Disclaimer: The Transformers and all characters mentioned herein are not mine.
Author's Note: This is not meant to be taken seriously. It's just one of those weird things that spawn in my brain. Please don't hurt me.
Eavesdropping
::Seen anything yet?::
Downshift zoomed along the edge of the dark forest. He jumped a small brook and landed on the other side with a slight crash as he continued across the field.
::No. Are you sure you sensed Decepticon energy signatures near here?::
::For the last time, yes, I'm sure::
The Jungle Planet base had sounded the alert right before sunset, and now the Autobots were combing the area for any sign of a Decepticon presence. So far, Downshift hadn't seen anything more threatening then a lizard-thing. A thick clump of trees served as a dead end for his vehicle mode. He stopped and transformed, then eased his way between them.
Optimus Prime had been very clear that no plants or animals on Jungle Planet should be harmed unless absolutely necessary. Downshift wasn't used to organics, so he was as careful as possible just in case. He knew the bugs were pretty delicate, as proved by his own foot yesterday morning, and had no wish to get yelled at again for disturbing "the delicate balance of nature".
A rustling in the trees made Downshift whirl and point his gun at the disturbance.
"Hey, watch it. It's just me." Hot Shot emerged from the shadows, small bits of greenery trapped in his horns. Downshift lowered his weapon and relaxed. "Sorry, Hot Shot. I guess I'm just a little jumpy." Hot Shot waved a hand dismissively. "No biggy."
"Look, maybe we should-"
Downshift broke off suddenly and glanced off to the left.
"Hold on," he said in a much lower voice.
Hot Shot followed his gaze. "What is it?" he asked, also lowering his voice.
Downshift pointed over at a grassy hill a few hundred feet away.
"Look." Snowcat and Demolisher were sitting next to each other at the base of the hill, leaning back against it and talking casually with their heads close together. They didn't appear to have noticed the two Autobots who had inadvertently snuck up behind them. Silently, Hot Shot activated his comlink and contacted the base.
::Optimus, we've found Demolisher and Snowcat in Sector 56-AF::
::What are they doing?::
::Just chatting, as far as I can tell::
::See if you can listen in on them. They might let slip something useful::
::Right::
Downshift and Hot Shot crept over to a pile of fallen trees and crouched behind them, close enough to eavesdrop but out of sight of the two Decepticons.
"…to finally get some privacy," Snowcat was saying.
"Yeah."
"Being in Unicron all the time is just creepy, y'know? You always feeling like someone's watching you. And having Ghost-boy floating around doesn't help."
Demolisher nodded. There was a short pause before Snowcat spoke again.
"Nice night for stargazing."
"I suppose," replied Demolisher noncommittally.
Snowcat turned to look at the green Decepticon. "But I think I'd rather gaze at you."
He lifted one of Demolisher's hands and gently stroked his fingertips. Demolisher didn't react, just stared at his companion in bemusement. "That doesn't work anymore, you know," he commented.
"Why not?" asked Snowcat teasingly, continuing to play with Demolisher's hand.
"I'm not a tank anymore." He pulled his hand away and wiggled his digits at Snowcat. "See, no holes." In his previous form, Demolisher's primary weapons had been in his fingers, and were therefore his most sensitive areas. But now that he had gone from tank to truck, this was no longer the case.
"Then I'll just have to find your new weak spot," replied Snowcat. His fingers wandered up to the paneling on Demolisher's chest. "Is it…here?"
Hot Shot's jaw dropped. Downshift's probably would have followed suit, if he'd had one.
They glanced at each other with expressions of "what the slag?" on their faces.
"Are they…"
"No way…"
The two Autobots kept listening, albeit reluctantly. This was getting weird.
Demolisher swatted Snowcat's hands away. "Now stop that," he said, half-cross and half-laughing. Snowcat folded his arms and turned away, pretending to pout. "Fine then. I'll go find someone else."
Demolisher's voice turned sour. "Don't even joke about that."
Snowcat turned back around to reassure his companion. "Oh, c'mon. You know I'd never leave you." He punched Demolisher lightly on the arm.
"Besides, who else would tolerate me? Mirage? Shockblast? Megatron maybe, I'm sure he's real interested."
Demolisher chuckled in spite of himself. "Good point. "
"Or maybe that Autobot, Hot Shot," continued Snowcat. "He's pretty cute."
Demolisher laughed even harder at this. "Well, I'd have to agree with you there. He's not bad looking for a car."
A stifled snort burst out into the night. Snowcat twisted to look over Demolisher's shoulder. "Did you hear something?"
Behind the trees, the Autobot in question frantically motioned to Downshift to be quiet. The tricolor Autobot tried desperately to contain his giggles, practically trembling with restrained laughter. Hot Shot covered his face with his hands.
I am never going to be able to face these two in battle ever again.
"Probably just one of those freaky animals," said Demolisher.
Snowcat looked down at the ground. His fingers twisted in his lap as if they were unsure of what to do with themselves.
"Y'know, while you were down at Ocean City and I was on the moon…I missed you. And when that energon grid hit and I thought you were…were…" His voice faltered.
Demolisher gathered Snowcat into his arms and held him tight. "It's all right," he soothed. Snowcat rested his head on Demolisher's chest.
"I thought I'd never get a chance to tell you how I felt."
"Why didn't you say something earlier?"
"I was afraid. Thought you'd be mad at me."
Demolisher stroked the top of Snowcat's head. "Mad at you? Never."
He leaned closer and whispered something to his companion. Snowcat tittered slightly, then snuggled closer and whispered something back.
By now, both Autobots' optics were so wide that they could have been used as tinted windows. Hot Shot tapped Downshift on the shoulder. He'd heard enough. Way more than enough, actually.
"I think we should go now."
"But Optimus said..." protested Downshift. He wanted to leave just as much as Hot Shot, but they had been given an order.
"I don't think they're doing anything more harmful then mentally scarring me for life. If Optimus wants to come out here and listen to these two whisper sweet nothings in each other's audios, he can do it himself."
Snowcat gazed up into Demolisher's optics.
"I love you," he murmured.
Demolisher touched his face to Snowcat's mask in a psuedokiss.
"I love you too," he replied softly.
"That's it, executive decision," announced Hot Shot. "We're leaving."
Downshift made no objection this time. The two Autobots moved away from the love-struck couple as quickly and quietly as they could, with emphasis on the "quickly".
"So, what do we tell Optimus?" asked Downshift.
"We'll make something up." answered Hot Shot. He had no wish to report this particular piece of intelligence to anyone, let alone Optimus Prime.
About two minutes passed before Snowcat lifted his head and looked around covertly.
"They gone yet?" whispered Demolisher.
"Yep."
Demolisher removed his arms from around Snowcat's shoulders and shoved him away. "Finally. I thought they would never leave."
Snowcat laughed and got up. "You and me both. I was starting to run out of material."
"I cannot believe I let you talk me into that. That was the most embarrassing-"
"It worked, didn't it? And it was hilarious." Snowcat pointed a finger accusingly. "Don't bother denying it. I heard you snickering."
"At this point, I think I'd rather have just fought them. They were only two Autobots."
"And then they would have seen the energon ore and called the other Autobots and five hours worth of searching would have wasted. Instead, we scared them off and they didn't suspect a thing. I think that's worth losing a little of your dignity."
"That's easy for you to say. You have no dignity."
Demolisher rolled over onto hands and knees and stood up, using a tree for support. A soft yellow glow emanated from the small hollow he'd been concealing behind his truck bed. The energon deposit in the hillside had been a lucky find and it was a miracle the Autobots hadn't discovered it first, what with it being practically under their noses.
"It was funny, admit it. I was watching out of the corner of my optic. They were freaking out. Did you see Hot Shot's face when we started talking about how cute he was?" Snowcat went on. "Priceless. Absolutely priceless. Watching all those human soap operas paid off." He threw his head back in a yodeling laugh.
Demolisher dusted himself off. "We should probably call Megatron and tell him that we found the energon."
"Yeah, I guess," said Snowcat reluctantly. He looked from Demolisher to the energon, then back to Demolisher.
"Y'know…" he said slowly. "Not all of that stuff I said was scrap."
"Hm?" Snowcat sidled up next to Demolisher. He rested one arm on the dump truck's shoulder and leaned on him.
"I still don't know your new weak spot." His face was hidden behind his mask, but Demolisher had a feeling that Snowcat was grinning like a fiend. The ATV walked his fingers up Demolisher's chest. "And I still want to find it."
Demolisher flicked his optics upward in resignation, then shrugged and sat back down again. "Eh, why not?" Snowcat plopped down next to him and threw an arm around his broad shoulders.
"But any more of that yodeling," warned Demolisher as Snowcat began to trace the outlines of his faceplate, "and I will force-feed you your own vocalizer."