Part 4
Schuldig walked into the schwarz safe house eating from a bag of candy. Crawford met him in the hall, "where's Nagi, and don't tell me you sold him for a bag of magic beans again?"
Schuldig looked insulted, "there was nothing magic about those beans." He said, he offered Crawford a candy but wasn't really that surprised when he was turned down.
"You were supposed to take him food shopping," Crawford said, "it's hardly complicated, it's not even as if it was dangerous, now where did you last see him?"
"In the super market." Schuldig answered, "there's quite a funny story about that." Crawford's face got stonier and stonier. "Look, I didn't lose him, he got stolen." He looked into the granite block that Crawford's face was imitating rather well. "He went of his own free will."
Crawford raised a single black eyebrow and his glasses glinted. "Who in their right mind would steal a fifteen year old telekinetic assassin from underneath the gaze of the telepathic assassin who was baby sitting him?"
"Look, I told you there's this funny story about this." Schuldig started as Crawford opened his jacket to reveal the magnum .45 he had in his shoulder holster in what he considered a meaningful manner. "We were at the supermarket, and I was paying for the groceries when this baby started screaming."
"So why did a baby screaming cause you to lose Nagi?" Crawford had actually lost his composure and his voice was hitching. "Was it a child snatching ring working out of the dairy section?" Farfarello was still in trouble for having lost Nagi in Kyoto.
"I'm getting there." Schuldig protested, "so Nagi tugs on my sleeve and it's Abyssinian, Weiss Abyssinian, stood there in toiletries, with a baby in a push chair that was screaming it's head off, so I dove off to rescue him. Because I am the only one allowed to make his life a living hell." Crawford took off his glasses and started rubbing the bridge of his nose to stave off a headache. "Anyway the kid didn't stop squalling until Nagi came to see her, and it looked like she'd start again if I didn't let the kid go with Weiss, so he's there, just looking after Abyssinian's screaming daughter."
Crawford put his glasses into his pocket and began rubbing his temples. "I'm going to phone the Koneko, if they back up your story I'll let you live."
"Don't worry, I gave the baby some of Farfarello's cheese." Schuldig said bending down to pick up the cat that Weiss had given Nagi. It was the cat that Doctor Muraki had given Aya and then Omi had overfed enough to make him sick. It hated Schuldig but nonetheless he was quite fond of it. "He'll kill me when he finds out."
"But I warn you, Schuldig, none of my intelligence even suggests that Fujimiya has a baby." Crawford said.
"I promise you," Schuldig said honestly, "he had a baby. He said her name was Miho."
"Just go away." Crawford said, "you lost Nagi, and if it turns out that Weiss don't have him, you are going to need the head start."
He flipped open his cell and used speed dial two, Nagi was number one but he knew for a fact that Nagi didn't have his cell because he had confiscated it for two o clock in the morning conversations he shouldn't have had. "Ran." He said as the phone was answered, "it's me." He could almost hear the smile in Aya's voice as they spoke, Aya had asked him to call him Ran when they were alone and it meant a lot to Crawford that he could. "I have to ask, is Nagi with you? Schuldig said you were at the supermarket with a baby and you stole him, I can't bring myself to believe him." He paused listening to Aya's answer then he frowned. "What about the baby?" He asked. He leaned back. "For how long, I just don't want to miss meeting with you." He listened to Aya's answer, "and Nagi?" He asked, he waited, "what are you having?" He thought about it, "what are you having for dessert?" He asked, then listened, Aya didn't speak a lot but he answered deftly. "Don't give him too much, he's a little dairy intolerant, it gives him excema. So why did you take him, was it because of Miho?" Aya's answer was longer than usual. "Are you sure you want to keep Nagi tonight, because it would be best, otherwise I have to leave him with Farfarello." He laughed a little at the slight laugh he could hear in Aya's voice. "Shouldn't I worry about Balinese? Schuldig has some stories." Aya was almost laughing, he knew him well enough to hear it in his voice. "Just don't let him stay up too late." Aya chided him in return. "I'll be there at eight, see you then, Ran." He got the impression that everyone could hear the conversation because Aya's sign off was rather neutral, "I'll look forward to it. I'll knock at the back door."
"Rule number one," Ken said through a mouthful of stir fry, "Aya is always right." He chewed for a moment, "actually, better make that one straight through to ten."
Omi digged him in the ribs with his elbow. "Rule number one is true though," he said to his boyfriend whilst Yohji snickered on, "Rule number two, always clear your plate, especially when Aya cooks. He gets offended when he thinks his effort's been wasted. Besides you're too skinny."
"Rule number three." Ken said, taking a sip of his cola between bites, "lock the bathroom door, it may not seem important in a house full of men, but just do it, okay."
"Or super hentai Yohji will join you in the shower." Omi said with a winning smile.
Yohji spluttered. "That was just once." He protested, "And it was an accident, I was drunk."
"It was only once because we came up with rule number three." Ken said with a smile, "although you did walk in on Aya on the toilet."
"That was the exact moment that we came up with rule three, when Aya ran after him holding his pants up with one hand and chasing him through the apartment with his katana in the other screaming "Shi-ne, Kudoh." There was a couple of moment's laughter at that image.
"Rule number four, never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, wake Aya." Yohji said, even Nagi nodded, ruefully at that. "He's always armed."
"Rule number five, do not fraternise with the Kritiker secretaries, they spread rumours, especially Birman." Ken said, "she'll have you paired up with Omi before she finishes saying hello." Ken missed Omi's momentary blush. "She's a real yaoi freak, I swear they spend all their free time pairing us off."
"Rule number six," Aya said from the door, he had in Mihana in his arms, "we don't tease Omi just because he's the youngest, though we do tease Yohji because he's a tart." Yohji stuck his tongue out, "don't stick it out unless you plan to use it." He said, sitting down with the baby settling on his lap, she was still sleepy, and gumming on her plushie.
"When you like, my darling." Yohji said with a smile, "you know you'll always be my first true love."
"Rule number seven," Omi said with a frown between the two of them, "never get between Aya and Yohji in a fight, you'll just get hurt."
"Rule number eight," Aya said, "bed at ten." Nagi went to protest, "I believe that one's Crawford's." He smiled, "and Omi goes to bed at eleven, whether he likes it or not." He looked at Omi, "you're younger than he is so you go to bed earlier. Ken, when you've finished eating dinner if you can make up a bed in the practise room for Nagi. So no sitting up all night watching anime and eating crap."
"Rule number nine, no crap." Yohji added, "I mean, no eating rubbish in the house ever, if it's not at least pretending to be healthy you can't have it, and no drinking, you're underage, definitely no smoking and add no loose women."
"So rule number nine, do not emulate Yohji." Aya said with a smile. "And this is the important one," he added, "rule number ten, and pay attention because I'll only say this once, don't let any of us walk all over you, if you want to back chat, back chat, if you want to call Yohji a tart, call Yohji a tart, if you don't want to listen to Ken enthuse about soccer tell him to shut up. You're a guest here tonight, not," Yohji coughed the word hostage into his hand, "a hostage, so ignore Kudoh."
"Thank you, Aya-san, for dinner." Nagi said, "this is really nice," he pushed the half full plate away, "but there is just too much for me."
"Rule number two." Omi hissed warningly.
"Eat skinny little man, eat." Ken added.
"Okay," Aya said, "you're not used to my portions, I'll make you a little something before you go to bed." He glared around the rest of the them suggesting that they better start shovelling food into their mouths, or else. "Ken is right, though, you're too skinny. Do you want some ice cream?" Nagi shook his head, "Crawford's got enough reasons to attack me, I don't want to add starving you to the list." Omi started to choke again. Aya gave him a dark look and he swallowed quickly. "Do you want to feed Mihana?" he asked.
"I thought her name was Miho." Nagi said.
Aya shrugged, "I lied." He stood up and set the baby on Nagi's knee, she was still happily sucking on Froufie, the plushie. She was sleepy, and Nagi suspected that if she wasn't sucking on the plushie, she'd be sucking on her thumb. He reached into the cupboard and lifted down a small jar of some kind of vegetable paste and a small plastic spoon. Mihana smiled when she saw the jar and was quite content to let Nagi offer her the spoon covered in the pale yellow goo.
"Bless," Yohji and Ken said together putting their heads against each other. "Nagi and Aya, Weiss mamas," Yohji finished. "Omi, get the camera."
"I'll do it." Aya said, "Omi, if you want to serve up the ice cream."
Ken and Yohji looked at each other. "What are you up to?" Ken asked.
"It's five to eight," Aya answered blithely, "Crawford will be arriving in five, four, three, two," the doorbell rang.
"That's just creepy." Yohji said.
"If it's next door again, I am so laughing." Ken said with a smile.
Aya made sure that no one was else was around or within ear shot as he opened the back door. Most men looked awful in white, it wasn't a flattering colour and for the most part men in white suits looked like displaced lounge singers or television evangelists. Crawford actually made it look hot. It made him look nicely evil. It also made him stand out like a television angel in the dark alleyway. If there wasn't a chance of them being interrupted Aya might have made a joke about it, along the lines of "hello, Mr Angel, am I here to be touched?"
"I'll have to be quick, Schuldig's waiting in the car." Crawford said handing him the duffel bag and leaning in to kiss Aya on the cheek, "you smell of baby powder." He said inhaling deeply, "I think I like it."
"Crawford, you're as big a hentai sometimes as Yohji." Aya said with a small laugh.
"Give me a kiss, Ran, and I'll forgive you for calling me a pervert." Yet Crawford's smile was actually quite warm. Aya looked about then leaned forward, chastely kissing Crawford, "go on, quick, before they notice that we're up to something, I'll see you Wednesday, don't bring the baby."
"How?" Aya asked, licking his lips, "I can't exactly leave her behind."
"Get Nagi or Omi to baby sit." Crawford answered and then stole another kiss. "It will only be a couple of hours, and Ran, please make sure that Yohji leaves Nagi alone tonight."
Aya smiled, "I know you want everyone to think you're an evil mastermind, and you even attend the conventions and Christmas parties, but you're a sweetheart really." He squeezed Crawford's hand.
"Hey," Crawford acted mock hurt, "I even have a homoerotic relationship with the leader of my enemies." He was grinning, Aya loved Crawford's grin, it was so rare and he felt privileged because the only person that ever saw it was Nagi who Crawford loved like a son, or a beloved little brother.
"Is that what they call it?" In the car Schuldig blew the horn.
"I have to go, Ran, I'll pick Nagi up tomorrow and you can show me the baby." He reached forward and placed a soft kiss on the end of Aya's nose. "Till then." Then he turned and went down the alley again.
Author's Note:
Back by popular demand, Mr Crawford, you make it sound like he was noticeably absent when I just hadn't brought him back yet, and yet no one asks about Farfarello.
Anyway, I didn't mean it to read in my last note than Ken was stupid, he just doesn't know, the running joke will be that Ken is always the last to know.
Anyway don't expect anything from me this weekend as I have the new Thomas Covenant novel to read and I've only been waiting for it forever, I read the other chronicles well over ten years ago, so just be patient.
If you ask nicely, you may get a side story next week though.