The United Forums of Neptune Circle
Chapter 4: NUKES!!
BearFrog quietly puffed smoke from his pipe as he sat alone in his armchair, eyes closed, taking in the situation. Someone on the inside had to have done this. There was no way it was espionage. The documents were WAY to important to be left in a heavily secret and heavily guarded area. Someone near the top knew what was going on. But who?
"Yaaaawnn…Good morning, BearFrog." Said Turtle as he entered the room. Once again, he was dressed in a green suit. BearFrog, had his mind not been thinking about the current situation, would have wondered if Turtle had any other suit colors than green. Then of course he would have remembered that one Christmas in which his mix-maxed red and green suits.
"So, did you read through the documents yet?"
"Yes."
"And…?"
"Unfucking believable…"
"What?"
"Two words: Nuclear fucking weapons."
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"No, please, that really is quite enough," Zeldarulah protested.
"Nonsense, my friend. We want to take good care of our government officials who take such good care of us." Said the fat Italian man as he threw another stack of cash on the table.
"Oh, believe me, I'll take care of you…I'll take care of you guys…"
"Now, the report should come on at Six o' clock, right?"
"Six o' clock!"
"Six o' clock!"
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"Nukes!?" asked Turtle, flabbergasted.
"Yes: Nuclear fucking pilfer ration."
"My dear!! Please explain, BearFrog!"
BearFrog raised the folder up in the air and crack it like a whip.
"In this folder are top secret plans for the most powerful nuclear weapon ever conceived," Said BearFrog calmly. "A device so powerful that it could not only wipe out this planet, but possibly this entire solar system."
"B-but who could create such plans?!"
"Is it really that hard to guess?" asked BearFrog, closing his eyes and putting his hands together. "You did notice the funding that was taken away from both of our offices and put into the nuclear program, did you not?"
"You don't mean-"
"These plans came from OUR government. Someone at the top was selling Moriarty these files."
"But whom?"
"That's what I need to figure out," said BearFrog as he rose off of his chair and placed his hat upon his head. He grabbed the briefcase and put the file inside of it. "You stay here and begin giving Jade her lessons. Particularly our language."
"Where are you going, BearFrog?"
"I have a meeting with my boss."
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Two men were sitting in a very fancy restaurant on Main Street. They were discussing matters of politics and business, or in this case: both.
"Your donations to my campaign are most appreciated, Mr. Lion," Said Governor Yokozuma as he accepted the open briefcase. "The Boblican party in this state wouldn't have a chance were it not for your donations."
"Squall is a generally a very liberal state," replied the heavily bearded man. Gado the Lion was one of the richest businessmen in all of Neptune Circle. He was just a born boy from a poor family, but he rose from poverty and became a self-made billionaire.
"Oh, dear me…" Gado said as he looked down at his watch, "I seem to be running a little late. I must be going."
"Oh, please stay a few more minutes, old chum." Begged Yokozuma as Gado got up from his seat.
"No, I must decline. I have important matters to attend to."
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Ring! Ring!
President Rocky Pinnicle picked up the ringing telephone. On the other side of the line his receptionist was telling him that BearFrog had come for his meeting with him. Rocky sighed inwardly and said to let him in.
"Hello, Mr. President…" BearFrog said as he walked towards him.
"You said you had something important to tell me," Rocky said as he crossed his hands.
"I do. I'll get right to the point, Mr. President. In this briefcase I have the plans for 'The Boston Project'."
"What?! How on Earth did you get those!! Those are top secret files and-"
"Mr. President, I intercepted these from Moriarty."
Rocky considered this for a moment and lowered his head. Then, looking up, he said "Please, sit down."
BearFrog sat down on the chair stiffly, looking at Rocky from across the table. Out of all the members in the administration, both of them hated each other more than any others. There seemed to be a bit of bad blood flowing in the room.
"So, does this mean-"
"Someone in the administration is pulling something behind your back, Mr. President. Someone high up your administration, someone close to you, is trading away top secret information that could essentially destroy the entire world."
"…Do you know who it is?"
"Unfortunately, I don't. Maybe if I had a bit more funding…"
Then suddenly both BearFrog and Rocky heard a laugh. They turned around to see Ziggy the 45th , laughing sinisterly.
"Mr. President, this is pure foolishness! We're just dealing with a highly skilled thief is all. This man just wants more funding for his program." Said Ziggy with a grin.
"You-!" yelled BearFrog as he stood up angrily. Ziggy walked up right alongside BearFrog until their faces were next to one another, though Ziggy was facing the president and BearFrog the wall.
"I'd suggest not sticking your nose in dirty places…" whispered Ziggy.
"It's my job."
"Jobs can be lost easily…"
BearFrog and Ziggy turned to face each other. Their eyes met with intensity. Without looking Ziggy tried to snatch away the briefcase. BearFrog firmly held onto to it.
"Give that to me!!" Ziggy yelled.
"Why should I? Just so they can be stolen again?"
"BearFrog, give the briefcase to Ziggy." The president said calmly.
BearFrog obeyed. He gave the briefcase to Ziggy who smiled a most evil smile.
"I'll go return this to the Nuclear Department," he said as he ran out the door.
Slam!
The door shut behind Ziggy with a thud. BearFrog turned towards Rocky and the two ended up staring at each other for the longest time. Then, it was BearFrog who finally spoke.
"So, about the funding-"
"No."
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Ring! Ring!
"Hello? Yes, my fridge is running. WHAT!? Argh! Curse you, Blessranger!!" Fargoth yelled into the phone.
Fargoth is perhaps the only person in Neptune Circle who gets prank calls from terrorists.
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BearFrog was taking a taxi back to 221A Baker Street when Dennis Leary's infamous song came on the radio. He asked the man up front to keep it on, since it sort of described the people he had just been speaking with. Eventually the song came up to the part where Dennis Leary stopped singing but just started talking really fast.
"You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible--hot pink with whaleskin hubcaps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at a 115 miles per hour, getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter-pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers, and when I'm done sucking down those greaseball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a goddamned thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why. Two words--Nuclear fucking weapons, okay? Russia, Germany, Romania--they can have all the democracy they want. They can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tiananmen Square and it won't make a lick of difference because we've got the bombs, okay?"
"Nuclear fucking weapons…" BearFrog said to himself quietly.
"John Wayne's not dead--he's frozen. And as soon as we find the cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by fifteen million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes and Lee Marvin..."
Bang!
A bullet whizzed through the window, but BearFrog heard it coming so he ducked down.
"Stop the cab," he said. The cab driver obeyed. "He picked the wrong day to piss me off," said BearFrog as he took out his pistol.
They were out on a mountain road, so there were no people around. Except for one, who was standing on top of a higher area on the mountain road. BearFrog walked backwards a bit and shot the man in both legs. He could hear him scream from up on the higher road. BearFrog then calmly went back into his cab.
"You okay, buddy?"
"Yeah, just an assassination attempt. I'm the All Star of Criminal Investigation."
"Ah, that's coo' man. You ever kill anybody?"
"…Turn up the radio, please."
"'Kay."
They drove up the mountain road and drove past the man with the sniper rifle, still in searing pain from the gunshot wounds in his legs.
"Hey, it's that guy who tried to kill you!" yelled the cab driver.
"Ain't that somethin'. Stop the car."
"What?!"
"Stop the car."
The cab driver once again obeyed and BearFrog stepped out of the cab.
"Hey blondey, need a ride?" asked BearFrog as he looked down at the man who had traded with Moriarty last night.
"You're an asshole…" he said as his head fell to the ground. He had entered a coma.
BearFrog loaded the handsome man into the car and propped him sitting up next to him. "To the hospital, and step on it."
"You got it, buddy."
Soon they began driving again, but BearFrog suddenly yelled for him to stop the car. The cab driver obeyed and BearFrog got out and picked up a quivering little white mouse.
"You okay, little guy?" asked BearFrog.
"You had me stop the car for a freakin' mouse!?"
"Yes, yes I did…" Said BearFrog with a smile as he looked at the mouse quivering on his palm. The blonde man groaned from inside the cab. BearFrog looked at him quickly and then ran back into the cab, carrying the mouse with him.
"You're taking it with you!?"
"This place is not the natural environment for this young specimen," said BearFrog as he took out a cloth and wrapped the mouse snuggly in it, "I will return it to its proper environment once we put this would-be assassin in the hospital."
"Whatever, man…"
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"Now say it with me: 'Goldberg is awesome,'" said Turtle.
"Goldberg is awesome," repeated Jade.
"Excellent!"
"Excellent!"
"Now: 'Undertaker is sweet'."
"Undertake is sweet!"
"Good. Now: The capitalist system works."
"The capitalist system works?"
"Excellent!"
"Excellent!"
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"There he is…" said the muscular Irish man in the dirty green jacket. He, in his dirt covered jeans and dark blue snow cap looked down to see Gado the Lion enter his limousine from inside the dirty alley blocks away. Binoculars were useful.
"Now, Scotty?" asked a short chocolate colored man shaking a can of spray paint.
"Not yet, Graffiti. Wait till he goes onto Fifth avenue," replied Scotty.
The limo slowly drove through the streets of the large city until they got to Fifth Avenue.
"Now!!" yelled Scotty.
A large army of gangsters (not the mafia kind) came out into the streets shooting their machine guns in the air. People were scattering in fear, ducking on the ground, and overall just plain chaos. There were no police officers working on Fifth Avenue today, so none knew what was going on.
"Get down, woman!" yelled one as he pointed a machine at a woman holding her baby. She knelt down on the ground, clutching her child with all her might.
There was one old man named Darkfish who tried smacking the gangsters with his cane, but one gangster smacked his gun over Darkfish's head, knocking him out.
Graffiti went up to the side of the limo and began spray painting it saying "I wuz here", but Scotty stopped him and ripped the door off the limo. Graffiti put away his spray can and held his machine gun, pointing it at Gado.
"Mr. Lion, you commin' wit us," Scotty told the rich businessman.