Xander needed help. He knew that. He wasn't going to be able to convince Faith to go get checked out, or even take one of those home pregnancy tests, not on his own. But who could he go to?
Giles was completely out of the question. Xander knew that going to Giles was quite possibly the most responsible thing he could do, but there was no way in Hell he was going to talk about sex with the man. Even in passing. Not since the love spell. Hell, not since ever.
The next person he thought of was Buffy's mom. But even though she had been very kind to Xander, something he appreciated greatly, they hadn't ever had that kind of relationship. 'That kind' being the kind where he talked to her at all outside of Buffy's presence, unless it was asking for chips or soda.
Next on the list was Willow, as the smartest person he knew, most logical, possibly the most persuasive with arguments. Xander thought back to earlier that year, and the illicit smoochies.
Scratch Willow off the list.
Buffy, he knew, would be no help at all, Cordelia was pretty much still not talking to him, he'd be damned if he would ask Angel for help, and asking Oz would just be damn awkward, and, Xander thought, the guy was pretty likely to just shrug and say something like, "Do what you can," and then shut up.
So that pretty much left him optionless. He felt he was living up to the tag of 'worthless' his dad had laid on him so often, and living up to it well.
Xander sat up in his bed. He was determined not to turn out like his father thought, so he decided to bite the bullet. He grabbed a jacket, a cross and a stake, and ran downstairs and out into the night.
She looked up, rubbed her eyes, and walked over to where Xander stood, and let him inside.
"Hey," she said. "Why are you here?"
Xander looked down at her, worried. "Are you okay?"
"Fine," she said. "Why are you here?"
"I need to talk to you," Xander said.
"So, talk," she said.
Xander frowned. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked. "I mean, I know things have been weird, but you can still talk to me. You know that, right?"
Willow looked up at him and shook her head. "Sure," she said.
"I mean, it's just, you look like you've been crying," he said.
Willow frowned.
"Not that you look bad!" he said, mentally backpedaling. "It's just…"
"I know what you mean," she said. She was angry at him, and hurt. But he was still Xander, and what he had said earlier, about not swearing on her life, had been so sweet. She wanted to give him any benefit of the doubt she could. "Just… maybe in a little. You still haven't said the… why you're here."
"Yeah," Xander said. He began pacing back and forth in her room. She followed him like he was a tennis ball, watched him wringing his wrists like he always did when he was really worried about something. After a few minutes, Willow couldn't take it anymore.
"Xander," she said, standing in front of him and taking his hands in hers. "Just tell me."
Xander looked down at her small hands attempting to wrap around his, then back up into her eyes.
"I had sex with Faith," he said, softly. "And she might be pregnant."
Xander fell down on her bed and closed his eyes, seemingly waiting for the inevitable tongue lashing that Willow was certain he felt he deserved. When it didn't come, he looked up. Willow was certain she looked as shocked as she had been earlier in the day.
"Will?" he said.
"When?" she asked.
"A few weeks ago," he said. Willow saw he had his 'spill the beans' face on, and knew he'd pretty much answer anything she asked.
"And how come you think she… you know…"
"She's late," he said.
"You've been spending that much time together that you know –"
"No," he interrupted. "She told me. That's why I passed out the other day in the library."
Willow frowned. "She hasn't taken a test or anything?"
Xander shook his head. "I don't think so," he said. "When I went to talk to her later that day, she was in full-on denial mode."
Willow looked up at him, and set her face in as hard an expression as she could muster.
"How come you're telling me all this?" she asked.
"Because if she is pregnant, we need to know, and I don't think I can get through to her, and I need help." He shrugged. "Nobody I trust to help more than you."
"Even since…"
"Even since."
"Since we're being all truthful," she said, "I knew already."
"You what?"
"I heard you two talking in the hall today," Willow said. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help it, and…"
"It's okay," Xander said.
"How come you didn't tell me until now?" she asked.
"Well, it really wasn't anybody else's business," he said.
"Oh," Willow said, sadly. "Yeah, I guess."
Xander's gaze turned to the floor. "But the truth is… I didn't want you to think I was the kind of guy who'd do something like that. Like a one-night stand kind of guy."
"It was sweet," Willow said, hesitantly. "What you said. Not the one-night stand thing. The not swearing on my life one."
"Well, I meant it," Xander said. "I couldn't do… things… without you. You may be ashamed to be seen with me now, or whatever, but you're still my Willow." He sighed. "Or at least, I hope you are."
"Xander, I'm not ashamed to be seen with you. I never have been. I just…"
"Needed to work things out with Oz, I know," Xander said. "But I missed you, and I'm selfish."
Willow smiled inwardly. Even though she had Oz, and loved Oz… it was still nice to be missed. She sighed.
"So what are we going to do about this?"
"I don't know," Xander said. "But you're the only one I could come to."
Willow's heart warmed at his declaration. A very cynical part of her told her that he might be just saying these things to get her help, but that voice was quickly silenced and squashed when Willow looked into his eyes and saw the obvious worry there.
"Okay," Willow said. "Go home, give me a little time to think about this. I'll try to come up with something."
"You're the best," Xander said, wrapping his best friend in a hug.
Willow sighed, as she returned his embrace. "I know," she said, smiling as she shoved him back out onto the balcony. "Now go."
Xander smiled, and with a wave, he was gone.
Willow kept her smile in place, but her eyes began to tear up. Things, she knew, would never be the same, ever again.
"Here's what I've come up with," Willow said the next morning. She was wearing a happy face, despite her actual mood.
"Hmm," Giles said, looking over her work. "Yes, this all looks quite good. Except for this bit here." He pointed to a section. "You've got these two dates reversed."
"Oh," Willow said, accepting the paper back. She looked to the section he had pointed out. "Oh, yeah, I guess I did. Thanks."
Giles nodded as he sipped his tea. "Are you all right?" he asked.
Willow frowned. "Why? Do I not look okay?"
Giles smiled softly. "You look fine, Willow. You just seem a little… melancholy, is all. Are things going well?"
"Yeah," Willow said. "Or, well, no, not really. But they'll be okay."
Giles nodded. "Well, should you need help or… well, I'm here."
"Thanks, Giles," Willow said sincerely. "But, it's one of those things I have to do on my own, I think."
Giles nodded. "Of course. You'll be by later, then?"
Willow sighed as she collected her materials. "Well, later, I might be needing to deal with things. But, if I can, yeah."
"Good," Giles said. "Well, good luck, or whatever the appropriate phrase is."
"Thanks," Willow said. She waved to Giles and left the library. She stepped out into the traffic of the hallway, hoping to be able to avoid Xander at least until the period began. They had class together, but Buffy was also in the class, and they couldn't very well discuss how to get Faith to take a pregnancy test when Buffy was around.
Willow stopped dead in her tracks, causing some freshman to run into her. He dropped his books, but she didn't care. She was going to help Xander find out if Faith was pregnant. She hadn't considered that yet, not really. They had slept together, that was what got her yesterday.
What if Faith was pregnant? Would they date? Or get married? Oh, God, what if Xander got married before high school was over? What if Xander had a child? What would she do? What would he do?
That thought stunned her. There she was, thinking how she would feel about all of this, when the truth was that it affected her less than just about every other person in the group, except for Oz. If Faith was pregnant, she couldn't very well slay for much longer.
And if Faith wasn't slaying, that left it up to Buffy again. And also, Giles would probably feel obligated somehow, and would almost certainly scold them both for being stupid, but at the same time take them under his wing.
And also, Xander would never go to college, he'd have to get a job to pay for things, because there was no way in hell his parents would help out. It would change his life. He wouldn't be able to do his road trip that he'd been talking about for years. He wouldn't get to do so many things.
And how would Cordelia feel? Her ex-boyfriend had gone and gotten a skank pregnant!
No, Willow thought. She couldn't think about Faith like that. If the girl was going to be the mother of Xander's child, Willow couldn't think of her as a skank. She was carrying Xander's child.
Willow would love that child, she knew. Even if it wasn't hers. She couldn't think of anything that would make her not love Xander's child.
And that was when it happened. Willow decided once and for all that doing the right thing meant truly and finally getting over Xander Harris. And she was ready. For the sake of his child, and the mother of his child, she would. She had to. It wasn't fair, otherwise. To anybody. She turned her resolve face on herself. It was time.
"What do you mean you can't go?" Buffy asked. "How is that even possible?"
"Buff, I just can't," Xander said. He looked up and saw Willow enter the room, determination on her face. He was curious about that. "I have things to do."
"Oh come on, what could possibly be more important than going to the Bronze?"
"Homework?" Xander suggested. By Buffy's glare, he guessed she wasn't buying it.
"Willow, tell Xander not to be such a poopy-head."
"Don't be such a poopy-head, Xander," Willow said as she sat next to him. Xander rolled his eyes. "What are we talking about?"
"The Bronze," Buffy said. "Xander's claiming he has something else to do."
"That's because I do," Xander insisted.
"And he won't tell me what it is," Buffy pouted.
"It's private," he said. Then he grimaced. He absolutely knew that was the wrong thing to say. Buffy would only be more interested now.
"Oooh," she said, "is it some juicy secret? Some vile, sinister deed that nobody can know of until you eventually unveil your plans to conquer the world? Cuz if it is, I'll have to stop you."
"It's not," Xander said. "Buff, just… drop it, okay? I mean it."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Fine. You'll just miss a dancing good time with me and Will and Oz and Angel."
"Wow, yeah, that sounds just like my favoritest day ever," Xander said, grumpily. "Nothing says fun like some fifth wheel action."
Buffy's face softened visibly. "Don't be like that," she said. "I just want you to have fun, is all."
"I know," he said. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."
"You're sure I can't convince you?"
"I'm sure," he said. He turned to Willow. "Where've you been?"
"Library," she said. "Giles was looking over a paper for me."
"You okay?" Buffy asked.
Willow seemed to think about it for a moment before answering. "Yes," she said. "I am."
Xander thought he heard determination in her voice, but didn't pursue it. Class was just about to start.
----------
End Chapter 4