Chapter 3: Reflections
Ever since I was a kid, I've wanted to be a cop. My Dad took me to my first firing range when I was 5 and he really pushed me hard. All that work paid off and I was damn proud of being the best shot in my class. I've always thought that aside from being able to shoot, what makes a good cop is good instincts. I could read people pretty well. What can I say? It was my gift.
Take Grace, for example. She may come on kind of strong and push people away because she doesn't want to seem needy, but deep down inside she's a really cool girl. When she ignores me after I've done something really "stupid and pathologically heroic," (like jumping into the river after a sinking car), it's just her way of saying she cares.
Carlos, Grace's partner at work, is like an open book. I've pretty much figured out that he had pined after Grace for a while in the past, and that annoyed me a little in the beginning. I mean, his ego is bigger than his mouth, and he is the most talkative guy I've ever known. He just blabs on and on and never runs out of silly comments. Still, despite his loud mouthing, I can sense that he's falling for the other paramedic Levine, but she probably has to knock him on the head a few more times before he realizes it himself.
Sully, good old Sully. We've never seen eye to eye because of my last name. I do respect his opinions, because he says exactly what's on his mind. I'd never admit this to him, but he's probably better at talking down jumpers than I was. He maybe old, his still got that fiery temper. I probably should stop provoking him and teasing him about being an old timer (probably will give him a heart attack soon), but it's just so much fun. In a way he's like my father. They're both hard-asses and love to rub experience in my face and give unwanted advice, even though I'd never be able to tease my Dad the same way.
Davis, what can I say, he's way too nice and trusting. The best way to get what I wanted from him was to play the pity card, which I did to get him to let me drive on my first day, unfortunately he caught on pretty quick. I knew we'd get along from the start, even if he would not hesitate to yell at me when I've made a mistake. I also pictured him with Monroe long before he told me, what can I say, I've got a good eye. But lately he's becoming way too obsessed with the past. This whole business with reinvestigating his father's death has really changed him. I wish he would get over it and we can be partners again.
Sasha Monroe is the surprise of the bunch. I know that IAB trains their detectives well, but I really couldn't see her working for my father. She's got a look of honesty and she seemed to genuinely believe in what she does. I don't think she ever wanted to deliberately lie to the other cops, who knows? I believe she did consider them her friends.
Out of all the people in my life, only one of them remains a mystery to me- Cathal Finney, Captain of IAB and my father. He never discussed work at home because everything had to be kept top secret. He was a quiet man, but when he spoke, people listened and I had better do the same. Ever since I was a kid he made it clear that he wanted me to follow his footsteps, but not at IAB, never.
"You come from a family of a long line of cops, boy." He would say to me, "I worked hard because everything I do is for you. My own father was a street cop his entire life, but I got to where I am all by myself. Captain of IAB is a tough job. The other big shots say they respect me, but they look down on me and fear me and hate my guts, even if I'm just doing my job and picking up after they messes. You're my only son, and you can go further and do so much more. You're going to make me proud. Aren't you?"
"Yes, sir." Would be my answer, every single time.
He was really tough on me as a kid, insisted that I call him sir since I was 5, but despite everything he never laid a finger on me except the one time I beat up a younger kid in junior high. I'd never forget that beating, nor what he told me that day: "Brendan, when you become a cop, it's going to be your job to protect those who can't fight for themselves, and you can't do that by becoming a bully yourself and take advantage of the weak. Do you understand me?" I didn't answer him at that time, but that was when I really wanted to make him proud of me again. I don't care about promotions and brass and stuff, I just wanted to catch bad guys and kick their asses instead.
Over the years I saw less and less of my father, especially after I joined the academy. Partly because he was so busy and also I guess I wanted to distance myself a little from him. It's not easy when everyone in your class knows that your father works for IAB. I got used to the snide comments and the painted lockers in the beginning, but it gets tiring after a while. So even though I'm a bit ashamed to admit it, I stopped seeing my father except on our weekly lunch meetings. I would tell myself that I'm not cutting him out of my life, I was just waiting until everyone starts seeing me as my own person and not as CT Finney's son. I rarely even go home now except to my Mother's dinner and to see my sister Jenny, but my Dad never said anything about it. That's just like him, I never knew the details of his work, or what was on his mind, but I knew that all he did was uphold the law in his own way. I don't care what Sully and Davis say, whatever their problem, my Dad couldn't have done anything wrong.