Satanira- The date is.... whatever the hell it is. I'm under my blanket
with the lights off, typing this in Microsoft Word version 6.0. Don't fuck
with me.
Duo- She means it.
Satanira- Fuck off, Maxwell. Find me Yuy. I need to glomp someone.
"Life just got really confusing." Wufei groaned, shaking his head. "Really, really confusing."
"You don't know the half of it." Quatre said, sighing.
Duo wandered aimlessly through the halls of Quatre's mansion, looking for someone to talk to. The trouble was, he couldn't find anyone.
No one was in the hangar, no one was in the mess hall, or in the living room, or the practice salle, or their rooms. Trowa wasn't in his office, Wufei wasn't in the weapons room, Heero wasn't anywhere near any computer Duo knew of, and Quatre was most definitely not having tea.
"Where is everyone?" The Deathscythe pilot wondered out loud, using an open window to get to the backyard. "It's no fun when it's just me."
The sound of voices near one of the fountains caught his attention, and he veered off towards it, catching sight of Heero and- of all people- Relena in the process.
"Now I'm really lost." Duo heard Trowa say, sounding slightly amused. "How is it you two managed to switch places like this without getting caught at least once?"
"We did get caught, early on." That was Quatre, sounding way girlier than he normally did. "It was just dumb luck that Lady Une found us out and nor someone else."
"Lady Une knows about this?" Wufei yelled, and Duo began to feel as if he was now the only person in his life not in on the secret.
"Yes. She somehow kept it from her Colonel personality, and when Quatrina hit puberty, she was the one to arrange for those pills." Relena sounded... smart. And... not annoying. Something really weird was definitely going on by that fountain. And who the hell was Quatrina?
"I'm afraid I get rather violent, come my time of the month." Then, horror of horrors, Quatre giggled. Not laughed, giggled. "The last time I didn't get them was when my father died."
Duo winced at that particular memory, and he was sure Trowa did more than wince. After all, the Heavyarms pilot had been actively involved in that little lapse in Quatre's sanity, and had nearly died because of it.
"So it's a good thing Relena showed up when she did, or we'd all be dead." Heero stated.
Now Duo was really confused. So he sat down to try and figure this puzzle out. First of all, Quatre had been talking about his time of the month, which made absolutely no sense.
"But still, if they were trying to hide you, why pick a family as prominent as the Winners? Why not stick you in a no-name village on the other side of the world?" Wufei asked, meaning Quatre was important, but not really a Winner.
"Milliardo was young; my father was the only person he knew he could trust." Relena said, meaning Relena wasn't really a Peacecraft, because her father and Milliardo's father were the same person.
So logically, Quatre and Relena had switched places early on in life. That explained everything but all this talk of Quatre having a time of the month.
"Princess, would you like me to make you some tea?" Relena asked.
"Yes, please." Quatre said gratefully. "I think I really need some."
"I've got it!" Duo yelled, jumping into a standing position facing the stunned little group. "You're a girl!" He exclaimed, pointing at Quatre. "You're really the Peacecraft girl, and she's really the Winner boy! I am so good at puzzles!" After jumping excitedly up and down for a half a minute, he grabbed Quatre and Relena by the wrists and began towing them towards the house. "Now let's get something to drink, cause I'm thirsty!"
"I suppose it was going to happen eventually." Relena/Adam said with a sigh. "I mean, they're all very smart. Can I cut my hair now?"
"I don't see why not." Quatrina said, pouring herself another cup of tea. "In fact, I don't see why we shouldn't tell everyone. Especially Sally Po, if she hasn't figured it out herself yet."
"Well, that's a relief." Adam said, grabbing Heero by the arm and dragging him out of the room. "C'mon, Pretty Boy." He said. "You're gonna help me make myself look like a boy again."
"Y'know," Duo said, gulping down the last of his soda, "for a guy, he looks damn good in a miniskirt."
"I heard that!" Adam yelled.
"It's a compliment!" Duo yelled back, unrepentant.
"Fuck you!"
"Thanks, but I don't swing that way!"
Quatrina fingered her short blond hair with one hand while the other rifled through her new wardrobe in search of the perfect outfit. After all, when you're going to tell your boss you're really a woman, it's best to look nice.
"Hey, Quat, you done in there?" Duo called from the hallway, knocking on the door. "We told Sal 4:00, and it's almost 3:30 now!"
"I'm sorry!" Quatrina apologized. "I'll be out in a minute!"
She grabbed blindly for something and came up with a knee length black skirt and a navy blue tanktop. She threw them on, slipped on a pair of black sandals, and opened the door.
"I'm ready." She said with a small smile.
"Man, are you a looker!" Duo exclaimed. "If I didn't think you'd kill me, I'd ask you out! Let's get going, before we all loose our jobs."
"Ms. Po will see you now." Sally's frowsy redheaded secretary said, waving the six teens past her desk.
"Thanks, Anna." Duo said in passing, smiling at the small girl.
"Any day, hun." Anna smiled back. "Nice girl you got. Lookin to get her a job?"
Duo glanced over his shoulder to see that Quatrina's face was bright red with embarrassment.
"It's okay, Quat." He said quietly, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. "Concentrate on Sal."
"Right." Quatrina said, nodding timidly as they stepped into Sally Po's office.
"Hello Heero, Wufei, Trowa, Duo." Sally said in greeting to the ones she recognized. "Who are your friends?"
"You already know us." Adam said. "Kind of. Last time you saw me, I had long hair and a miniskirt."
"Excuse me?" Sally Po said, blinking in confusing. "I'm not sure I've met you before, sir."
"Give Zechs a call." Duo suggested. "He can help explain this."
"Exactly what does Zechs have to do with these two?" Sally asked. "You know I can't just knock people off the communications lines to Mars whenever I feel like it."
"That's true." Quatrina said, gathering her courage. "And I think you should listen to us first, then see if you need to call Mr. Merquise."
"Sounds good. So start talking."
"I'll start." Adam said, raising his hand. "My name is Adam Micheal Winner. You would know me better as Relena Peacecraft."
"And my name is Quatrina Peacecraft, formerly Quatre Reberba Winner."
"I'm calling Zechs." Sally said, picking up her phone. "Anna, please get me a link open to the Mars Terraforming HQ. I need to speak to Zechs Merquise."
There was a moment of tense silence as the group waited for the vidlink to heat up. When it did, Zechs Merquise appeared, still sweating from whatever work he'd been doing.
"Merquise here." He said cheerfully. "What can I do for you, Miss Po?"
"I need you to confirm something for me." Sally said. "Relena Peacecraft and Quatre Winner are here in my office. Quatre claims his name is Quatrina Peacecraft."
"Oh, it is." Zechs said. "Can I talk to them?"
"Why not?" Sally waved Adam and Quatrina around her desk so they were in view of the screen. "Gab away."
"Couldn't wait to get rid of all that hair, eh Adam?" Zechs commented, noticing the shaggy bowl cut.
"Damn straight." Adam said, snorting. "I was young when it started, but I'm seventeen now, and I want to be a boy."
"Have fun chasing skirts."
"Will do, former pretend big brother." Adam left the office without another word, intent on trying to win a date with Anna.
"So you're finally yourself, are you?" Zechs asked.
"Yes." Quatrina said. "And I blew the whole cover for us. I'm sorry."
"Still apologizes too much." Duo said, smiling. "At least that hasn't changed."
Quatrina yawned hugely, wondering just what exactly the point of a 'sorry you lost your job' party was. It could be to cheer up whoever had lost their job, but she was becoming increasingly convinced it was just another excuse for the friends of said loser to get drunk.
"I'm sorry, Miss Peacecraft," Sally had said, obviously trying to let the blond down gently, "but the Preventors have to trust each other. If you lie about something as basic as your gender, no matter the reason, you break that trust. We just can't have that here."
"Hey, Q!" Duo yelled from across the bar, waving a half-empty bottle. "Get over here and join the party! You're the one who lost your job here!"
"Is that what this is for?" The bartender asked, pouring Quatrina double the vodka she'd ordered. "Drink up, honey." He said. "Your friend'll cover it."
"Too bad I'm catching his tab, huh?" Quatrina said dryly, downing her entire drink in one gulp. "Duo can barely cover the cost of a hat."
"That's mean, Quat." Duo said, draping himself across her shoulders from behind. "Could so buy ya hat, but I like yer hair too much."
"No more booze for you." Quatrina said sternly, helping him onto the stool next to her. "Can you get him some water, please?" She asked the bartender.
"You got real pretty hair." Duo continued as the bartender went off to find water for the drunk brunette. "Always thought you had reeeaaal pretty hair. Ever since I met you. An yer eyes're so be-a-u-ti-ful...."
"Duo, stop talking before you embarrass yourself." Quatrina suggested, taking the glass of cold water from the bartender and handing it to him. "Drink this; you'll feel better."
"Won' 'barrass m'self." Duo said, drinking the water like a good little boy. "Ne'er. Yer real pretty, Quat. A'ways thought so. A'ways loved ya, Quat. Ne'er 'mbarrassed a that...." Duo slumped over the bar with a slightly depressed sigh. "Bu' you.... yer too goo' fer me. 'M a orphan.... Orphan can' date a princess...."
After a moment, Quatrina realized the Duo had fallen asleep where he sat, snoring softly.
"Oh, great." She sighed, looking around for the others. "Wufei!" She shouted, waving to get the Chinese ex-pilot's attention. "I'm taking Duo home!"
"Is Maxwell drunk already?" Wufei shouted back, shaking his head. "We'll see you two lightweights tomorrow, then!" He added before returning to a heated game of spin-the-bottle with Heero, Trowa, and seven or eight strange women.
"The things drunken boys do..." Quatrina sighed, shaking her head as she hefted Duo onto her back, paid their tab, and left.
Once outside, she stopped to consider her options. She could phone the Maganacs, but the sight of their 'Master' in a skirt might be too much for them. She could hail a cab, but she was low on cash. She could walk, but Duo was fucking heavy! Which left option number four: wake Duo up and walk him home instead of carrying him.
So she slipped into the nearest alley, found a faucet, stuck Duo's head under it, and turned it on. She didn't turn t off again until Duo started yelling about enemies, waterfalls, and where the naked chicks ran off to.
The Next Morning
Duo yawned, stretching lazily, and wondered how the hell he'd gotten into a bed. Hopefully, it wasn't like last time, when he'd found some strange woman old enough to be his mother in bed next to him. Thank God she hadn't taken his screaming personally.
Opening his eyes, he established that he was in his own little apartment, sprawled on his couch, not his bed, and covered with his favorite blanket. There was a note on his TV, which he would get to just as soon as his brain admitted he was still alive.
After a freezing shower, a microwaved breakfast, and a cold glass of water, Duo grabbed the note, sat down on the couch, and turned on the tube.
The note was from Quatrina, saying he'd passed out, woken up long enough to get to his building, and passed out again, so she'd tucked him in on the couch and called it a night. She'd also taken the liberty of removing all the alcohol from his apartment, and he really should consider cleaning every now and then, just to make sure he still had a floor under all that crap.
"Real funny, Q." Duo said, dropping the note. As it fluttered to the ground, he saw another note on the back, also from Quatrina. It said simply, 'We need to talk.' "That doesn't make me feel very good for some reason." He said, wracking his brain for some reason why the blond would want to talk to him.
Bit by bit, the previous night came back to the ex-pilot, including a very embarrassing drunken confession.
"Me and my big drunken fucking mouth." He muttered with a groan, falling backward onto the couch cushion. "Duo, my friend, you are in deep shit."
Satanira- All better now. No more cursing at Duo.
Duo- Really?
Satanira- Yup. Sorry about earlier.
Duo- It's okay. I got Heero for you. Still wanna glomp him?
Satanira- Sure! glomps Heero
Heero- Omae o korosu, baka onna.
Satanira- shrieks in fangirlish delight and faints
Duo- Dammit! Now we hafta wait till she gets up to start chapter three!
Duo- She means it.
Satanira- Fuck off, Maxwell. Find me Yuy. I need to glomp someone.
"Life just got really confusing." Wufei groaned, shaking his head. "Really, really confusing."
"You don't know the half of it." Quatre said, sighing.
Duo wandered aimlessly through the halls of Quatre's mansion, looking for someone to talk to. The trouble was, he couldn't find anyone.
No one was in the hangar, no one was in the mess hall, or in the living room, or the practice salle, or their rooms. Trowa wasn't in his office, Wufei wasn't in the weapons room, Heero wasn't anywhere near any computer Duo knew of, and Quatre was most definitely not having tea.
"Where is everyone?" The Deathscythe pilot wondered out loud, using an open window to get to the backyard. "It's no fun when it's just me."
The sound of voices near one of the fountains caught his attention, and he veered off towards it, catching sight of Heero and- of all people- Relena in the process.
"Now I'm really lost." Duo heard Trowa say, sounding slightly amused. "How is it you two managed to switch places like this without getting caught at least once?"
"We did get caught, early on." That was Quatre, sounding way girlier than he normally did. "It was just dumb luck that Lady Une found us out and nor someone else."
"Lady Une knows about this?" Wufei yelled, and Duo began to feel as if he was now the only person in his life not in on the secret.
"Yes. She somehow kept it from her Colonel personality, and when Quatrina hit puberty, she was the one to arrange for those pills." Relena sounded... smart. And... not annoying. Something really weird was definitely going on by that fountain. And who the hell was Quatrina?
"I'm afraid I get rather violent, come my time of the month." Then, horror of horrors, Quatre giggled. Not laughed, giggled. "The last time I didn't get them was when my father died."
Duo winced at that particular memory, and he was sure Trowa did more than wince. After all, the Heavyarms pilot had been actively involved in that little lapse in Quatre's sanity, and had nearly died because of it.
"So it's a good thing Relena showed up when she did, or we'd all be dead." Heero stated.
Now Duo was really confused. So he sat down to try and figure this puzzle out. First of all, Quatre had been talking about his time of the month, which made absolutely no sense.
"But still, if they were trying to hide you, why pick a family as prominent as the Winners? Why not stick you in a no-name village on the other side of the world?" Wufei asked, meaning Quatre was important, but not really a Winner.
"Milliardo was young; my father was the only person he knew he could trust." Relena said, meaning Relena wasn't really a Peacecraft, because her father and Milliardo's father were the same person.
So logically, Quatre and Relena had switched places early on in life. That explained everything but all this talk of Quatre having a time of the month.
"Princess, would you like me to make you some tea?" Relena asked.
"Yes, please." Quatre said gratefully. "I think I really need some."
"I've got it!" Duo yelled, jumping into a standing position facing the stunned little group. "You're a girl!" He exclaimed, pointing at Quatre. "You're really the Peacecraft girl, and she's really the Winner boy! I am so good at puzzles!" After jumping excitedly up and down for a half a minute, he grabbed Quatre and Relena by the wrists and began towing them towards the house. "Now let's get something to drink, cause I'm thirsty!"
"I suppose it was going to happen eventually." Relena/Adam said with a sigh. "I mean, they're all very smart. Can I cut my hair now?"
"I don't see why not." Quatrina said, pouring herself another cup of tea. "In fact, I don't see why we shouldn't tell everyone. Especially Sally Po, if she hasn't figured it out herself yet."
"Well, that's a relief." Adam said, grabbing Heero by the arm and dragging him out of the room. "C'mon, Pretty Boy." He said. "You're gonna help me make myself look like a boy again."
"Y'know," Duo said, gulping down the last of his soda, "for a guy, he looks damn good in a miniskirt."
"I heard that!" Adam yelled.
"It's a compliment!" Duo yelled back, unrepentant.
"Fuck you!"
"Thanks, but I don't swing that way!"
Quatrina fingered her short blond hair with one hand while the other rifled through her new wardrobe in search of the perfect outfit. After all, when you're going to tell your boss you're really a woman, it's best to look nice.
"Hey, Quat, you done in there?" Duo called from the hallway, knocking on the door. "We told Sal 4:00, and it's almost 3:30 now!"
"I'm sorry!" Quatrina apologized. "I'll be out in a minute!"
She grabbed blindly for something and came up with a knee length black skirt and a navy blue tanktop. She threw them on, slipped on a pair of black sandals, and opened the door.
"I'm ready." She said with a small smile.
"Man, are you a looker!" Duo exclaimed. "If I didn't think you'd kill me, I'd ask you out! Let's get going, before we all loose our jobs."
"Ms. Po will see you now." Sally's frowsy redheaded secretary said, waving the six teens past her desk.
"Thanks, Anna." Duo said in passing, smiling at the small girl.
"Any day, hun." Anna smiled back. "Nice girl you got. Lookin to get her a job?"
Duo glanced over his shoulder to see that Quatrina's face was bright red with embarrassment.
"It's okay, Quat." He said quietly, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. "Concentrate on Sal."
"Right." Quatrina said, nodding timidly as they stepped into Sally Po's office.
"Hello Heero, Wufei, Trowa, Duo." Sally said in greeting to the ones she recognized. "Who are your friends?"
"You already know us." Adam said. "Kind of. Last time you saw me, I had long hair and a miniskirt."
"Excuse me?" Sally Po said, blinking in confusing. "I'm not sure I've met you before, sir."
"Give Zechs a call." Duo suggested. "He can help explain this."
"Exactly what does Zechs have to do with these two?" Sally asked. "You know I can't just knock people off the communications lines to Mars whenever I feel like it."
"That's true." Quatrina said, gathering her courage. "And I think you should listen to us first, then see if you need to call Mr. Merquise."
"Sounds good. So start talking."
"I'll start." Adam said, raising his hand. "My name is Adam Micheal Winner. You would know me better as Relena Peacecraft."
"And my name is Quatrina Peacecraft, formerly Quatre Reberba Winner."
"I'm calling Zechs." Sally said, picking up her phone. "Anna, please get me a link open to the Mars Terraforming HQ. I need to speak to Zechs Merquise."
There was a moment of tense silence as the group waited for the vidlink to heat up. When it did, Zechs Merquise appeared, still sweating from whatever work he'd been doing.
"Merquise here." He said cheerfully. "What can I do for you, Miss Po?"
"I need you to confirm something for me." Sally said. "Relena Peacecraft and Quatre Winner are here in my office. Quatre claims his name is Quatrina Peacecraft."
"Oh, it is." Zechs said. "Can I talk to them?"
"Why not?" Sally waved Adam and Quatrina around her desk so they were in view of the screen. "Gab away."
"Couldn't wait to get rid of all that hair, eh Adam?" Zechs commented, noticing the shaggy bowl cut.
"Damn straight." Adam said, snorting. "I was young when it started, but I'm seventeen now, and I want to be a boy."
"Have fun chasing skirts."
"Will do, former pretend big brother." Adam left the office without another word, intent on trying to win a date with Anna.
"So you're finally yourself, are you?" Zechs asked.
"Yes." Quatrina said. "And I blew the whole cover for us. I'm sorry."
"Still apologizes too much." Duo said, smiling. "At least that hasn't changed."
Quatrina yawned hugely, wondering just what exactly the point of a 'sorry you lost your job' party was. It could be to cheer up whoever had lost their job, but she was becoming increasingly convinced it was just another excuse for the friends of said loser to get drunk.
"I'm sorry, Miss Peacecraft," Sally had said, obviously trying to let the blond down gently, "but the Preventors have to trust each other. If you lie about something as basic as your gender, no matter the reason, you break that trust. We just can't have that here."
"Hey, Q!" Duo yelled from across the bar, waving a half-empty bottle. "Get over here and join the party! You're the one who lost your job here!"
"Is that what this is for?" The bartender asked, pouring Quatrina double the vodka she'd ordered. "Drink up, honey." He said. "Your friend'll cover it."
"Too bad I'm catching his tab, huh?" Quatrina said dryly, downing her entire drink in one gulp. "Duo can barely cover the cost of a hat."
"That's mean, Quat." Duo said, draping himself across her shoulders from behind. "Could so buy ya hat, but I like yer hair too much."
"No more booze for you." Quatrina said sternly, helping him onto the stool next to her. "Can you get him some water, please?" She asked the bartender.
"You got real pretty hair." Duo continued as the bartender went off to find water for the drunk brunette. "Always thought you had reeeaaal pretty hair. Ever since I met you. An yer eyes're so be-a-u-ti-ful...."
"Duo, stop talking before you embarrass yourself." Quatrina suggested, taking the glass of cold water from the bartender and handing it to him. "Drink this; you'll feel better."
"Won' 'barrass m'self." Duo said, drinking the water like a good little boy. "Ne'er. Yer real pretty, Quat. A'ways thought so. A'ways loved ya, Quat. Ne'er 'mbarrassed a that...." Duo slumped over the bar with a slightly depressed sigh. "Bu' you.... yer too goo' fer me. 'M a orphan.... Orphan can' date a princess...."
After a moment, Quatrina realized the Duo had fallen asleep where he sat, snoring softly.
"Oh, great." She sighed, looking around for the others. "Wufei!" She shouted, waving to get the Chinese ex-pilot's attention. "I'm taking Duo home!"
"Is Maxwell drunk already?" Wufei shouted back, shaking his head. "We'll see you two lightweights tomorrow, then!" He added before returning to a heated game of spin-the-bottle with Heero, Trowa, and seven or eight strange women.
"The things drunken boys do..." Quatrina sighed, shaking her head as she hefted Duo onto her back, paid their tab, and left.
Once outside, she stopped to consider her options. She could phone the Maganacs, but the sight of their 'Master' in a skirt might be too much for them. She could hail a cab, but she was low on cash. She could walk, but Duo was fucking heavy! Which left option number four: wake Duo up and walk him home instead of carrying him.
So she slipped into the nearest alley, found a faucet, stuck Duo's head under it, and turned it on. She didn't turn t off again until Duo started yelling about enemies, waterfalls, and where the naked chicks ran off to.
The Next Morning
Duo yawned, stretching lazily, and wondered how the hell he'd gotten into a bed. Hopefully, it wasn't like last time, when he'd found some strange woman old enough to be his mother in bed next to him. Thank God she hadn't taken his screaming personally.
Opening his eyes, he established that he was in his own little apartment, sprawled on his couch, not his bed, and covered with his favorite blanket. There was a note on his TV, which he would get to just as soon as his brain admitted he was still alive.
After a freezing shower, a microwaved breakfast, and a cold glass of water, Duo grabbed the note, sat down on the couch, and turned on the tube.
The note was from Quatrina, saying he'd passed out, woken up long enough to get to his building, and passed out again, so she'd tucked him in on the couch and called it a night. She'd also taken the liberty of removing all the alcohol from his apartment, and he really should consider cleaning every now and then, just to make sure he still had a floor under all that crap.
"Real funny, Q." Duo said, dropping the note. As it fluttered to the ground, he saw another note on the back, also from Quatrina. It said simply, 'We need to talk.' "That doesn't make me feel very good for some reason." He said, wracking his brain for some reason why the blond would want to talk to him.
Bit by bit, the previous night came back to the ex-pilot, including a very embarrassing drunken confession.
"Me and my big drunken fucking mouth." He muttered with a groan, falling backward onto the couch cushion. "Duo, my friend, you are in deep shit."
Satanira- All better now. No more cursing at Duo.
Duo- Really?
Satanira- Yup. Sorry about earlier.
Duo- It's okay. I got Heero for you. Still wanna glomp him?
Satanira- Sure! glomps Heero
Heero- Omae o korosu, baka onna.
Satanira- shrieks in fangirlish delight and faints
Duo- Dammit! Now we hafta wait till she gets up to start chapter three!