Stupid in Love

Chapter 7, Version 3

It Makes Me Ill

Bakura pushed Ryou out of the store. Yami had glomped Yugi in a fit of protectiveness, and Bakura was hoping Ryou wouldn't notice… If Yugi and Yami were together, if only made sense for Bakura and Ryou to be together, right? Bakura wondered if the Ishtar family had the same kind of awkward feelings running through it, too, with Malik and Marik. Bakura made a mental note to ask, but in the meantime, his cerebation was just making him feel worse. It is safe to say that Bakura felt horrible as the two of them walked back to their house. I mean, who wouldn't feel bad after having to go through Joey rapping? The worst part, though, was that Ryou was humming the very song that Bakura had just had to go through.

Meanwhile, Shadi had had just about enough. He was clinging to a tree branch by three claws, and below was a (to him) gigantic beast about to devour him.

"Aw, screw this," he meowed, and suddenly he started changing shape again. He soon turned back into the Shadi we know, and possibly love. Unless you don't love him. He dropped to the ground and sent the mutt to the Shadow Realm with ease. "Stupid doggy," he murmured. " 'Man's best friend', my well-toned ass. Now where did Ryou get to?"

Luckily for him the two Bakuras were coming towards him right now!

Shadi walked slowly towards them. He waited behind the gray, metal fence until Bakura and Ryou were just on the other side, then he glided through the fence, looking all mystical and junk. It was his speciality, and it had a special effect on the more innocent of the white-haired boys.

"AH!" Ryou jumped into Bakura's arms. Both Bakura and Shadi appeared surprised by this gesture, Shadi also looking POed.

"Hello, Ryou… Bakura," he greeted with a nebulous voice, one that was both mystified and mystifying. He nodded curtly towards each of them.

"H-Hi Shadi," Ryou stammered back. "W-W-What brings you here?"

Bakura just glared at him angrily.

Shadi paused. He hadn't thought this far… but suddenly an idea came to him. He smiled cruelly.

"I sensed an intriguing disturbance in the mystical alignment," Shadi explained slyly. "It is one that can only be fixed by you, Ryou."

Ryou's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "By me?" he reiterated, his voice hushed by a sense of awe. It was the kind of awe instilled in people who, ignored for a greater portion of their lives, suddenly feel very important.

"Yes," Shadi said, a coy smile playing on his lips. "Only by you shall the twistedness which has overtaken our dimension placate itself."

"How do I do it?"

"The disturbance may be fixed if you, Ryou, spend the afternoon with me at the mall."

Bakura face faulted. "You're kidding, right? Tell me your kidding. Ryou, do you think he's kidding?" Bakura turned to his hikari, and face faulted again. Ryou was bouncing up and down and clapping.

"Ooh! The mall! I wanna go!" he cheered. "Can I go?" His face turned into a large, albeit cute, frown, with large, wavering eyes. He was going for the classic puppy eyes.

"Pweez?" he pleaded, clasping his hands together. "Pweez pweez pweez pweez pweez?"

"But of course," Shadi said in what would have been an urbane voice if he didn't sound so damn mysterious. He smirked. "Let's go." The Millennium Key hanging around the Egyptian's neck started to glow brilliantly. Ryou and Shadow deliquesced and reappeared suddenly in the Domino Mall.

"…Aw crud. They left me." Bakura started to jog towards the Domino Mall.

"So what shall we do now Shadi?" Ryou asked excitedly. 'Freaky and yucky Egyptian guy…'

Shadi smiled pervertedly. "We could go clothes shopping." A/N o-o;;

'…This guy is a freak,' Ryou decided disdainfully. 'Well, I guess I'll just have to show him… I can be a scary person too. I'll just be slightly overweening…'

"Jolly good!" Ryou said in a stereotypically overdone British accent. Ryou started pushing Shadi into Hip Dresser's Clothes. "You need a lot of new clothes!"

"Whaa…?"

Shadi outfit #1:

Indigo-colored dress shirt, floor-length kilt, a super large plaid hat with a purple fuzzy thing on the top, and bagpipes slung over his shoulder.

"Can I wear underwear under this?" Shadi inquired, looking for the price tag. Ryou sweat dropped.

"I don't think so…"

Shadi outfit #2:

A ripped white muscle shirt under a heavy black leather vest. Black leather pants, a thick gold chain for a belt, and sleek black boots. No turban.

"Eh?" Shadi felt the top of his head. "I feel naked without my hat."

"It's your head that's naked," Ryou said, alluding to Shadi's baldness.

Shadi outfit #3:

Snazzy four-piece jet black suit. With a red rose. 

"Are you having a fun time treating me like a Barbie doll?" Shadi demanded, his voice full of contempt and scorn.

Ryou's eyes lit up. "Of course I am!" he proclaimed. "Let's dress you up in these next!

Shadi outfit #4:

A clown outfit. Equipped with frills, a red wig, a make-up kit to make any professional clown jealous, and a red rubber ball for a nose.

"I'm getting kind of angry, Ryou," Shadi said quietly.

Ryou practically threw himself on him, gushing, "Awww, don't be mad love! This is so much fun!" Shadi, his heart pounding in his chest, could find no further option but to nod and agree.

Shadi outfit #5:

A black wetsuit. He has scuba diving gear slung over his shoulder. The black color shows off his dark eyes.

"Yes it does," Ryou agreed with me.

"No it doesn't!" Shadi complained.

"Are you arguing with the narrator?" that guy from George of the Jungle inquired. Shadi tried hard to ignore the gorillas in the other changing rooms.

Shadi outfit #6:

A white shirt and green pants a la Family Guy. Also comes with glasses that are hard to see.

Ryou disdained the outfit. "This look isn't really you," he lamented. "Let's try something else."

"Let's not," Shadi suggested, "and say that we did."

Ryou giggled. "Of course not silly! Just a few more. Besides, you looked so kawaii in that Scottish outfit!" Ryou giggled like a fruit. "Kee-yute!"

Shadi smirked as he stepped out of his pants. Fuzz censored… stuff. This was utterly humiliating, but if Ryou thought he was cute in these clothes, then maybe he had some kind of chance with him after all. On the other hand, if this was how Ryou acted in a mall, did Shadi really want to be together with him…? 

"If you weren't cute, I'd punch you for this," the Egyptian muttered a bit too loudly.

"You… think I'm cute?" Ryou inquired. "I didn't think I had so many crushers…" Ryou whispered the rest of his sentence, "You sick freak." Shadi didn't hear him, however, and he could imagine Ryou's blush, his shockingly white hair enunciating the pink stains across Ryou's face. In reality, Ryou was sticking his tongue out at him in utter hatred. Oh, it was nothing personal against Shadi, from Ryou's point of view, but Bakura had been dead-set against the mysterious man from Egypt, and if Bakura didn't think that Shadi and Ryou should hang out… neither did Ryou. Besides! Bakura was so much more fun to dress up in the mall.  He'd grumble, but he'd put up with it anyway. Ryou now wondered why this was… Bakura had just always submitted to dressing up in whatever Ryou wanted him to in the store, no matter how ridiculous. Think G-strings. Yes, yes. Ryou had even tortured Bakura with those. Bakura actually bought it, too, and had tried to choke the Pharaoh with it. Bakura was fun to be around. Bakura and Ryou knew each other's thoughts, sometimes. Shadi, though… was just some weird bald guy with a freaky accent and a flair for monotonously-voiced melodrama. Shadi was Shadi. And Shadi made Odion have sex appeal. That's saying a lot.

Shadi outfit #7:

A red silk prom dress, floor length. Kind of old fashioned – it flairs out below the waist for that pretty effect.

"Do you think I'm a girl!?" Shadi screeched. Several people shot him rude glances for his strident outburst.

"Of course not, Shadi…(na). Of course not." Ryou smirked.

Shadi outfit #8:

Cookie monster costume. :) Shadi peeks out through the mouth. :) :) :) :)

"I don't understand this," Shadi said, confused. "What is this a reference to?"

"A very… adult program," Ryou said, stifling a giggle. "About cookies."

Shadi outfit #9:

Hawaiian moomoo with floral print on sky blue. Yellow flipflops with large, floppy plastic butterflies of the same buttery color. A dark green plastic lei hangs limply around our "favorite" character's neck.

"Keiki…" Shadi looked at Ryou warningly.

Ryou gave him a small, impish smile. "Aloha, Shadi!"

Shadi's outfit #10:

Black leather skirt and tank top that are connected… I forget what you call those. Black fishnet stockings and high-heeled shoes the color of a maraschino cherry. Stud earrings instead of the usual gold loops… and blood red lipstick… dark blue eyeshadow, as well, and thick, fake eyelashes that were very curly. 

"I LOOK LIKE A WHORE!" Shadi shrieked. Ryou fell to the floor laughing uncontrollably.

"I… (can't breathe) I know! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You idiot!" Ryou couldn't get up, or breathe correctly, because he was laughing so hard. It was about this time that Bakura showed up. Knowing where his hikari liked to dress up not-so-innocent people, he immediately ran to Hip Dresser's Clothes, hereby called HDC.

Bakura pressed his nose up against the glass, monitering the situation before actually entering the shop of horrors.

Clothes? Check.

The usual gorilla posse? Check.

Ryou? Check.

Shadi in a transvestite outfit? …Huh?

"…Whoa," Bakura said. "Ryou really out did himself this time… I bet he's having fun." Bakura moped. And then, another infernal song started. Justin Timberlake's beautiful voice (sigh!) sang clearly.

/I was hanging with the fellas
Saw you with your new boyfriend, it made me jealous/

"Nani!?" Bakura cried angrily. "I'm all alone, and Shadi is NOT Ryou's new boyfriend! Even if Shadi was his boyfriend, logically he couldn't be his new one because Ryou's never had one before! …Or did he?"

/I was hoping that I'd never see you with him
But it's all good, 'cause I'm glad that I met him
Heh
'Cause now I know the competition's very slim to none
And I can tell by looking that he's not the one/

"…Let us pray that Shadi is not 'the one'." Bakura clasped his hands together and began to pray fervently.

/He's not the type you said you liked/

"Ryou tells me nothing."

/His style is wack, clothes are bad/

Bakura took another look at Shadi in his transsexual ensemble. "That's for sure."

/Come on, girl, let him go
I want you back/

"…Ryou is NOT a girl."

/Call me a hater, if you want to
But I only hate on him 'cause I want you/

"Eh, I've always hated Shadi." Bakura shrugged. "I mean, he wants to send my soul to eternal damnation, and possibly molest my hikari. He never says what he means, always leaves before the check is paid, and never flushes. What reason is there for me not to hate him? I beg of you, if there is one, please inform me of it."

"He keeps the show moving," one random boy who looked a lot like Ash Ketchum answered.

"…" Bakura considered this. "Yeah, I suppose that's true…"

"Then my work here is done." Ash walked off.

/Say I'm trippin' if you feel like
But you without me ain't right (ain't right)
You can say I'm crazy, if you want to
That's true-- I'm crazy 'bout you/

"And I'm just generally crazy!" Bakura grinned. "And soooooo proud!" Bakura was suddenly wearing his lime green shirt. In white lettering on the front, it said 'Insanity Pride!' in Chiller font. On the back, it had a picture of a squirrel and a skull being locked in a blender, and somebody's middle finger going to press the 'on' button.

A/N: I so would want a shirt like that! :D

/You could say I'm breakin' down inside (inside)
'Cause I can't see you with another guy
It makes me ill
To see you give
Love and attention at his will
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel
To see you with him
Oh, it makes me ill
To see you give
Love and attention at his will
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel
To see you with him/

"…This song is weird," Bakura opined.

/Girl I know that we broke up/

"RYOU IS NOT A GIRL! AND WE WERE NEVER GOING OUT!" Bakura shrieked. Several people stared at him oddly.

/But that doesn't mean you should give the cold shoulder
'Cause you know that I truly do adore ya
And that other guy can't do nothin' for ya
Uh, see/

"Uh, no."

/I can tell that you don't really love that guy
But there's no need for you to go and waste your time
I think you know I love ya more
Girl you gotta let him go
I want you so just give him the boot/

"…What kind of stupid stupid lyrics are these?" Bakura wondered. "Sigh… 'Give him the boot.' That just sounds so gay. Way to go, Justin. Let's just get back to the chorus."

/Call me a hater, if you want to
But I only hate on him 'cause I want you
You can say I'm trippin' if you feel like
But you without me ain't right (ain't right)
You can say I'm crazy, if you want to
That's true-- I'm crazy 'bout you
You could say I'm breakin' down inside (inside)
'Cause I can't see you with another guy
It makes me ill
To see you give
Love and attention at his will
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel
To see you with him
Oh, it makes me ill
To see you give
Love and attention at his will
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel
To see you with him
Ohh...
It makes me ill cause you used to be my girl/

"HE'S NOT MY GIRL! HE'S A GUY! G, U, Y! GUY!"

/Used to be (my girl) used to be my girl yeahhh/

"NO HE'S NOT!"

/It makes me ill (ooh) cause you used to be my girl (c'mon)
My girl/

"ARGH!"

/So baby come back to me (baby...)/

"…Last time I checked, Ryou wasn't an akachan," Bakura quipped to nobody in particular. Several people, though, stopped to listen, and nodded their heads sympathetically.

A/N: Akachan is Japanese for baby. Of course the song doesn't mean that literally, but Bakura has taken it as such.

"But whatever… Still, the sight of Shadi in that… ew… outfit… it makes me want to barf. It—"

/It makes me ill/

"Hey don't cut me off!"

/To see you give
Love and attention at his will (at his will..)
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel
To see you with him (when I see you with him)
Oh, it makes me ill
To see you give
Love and attention at his will (at his will)
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel
To see you with him (baby I'm jealous)/

"RYOU'S NOT A BABY!" Bakura whined. "I ALREADY SAID THAT!"

/Oh it makes me ill
To see you give
Love and attention at his will
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel
To see you with him (you can't imagine how it makes me feel)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh..
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh...
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh..
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh../

"…Well, I'm actually impressed. I would've though that after doing all of those 'oh' sounds he would at least be tired…"

"What?! We done and done it again!" Justin Timberlake-chan's voice screamed. "Messsssy ohhhh!" There were some laughing sounds. "It's gravy baby.. aha.." And the song ended.

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"WHAT?" Bakura growled. "WHAT THE HECK DID GRAVY HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!?!?!?!?! …Good thing Ryou bought that Tylenol… Wait. What if Ryou wanted to die from an overdose instead of seppuku?" Bakura's eyes widened. "Oh no Ryou! I'll save you!"

And soon, Bakura, in shining armor and on a gray-speckled gelding charged into HDC because, after all, we all know that stallions are like, so cliché.