I woke up extremely groggy. The sunbeams shining through the blinds fell to my eyes. It irritated me. Took me a while to pick enough strength to open my eyes. Damn, feels like I've been run over by a truck last night. What time is it? The alarm clock on my bedside tells me it's almost 6:30 AM. Shit, I have to get up otherwise Relina would be late for school. Every muscle of my body is sore. I could hardly fully open my eyes. Daylight seems to hurt my eyes. I reached for my glasses on the table on the side of my bed. That seems to take all of my strength. It took me minutes before I can finally get up from my bed.
There she was. My pride and joy. My sister, Relina. Sleeping soundly on our bed, snugly tucked in our ragged blanked, her black straight hair disheveled, covering her face. How soundly she sleeps. I wish I could sleep as peaceful as hers, without any thoughts of our bleak future, my bloody fate, and our tragic loss. I hate to wake her up, seeing her in such a peaceful state.
"Relina…Relina…wake up…you got to go to school, right? Wake up and get ready…" I called her as I nudged her shoulder.
She then started to stir; her eyes began to flutter open. Her raven black eyes began to sparkle with life as she stretched her little arms and yawned.
"Jedd, is it Friday already?" she asked me between her yawn.
"No, Relina, it's just Wednesday. Why?"
"Teacher Anna said that we will go to the zoo on Friday. I can't wait to see the animals. Jedd, you will come with me right?"
"I don't know but…"
"Please Jedd, no more broken promises…come with me on the zoo…please?" she said, her innocent eyes begging for my reply.
"Okay…" I resigned with a nod. Her eyes were then filled with childish joy. It's just hard to say no to her. I can't afford to see her eyes once again filled with sadness.
"Hey, you take a bath and dress up. I'll get your breakfast ready."
She then headed to the bathroom with her towel, skipping with joy. I went to our small kitchen to get our breakfast ready. I open the fridge to see if there's anything edible. Almost empty corned beef cans, half-empty milk cartons, a quite full cereal box, some overripe bananas, and some frozen meat. I decided we're going to have cereals for breakfast.
I took out the cereal and milk carton. It's barely enough for two of us, but it's better than to have nothing. I poured out the contents on our bowls. There's more cereals in Relina's bowl than mine. She needs all the food we can get. She's a growing girl now. Life has a lot in store for her. Unlike me, the future is bleak and dim. Tied to the assassin's fate.
Relina suddenly came rushing out of the bathroom, shivering from cold, her small body wrapped in her towel. There's no need for me to help her dress up. She can manage by herself. She's so independent even at such young age. Good for her, and me too. At least she can fill in herself the things that I left open. I can't be always both the mother and father to us. Somehow, we must fill in those blanks left by Mom and Dad by ourselves.
I sat on the table and started munching on my cereals, which have turned soggy with milk. Relina then came out of our room, neatly dressed in her school uniform, her hair neatly tied in a ponytail. How neat. Not only she knows how to dress herself, she can even style her own hair. That saves me a lot of trouble. Though I grow my hair long, I don't give much trouble fixing my hair.
She sat opposite to me. She began munching on her cereals. She's unusually silent today. She looks pensive between as she chews her meal. She was staring blankly at me. I tried to avert her gaze, looking at my cereal bowl.
"Jedd…" it was her tiny voice.
"Yes?"
"You promised you will go with me to the zoo on Friday, right?"
"Yes, I told you about that a moment ago."
"No more broken promises?"
I nodded.
"Dad said he will go with me to the zoo. But he passed away early. He broke his promise. I guess it wasn't his fault that he broke his promise. Even Mom too," she said in sincere childish innocence.
I was taken aback by her words. I never thought Relina would have a clear concept about Mom and Dad's demise. It was marvelous for a girl at her age to somehow accept something as painful as what happened to our parents. My sister is really different.
"No more broken promises, Relina…" was all I said.
"Okay," she replied, them she went back on her cereals. A dead silence loomed between us. Maybe it's because she mentioned something Mom and Dad that it took as both aback. Though it happened almost four years ago, their demise is still fresh in our minds. Relina could still remember that even though she was just six at that time.
After finishing her meal, she headed back to the bathroom to brush. I was still sitting on our table, hardly finishing my cereals. I was thinking about me working for Gail's dad. He and my Dad have been close associates for so long. Am I to be a true assassin? I guess so. Dad has trained me since childhood as an assassin. I guess this would be the time to fulfill my fate.
Relina then came out of the bathroom, picked her bag, then headed to the door. She suddenly stopped and turned to me. Her innocent midnight black eyes staring at me.
"Too bad Dad and Mom have to go so soon. Life so short, Jedd…"
We were both silent. Her eyes were filled with sadness.
"Jedd, life is really short. You can slow down time, right? Please slow down the time so we could be together much longer…"
"Yes I would…" then I approached to hug her tightly. I don't know what I'm feeling right at this moment, whether I wanted to cry, to be depressed, or be elated. All of my worries, lamentations, and anguish were gone the moment I hugged Relina. I wasn't an assassin at that moment. I felt human, truly human.
I then looked at her eyes. It was filled with such innocence, and yet as if she was aware of our bloody destiny. She too, was destined to be an assassin, like me. I don't want her to carry such heavy lot. It does suffice that me alone would suffer the consequences of being an assassin, but not her, not Relina.
As I looked deeper into her innocent eyes, her irises began to change its taint. From its natural midnight black shade, it began to lighten into a crystal blue. She has to ability too, like mine, for our eyes to change it shade. I don't know how we got it, but we discovered we had this gift, or curse, back when we were still child.
Soon, endless flow of thoughts began to flow into my mind, as if an endless stream flowing into me. Relina was communing with my psyche, speaking to me in an incomprehensible language that I somehow understand. This is her ability, to talk to one's mind directly. The power to immerse in one's psyche and commune with them. An unexplainable euphoria filled me. So peaceful. So serene. So quiet. I wish this moment would last forever…
"This moment…last forever…slow down time…Jedd…"I looked at my reflection at Relina's eyes. My eyes began changing its hue. This is my gift, to slow down time as I see it. I only use this as an assassin, but I never thought I would use it like this. To slow down time so Relina and me could be together much longer. I know this moment wouldn't last forever. We have to make most of what time we had together. I may not live the next day to be with her like this. Live by the moment. That's the way of the assassin.
BEEP! BEEP!
Suddenly, I was jolted back to the bitter reality. Everything was back to its harsh state. The gray walls, unwashed dishes on the sink, our trash bin filled to the brim, thick dust settling on our furniture. It was Relina's school bus, parked outside our building waiting for her. I looked again at her eyes. They were back to its raven black shade. She then gave me a hug, then walked away to the stairs. I watched her through the window as she boarded her bus, watching it disappear as it drives away to her school. Now I'm back here, all alone again. Time to clear up our little house. Make it at least habitable for two of us.
After clearing our table and washing the dishes, I headed to our living room. Everything was in disarray. The only thing that in its place is my kodachi blades, hanging on its place on the wall. I took it from its place, drawing the blade from its sheath. As I looked at its shiny silver blade, I noticed it has some sort of slight red shade on it. Blood? I sniffed it. Smells like rust. Yeah, it's blood. Some blood remains even after I wiped it clean after that nasty encounter. The blood from that sniper, another assassin just like me. We assassins are like swords. No matter how good you wash this sword, you could always smell the blood of the victims that flowed through it. An assassin is only as good as long as he could take lives efficiently.
It's funny that assassins were after their fellow assassins. Gail almost had it back then. Assassins sent to kill assassins. I wonder who could have sent him to get her. Too many people wanted her dead. The Murasame clan had too many enemies. It's quite impossible to know who could have sent him. Gail should know the consequences of being an assassin. If you would kill people, you should expect that someone would try to kill you in turn. I guess she's too young to realize that. How old is she anyway? 17? 18? Barely old enough to realize the dark world she's into. But it's her choice. Like me, she got assassin's blood in her veins. It's both our fate.
I took a paper towel and wiped the blades clean. Now, the red shade is gone. It's back to its pure silver sheen. As I put back the blades to its saya, I noticed a picture frame lying on the floor. I picked it up. It's our only family picture left. There's Mom, Dad, Relina, and me. Suddenly, disparate images of that painful night flashed back into my mind. Images I thought I have shunned long ago.
The sound of mad shuffling of footsteps...Mom's screams...Dad's mad yelling...can barely make anything out of the uproar outside. Relina was sobbing madly as we hugged each other under the bed. The lights suddenly went out. I held Relina tighter. Suddenly, a blade pierced through the bed, blood dripping on it as a deafening scream tore through the darkness...
I don't want to remember anything from that night. Makes me sick. I headed back to my bed. Even after almost 10 hours of sleep, I feel so tired. I fall into my bed, lying on my back. There, I stared blankly on the ceiling. I gazed on the cracks on the paint of the ceiling. Unconsciously, my mind was trying to make out images out of the chaotic patterns of the cracks. For a moment, I can see a crooked sword piercing through a withered body. Then, the cracks turned into two twisted figures, embraced to each other, as if in a dance. The figures disappeared and became spiders. I averted my eyes from the crack, as I soon became tired of making images out of it.
I began to feel drowsy again. I was tempted to sleep again, to indulge in my temporary suspended animation. I wished I could sleep, sleep, and sleep, never to wake up again. Sometimes everything feels so unreal, that my dreams feel much real than reality. Feels like I'm just a ghost trapped in this puppet, in this shell. In this murderous shell. This shell that trusts no one. This shell that...
RING!!!
A sharp ring pierced through my consciousness. I bolted up from the bed, quite disoriented. I looked around for the source of the sound. It was just my cell phone, ringing madly on the table beside my bed. I picked it up. It's Gail calling. But why? It's been a while since I last saw her. I pressed the "CALL" button to answer the call.
"Hello..."
"Hey Jedd, it's me Gail."
"I know, so what's up?"
"Haven't seen you for a while."
"Yeah..." I just replied, half-conscious of what I was saying.
"What's wrong with you? You sound so wasted."
"Wasted? Oh...it's nothing...I just woke up..." I remembered that I haven't seen her for nearly a month. The last time I saw her was back then at the rooftop. I can't believe it has been a month since the last time I took someone's life. I lost sense of time.
"Anyway, how's your sister?"
"She's fine. She just went to school..."
"Anyway, Dad wants to talk to you…"
"Me?" Unbelievable. What could he wanted from me?
"Yeah. Since you are already working for us..."
"Working for you? Wait, don't count me as one of your grunts ready to do the dirty work for you. I don't do this for anyone. It was my choice to do things for you, but that doesn't mean I'm just one of your lowlife goons."
I heard her chuckle softly at the other end of the line. "Don't worry Jedd. That could be arranged. Besides, Dad wouldn't consider the son of his close associates as a lowly grunt."
"Good. Just making things clear."
"Anyway, Dad still needs to see you. He needs to talk to you, I mean, us."
"For what?"
"Our first assignment."
"So soon?"
"Yeah. Aren't you excited?" then a soft, girlish giggle on the other end of the line.
"Shut up. Anyway, do I have to go there now?"
"I'm just going to pick you up. At Tiffany's. At 4."
"Okay...I'll be there then..."
"Umm...Jedd..."
"Yes Gail?" I asked, sensing some sort of urgency in her voice.
"Nothing...I'll just see you then...bye"
"Okay...bye" I said before pressing the "END" button.
Words began echoing chaotically inside my head. Assassins. Murasame. First assignment. Relina. Assassin's fate. I'm not going to let myself be a lowly grunt for the Murasame. I'm doing this because this is my choice. I am an assassin. I have thrown a part of my life, and there's no turning back now. Dad trained me as an assassin, and now is the time to fulfill my inescapable fate. To see that retribution for his loss is done. Now is the beginning...
I looked at the clock. It's past 3. Damn, I've been loafing around here for almost an hour? It feels like it's been almost 15 minutes have passed. I lost sense of time lying in here; chewing over some crap my mind has been churning out. I have an hour to spare before meeting with Gail. I headed to the bathroom. Which reminds me, I haven't taken a bath for days. Jeez, if Relina were here, she would get mad and drag me screaming and kicking to take a bath.
I took off my stinky clothes and dumped it on the laundry basket, which was overflowing with my other stinky clothes I haven't washed for a month. I have to do the laundry as soon as I'm done meeting with Gail. This should be done soon. I opened the shower, receiving a full hail of cold water bullets. Each drop seems to hurt me. Somehow, the cold water shook me out of my drowsiness. These are the few moments I am sentient. The cold hail of water piercing through my shell, piercing into my ghost, the quintessence of my humanity. The water runs to my eyes, misting my view. I haven't felt a liquid run through my face this cold. Most of the time, it's the warm blood of my victims. The still-warm red fluid, its slight rust-like smell. It rips, ripples, and pours through my blade, into my hands. The warmth of blood and the coldness of water, things that reminds of my sentience. Of course, there's Relina...
At last, finished with the agonizing task of taking a bath. I wiped myself dry with the moldy towel hanging on the wall. I looked at myself at the bathroom mirror. I looked at the scrawny shade in the mirror, dark long hair dangling covering its face. It took me a while to realize that it was I. Damn, I really looked like hell. When was the last time I took hard look at myself at the mirror? I never cared much on what I look, or what others thought of me. All I cared is surviving, showing my proof of life, and searching for a reason to exist. I'm glad Relina is always there to remind me that.
I headed to the wooden dresser on the corner of my room. It doesn't really matter what will I wear. I'll just wear the first dress I see inside. I pulled out the dresser. Few scattered pieces of clothing came into view. Not much choice, I see. I pulled out the black shirt. I glanced on my stinking laundry pile. I really have to do my laundry.
I put on my shirt, my faded corduroy pants, my sneakers, then my glasses. I reached for my twin blades. I decided on taking them. You can never be too careful. Assassins are getting bolder these days. Back then, assassins kill only at dark. Now, bold killers have the guts to slash their victims at broad daylight. Too risky, if you ask me. This could expose the hidden world of assassins that has existed for decades in secret. Besides, I couldn't trust Gail fully. I don't know what they have in store for me. You can never be too sure. Assassin's instinct tells me to be ready for the worst.
I stashed the blades inside my backpack. I noticed on the table a pile of mail lying. How long has it been there? I never noticed it first when I first went out. I picked it up, sorting through the envelopes. Nothing but junk mail. Firms promising instant riches, peddling fantasies to losers, selling pretenses to the masses. At the bottom of mail pile, an envelop with the seal of a bank. It's our monthly pension from the insurance company. Dad managed to get one before his demise. Good thing he had foresight, otherwise Relina and me wouldn't keep on going. After Dad and Mom were gone, we have to leave our old house. Partly, it's because we have no money, partly, for security reasons. We can't take any chances. Those men who raided our house might come back for us. So we moved here in this apartment. Quite old, but neat. A bit rundown, but homey for Relina and me. Our monthly pension kept Relina in school and us from starving. Though we hardly make both ends meet most of the times, we were somehow contended on what we have. Nobody how crappy our place looks, we still got each other, a good reason to live.
Back then, I was a freelance assassin. I would sometimes do jobs for money. Money wasn't the main reason for my entry into the world of the assassins. It was my search for vengeance. It was my blind hope that in one of my assignments, I will find the one who took out Mom and Dad. But now, reasons changed a bit. Fighting has been my proof of life, a testimony of my existence. A kill is my vindication. A search for retribution, and myself.
I tore open the envelope, taking out the check. I made a mental "to do" list: after meeting with Gail, go to the bank and cash the check, and then go home and do the laundry. No dueling for tonight. I took my backpack and headed out of my place. I took a last glance inside our place before locking the door. Our place is like a dump. Or the word dump is underrated? I don't know...
As I walked in the street, I see other people going about in their mundane lives. I looked into their faces. Beneath, the thick makeup, beneath the shades, beneath the fake smiles, beneath all these sham, I can see their tired eyes. I can see how sick they are with their lives. They wake up, do their morning rituals, eat the same cereal, and walk the same road to work, go home, sleep, and do the same stuff the next morning. They were like puppets with painted happy faces, but with tired gloomy eyes. As I neared Gail's university, I see students going out from their classes. Beneath their shrill giggles, their endless chattering, I can sense how they loathe their pre-ordained lives. Beneath the youthful glow of their faces, I see angst in their stupid fated existence. They go on with their studies, their classes, and eventually graduate. Then they'll have a crappy job, be the slave ant of the system, the cogs of self-perpetuating stupidity. Be brainless zombies directed to work endlessly for their crappy existence. Soon, they're going to have children, and another generation of brainless zombies was born.
I averted my eyes away from them, looking blankly on the ground. Makes me sick looking at those same jaded eyes. It didn't take me long before I reach the place I was supposed to meet Gail. Tiffany's. A small cafe in front of Gail's university, where she studies. Quite shabby place. It's flanked by beautiful, well-painted buildings. Funny they didn't give a thought of bringing the café down, as it seems to be a bit out of place. In the midst of fine-looking establishments, it looks as if it's a forgotten child left out by its magnificent neighboring buildings.
I headed for the door, pushing it open. There were few people inside. The blinds were drawn down, allowing sparse daylight to enter the windows. Though the afternoon sun was shining blindingly outside, it was a dark den inside the cafe. The thin light piercing through the blinds casts an ugly shadow on the people inside. The ceiling fans wobbles as it spins feebly, as if it was spinning its last. More tired faces of people, only they weren't as pretentious as the ones outside. Here, they shed their inhibitions, bask in the shadows, and sigh away their grief. Most of them on their tables, exhausted, slowly sipping their coffees. Some impatiently waiting for their orders. Some were talking with the skinny old waitress, giving their orders.
Getting tired of looking at these exhausted people, I scanned the tables. At a dim corner, I recognize a familiar figure. A petite girl with a silky raven black hair with silver streaks on it. It's Gail. Still in her innocent schoolgirl outfit. Funny that anyone would ever think that beneath this seemingly innocent schoolgirl was a ruthless assassin I headed towards her table. She was staring blankly through the blinds. I tapped her shoulder. She turned to look at me. And there she was, her resolute yet friendly eyes. Her stare somehow gave me a bit comfort. I somehow missed this, someone's eyes who would look at me without inhibitions, without pretensions. No judgmental eyes, just pure innocent stare of this kunoichi (female assassin). Out stares lasted for more than a minute before I averted my gaze. What could be she thinking back then? Was she again deciphering my personality, my emotions behind my stares?
"The diabolical golden eyes of a fierce, merciless swordsman. And a deep dark brown eyes of a troubled young man..."
I can remember her saying that to me long time ago. Was she taking an interest of me? I don't know, and I don't care. All that matters now is the thing she will tell me. This could lead me to the one I've been looking for the long time.
I opposite to her. I laid my backpack on the table, ready to open it and grab my blades just in case. You can never be to sure. Beside Gail leans a long object wrapped in a black, coarse cloth. It's her four-foot long katana. Even she doesn't take any chances. A good assassin's instinct: never be caught off-guard.
I looked at her, and she smiled at me. I managed to reply with a weak smile. I guess I'm either too tired or too depressed even to smile. I waited for her to say something. I guess she's waiting for me to say something too. Sickening taciturnity began to take over between us. Suddenly, her bloody red lips began to quiver.
"Hi..."
"Hello..." I replied awkwardly.
"What took you so long? I've been waiting for you for quite a while."
"I walked." I answered coldly.
"Okay..."
I can sense tension in her voice. I knew it. This is going to be a long talk. I can foresee it now. It's going to be one hell of a day ahead of me.