This chapter is dedicated to my friend Akio the Dragon Master, who will appreciate the comments about Alister, I hope. BTW! I uploaded the edited versions of Chapters 7 and 8!

Akio the Dragon Master: YY Yeah, I saw that when I was editing…

Scoodoo58: Yeah, we should all go and pilfer Kaiba's house and steal his credit cards! And his clothes! Like his leather pants. Kaiba isn't cool enough for leather. :D Also, today's word of the day is hemic.

Stupid in Love

Chapter 9

Dartz Steps In

Bakura entered the CD store. His evil chocolate eyes narrowed as he took in his surroundings. There were rows and rows of CDs to choose from, and a couple of headsets where you could sample a multifarious CDs. Everything looked innocuously normal. However, our Bakura knew better than to trust first appearances. After all, his second-best friend in the whole world wore a belly shirt!

"…Suspicious…" Bakura stepped inside. Immediately an alarm went off. "What the—?"

"Congraaaaaaaaaaaaatulations!" Mokuba Kaiba sprang out of a random storage box. He begun to leap around gracefully like a ballerina, followed by a pirouette right in front of our favorite robber of graves. "You are our 500th customer today Bakura! YOU GET A FREE CD! ISN'T THAT GREAT!?" The eleven-year-old started bouncing up and down like a Mexican jumping bean on steroids.

Bakura stared at the green youth. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here! " Mokuba pointed to his official name badge, which was situated on his udder(1). It said 'Mokuab'.

Bakura raised an eyebrow. "You have wooden muscles?"

"No because they'd splinter if they were made of wood!" Mokuba explained to him in a hyper tone.

"As if I didn't know that," Bakura grumbled. "I was just kidding you little piece of crap.'

"I'm not crap, I'm POO! :D And here!" Mokuba fished in his pockets for ten whole minutes before the small boy handed Bakura a coupon – ok, actually he threw it in Bakura's face. Bakura grabbed it, wrinkling his nose at the scent. It had obviously been in Mokuba's pocket for a long, long time. "You get one good CD, so you can't buy any of the CDs in aisle eight," Mokuba told him. "Those are the crappy CDs."

Bakura blinked owlishly. "Ok…" Bakura waddled away like a penguin with a limp as Mokuba fell to the ground and had a seizure. Looking, he quickly found only ONE copy of "Dangerously in Love". He reached for it, lovely yaoi-ish thoughts of making out with Ryou dancing in his head like a thousand strippers. The former tomb robber grabbed the desired CD, but so did someone else!

Dun dun dun!

Bakura glared at the offending person. "Hey! This is for my yadonushi!!"

Dartz glared back at Bakura. "This is for my Alister," the girly-looking man said. Bakura looked horrified.

"You're dating a transvestite!?" he screeched in pure HORROR!

"…Idiot." Dartz' golden eye twitched. "Alister's a girl,(2)" Dartz told him, declaring loudly so that EVERYBODY could hear: "She lost her breasts in the war!"

"What war!?" Bakura demanded in a panicky voice. "I don't remember a war!"

"The War of Kentucky!" Dartz started to tell the tragic, tragic ballad of The Colonel's Challenger.

"A long time ago, there was a Colonel that started a fried chicken business. One day, a challenger stood up to oppose him! This began a huge war, and many, many fine specimens of chicken were sacrificed." Dartz shook his head sadly.

"Who was the challenger?" Bakura asked confusedly.

"Eh… I forget his name." Dartz scratched the back of his head. "Chicks-will-lay? Chick-fillay? Eh… something…" Dartz scratched the back of his head, now with his other hand. In doing so he removed both hands from the CD and Bakura snatched it away from him.

"NO!" Dartz' eyes started to glow demonically. "MY CD!"

"YES!" Bakura shouted back. "MY CD! In your face! HA!" Bakura started to shake his booty. "Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah, nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! Can't touch this!"

"…" Dartz stared. "That was… interesting…"

"And very sexy!" a girl named Valon was shouting.

A/N: Disturbing…

Dartz rubbed his temples. "Omigod… Valon, I told you to stay in the cars. Anyways," Dartz pointed at Bakura. "RAFAEL! GET HIM!"

A blonde man leapt up from another aisle. "YES MASTER DARTZ!" He started running after Bakura, who stared at him.

"Oh crap."

BEGIN THE SLOW RUNNING SCENE!

Bakura started to run really slow. So did Rafael. They both ran like on Gundam SD. Bakura had ALMOST reached the cash register, where Tea was popping bubblegum very obnoxiously.

'Omg it's Tea!!!' Bakura winced. Well, if it would make this hikari love him, he supposed that he could stand Tea for about two minutes… Suddenly Rafael tackled him and all was lost.

"That was quite fun Shadi!" Ryou smiled brilliantly at the Egyptian. "Don't you agree?" Several women fainted as Ryou passed by.

"So what do you want to do now?" Ryou inquired… inquisitively. The teen looked disdainfully regarding his surroundings. He didn't want to really be here, unless it was with Bakura… Shadi's turban was really freaking him out. It was so… puffy… "Like a swollen eyeball."

"What?" Shadi stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Ryou Bakura oddly, his long robe ruffling around his feet.

"Um… I said I'm hungry," Ryou blurted, trying to cover up for his blunder.

Shadi nodded. "I guess we can…" Shadi paused, and squinted. "Is that Bakura getting chased around by a burly, blonde man with what looks like elephant tusks?"

"What?" Ryou piped up. "What did you say? Where?!"

"Eh, never mind, it was just a mirage. It's because of the disturbance in the alignment of the stars! We must spend more time together!"

Shadi shook his head. 'I can't allow Bakura to interfere with my day with Ryou!'

"Want to go to the food court?" the Egyptian inquired, throwing the white-haired Brit a dazzling smile that made Ryou want to puke again.

/You make me sick to my stomach

And every time I think about you, I puke

You must just not know--whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa

You may not think you do, but you do

Every time I think of you /

"Ugh. Sure! Anything for you Shadi," Ryou said sweetly. Rampant images of Shadi drowning in a hemic ocean played over and over in our innocuous friend's head.

Shadi grabbed his hand. Shadi's hands were cold and clammy. Ryou's eyes went wide with hatred for the officious Egyptian.

'I'm getting my revenge on him in the next chapter. Review or Sour Schuyler will never finish this!'

From Ed, Edd and Eddy.

Akio and I are so sure!

Coming up: A waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too vivid description of Shadi's hips! Yugi shows Bakura the power of RAP! Marik has a yen to eat CDs! And it's the return of the inflatable boulder! Will Ryou pretend to commit seppuku? WILL BAKURA EVER GET TO CONFESS HIS ADORATION FOR HIS HIKARI?! AND WILL I EVER SHUT UP? All this and more in the super-long next chapter! If you review it promises to be at least 3000 words!