Yes, it's true,  Mary Sue is alive and kicking!

*several people shiver*

….and….she's…. BACK!

*screams and thuds from people fainting and being trampled in a mass rush to exit this fanfic*

Hehe.  Thanks for all the reviews….I was surprised, I didn't even get any real flames!  Well, Kriszta kinda gave me one, but oh well.  I did ask for it, after all.  Although I've never seen the LotR fic you're talking about…but then I don't really spend much time in the LotR section anyways.

DISCLAIMER: Nothing in Tortall is mine.  However Mary Sue is, so now none of you can write a Mary Sue ever again!  Haha!  And by the way, Lady of the Lilacs, yours isn't really that much of a Mary Sue.  DON'T LET AEDEEN CROSS OVER TO THE DARK—er, blonde—SIDE!!!

More notes at the end.  If you don't puke before then….

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Jon rode slowly on his black stallion.  He ran a hand through his hair and tried hard not to cry, but he couldn't help a few tears escaping.  It just wasn't fair, he thought to himself.  Things, well, weren't working out between him and Thayet.  Jon choked back a sob.  He wasn't exactly in love with his wife, but she made him look so good….

"Um—excuse me?"

Jon turned around in surprise, quickly puffing out his chest and clearing his throat loudly in an attempt to look manly.  A tall, slim, apparently androgynous person stood in a cloak, drenched to the bone with the pouring rain.  How—mysterious.

Mary Sue pulled back her hood.  Jon made a quick mental note that was definitely not androgynous.

"Um, who are you, young lady?  And what are you doing on the palace grounds at this time of night?"

"I'm Mary Sue—" she noted with interest his small golden crown—"Your Majesty."  She swept into a perfect curtsy.  Strange, she hadn't been able to do a curtsy on earth, although she had had perfect balance and grace from years of ballet and gymnastics.  Suddenly, her large blue eyes widened, and her lower lip began to quiver.  "I—I am allowed to be here, right?  I'm not trespassing or anything?" Her small, soft, and perfectly manicured hand flew to her mouth in horror.  Jon gave her a patronizing smile.  She was just so cute.

"Here," he told her, "let me help you up."  He swung her up onto his horse.  "I'll take you inside and get you a room."

"Oh," said Mary Sue, "That's so sweet of you!"

Jon couldn't help but give himself a little smile.  She's much prettier than Thayet.  And I bet she's not into all that 'Women can Fight Too' crap.  Plus, he thought smugly, she said I'm sweet.

"Here, why don't you take my cloak, Mary."

"It's Mary Sue.  Oh, thank you!  I was just shivering so badly I thought I might have to-" She trailed off, pensive.  It probably wouldn't do to let Jon know that she was more powerful than the best of his mages, due to the fact that she had an enormous Gift, wild magic, weather magic, and a strange ability to read minds.

I like Tortall a lot better than Earth, she thought to herself.

In the morning, she'd show him a little bit of that "Women can fight too 'crap,' " as he so inaptly put it.  She sighed.  Men.  She hadn't been able to read minds back home, and for a few minutes she had thought that perhaps men's thoughts were actually intelligent, and that maybe they just lacked communication skills.  If Jon was the epitome of Manhood, as he seemed to perceive himself, then the male side of the species was in a bit more trouble then she had originally thought.  Oh well.  All the easier for her to take over their country.

"What's that?" she hadn't realized Jon was still talking.

"Well, we're here."

"Oh."  She slipped off the horse, and he led her into the palace. 

"The guest suites are just up that flight of stairs, just take a left, it's room 237."

Mary Sue fought the urge to frown at his lack of chivalry.  What kind of king wouldn't even walk her to her room?  Instead, she put on a sad little smile.

"See you tomorrow then, Majesty?'

"Oh, you can call me Jon."

"Alright then—Jon.  Good night."

Jon walked—skipped, rather—back to his own rooms.  (Which he is currently not sharing with his wife.) He stopped in front of a gilded mirror to admire his reflection.

"That's right, handsome," he told himself, smiling.  "She called you sweet!"

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Jon-bashing.  Much fun, for me at least. 

So, whatcha think?  Mary Sue will show off her uncanny knack for, um, everything in the next chap.  Plus she'll be meeting some more male characters….

By the way, in case you hadn't noticed—not only is she perfect, she slightly eeeeeeeevil!  Help me come up with her sinister plot.  REVIEW.  Flames will be used to give Mary Sue a sunburn, and compliments will treasured forever.

If you review, I'll try to review you….keep in mind that I only actually flame bad fics. I'm not completely heartless, although Mary Sue is…more later!  Oh, and vote for whoever should be the next to fall for our dear friend Mary. 

Elf of Avalon—I'd be happy too, hence the alias 'the BETA.'  I'll let you know as soon as I finish whats written so you can send me the next chap if you want.

All other wonderful people who reviewed—do so again!  Now!

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