a hand clamping over his mouth. Blushing like mad, Hermione released her grip on his arm and questioned, "Draco what on earth are you doing?! Do you want us kicked out of here?"
"Library, right...probably not the best place to do this. Besides, there's not that many people here now. Everyone will probably be going to the Great Hall soon." Suddenly Draco's face brightened as an idea struck him and he began walking backwards, stumbling into a table in the process, as he headed for the exit.
"Where are you going?" she called after him, bewildered.
"Just you wait, Hermione. You'll see. Just you wait." And with that, he rushed out of the library, leaving an utterly baffled Hermione to only stare after him.
Shouting from the rooftops is what she wanted? Well that's what she was going to get. He would show her that Draco Malfoy was not concerned about what other people thought of him. He continued formulating a plan in his mind as he skidded down familiar passageways. He had a Headmaster to see.
Draco sat in Dumbledore's office, thick tome in hand, placing the large book on his desk. Dumbledore peered at Draco over his half-moon spectacles, before slowly reaching over and taking the book labeled 'Hogwarts: A History'.
"So let me see if I have this straight, Mr. Malfoy. After reading this book, you believe that the room you were trapped in with Ms. Granger is the old common room of the Founders of Hogwarts, and the strange encounters were caused by their restless spirits, of which you know how to remedy?" he asked, curiously raising a white eyebrow.
"Er...basically, yes."
"Very well then. I shall look into it. By the way, where is Ms. Granger? I would have expected that she would have liked to share in this discovery."
"Well, that's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about..."
As the door to Dumbledore's office closed, four bright figures appeared next to the Headmaster's desk, three very cheery, and one very flabbergasted.
"You mean...your plan, it worked??"
"Well Sal, I may not be a senile old coot after all."
It was now dinnertime, all of the students of Hogwarts gathered in the Great Hall, Hermione included, at the Gryffindor table as always. As she chatted with Harry and Ron, she could swear Harry kept giving her surreptitious glances, but she couldn't be entirely sure. Trying to ignore some of the whispers and stares she was still receiving, she focused all her attention on her friends and meal. She failed to notice a particular student that was getting up in front of the entire Great Hall. It wasn't until he began calling for everyone's attention and the lights began to dim, that she looked up, and realized his gaze was directly on her. All wondering eyes now on him, he raised his wand, muttered a spell, and music began to play. Confused glances were shared all around, the students turning to each other for answers, rumors already beginning to spread like wildfire. Just as Snape stood up to tell his favorite student to kindly return to his seat, he halted, astonished being a mere understatement to the expression on his face. Every occupant in the room ceased all movement and conversation as a resounding "My gift is my song!" echoed throughout the Hall.
And it was coming from Draco Malfoy.
Everyone stared on in wide-eyed wonder at the song coming from the least likely student to do so. His gaze persisted to linger on Hermione as he continued on with the next line.
"And this one's for you."
Hermione's fork dropped out of her hand, becoming even more shocked then she thought possible, as he came closer to the Gryffindor table, motioning towards her as he kept on with the song.
"And you can tell everybody that this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world."
Hermione's brain couldn't seem to fathom what exactly was going on. Draco Malfoy was singing? A love song? In front of the entire Great Hall? And then she recalled his words earlier.
'Do I have to shout it from the bloody rooftops?!'
'You'll see Hermione. Just you wait, you'll see.'
Was this his idea of some twisted joke? But the second that thought entered her mind, she knew it couldn't be true, for Draco Malfoy would never do something that would affect his reputation so drastically all for the sake of a joke. Still a little shell-shocked, she turned her attention back onto the song, blushing a little as she realized many of the stares were on her as well now.
"I sat on the roof, and I kicked off the moss
Well some of these verses, well they've,
They've got me quite cross.
But the sun's been kind while I wrote the song
It's for people like you that, keep it turned on.
So excuse me forgetting but these things I do.
You see I've forgotten if they're green
Or they're blue.
Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen!
And you can tell everybody that this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world.
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world!"
And as quickly as it had started, the song was over, and Draco Malfoy was met by a sea of blank, shocked faces. Then suddenly, the clapping started, and soon many smiles broke out, and before he knew what was happening, it had grown into a tumultuous roar, a swarm of people surrounding him, asking a slew of various questions.
"Malfoy, what in ruddy hell was that?"came a question from a few Slytherins and Gryffindors alike.
"Malfoy, oh, Malfoy can I have your autograph?"was what Pansy desperately wanted to know.
"Oh, I knew you had it in you, you big softy," was Blaise's mocking response.
From her seat, Hermione craned her neck over the crowd, trying to catch Draco's eye, as he tried to get past, closer to her seat, which was proving to be a very difficult task. Finally, realizing he would have to wait for the Great Hall to clear out, he motioned his head toward the doors and briefly put up 10 fingers. He didn't notice that the stream of students was beginning to scatter around the area he was standing in, until a firm grasp clamped down on his shoulder. He was met with an infuriated McGonagall, while Snape was trying to get the students to either finish their meals or return to their dorms.
"Mr. Malfoy," came the professors sharp tone, "as charming as that was, I'm afraid your rather bold display will be costing you…"
However, another figure had now managed to get through the crowd, as Dumbledore sidled up to the pair.
"Minerva...it's ok, I knew about this in advance. I don't think there is a need for punishment this time."
"But," she indignantly sputtered, "you knew?!"
At her very confused expression, Dumbledore glanced at Draco, and followed his gaze, which was now following Hermione's retreating figure out of the Great Hall doors. McGonagall sighed and stated, "Who knew your plan would actually work?" The comment went unnoticed to the rather preoccupied Draco.
She turned to him, cleared her throat, and was snapped out of his reverie. "Yes...as I was saying...your little stunt should deserve punishment, but since it was so charming...I'll let it slide...this time."
Draco looked surprised, having expected a negative reaction from the professors, but not wanting to waste anymore time, quickly turned on his heel, yelling ,"Thank you professor!" over his shoulder.
Ten minutes later, Draco was stepping outside the front doors of Hogwarts, where he was soon met with the figure of a waiting Hermione. By the way she was standing with her arms crossed and her foot tapping on the ground, it seemed as if she wasn't too pleased with the stunt he had pulled.
"Draco Malfoy, do you have ANY idea how embarrassing that was?!" she started in an angry tone
"So you...didn't like it?"
"Like it??" she asked, seemingly enraged, as Draco's face fell a little.
"I loved it!"
"You what?"
And then her angry glare turned into a giddy smile, as Draco realized that she had only been teasing him. Hermione's smile continued to grow as she started walking down the steps, shivering a bit, Draco taking the lead to follow her.
"So, I guess this means I'm not the world's biggest prat to you anymore?"
"You think that you can just serenade me in front of the entire Great Hall with your impeccable charm and ability to make girls swoon every time that you mess up, and all will be forgiven?"
"Of course."
"Good, just wanted to make sure that was clear."
He wrapped his own cloak around her, as they continued to stroll the grounds, not worrying about being caught outside after curfew. Draco had a feeling that they needn't worry, not tonight at least.
"So…the Valentine's Ball," Draco stated at an awkward lapse in the conversation.
"What about it?"
"Well, we never did exactly get to end the night in the right way…with that whole Cupid's Surprise and all."
"What exactly did you have in mind?"
"Well there was something I had been wanting to do all night, but acted like too much of a wanker knowing that everyone was watching."
Hermione awaited with bated breath as she prepared for what she knew would be coming. She would finally be getting a real kiss from Draco, no watchful eyes, no curses or heated arguments to be the cause of it, no Harry getting in the way. She was going to remember this moment always, down to every last detail, the moment where Draco Malfoy put aside his reputation for her. The moment where he was long gone from being her enemy, but something more along the lines of…her love. Love, the word flitted quickly through Hermione's brain. Was that really what this was? The curse they had been under had been described as only working on soul mates…and that whole Valentine's dance seemed to emphasize this fact. Shaking her head, she decided to just stay in the moment, and save her ever-analyzing brain to just think later.
Draco was just about to lean in, when Hermione could all but help herself from making one last comment. After all, old habits die hard, and as they say, there is a fine line between love and hate. She supposed it would always be this way between them, teasing repartee and fiery arguments leading to affection and passion.
"Oh, and Draco, I wouldn't quit your day job."
A/N: This is not the end (but very close to it). I'm expecting one more chapter just to tie up lose ends and all that. The song Draco sings is from Moulin Rouge, but originally by Elton John. The quote I put the asterisk next to is a modified quote from the movie Reality Bites. Thanks again to all the readers and reviewers, I probably wouldn't have made it this far through my fic if it wasn't for you, and thank you so much for al your patience! I can't make any specific promises as to when the next update will be, but I will try my hardest to not make the wait that long, as it is the end and all. My second semester of college starts today, so I figured I'd better update before I get swamped with work again. Thanks again, and as always, please review. ; D