Chapter 12: Of Spies and Husbands
Hermione's mind was still reeling when Albus Floo'ed away, leaving her with a very surly looking Severus Snape. Eyeing him warily, she moved to the other side of the small office. She needed some time to think before she could confront him.
At the forefront of her chaotic thoughts was the shocking revelation that the Severus of this world had been a spy. Her Severus had never been a spy, and their world had suffered because of it. She shook her head. It wasn't fair to lay complete responsibility on Severus; surely there must have been other factors involved in her world's downfall.
But the more she thought about it, the less she could deny the truth. Through her conversations with Harry and Ron, she had learned that her world and this one had been nearly identical up to the attack at the end of her seventh year. Hermione was positive that, if they had been warned, they could have defeated the Dark Lord. They weren't warned though; they'd no spy in the Dark Lord's presence, no way of knowing what it was he planned.
Hermione sighed. Risking a quick glance at Snape, she couldn't help but think how unfair fate had been to this man. As a spy, she knew that he must have faced too many horrors to count; there was little doubt that he had suffered for it. Suddenly, many things about this Snape became much clearer to her. She had wondered at his bitterness, not having ever seen it to such an extent in her husband. But now she could understand. This Snape had no one to confide in, that she could see, other than Albus Dumbledore. She could tell that he was ostracized by many of the people around him, despite the fact that he was clearly a hero.
On the other hand, her husband, while surrounded by friends and happily married to her, had been treated cruelly by fate as well. He had often told her, in the strictest of confidences, that he felt useless to the war effort. After Dumbledore had rejected his offer to spy, he had been relegated to brewing medical potions for the hospital. She had seen his depression grow year after year. Even with his formidable duelling skills, he wasn't allowed to participate in the many battles that took place because he was simply too tempting a target for the Dark Lord.
She cursed fate for its cruelness to Severus Snape.
"Miss Granger," Snape said, coming to her side.
"You know, I haven't been a Granger in a long time." Hermione turned to look at him, hoping she could get through this discussion with her dignity intact.
He glared at her. "I'm hardly going to address you as Mrs. Snape," he spat, seemingly disgusted by the idea.
Hermione sighed, gesturing towards the seats in front of the fire. Once they were seated, she replied, "You could call me Hermione, you know. You didn't seem to have any trouble doing so earlier."
His eyebrow quirked. "Earlier today you didn't seem too eager for me to use your first name. Nor did you seem to want to use mine."
She blushed, remembering his arms around her. All that seem liked a life time ago. She looked at him apologetically. "I am sorry about that. You probably think that I'm just using you are a replacement for Sever- uh, my husband."
He snorted. "The thought had crossed my mind." He silenced her with a glare when she started to protest. "But I've had some time to think." He was silent for a moment, and soon stood and began to pace. "You must understand that this is a difficult situation for me. I do not trust people easily and yet I found myself, against all reason, beginning to trust you. Only to learn that you were lying to me all along."
Hermione jumped to her feet. "I did not lie to you!" she shouted. She took a couple of deep breaths before continuing more calmly, "It's been so hard being around you. For the first couple of weeks I was here, you were a constant reminder of all that I had lost. You are so much like Severus." Her voice broke a little. "But you are also very different. I don't see you as a replacement. These last few weeks I thought we'd even begun to become friends. I'm sorry about keeping the information about Malfoy from you, but I really thought I was wrong about him being here." She looked at him pleadingly, trying to make him understand that she was being honest.
His gaze was inscrutable. "Like I was saying," he admonished, causing Hermione to blush in embarrassment. "I've had some time to think and I've realized that you never said or did anything that should make me think you were anything other than sincere." He ran a hand through his hair, a gesture Hermione instantly recognized as a sign of nervousness. "I'm not a nice man, Hermione." She snorted in agreement, earning her a glare. "Nor do I trust people easily. There's something I need to know before we continue."
Hermione sat up a little straighter, sensing his seriousness. "Anything," she said.
He looked at her with piercing eyes. "Why did you marry him?"
She gasped at the blunt question, surprised that he would risk himself by asking such a loaded question. Shocked by the undercurrent of vulnerability in his eyes, she knew she would need to tread carefully in answering him; his trust in her hinged on it.
H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S
Severus was beginning to wonder if he wasn't getting soft in the head. He couldn't believe that he had just asked her such an idiotic question. What did it matter why she had married the other Snape?
Still, he couldn't help but wonder.
She was standing again, looking at him with pity in her eyes. He felt disgusted by that look. The last thing he needed was her pity.
"Never mind," he bit out, turning to leave.
"Severus," she said softly, halting him in his tracks. He closed his eyes as her voice washed over him. "I don't know if I can tell you why I married him," she said quietly. He nodded curtly, and moved again to leave.
Suddenly, she was beside him, her hand on his arm. He stopped and slowly turned to her, expression guarded.
"I can't tell you, but I can show you," she said hesitantly.
He was astounded. He knew that she wanted him to use Legilimency to see her past with the other Severus. It was exactly what he had feared to do earlier. Seeing them together would only serve to show him what he didn't have in this life.
Severus shrugged her hand off his arm. He couldn't believe how pathetic he was being, begging this woman to give him a glimpse of another man's life. He was content with his life; he didn't need her or anyone else to be satisfied. Did he?
"Please, Severus," she pleaded. "I… I think you need to see this. If we're going to be working together…" She lifted her chin and looked at him boldly. "If we're going to be friends, you need to know."
Suddenly, Severus felt the need to take her in his arms and never let her go. She truly was an amazing woman. He searched her face again for signs of pity, but this time, he saw none.
Grimly, he nodded and stepped closer. Almost gingerly, he grasped her chin and looked into her eyes.
"Legilimens," he whispered.
H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S
"Miss Granger, perhaps you'd like to explain what you are doing in my lab without permission."
Hermione jumped, surprised by Snape's silent entry. "The Headmaster said I could use your labs-"
"With my permission," he reminded her.
"Well, yes. But you weren't here and Madam Pomfrey needed this potion-"
He silenced her with a wave of his hand. "Don't assume, just because you are no longer a student, that you now have free reign of the castle," he snarled.
Hermione bristled. "I'm not some first year that you can order around anymore, Professor. We're in this war together and I expect some respect from you."
Snape sneered. "Respect. And what, pray tell, have you done to earn my respect?"
"I have risked my life countless times in this war and-"
"Ah, yes. Along with the illustrious Potter and Weasley."
Hermione gasped, wounded by his words. "Don't you dare insult Ron's memory like that," she hissed.
For a moment, Snape looked abashed, but he quickly recovered. "Indeed. My… apologies."
H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S
"Miss Granger!" Snape shouted.
Hermione gritted her teeth, setting aside the book she had, up until Snape's interruption, been enjoying. "Yes," she ground out.
Snape swooped down on her like a dark angel. "You were supposed to meet me in the lab two hours ago. If you are serious about this apprenticeship-"
"You said to meet at four o'clock. It's clearly only just three, now," Hermione quipped.
Snape glared at her. He opened his mouth to speak but a shrieking in the air silenced him.
Hermione looked at Snape in shock. The shrieking was the alarm the headmaster had designed to warn of Death Eater attack. Snape grabbed Hermione's hand and pulled her to his side. "Come with me," he yelled over the noise.
He dragged her out of the Library, brandishing his wand. "Stay close," he said. Hermione pulled her own wand out, nervously looking around for any signs of danger.
Suddenly, a hooded figure emerged from the shadows, a hex already emanating from its wand. Snape stepped in front of Hermione. In a flash of red light, he absorbed the hex, shielding her from its destruction.
"Severus," she cried. As he fell to the ground, Hermione stunned the Death Eater and bound him. She fell to her knees beside the prone figure of the Potions Master. "Severus," she whispered. She slipped her fingers under the collar of his robe to find a pulse. It was still strong and she sobbed in relief.
He began to stir. His eyes fluttered open and Hermione gasped at the emotion she saw in them. "Hermione," he rasped, his fingers shakily brushing her cheek. "Are you alright?"
She grabbed his hand and pressed it to her cheek. "Yes. Because of you, I'm fine." She stared in wonder at her former Professor as the first stirrings of love entered her heart.
H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S
The ground was covered in a heavy blanket of snow. Hermione stood shrouded in her cloak, a pensive look on her face.
"What are you doing out here, love?" Severus asked, stepping out of the double doors of Hogwarts and moving to her side. He wrapped his arms around her and settled his chin on top of her head.
She snuggled back into his warmth. "I just needed some fresh air," she said.
He turned her around in his arms, looking down on her in admonishment. "You know it's not safe for you to be out here alone. If you were restless you should have found me."
She sighed. "I know. I just needed to think."
Severus grunted, turning them both back to the castle. As they stepped back inside he turned to her. "You must be careful. I don't know what I would do if I lost you." He gave her a soul-searing kiss. Breathless, she pulled away and smiled at him.
"I love you too, Severus."
H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S
He was yelling at her again and it was starting to get a little old.
"I can take care of myself, Snape. I don't need you or anyone else telling me what to do," she said furiously, sending him a scathing look that would rival any of his own.
Albus coughed, catching the attention of the two seething occupants of his office. "Perhaps you two should discuss this alone." He moved to leave the office, but not before adding, "And at a more reasonable volume."
When he was gone, Severus whirled towards Hermione again. "You foolish girl. Your Gryffindor tendencies are going to get you killed."
She scoffed at him. "I was with Harry. I was perfectly safe. I'm sick of you treating me like an invalid."
"Oh, yes. Safe with the great Harry Potter. It never occurred to you that you were only making yourself a bigger target by going with him?" Severus was yelling again, so close she could feel his breath on her cheek.
"I can't just stay in this castle and do nothing. I feel useless," she yelled.
"Well, isn't that unfortunate," he spat disgustedly.
Hermione felt her anger drain away when Severus turned away from her. Hesitantly, she laid her hand on his shoulder. "I didn't mean that," she whispered. "You're not useless, Severus. We need you. I need you."
He didn't look at her. "You don't need me, Hermione. You've proven that time and time again. You won't allow me to protect you. You take chances with your life with no regard for me- for anyone."
Hermione felt desperation well up inside of her. "I do need you," she cried. "More than anything. You are my only reason for hope in these times. Severus," she begged.
He turned, searching her face. "If you say you need me then you're going to have to let me protect you. It's the only thing I can do for this damn war effort. Will you let me do that, Hermione?"
She nodded, tears in her eyes. He hugged her to him tightly. For a few moments they stood together, drawing strength from one another. Soon, Severus dipped his head towards her ear. "Marry me," he whispered to her.
She gasped and pulled away from him. His face was unguarded and she saw, for the first time, the full measure of his devotion to her. She smiled brilliantly and whispered, "Yes, my love. Yes."
H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S
More memories assaulted him: glimpses of naked flesh and quiet nights by the fire. There were many memories of Snape and Hermione in the potions lab, working together flawlessly. The images swirled together to paint a picture of their lives together.
Severus was overwhelmed by their intensity. He could see, even feel, the love between them. He could no longer deny his jealousy towards his other self. He had truly had everything that Severus wanted for himself.
He couldn't watch anymore. He prepared to leave her mind, when he was suddenly hit with another memory.
H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S
The battle was fierce. The headmaster had already fallen and Harry was mortally wounded. In anguish, Hermione surveyed the battlefield even as she deflected another curse. Suddenly, she caught a glimpse of Severus. She could see that he was hard pressed by several Death Eaters.
She stunned the Death Eater she was duelling with and desperately fought to make her way to her husband. "Severus!" she yelled. With little regard to her own safety, she cast hex after hex at the black-cloaked figures around her. Even as she ran, she could tell she would be too late to save him.
In the pale light, she saw the Death Eater in front of Severus drop his hood and throw off his mask. There was no mistaking that profile for anyone other than Lucius Malfoy. Severus glared at him defiantly as Lucius taunted him.
Hermione saw Lucius raise his wand. "NO!" she screamed, her eyes begging Severus to do something. She vaguely felt a hex slice into her side, causing her to stumble, but her eyes never left Severus'. "Please," her gaze begged him. He just shook his head. "Go," he mouthed. "Use the potion." She couldn't hear him, but she understood.
Her heart broken, she turned to leave as he collapsed to the ground in a wash of green light.
H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S H&S
Severus gasped, tearing his gaze away from the sobbing Hermione. He fell into the chair and tried to control the whirl of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. The vision of his own death had unnerved him more than he cared to admit, and suddenly, he didn't feel much jealousy towards his counterpart.
He dropped his head into his hands. Smoothing his hands through his hair, he rubbed at the knots in his neck. He could still hear Hermione sobbing, but couldn't face her yet. The images he had seen of her life were burned into his mind. He needed to separate himself from them before going to her.
Vaguely, he wondered if that could have been his life if only this world's Hermione had lived.
He chastised himself for thinking such thoughts. He had no right to covet anther man's life. Ironically, he felt pity for his counterpart, stuck at Hogwarts, unable to contribute in the battle against the Dark Lord. And, in the end, that man had died, his world defeated and his wife on the run.
Suddenly, Severus' life didn't seem so bad. He was, after all, alive, the Dark Lord was dead and… he had Hermione.
Severus raised his head to look at her. She was slumped on the floor, arms curled around her knees, shaking in silent sobs. He didn't know if it was because of the memories he had just witnessed or because of his own emotions, but he swore that he would do everything in his power to see that she didn't suffer anymore.
He stood and walked to her. She sniffled and raised her head, looking at him with tear-filled eyes. She began to struggle to her feet but stopped in shock when Severus dropped to his knees before her.
He raised his hand and wiped the tears from her cheek. Cradling her head in his hand, he grazed his thumb over her smooth skin. "I know I'm not him, Hermione, but…" He gave her a slight smile, leaving the rest unsaid.
Her sorrowful eyes searched his in disbelief. Suddenly, she smiled and Severus felt his heart thud painfully. "No, you're not," she whispered, bringing a shaky hand to his face. Her face took on a look of wonder. "You're…" She shook her head and smiled. He held his breath, waiting for her to continue.
She didn't continue, though. Instead she carded her hand through his hair, pulling his head closer to hers. She rested her forehead on his and, for a moment, simply stayed that way. Severus' own hands came up to cradle her head. Suddenly unsure, he pulled back a little. "Are you sure?" he asked.
She nodded. "Are you?"
He didn't answer but lowered his mouth to hers instead. The kiss was hesitant, questioning. Again, Severus pulled back to look at her. Her eyes were closed, and her face was peaceful. When she opened her eyes, he could see only happiness in them, no pity or revulsion.
"Well?" he drawled.
"You're not him," she replied seriously but with a hint of a smile in her eyes.
"I know." He smirked and kissed her again.
A/N: This was definitely a hard chapter to write. I hope you've enjoyed it, though, and that it lives up to your expectations. No rest for the wicked, though. Our hero and heroine still have to deal with Malfoy. And how is Ron going to react to the budding relationship?
Big thanks to everyone for your kind reviews. They really keep this review-junkie happy!
All hail my wonderful beta, sophierom, without whom you would be made to suffer my typos and run-on sentences.