"Not yet," Willow said. "I mean, it's kind of a lot to drop on a girl."
"I know, Will," Xander said. "But it's really important –"
"I know," she said. "I do. But you're going to have to give me a little time, Xander. It wasn't so long ago that I was still harboring thoughts that I would be your first, and that it might be me in this position, so this isn't something I can just do without any feeling, okay?"
Xander was stunned by her openness. He hadn't expected her to say that. Hell, he hadn't expected her have thought about that. Even after making out with her, he hadn't expected her to think about… sex. He had, of course, but Willow? She was… she was above all that, right?
"Yeah," he said, quietly, trying not to show the kind of turmoil she had just thrown him into. "Yeah, of course. I'm sorry. I should have thought –"
"Yes," she said. "You should have. But that's okay. I'm gonna be here for you, Xander, through this whole thing. Anything you need, or even anything Faith needs. And if it happens that that's the case, anything the baby needs, too, okay? I'm going to be here if you need me. It's just right now? I need a little time."
"Okay," Xander said, nodding. "Of course."
"You'd better go," Willow said. She pointed at the clock on the wall. "You're going to be late."
"Willow, I –"
"Xander?" she said. "I'm fine. Just go."
Xander nodded, smiled at her, and started to walk off. After a thought, he walked back, gave Willow a heartfelt hug, and a kiss on the forehead, then smiled at her one more time before leaving.
He walked down the hall, and saw Oz leaning against a locker, obviously waiting for him. Xander followed Oz's line of vision, and looked at the exact place he had just hugged Willow.
"Oz," he said, shaking his head, "it wasn't –"
"It's okay," Oz said, with a quick shake of his head. "I trust her."
But not him, Xander thought. It was only fair, really.
"Good," Xander said. "It's just that I'm having –"
"Don't," Oz said. "It's private. I trust her."
Xander opened his mouth to say something else, then thought the better of it, nodded and walked off to his class.
Faith opened her door.
"You gotta be kidding me." She couldn't believe he was there.
"Nice place," Xander said. He stood outside her door, hands behind his back.
"Yeah, it is," Faith said. She walked back into her apartment, but left the door open, in what she felt was enough of an invitation. He apparently took it that way, too, since he walked in and shut the door behind him. "What do you want?"
"Uh," he said, nervously swaying back and forth on his heels. "I got you this." He held out what was obviously a present.
"The hell is that?" she asked anyway.
"It's a housewarming gift," he said. "Or an apartment warming gift, or whatever."
"What is it?" Faith asked, eyeing the package cautiously.
"You're supposed to open it, Faith," he said. "It's not a bomb, or leprosy or anything."
"Leprosy in a box?" she asked, accepting the package. Xander shrugged as Faith pulled the ribbon off the box, dropped it on her table – she had a table, that was new – and opened the box.
"Holy shit."
"Really?" Xander asked. "I didn't know a coffee machine was that big a deal."
Faith was still looking at the box. "Why'd you give me this?"
"Um. You just moved into your new apartment. Common etiquette among… I thought you might like it."
Faith looked up and scowled. "I'm not sleeping with you."
Xander looked hurt, and for a split second, Faith allowed herself to feel bad about that. She squelched that feeling out as quickly as she could, though, because it led had always led to bad places.
"Faith, I'm not… you know what? Whatever. I'm gonna go spend some time with people who don't assume I'm a villainous bastard because I have the unmitigated gall to be nice to them."
Faith opened her mouth to interrupt with something, she was surprised to find, that was remarkably close to an apology, when Xander continued. He was glaring at her, his voice louder than ever.
"I mean, Christ! Did it ever occur to you that somebody might want to be nice to you, to give you something without wanting anything from you in return? Did it ever occur to you that not every single guy who does something for you wants to get in your pants?"
For a moment, the barest hint of a second, Faith shied away from him. And that, she knew, was enough to tip him off. He was pretty damn perceptive at times.
"Oh my God," he said softly, horror in his voice. His face lost any last inkling of anger. "It hasn't. It's honestly never occurred to you that some guys might have good intentions."
"It's nothing," Faith said. She went and set the coffee machine on the counter. "Thanks for the thing."
"Faith," he said, moving over to her.
"I gotta get ready for patrol," she said, heading for her bedroom.
"Faith," he called again, but she shut her door in his face. She heard him press a single hand against the door, and then rest his head against it. "Who hurt you?" he asked quietly.
A couple of minutes later, she heard his footsteps. Then the outer door to her apartment opened and closed. Faith sighed, disappointed in herself. Now she was never going to get rid of him.
And a deeply hidden part of her, a part she had ignored for years now, wondered why she wanted to.
But Faith wasn't ready to listen to that part.
Xander was making her dizzy. It was almost hypnotic, him walking back and forth. He was genuinely worried, Willow could tell that much immediately. He was genuinely concerned for Faith, and her mental well being. He was asking questions, which Willow was sure were rhetorical, about what could have happened to her, what was her past like, how could anybody be like that at this age, things like that.
At least, she hoped they were rhetorical, because she certainly didn't have any answers. But she found, in the past, that it was beneficial to both of them not to interrupt until he was done pacing. That would happen pretty soon, she guessed. Willow looked at her watch, and counted down. Five, four, three, two –
"I don't know, what do you think?" Xander said, coming to a halt in front of her. She was off by a whole second.
"I don't know, Xander," she said. "I mean… if what you're saying is true –"
"It is," he insisted. "Jesus. What if she is pregnant? How can anybody who thinks like that possibly raise a child? Oh God, my kid's going to turn out worse than me."
"Xander," Willow said. She grabbed his hands and forced him to sit down. "First of all, we don't know that she's pregnant. We still have to work that out. And second, Xander, what on Earth makes you think you turned out poorly? I mean, you've made mistakes, sure, but we all have. But you're my best friend, Xander, and I don't make friends with bad people."
She could see that Xander was thinking about protesting, and shut him up with a finger to his lips. "No," she said. "You don't get to argue this one. I'm right, and you're wrong. Accept it."
Xander nodded silently, then sighed as she removed her finger. "What am I gonna do, Will?"
"First thing, we need to get her to take a pregnancy test."
"I don't think she'll be willing to go to a doctor," he said.
"So we get her to take a home test. They're not as accurate, but it's a start."
"And then?"
"And then, we see what the results are. There are lots of steps that can be taken. Do you know… I mean, would she keep it?"
Xander's eyes expanded. "Oh my God. I hadn't even considered that."
"Well, what would your thoughts on that be?"
"I don't know," Xander said. He seemed to be on the verge of hyperventilating. "Jesus, I don't know."
"Okay, calm down," Willow said. "We probably don't need to think about this until we know, you know… whether or not she's pregnant."
"Yeah," Xander said. "Yeah, you're right." He took a deep breath. "How are you doing? I mean with the whole… thing?"
Willow smiled at him, happy he had remembered that this wasn't exactly easy for her, either. Even though, she knew, it was, like way harder for him, it was still nice to be thought of. "I'm okay," she said. "And I think I know what to do. About finding out, I mean."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. You just need to put your foot down."
"Put my foot down. With Faith."
"Yeah," Willow said. "See, just tell her. She obviously doesn't want this getting out, so just tell her that either she takes the test, even a home pregnancy one, which aren't as accurate as the ones they do at the hospital, or you tell her you're going to tell Giles."
"Will, I can't –"
"Yes, you can, Xander. You can tell Giles if you have to. In fact you should probably have done it right off."
Xander groaned. "I thought there was some thing where getting the deed done on your first time was really rare," he said.
"That pretty much only works for girls," said Willow. "And even then, not all the time."
"Damn," Xander said. "Life would be so much easier if I were a girl."
"It really wouldn't," Willow said. "There all sorts of things to deal with, you know, girl things, that you don't have to."
"I just meant that if I were a girl, there'd be no chance of me getting anybody pregnant."
"No," Willow said. "That's true. But you could get pregnant."
Xander looked at her. "Good point. Okay, so now we just need to get one of those home pregnancy tests."
"No," Willow said. "Now you need to get one of those home pregnancy tests."
"But you said you were going to help!" Xander protested.
"Yes," she said. "And I will. But I'm not doing everything, Xander. I'll help you convince Faith, if she doesn't go for it, a-and I'll support you no matter what, but you need to take some of this on yourself, if only to realize how big a deal it is."
Xander was silent for a minute. "Okay. I'll do it tomorrow, right after school."
"Good," Willow said.
"I guess I should go," Xander said, standing up and walking to her balcony door.
"Yeah," Willow said. She steeled her nerve, and stood up. "Just one last thing."
"Yeah?" Xander asked, turning around. As soon as he turned, Willow attached herself to his lips in a smoldering kiss that lasted a good minute, until Willow broke it off.
"Wha—" Xander said, panting. "What… I… "
"That was the last," Willow said, wrapping her arms around her best friend, her eyes moistening. She could feel confusion radiating off of Xander, but he wrapped his arms around her anyway.
"Willow?" he asked, quietly.
A few moments later, Willow released him, and backed up a step. She wiped tears from her eyes and sniffled. "It's over," she said.
"Will, what?"
"This," she said, shaking her head. "Us. It's over now. For good."
Xander looked into her eyes, and understanding bloomed in his. He nodded.
"I love you," he said, stroking her face gently.
"I know," she sniffled, smiling sadly. "I love you, too."
Xander nodded.
"You should go."
Xander said nothing, only smiled back at her, turned, and left.
Willow did her best not to cry. As, it seemed to her, with so many things throughout her life, her best was not nearly enough.
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End Chapter 5