Big Smackin' Thanks to: LegolasnDcolorblueinteretsme, Maz, LadyJadePerendhil, Ms. Unknown, Laer4572, Julia, Kate, Norie Ape1, Soccer-Bitch, jibade7, Dazzler420, Margarita, Sixtysix. Thanks for all your wonderful input, guys! It just make writing this fic all the better!
I do hope you enjoy this chapter. It's one of my personal favorites mostly because it introduces a new character that I just hate even writing with. Lol! And there's a little something special at the end.
Enjoy and, as always, let me know what you think!
Chapter Nine: Lost Hopes
Ashk
I warily stared at the strangers as they filed into the tavern with a swirl of cold air coming in behind them.
They were Gypsies; all of them.
I'd never been prone to prejudice, but having worked in a tavern the majority of my life, I knew very well that many did not uphold a very high standard of living anymore. It was not uncommon to find things missing once a band had passed through. Nor was it uncommon for fights to break out.
Normally, I had no issue with breaking apart a fight. However, now that the thought crossed my mind, I recoiled at the mere idea.
Accidents had happened in fights before. I could name a few times I received the brunt end of a wayward punch or broke the fall of a man before.
But, that was before. Now I had other things to worry about.
A disapproving sound rose in my throat and I sighed as I continued on with moving the crates of liquor from the front to the back.
I'd made three successful trips before a silver gaze grabbed mine.
"A woman with child should not be lifting so much," said the raspy voice. The sound reminded me of a wind's whisper just before a storm.
I hid a swallow. "What makes you...?" I stopped before even getting the entire question out. I stared at the old crone for a long moment, her silver gaze digging into mine and straight through to my thoughts.
The crone's wrinkled brow lifted. "Twins," she murmured. "Half-breeds."
"I would appreciate your neglect on the subject," I said lowly, but was unable to look away from the Gypsy's charcoal gaze that remained fixed on mine.
She gave a husky laugh and her jeweled hand slapped the counter twice.
"Oh, my dear. It is about time someone gave the subject a bit of light," she said in her smoky, midnight voice. The fur that was high and heavy on her shoulders shook as she chuckled once more. "Neglect is the last thing you need."
My chin lifted.
"Your sorcery does not frighten me," I murmured.
Her smile softened. "No, I suppose it wouldn't," she replied. "Excuse my intrusion," she added, bowing her head before moving away from the counter.
Cursed Gypsy crone. Nothing better to do than frighten people, I scowled.
The Gypsies intimidated me. They intimidated every average human, really. Well, nearly everyone, I amended with a small smile as I lifted the next crate.
Not all.
Not my Ana.
I immediately felt the sting in my eyes I always felt in the past month when thinking of my middle sister, Anamel. She taught me everything I had needed to know about how live without help. I had been planning on putting it to good use until this situation.
I was going to travel with her on one of her adventures. I'd meet the people she told me about - The Gypsies who'd saved her three winters before, the Elves of Greenwood, even venture into the White City of Gondor.
I would have seen Edoras and peered into the mines of the Misty Mountains, or travel through the Wilde hoping to catch a glimpse of one of the ever elusive Rangers. Maybe I'd even see that merry place most only heard of in folk tales where creatures called Hobbits lived in harmony. The name of the place slipped my mind, but the thought made me sigh.
Ana had promised me all of that and so much more. Her days of freedom had left me yearning while behind the counter of a tavern. The love she found in the Gypsy man who rescued her from the icy grip of winter had always given me inspiration that love existed more than arranged marriages for money and names.
Ana was everything I'd ever wanted to be.
And now I'd never see any of those things. The name mother would be the only title resounded with the name Ashk. The only horse I would ride would be a creature to take me short distances, not on long, wild quests. And the house I had helped repair would probably be the one I died in even as my children grew into their years.
Never would I see the White City, Greenwood, and Edoras. Nor would I walk through the Wilde, or ever see my family again.
It was all because of one huge mistake. A mistake that I would be looking into the eyes of and soothing the hurts of for years and decades to come. Never could I tell the children I had stories of my adventures like I'd planned. I would never have the great quest I yearned for nor the love of the man I would settle my days with.
Instead, I would remain here, in this small village, with the children I'd so selfishly and accidentally brought to life. I would be chained to monotony for the remainder of my days.
And, as if to mark what I would miss within the days that passed, the Misty Mountains would always remain in sight. Each night, the sun would set into their cradled depths and never would I know what lie beyond them.
I was to be the mother of children made out of lust - not love - and keep myself to the name wife of the Warden who would never see past the mistake we made in each other.
Only when I felt dampness on my cheeks did my thoughts slow enough for me to regain reality.
It was a reality under the steady and watchful gaze of the old Gypsy crone across the room. She stared at me with no expression spite one of sympathy.
With a curse, I slammed the door and blocked her searching eyes from mine.
Evening
Haldir
"My, my, my."
The voice made an instant jolt rip through me. Something that bordered between dread and a long gone out pleasure flickered like a candle inside my body.
"Time does seem to bank the eyes."
I didn't even turn to see her, but instead continued to saddle my horse.
"Aluna," I greeted as I felt her presence near. The smell of lavender and rose filtered through the air and filled my senses. I did nothing to warn her of my annoyance, but instead I chose to ignore her.
"Now, what kind of greeting is that?" she purred, her voice trickling into my ear and stroking inward towards any form of satisfaction in seeing her.
"I have no wish for your spells," I told her, my chin lifting and my eyes cutting downward into hers.
She raised a delicate brow. "Oh?" Her hand brushed the fabric of my cloak and circled over the Lothlorien broach found at the collar. "You've never been one unwilling to enjoy yourself."
I wanted to reply with something sharp and biting, but I thought better of it. Aluna knew me better than most and solely because she could peer into my private thoughts if ever I lowered my guard. Snapping at her would only trigger a smile on her lips that would soon be calling for mine.
"When did you enter the Golden Wood?" I questioned, moving away to bridle my pale mount.
A slightly annoyed sound left her throat and it made me want to smile. "Not all that long ago," she replied. "I was hoping you'd greet me."
"Not likely," I replied simply in a monotone voice that made her eyes heat before simmering.
The distinct feeling of a hand brushing past my ear and sliding around the back of my neck made me shudder. When the sensation passed, I glared at her from over the back of the horse.
"Don't."
One word. I couldn't quite think of anything else to tell her but that one word. It was all I could muster without hollering at her.
Aluna was nearly everything a simple male wanted. She was never one to attach herself, always willing to give as much as take when there was nothing inbetween but skin and skin. Yet, she was ever the flirtatious one, and quite gifted with mental manipulation.
And she had the beauty of any star. It was rumored she used spells to excel her glamorous looks, but no one could ever truly tell. Aluna was a beauty that rumored for miles. However, at the moment I dared not look at her for too long.
"Haldir, my darling," she murmured, her hand opening delicately only to show a misty white blossom; a snow blossom. "Why the cold shoulder? Granted, we had quite the argument the last time we saw each other, but really - Does that matter?" The blossom bloomed with frost on its edges before she tucked it on my saddle.
Quite the argument was an understatement.
I had never been an over-possessive lover, but I certainly was not generous with sharing. On the discovery that Aluna was having what she called casual sex with my subordinates, I became a bit upset.
Quite angry in fact.
Worst of all, I knew that was exactly what she wanted me to be.
If the temptress Aluna would settle with anyone, warned the Lady of Light, she'd have it be the Warden of Lorien. And she'd come close to it once; weaving her spells and murmuring her chants. It was against her laws, the laws of any with Magic, but Aluna was never one for rules.
Since that argument over current bed mates and accusations of spell casting, I'd avoided the glamorous Elf-maiden. I'd done a fine job of it for the past decade, in fact.
"Did you not hear?" I said. I had victory within my reach and I took it greedily. "I've been married."
The look on her face was so shocked I had to duck my head on the other side of the horse's neck to avoid from smiling. Aluna did not lose her composure often, but she certainly did just then.
"You're kidding with me!" she accused, stomping her way to see me again. When she did so, I looked at her completely somber and quite smug.
"Kid you?" I questioned with an innocent frown. "I wouldn't. Not about marriage…and the children of course."
"Children!"
"That's right," I continued, quite smitten with my own clever tactics. "Twins. They'll be born in just nearly seven months."
Aluna's mouth stayed agape and her crystal blue eyes were wide with shock and utter loss of control.
Suddenly, however, fire sparked in her eyes and she glared. "You lie," she stated bluntly. "I have heard of no noble being betrothed unto the March Warden of Lorien. Many a' maidens sigh over you, Haldir, but none claim your heart nor your name."
My eyes tightened. "That was always what it was for you, Aluna. Name. Title. Place. You have many names, Aluna, some I dare not to speak in the presence of the common public," I warned, my eyes shifting towards a group of young elleths playing around the stables. Aluna was a beautiful maiden to some, a smoldering and wicked enchantress to others.
She was more so the latter in the past century for many Elven kind.
Aluna's eyes smoldered. "Yes, I do seem to recall many names you called me. Names that made my blood burn just like I can make yours burn. No other could warm you the way I did and you know it."
Gentle hands stroked and eased the tense muscles in my chest and seemed to lift away the weight that had been held there for days. Her lips were so perfectly delicious, they shuddered away any remains of the alcohol that once burdened my veins.
It was only she that ran through my blood and made it simmer and sing like a wheezing fire. Only Ashk.
I didn't reply to Aluna, only stared at her for a long moment. She chuckled to herself and even the sound of that laugh reeked of disbelief.
"All right, Haldir. I yield. What is her name?"
For the first time it snapped in my mind that bringing Ashk into this confrontation was, most likely, not the best idea. Both for the fact that I wanted my secrets to remain just that, but also that I highly doubted Ashk would appreciate my ability to use her position when I wished to.
The thought made me feel scum.
"What should it matter?" I replied, checking the girth once more before shifting to put my foot in the stirrup. However, as I did so her hand clenched my thigh and I paused.
"Why should it bother you to tell?" she breathed, her body inching dangerously close to mine and I felt her magic winding up again as it dove into my muscles, bunching them in a selective heat.
"Find yourself another playmate, Aluna," I told her lowly to hide the hoarseness in my voice. "You have lost one here."
She made a disapproving noise as I stepped up and settled into the saddle.
"We shall see about that, Haldir," she told me. "We will see how long it is until you come to my door."
I looked down at her from an angle. "I wouldn't wait for it," I advised before brushing my heel to the mare's side and moved away at a trot.
However, her tinkering laughter swirled in my ears even as I glanced upwards with a heavy gaze. Lady Galadriel was peering at me carefully from a high flet. Yet she said nothing within my mind.
Instead she walked out of sight and I sighed, rolling my shoulders to ease the stiff muscles there. I would clearly hope that Aluna, Rivendell's ever infamous temptress, was gone by the time I returned to Caras Galadhon.
Later
Ashk
Covering a yawn, I shook my head and tried to focus on just how much milk I had poured. However, it seemed I dazed off as the next thing I knew, milk was all over the counter.
"Oh, cursed bastard!" I hissed, glaring at the jar of milk as if it had over-poured purposely. With another curse or two, I slammed around the kitchen until I retrieved a cloth to clean it up with before throwing it in the wash, making the water splash out and slop onto the floor.
"All right!" I cried, my hands flying into the air. "Anything else? Because, really, I'm open for more!"
The entire day had been utterly horrible. First, the morning with the Gypsy crone. After her, a handful of scallywags came in and managed to break a whole twelve bottles of nearly full liquor.
Then, the colt broke out of his corral and tromped into the goat corral instead, eating nearly all the feed stored in the vacancy of the non-existent goats.
Donavan sprained his ankle on some ice.
Half of the new working shed was blown over in the cold winds and would take another two days to repair.
And now what I really wanted was a tall glass of whiskey to shoo away the chill that had settled on my bones - But, I couldn't very well have that now could I?
Could anything else go wrong?
"Who are you yelling at?"
Swirling around, I stared right at the March Warden of Lorien, who happened to have a severe frown on his face.
Thanks, I added silently to the Gods. Thanks a lot.
Forget ultimate cosmic power, They just used people for entertainment.
"No one," I replied, kneeling down with a fresh cloth to clean up the spilled water.
"Mind telling me what the ill-mannered creature is doing in the barn?"
I shuddered because I clenched my teeth so hard. I was ready to tell him that it just so happened an equally ill-mannered creature had just found its way into my house, but I thought better of it.
"He's just a colt," I replied, wringing out the soaked cloth.
"He nearly took my hand and ear off!" Haldir exclaimed.
"At the same time? Talent there," I murmured, forgetting that Elves managed to hear just about everything in a league's radius.
"Ashk." The deep growl from him was a quick reminder of that.
"You probably startled him," I replied, trying desperately to keep my tone even.
"Startled him? Right. Who startled who? I was attempting to be quiet because it is late and any sensible pregnant woman would be in bed, but then there is an extremely upset horse right inside just about ready to knock his stall door down."
"He's in a new environment. He's jumpy."
"Jumpy is not the word for it, Ashk. He's dangerous."
As I pushed myself to a stand I couldn't tell whether or not I wanted to scream or just walk away. Walking away sounded grand to me. However, even as I moved to turn away, Haldir was faster and grabbed my arm to keep me in the room.
"Ashk, whose horse is that and why is he here?"
"He's mine," I replied, my chin lifting. "And this is his home."
"Yours?" Haldir questioned with a deeper frown. "Since when?"
"Oh, I would imagine sometime between the two weeks you've been gone," I replied tartly. "He's a bit temperamental, but he's starting to calm down around me. You just have to get to know him."
"Get to know him!" Haldir's voice rose again. "Ashk, that horse is dangerous! He could hurt someone!"
"He won't!" I replied, my voice high as I shoved away from him. "He's just scared, Warden."
"He's furious! And he's going back to where ever you managed to buy him from," he said curtly. His frown then took on a light of curious accusation. "Where'd you get the money from, Ashk?"
My lips curled as if to growl at him and I felt the heat pass over my body with the urge to slap him. To beat him, in fact.
"I do have a paying work," I ground out lowly.
"Not enough for a horse like that. Angry and dangerous as he is, he's beautiful."
How ironic, I managed to think. Anger, danger, and beauty seemed to be calling my name within the past few months.
"Where'd you get the money?"
I swallowed something between rage and utter despair in my throat. Haldir still didn't trust me at all. He didn't know me in the least, nor did he want to.
"I traded something along with a bit of the money I'd worked for," I muttered, not knowing why I was bothering to give him an explanation.
"Oh really?" he questioned, disbelief still in his voice.
My eyes lifted to his and I was proud to note they were dry as stone. "Really," I growled.
"What was it?"
"Why should I have to tell you? Why does it matter to you?"
"Call it curiosity," he replied lowly. "I find it difficult to swallow that you had enough items to trade for a horse like that. You didn't come with much when I found you on the edge of Lorien."
I stared at him a long moment. I wanted to say something sharp and cruel, but nothing seemed to fit. Nothing I could say to him wouldn't hurt me in saying it and for that, I knew this was wrong.
"I traded a necklace," I hissed at him. "A necklace made of Methril. It's said to have the magic of the Dwarves and the Elves in it."
Haldir's frown was now more anxious and, this time, full of curiosity and doubt. "Where did yo-"
"It was my sister's," I snapped. "It was all I could think of to get enough money for the colt. She was given it by our foremother, and she gave it to me. Is that enough for you now?" I tried to wrench away from him, but his fingers dug into the flesh of my arm.
"That horse is nothing but a hazard. What were you thinking to trade something like that for a reckless colt?"
"Because he's scared, Warden! Because he's angry at the world! Because he's a cursed half-breed and when you look in his eyes, you know that he's very aware of that. Never to be accepted on either side of his blood - He's just scared..."
Haldir was staring at me as if I had grown another set of eyes.
"Warden, don't you understand?" I whispered, no longer having the will or power to raise my voice. "If a horse hates who he is because he is not one thing nor the other, what would a child feel?
"I had to take that horse because I know he is everything I fear our children will be; angry, frightened, alone. If I can teach a horse to pay his blood no heed, I can teach my children. Our children."
Silence settled for a long moment and I could only stare at him, hoping he was seeing my point. My horrible point.
And, finally, I saw his eyes soften just slightly and his grip on my arm turned gentle. "Ashk..." My name slipped from his lips.
"Ashk. Sweet, beautiful Ashk." In the quiet of the night, I was content to hear just this from the Elf beside me as his fingers slipped through my hair and I drifted between sleep.
How could a stranger bring me so much peace?
Haldir
Her face tilted upward towards mine and I felt something swirl in my stomach. Even as something in my mind was screaming that Aluna's spells were still wound around me, my eyes trailed to her lips.
The room was dark, shadowed and the day she had worked showed. But that loosely tied hair beckoned to be released to spill over her slim shoulders like I knew it would. Just like I knew it would frame that soft face of hers.
I felt tension grow inside me and it was thick enough between us to be cut with a knife. Memories I had already recalled came flying and the urge to drown them away with new ones flooded me.
Ashk was not a homely woman. She was, in fact, very beautiful; even when she was looking at me the way she was just then. In that sad way she had when she wasn't acting like she could take on the world anymore.
It was then when she looked at me as the woman she was rather than the woman she tried to be.
The door suddenly flew open and I retreated from her presence as if she burned. In a way, she had and I loathed that fact.
Donavon paused at the door, peering at the two of us in the dark.
"Master Haldir, you're back," he greeted with a timid smile. I nodded and watched as he limped inside.
"What happened?" My voice was harsh, but I paid no attention to it.
Donavon shot a look in Ashk's direction before looking back to me. "I pulled my ankle wrong, sir. I slipped…on-on some ice."
I glanced down at his ankle seeing it wrapped and swollen. I frowned before looking to Ashk.
And with frustration, I still felt her eyes pulling the strings inside me; strings that would cause nothing but trouble.
"You should both be in bed," I growled, my annoyance with myself reaching out to smart against them both. I turned and stalked towards the door, ignoring the boy as he shuffled out of the way.
"Where are you going?" Ashk demanded.
"To brave the battlefront in that cursed barn and get my things," I ground out before slamming the door behind me.
Too deep in my own blistering thoughts, I didn't know someone had followed me until I reached the barn door. Ashk shouted for me.
"What is wrong with you?" she gasped out, the cold air probably stinging her throat. "You're gone for two weeks and arrive just to throw a temper tantrum?"
Temper tantrum. I'd never been accused of achieving one of those in a long time...Not since I was very young.
However, that thought brushed aside as the wind swirled and Ashk obviously shuddered against it. She wore no cloak, no coat, no shawl. Just that pale colored dress that seemed to shine like silver in the moon light.
"Go back inside!" I demanded, pointing at the house.
"No! What is the matter with you? You come here and immediately throw everything into chaos! You upset Donavon and that's the last thing the boy needs."
I upset her, and that was the last thing she needed. I knew that, but she would never admit to it.
"You can't be like this all the time," she continued, her voice wavering because of the chill wrapping around her. I had half a mind to haul her back inside, but that desperate voice kept me floored.
"Too many people seem to love you. You can't act like this to everyone," she declared with a shake of her head.
"I don't."
"Then why do you act like this to me!" she shouted, her tremors convulsing her body and turning her lips a frightening pale shade. "What do I do that makes you hate me so much!"
The distance between the two of us was closed abruptly and I was shaking her by the shoulders. "I don't hate you!" My voice was loud and almost…desperate. "I could never hate you, Ashk. Don't ever think that I could."
She stared at me in silence, her body trembling under my grasp.
"But you're always so angry with me," she said softly.
"Well, you're stubborn as a mule," I replied and was pleased to see that she smiled slightly. "It's not you, Ashk…"
Her eyes searched mine for the reason for my anger, but I hid it well.
The wind made another sharp snap around us and she jolted with the cold. My hands softened on her arms and pulled her close to block the wind.
"Come," I told her gently. "You are becoming so cold."
Ashk nodded into my shoulder and moved to step away, but as the wind growled again, I took her in my arms and carried her over the snow myself.
- - -
Next Projected Update: November 27th
-Slater