"You're no fun," Xander said from behind the group. "I can't even sneak up on you and startle you. At least Willow still gets scared."
"Um," Willow said.
"Oh, man," Xander said. "Don't tell me you've just been acting."
Willow grinned a wide-mouthed grin, and Xander laughed.
"Can we get going?" Buffy asked, tapping her foot impatiently.
"What's the rush, B?" Faith asked. "Got somewhere to be?"
Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. "No," she said. "I just want to get this over with." Buffy noticed a subtle movement out of the corner of her eye, and Willow grabbed Oz's arm and went on ahead, followed a moment later by Faith. Xander, predictably, slid up next to her.
"You okay, Buff?" he asked.
"I'm fine," she insisted. The two of them began walking about thirty feet behind the others. Willow seemed energetic, and was entertaining Faith and Oz with some story or other that required her move around a lot, while walking backwards.
"It's just, you seem to be taking Angel leaving pretty hard. I mean, it's not like he won't be back," Xander said.
Buffy sighed, hoping Xander would take the hint that she didn't want to talk about it. Bzzt. Wrong.
"So, what's the what?" he asked. "How come with the wigging?"
They walked in silence, both watching Willow's antics.
"Did you ever get the feeling," Buffy said after a minute, "that somebody was doing something you didn't want them to? And that they thought they were doing it for your own good?"
Xander smiled and dipped his head. "You mean like telling somebody to stay fray-adjacent?"
"That was just – I mean, I was only –"
"I'm not attacking you, Buff," he said. "I know you were trying to look out for me. And I was being more than a little reckless."
"And," Buffy pointed out, "you've calmed down since then, not been so throwing-your-life-away-ish, and I haven't said a word."
"I was just pointing out that I do have some idea what you're talking about."
"It's not fun."
"No."
Buffy decided not to say anything, but she knew her face was worried, and that Xander wouldn't rest until he knew what was bugging her and tried to help in someway. He was a sweetheart like that, but also, sometimes, kind of annoying.
"Buffy?" he asked. "Do you think Angel's leaving you?"
"No," she said. Truthfully, too. Angel had shown no signs of wanting to leave… not counting the actual getting in a car and driving across the country that he had done a few minutes ago. That totally wasn't about leaving her. "I just… I've been thinking a little bit –"
"Oh dear God, somebody save us," Xander deadpanned. Buffy stuck her tongue out at him, and he grinned back at her.
"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I've been thinking, and, I don't know. It's just recently it seems… like maybe I should be thinking. About him leaving."
Xander was completely silent. He was even walking quieter, if that seemed possible. And by the look on his face he had exactly zero idea about what to say, how to react, how to process the information she had just dropped on him. But valiant as ever, he seemed determined to try.
"What… uh, what brought this on?"
Buffy lowered her eyes to the ground. "Do you promise you won't get angry at me?"
Xander nodded.
"Well I don't know if you know… that I know about, you know, you and Faith? And I know I told Willow I wouldn't bring it up, but… you and Faith being… together-ish, or whatever you guys are. It got me thinking, a little."
"O…kay," Xander said.
"It's just, okay, when I first found out about it, I was a little freaked. Like what, did she put a spell on you? Or did you put one on her? Or, I don't know, maybe you guys drank some weird water, or something. I just… I didn't see what possible future you could have."
"Because we're too different?"
"Because she's a Slayer. I was thinking… Faith will probably be dead in a year or two. Why would you open yourself up to that kind of… of pain, or turmoil?"
"I'm still not seeing how this gets to you and Angel splitting up."
"It's just… if you and Faith, in my head, shouldn't be together because she's a Slayer, then what am I doing with Angel? It's just going to hurt him more in the long run. And it's already torturing him now, with the, you know… no um…"
"Fun time?"
"Right."
Xander sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Buffy noticed his expression shifted a little, but she couldn't quite tell what it shifted to.
"Buff," he said. "I literally can not believe I'm going to say this. If that's your best reason for leaving the guy, then stay with him. Because if there's one thing Angel's willing to do, it's put up with pain on your behalf."
"But you hate Angel."
"Oh boy, do I," Xander said. "I dislike him very much, and nothing would please me more than to see him broken-hearted by you, just to ensure he never ever became Angelus again. But you guys breaking up would hurt you, and I care more about you than I hate him."
"So why do you think my reasoning is flawed?"
"Simple," Xander said. "Using your Slayerness as an excuse – to protect him – is completely bogus. Okay, sure, statistically you should be dead already. But why not enjoy life while you've got it? Don't act like you're dead just because you should be. Do what makes you happy."
"Which doesn't mean you think I should be with Angel."
"Not even a little," Xander said. "But if it makes you happy? I say do it. Life's short enough."
"I said something like that to Willow once," Buffy said, remembering back to her first day at Sunnydale.
"How'd that work out?"
"She got dragged to a cemetery by a vampire."
"Which is pretty much your goal, so see? I'm right."
Buffy leveled her death glare at him, but couldn't help from letting a smile force its way to her face.
"Fine," she said. "Promise me something?"
"What's that?"
"Be careful," she said. "Don't get hurt because of her."
Xander smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Buff," he said, "you are the third person to tell me that. This keeps up, a guy could get the idea people like him."
"A guy would be right," Buffy said, smiling at him. "But don't let it go to your head. I only like you cuz you think I'm pretty."
"A solid foundation for any friendship," Xander said. "Now. Let's go kill things deader than they already are."
Xander woke up to the telephone ringing. As before, he stumbled off of Faith's couch and snagged the phone from the cradle. "Hullo?" he managed to growl.
"Mr. Harris?"
Xander cleared his throat. "Um. Yeah?"
"This is Doctor Mendes, down at the clinic. How are you doing this morning?"
"Uh. All right, I guess," he said, as Faith stumbled out of her room in a tank top and sweat pants. She set a pot of coffee going.
"Mr. Harris, I'm calling about the test that you and your friend came in for the other day."
"Uh. Right. Yes?"
"Well, I'm happy to tell you that in about eight months, you're going to be a father."
"I am," Xander said. "Okay. That's… that's good news."
"I guess you're a little shocked," Dr. Mendes said.
"That would be a good word to use, yeah."
"Well, Mr. Harris, if you wish to come down to the clinic, we have some literature we can give you, to help you prepare for this sort of thing. Classes that are available, groups you can join. Suggested reading, things like that. Are you familiar with Spock's book?"
"The Vulcan?" Xander asked.
Dr. Mendes laughed. "No, the doctor."
"Oh. I've heard about that."
"Great," Dr. Mendes said. "Well, Jason – that's my nurse – has put together a file for you, you can come by and pick it up at your convenience. And once again, congratulations to you and Faith."
"Thank you, Doctor," Xander said. He hung up the phone.
"So?" Faith asked.
"So," Xander said. "You're pregnant."
"Like we guessed," she said.
"Right," Xander said. "Like we guessed."
"What's this mean?" Faith asked.
Xander sighed as the coffee finished dripping. He poured a cup for both himself and Faith.
"In terms of…?"
"I dunno," she said. "Life changes?"
"Well… diapers. A crib. I'm guessing a good amount of pain for you, although you can probably handle it better than most. A baby crying in the middle of the night. I don't really know. A lot, though."
"What about… uh… what about us?" Faith was looking directly down into her coffee.
Xander cleared his throat again. "Well," he said. "For us to, uh… change… there'd have to be some definition of what us is now."
"We sure as shit ain't dating," Faith said.
"That would take actual dates," Xander agreed. "But, well… we're not exactly… I mean, hell, we're having a kid."
"Yeah," Faith said. She sat down, her eyes wide, and held her forehead in her hand. "Jesus. We're having a kid."
"We have to tell them," Xander said, sitting down across from her.
Faith looked up, and looked like she was about to rip into him again. But she didn't. She looked into his eyes and nodded.
"Okay," she said. "Listen… I don't know about you, and I know I don't go to church or nothin', but… I was raised Catholic. I may not, you know… keep to it that much, but…"
"You don't want to have a child out of wedlock?" Xander asked.
Faith shook her head, stood up and started pacing.
Xander let out a long breath, and nodded. "If that's what you want," Xander said, "then that's what we'll do."
"Well, Jesus, if you think it's gonna be a fucking chore, then –"
"That's not what I meant!" Why did she have to always think the worst?
"Well say what you mean, then!"
"I just meant… that I'll do what you want, okay?"
"Oh, so you just want a cop out?"
"No! I just… I'm not… Christ!"
"What? Not what, Xander?" she demanded.
"I'm not good at making decisions!" he said. "Okay? I just… I'm better at just being told what to do."
"Bullshit," Faith said.
"I am!"
"How many times have you told off Buffy? Huh? What were you doing out that night we had sex? Didn't she tell you to stay out of things?"
"Well I—"
"And what was all that stuff in your car? And why'd it smell like dead people, huh? You weren't stayin' out of shit, were you?"
"No," he said, his eyes cast at the ground.
"Well, shit, then stop whining about making decisions. Grab your life and do something with it. Stop worrying you'll do the wrong thing, because then you won't ever do anything."
"It's not that easy," Xander protested.
"It is that easy," Faith said, anger showing on her face. "You find something you want, you go for it. That's all there is."
"That's not all there is!" Xander argued. "You can't just do things without thinking about them. There are consequences, Faith, and I think we've demonstrated that pretty damn well."
"You're all so worried about everything!" Faith yelled. "Just once, I wish somebody would just fucking find something they want, and go for it!"
"Fine!" Xander yelled. He put his cup down, stood up and stalked over to Faith.
"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, taking a step back.
"Going for what I want." He leaned in and kissed her roughly. Faith resisted for a moment, a brief look of disappointment crossing her face, before surrendering to the feeling and throwing herself into the kiss.
Xander slammed Faith against the wall, his hands entwined in her hair even as his tongue explored her mouth. Faith slid her hands under his shirt, raking his back with her nails. With a little kick, Faith moved them away from the wall and guided Xander to her bedroom while she pulled his shirt off over his head. Xander kicked the door with the back of his heel just before Faith wrapped her legs around his waist and twisted, forcing him down onto her bed. She slipped out of her tank-top just as the door swung completely shut.
If either of them heard the phone ringing, they paid no attention to it.
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End Chapter 12