Disclaimer: Mulder is property of one Chris Carter. And God, well, he's the top guy and yes, I asked permission.
Dedication and Notes: To those who look at adversity and to those who searching for their truth bring them back to their steadfast or strengthened faith.

8:07am

Immaculate Conception National Shrine

Washington D.C.

Are You there, God? It's me, Mulder.

I haven't been in this place in quite a long time and I'm beginning to wonder why it hasn't collapsed on itself by now. It's been a long time since I felt the need to talk to You. Scully has spoken about You often. You did a good job with her. With all the crap that this world has handed us, her faith still has remained. You still find time to do some things right.

I know I shouldn't have these; I'm not worthy of them. They're Scully's. Matter of fact I'm wondering right now if she noticed that she didn't put her gold cross on this morning or misplaced it. If I know Scully, she's probably praying right now, turning her place upside down looking for it. In my other hand, I'm holding her Rosary. It's weird because as I am holding them, I feel just as close to her as if she was sitting here right now. Why is it so easy for her to believe in You?

You've never been there for me, have You? I remember that the last time we parted I was so pissed off at You. You took her from me, didn't You? I asked, no, I begged and pleaded with You to return my sister to me. You ignored me. Matter of fact, how do I really know that You are listening to me now. You've taken everything from me. My father murdered for what he knew and participated. My mother took her own life because the burden was too difficult to bear. You've taken my sister away, or allowed her to be taken by people away from her family. I don't have a family anymore. Everything I have loved is now gone. You've even tried taking away Scully from me, more than once.

I'm afraid to love Scully. Loving her means that You'll take her away from me too.

Scully knows You as the God that loves and creates. Then why do You insist that destruction exists too? Are people so obedient that You've demonstrated that You could do both love and hate?

You're still not listening, aren't You?

You gave Scully to me. For that, I thank You. She's been my partner on my quest for the truth. Did You curse her? Her life had so much potential before she met me. She's smart, loyal, persistent, thoughtful, kind, a regular girl scout. She is so sexy too. Everything about her is good. Yet, You cursed her with a life with me in it. Slowly, You are taking everything away from her too. Melissa. She wasn't involved. She was just an innocent bystander. Dana is also losing her brother Bill. She can't get along with him now. He just can't possibly understand my work.

Will I ever know the truth?

I have this poster in my office. It reads, "I want to believe." I guess the stupid thing has more meaning to it than the novelty appearance. I simply want to believe. I can't bring myself to believing in You to the point where Scully has. Because believing in You means that You take the blame for everything.

If you are real, then where will I spend eternity?

Scully's soul has been tested more times than anyone I could ever imagine. Could I still see her when she is with You? Does she come in here and pray for me? Do you listen to her when she prays?

I want to believe.

How's that for an interesting dichotomy? I don't deserve Scully, yet I don't want her to leave me either.

Please don't be mad at me. (Sob)

FIN.