Thanks for the reviews, guys! They're all wonderful and I probably read them all seven times, lol. This chapter is a bit jumpy, I think. I hope you enjoy it. I had a good ol' time writing the last part, haha!
Thanks to: Dazzler420, Tarilenea, LadyMageWhisper, LegolasnDcolorblueinterestsme (I found your name interesting, lol), Haldir's Heart and Soul, and Ceekah!
I'm nervous about this chapter, so please let me know what you think! Thanks guys!
Chapter Four: Humiliation
Haldir
"Stop looking at me like that." My voice was low and laced with venom.
Orophin finally looked away as we silently ate morning meal on a far distanced side of the barracks' dining room.
"My apologies," Orophin muttered, his tone sarcastic enough to make me shoot a glare his direction. He met it when a raised brow.
Silence followed and the huge area began to filter with morning light. The few Galadhrim inside began to multiply, but I paid no attention.
The dreams had returned last night; ominous, hauntingly familiar dreams that left me feeling frustrated and uncertain at the same time. Words I never remembered were said from my own voice…Words I would never find myself saying to a stranger.
Briefly, my eyes closed to recollect the last memory I had from the nighttime tirade.
I glanced at the figure who entered behind the counter. Nearing me, I was only vaguely surprised as the cloak's hood was pushed away revealing a human female. She had narrow face shaded with dull brown locks of hair that had fallen from her tie. I had difficulty with human age, but I imagined she was early to mid-way into her second decade.
She smiled at me as she brushed away the hood of the cloak. "My Lord," she greeted in a mahogany voice. "Would you like something to eat?"
My eyes looked directly into hers before I slid my freshly empty glass towards her. I noted her kind smile contract slightly and brief surprise filtered in her eyes. Still, I cared little for whatever she thought or saw.
"What do you plan on doing with her in Celebruim?" Orophin spoke in Westron with good reason. Though a handful knew of the situation, I meant to keep it that way. A great deal of Lorien Elves did not know Westron, hence it kept the matter away from their gossip.
Looking to Rumil as he sat down once again with a steaming cup of tea, I shifted to sit back into my chair. "I will leave her a spot of money and see what she can do with it…Intervene if I must."
The two appalled looks I received were almost humorous. In fact, they were so much so that I smiled and grunted with a chuckle. "I was joking," I told them, chuckling slightly at the relief in my brothers' faces.
"You had me worried for a moment," Orophin said, jingling his silverware on the plate in a distracted way.
I proceeded to tell them of the plan I'd managed to agree with myself on in the last day or so.
I would travel with the woman to Celebruim, and stay long enough to ensure she would fare well enough without my daily presence. I could then be weaned away from her enough to only be called on for the children when needed.
It would fit my life as well as it could.
However, the speculating stares I received were not very welcoming or agreeing. I shifted, propping my ankle on my knee. "Do you have better ideas?"
The two glanced at each other before Orophin spoke. "Not to a great degree," he said. "We will still join you in Celebruim this afternoon to see about the situation there."
Rumil shook his head, stirring about his meal a bit. "I do not understand why you do not just have her stay here. It would be less hassle and such…" His voice faded away in uncertainty as he looked at me.
"Keep her here?" I repeated. "A city full of Elves - introduce a human who would birth the March Warden's illegitimate children?" I shook my head. "I highly doubt a woman who beds anyone who wishes it would be accepted among Caras Galadhon."
I frowned at the grimace on Rumil's face and the way Orophin turned his gaze away to scratch to his ear.
"Lord Haldir." The gentle voice of a familiar House Courter drew my attention to my right as the young Elf stepped up to our table. Right behind him was the woman; Ashk. She did not meet my enquiring glance and I did not bother to greet her any further than so.
"Your horses are ready as you requested and the Lady of Light will see you off in at Caras Ondell."
"Thank you, Henish," I replied with a nod. He bowed slightly, smiled briefly to Ashk, then moved away. I turned my attention back to my kin, but silence remained with the shadow that was now with us.
Glancing to Ashk, I raised a brow in question. She didn't bother to look at me, but instead kept her gaze downwards.
"Can I assist you in something, Ashk?" I said, uncertain of why she remained with us.
She shot a look my way before saying, "I'm afraid you will have to escort me to the horses, my Lord, for I do not know the way."
Silence stretched a moment longer.
Sighing, I looked to my brothers. "I will see you both this afternoon," I told them in our native tongue mostly on immediate instinct; not intentionally meaning to leave the woman in question.
However, my kin smiled at me tightly and bid farewell in common. Rumil said something to Ashk that I ignored as I pushed my chair back and stood.
Ashk
"Safe journey. Be sure to keep warm, understand?" the Elf who I had automatically taken to for his kindness said with a slanted, half-smile. I nodded to him with as much of a smile as I could muster before turning to follow Haldir. He had already begun to walk away, of course.
The walk was silent and I felt my invisible chains dragging me behind him like a servant. I had no choice but to do as he willed for now, but it was already ebbing away at my distinct will to fire into a huge argument with him.
I had told myself to be as even with him this morning as he had been with me last night. I had even forced myself to smile as the servant Elf Henish brought me towards the Warden. However, it vanished the moment I heard what he was talking about.
…Bedded anyone who wished it.
The mere thought of it made me want to kick him right as we walked. He might as well just come out and said that he thought me an unpaid mistress - a whore.
I wasn't, was I? Would everyone think that?
Gods, how could I have been so dense!
I hated to admit it, but I was starting to think that more fault lie with me than him. Had I stayed to my own sworn word, and avoided him in the process, none of this would have happened. Had I listened to common sense rather than his words - that seemed quite sober to me - I would have left him in that room with that dying fire.
I was the idiot that signed my own servant's contract.
Now my entire future and life was shattered and I'd managed to send a crack through a handful of others' as well; including his.
I huffed a sigh and ignored my churning emotions. Self-pity wasn't going to get me anywhere. It never had. I was just going to have to live with this and deal with it the best I could. Maybe, eventually, things would get better.
I growled as my eyes began to sting. Cursed motherhood turned every little thought into the biggest scandal or most important moment of life. It was ridiculous!
Apparently, my children and my body didn't.
I thought I had sniffled quietly, but Haldir still peered back at me over his shoulder. I kept my eyes down, certain he could not see the suspicious glassiness of them. Whether he did or did not was still unsure even as he asked me, "Is something wrong?"
I shook my head. "No," I said. "Too much cold, I think."
He nodded and said no more. With him no longer paying attention to me I fought the urge to fan my eyes to make them clear.
His words to his brothers still bothered me, but like my parents so willingly reminded me, I would be labeled my whole life now.
Yet, still...Did he really think that I would bed anyone who asked for it? Perhaps if I cleared it up, he would at least begin to think better of me. Despite myself, I couldn't help but want his approval. I didn't want him to continue to look down on me as he was.
"Haldir," I started, but not a moment later we rounded the corner of a large stair way only to be presented with three horses at the bottom, two were saddled and one was packed.
Haldir smiled and spoke fluently in his own language to the Elf I recognized from the day before. I barely caught that his name was Ferevellon while he idly toyed with the horses' reins.
Ignoring their jabber that I could not understand, I was relieved when I looked up the stairs to find that Lady Galadriel was descending in her quiet, graceful manner. With her was a male-Elf that looked as wise and beautifully natural as her.
I found myself smiling at her as she neared with her own gentle smile.
"Good morning, my dear," she greeted. "How do you feel?"
"Well enough," I replied sheepishly under the quiet gaze of he who accompanied her. She seemed to know this and glanced at the Elf.
"Ashk, my husband and consort, Lord Celeborn."
"My Lord," I said, tipping my chin down. However, his smile was slow and welcoming. It reminded me of the gentle smiles I'd always gotten from the Priests during my life; quiet, open, and always gentle.
Suddenly, Haldir joined us and bowed quickly. Again, he spoke in Elvish and I fought the urge to interrupt and demand to know what he was so rudely saying.
"Come, Ashk," Celeborn suddenly said, stepping down the stairs that separated us. His guiding hand gently settled on my shoulder as he turned me down the stairs. "Let us acquaint you with the horses."
I glanced back only to see the warm stare Galadriel gave me.
Haldir
I am displeased, March Warden.
The Lady's voice within my mind shouldered past the curious look I was giving to the Lord of the Wood. He did not even slant a gaze my way.
"With what, my Lady?"
Galadriel tilted her fair head slightly. "You have never been one to run from trouble, much less hide what trouble you have caused."
I frowned. "I do not understand."
"Do you honestly think keeping her hidden to your impressing status will save your reputation?" she asked quietly with a shake of her head. "That is what you worry for, after all."
I thought a moment to deny it, but it was useless. The Lady knew all things that went through my mind and I could hide nothing from her even if I could hide something from myself.
The reason had crossed my mind to keep this situation under any public gossip for fear of any prestige being lost. I was well known to be honorable, my parents ensured this as much as I did. Sleeping with and impregnating a human would have been a huge blow to any esteem among my own kind.
A disapproving noise came from Galadriel as she stepped down a stair to be closer to me. "Even the most honorable have their weakest points, Warden. I believe you have found yours."
I shook my head, still fighting to defend myself. "She does not belong in this city."
"She does not deserve to be hidden away for your sake," the Lady admonished in her gentle, stern way. "Keep that thought in mind, Haldir. Mistake or not, you both have thrown yourselves in this situation."
She was not ordering me to change the direction of this flimsy plan, but I felt the weight to change it. However, I shook my head. My instincts were telling me this was the best thing to do for now.
Lady Galadriel nodded, sensing my thoughts. "Safe journey, my Warden; short as it is, sometimes even a brief ride can seem for an eternity."
I agreed on that silently. This ride alone with the human would be awkward at best.
"Thank you, milady," I said, bowing to excuse myself as I heard Ashk laughing with Ferevellon. I dared not to wonder why; Ferevellon did not speak common.
I turned to move down the stairs at Galadriel's nod, but paused as her voice slid through my thoughts once more.
And Haldir, she said, Do be sure to watch your words. Arrogance is finding its way into the most respectable Elves of late.
I glanced back, slightly baffled. However, I nodded and continued onward. Seeing the genuine smile, the first of which I'd seen from her, that Ashk graced the Lady with, I dared to wonder what it was she had slipped into her mind as well.
Later
Haldir
I honestly didn't pay attention to the consistent noise for some time. It was minor even to my ears, but when I did recognize it, I nearly groaned.
Silent as the ride had been, she could have at least told me she was cold.
Celebruim was in sight now as we left the looming trees of Lorien, but I would rather deal with a cold human now than a sick one later.
Stopping my horse, I dismounted quickly. Ashk looked at me in confusion and I ignored her questions as I jerked open a bag on the pack horse. He snorted at me while I fumbled around inside the bag.
Finally coming out with what I was looking for, I reclasped the bag and moved to stand next to Ashk.
Offering the heavier, fur lined cloak, I did not let go as she grasped it. "I cannot read your mind, Ashk. If you need or want something, you must tell me. Freezing in silence is going to do nothing but make you sick."
"I am not that cold," she replied.
I grunted. "I could hear your teeth chattering."
She stared at me with indifference as I let go of the cloak. Moving back towards my horse, I heard her unfold the heavy cloak and shuffle it on. I glanced back at her after I mounted again and turned my horse onward, pulling the pack horse along.
A few moments passed before she spoke. "Aren't you cold?"
She really knew nothing about Elves.
"Elves do not feel the cold like humans. The elements rarely ale us."
She was silent with this, but I could almost feel uncertainty radiate off of her. Glancing back at her I imagined the baffled look was just surprise and proceeded to ignore it.
However, her silence did not last. "But…"
Ashk
Didn't feel the cold? That had to be a lie!
His hands were freezing. Any place he touched me stung as if I'd been brushed with ice.
"You're freezing," I said, trying to pull away from him.
"And you are warm," he replied. His grasp stopped me from baying away as he pulled me back towards him. He rolled over slightly, looking down at me. "You needn't leave - I will not be cold long. Not with you here."
I stared at him a moment, the dying fire flickering slightly in his steel eyes. For a moment the gentle gaze left them and the eyes I met in the parlor returned. Pain, anguish, loneliness.
"Don't leave," he said quietly. "I swear not to hurt you. I would never hurt someone like you."
I should have turned my head to the side as he leaned towards me again. But, Gods help me, I didn't. Instead, my eyes closed and my tense body relaxed under his touch.
Fool!
I slammed the door to the memories that tried to flood forward; the ones that tried to make me see this person I was with as a different figure…to see him as someone who didn't really exist.
"But what?" he questioned. I stared at him a moment before shaking my head.
We entered the tiny village not a moment later. The rare few people were outside in the cold weather and I peered at the windows that were lit with an assuring fire inside. I felt myself smile slightly as I saw two children drawing in the frosty windows of their home.
It didn't take long at all to be in front of the rather large inn. I looked at the big structure with approval, years of living in and tending such a building coming back quickly.
I obeyed Haldir as he beckoned me to follow. He motioned for a young stock boy at the door, telling him to stable the horses and various other instructions I didn't pay attention to as I walked inside.
The familiar feeling of entering made me smile slightly as I looked around the heavily packed tavern. People were laughing, playing games, chatting, and so on. I knew this crowd - I always had. The majority were good people, no doubt. The occasional rougher group was around, but they were in every village.
The door opened again and Haldir entered with a swirl of wind after him.
Almost immediately, the tender looked up and smiled broadly.
"Warden!" he cried, moving towards us. "What a surprise. Not seen you in near five months," he said, offering his hand as Haldir shook it.
I, however, was in a state of shock. Haldir knew these people?
He knew nearly all of them it seemed as the tender announced Haldir was amongst them and a welcoming cheer went up. Haldir's demeanor towards me was gone as he greeted the people around us.
"What can I get you, my good Lord?" the tender asked.
"A room for now, Gronig," Haldir told him, offering a few coins. The tender shook his head with a scoff and offered a key without taking the payment.
"It is near time we can give you something, March Warden," he said. Haldir's smile at him was one of slight pride, but he laid the coins down anyway.
"Then give these to your wife," he told him. Gronig laughed fully and nodded, scraping the coins off the counter. In the next moment, he noticed me standing in Haldir's shadow.
He looked at Haldir in question. "I was expecting your brothers in company, but I will be happy to trade them for her."
I raised a brow, looking at Haldir as he shot a look my way. "Take her for free," he said making the man chuckle and glance my way. "I'm sure she won't mind."
I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment.
"I care not to go into detail, but she and I will be spending some time here. She looks to settle."
"Ah, I see!" said Gronig excitedly. "You're in luck, Warden. Old Juna died not but two days ago. His property sells tomorrow. You should take a look. His presence won't be missed here much."
Haldir seemed to be intrigued by this and nodded with his thanks. Motioning for me to follow, we left the tavern and moved up the stairs towards the rooms.
He probably didn't even know that I was ready to light into him, and I was glad for it.
And, as the door closed to the room he unlocked, rage exploded in me.
"You miserable piece of dirt!" I growled. He turned to face me in surprise and I was quite satisfied with the look of shock on his face when my hand slapped against his cheek. "How dare you use me as the brunt of your jokes!"
"What in your right mind are you talking about!" he demanded, not dazed in the least by the stinging slap I'd given him. It taunted me all the more and I felt the urge to do it again
"Take her for free - She won't mind!" I bellowed. "And I don't recall bedding anyone who wished it." I shook off the cloak I wore in the fire heated room.
He followed me and I nearly ran into him as I spun around again. I snarled. "Think me a whore and whatever else, Warden, but don't you use me for your entertainment."
"I never said you were a-" His voice cut off abruptly before he could even say the word I began to loath.
I glared at him hard and he glared right back.
"You're taking my words the wrong way," he told me. "I meant nothing like what that downstairs. Gronig is married for Valar's sake!"
I grunted in disbelief and shook my head.
"As for what I said to my brothers, that..."
Oh, he had no explanation for that did he? He couldn't deny that.
"It was, perhaps, uncalled for," he managed to tell me.
"Perhaps," I repeated. "Perhaps." I swallowed down an enraged growl and swirled around towards the door.
"You're blaming me for what you're truly thinking," he snapped, following me and slamming his hand onto the panel of the door to keep me from opening it.
I looked at him and moved to slap him again. This time, however, he saw it coming and grasped my wrist with his other hand, pinning it to the wall.
"Your first blow was lucky," he growled. "You slept with a stranger and now you are pregnant. You must have some thoughts going on in that mind of yours." His gaze hardened even further. "Unless you just planned it and I managed to be the only one to take you."
I felt his words as if he'd struck me and I swore that, just for moment, his eyes softened just slightly as if surprised with his own words. But, he said nothing to take them back. He only released his bruising strength on my wrist.
"Why would I plan for something like this?" I replied, anger and resentment at his words coming strong in my hissed words. He stared at me a moment, the hardened gaze returning.
"You tell me. To escape home? Change your life? Marry into a wealthier family?"
I couldn't believe him!
"Don't pass all the blame to me, Warden," I told him. "Perhaps this is more my fault than yours. If I hadn't been such a fool, we wouldn't be here. But we are now and it took us both to get here.
"I don't know why you do not remember anything, but when you finally do you will know what really happened that night; why I let you take down every barrier and wall against my virginity and people like you!"
Appalled at what I had just admitted to him, I opened the door. Yet, again, he closed it and grasped my arm to keep me from my only escape from the humiliation I'd just placed on myself.
"Just wait a moment," he demanded as he kept a firm grip on my arms to keep me from fleeing. I managed to look at him, feeling as embarrassed tears streamed down my face. This only served the situation worse.
Haldir seemed confused with how to react and could only manage to say, "Where are you going?"
I scoffed at him. "Just let me go," I ordered. "I need to see about any employment downstairs so I do not have to rely on you and your wealthier family to provide." My eyes hardened. "But, if I cannot find anything there, I suppose I can just stand at the stairs and wait for employment to come to me, yes? Oh - but, that's right," I gave a bitter laugh. "I'm free."
He released me when I pulled myself away and I staggered slightly. Without looking at him, I swung open the door after wiping at my pathetically teary face and slammed the door behind me.
Walking down the wide hall towards the stairs again, I hid my shaking hands by clenching my skirts, glancing back towards the door to ensure I was not followed.
What a fool I was...
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