Chapter 9: Love thy father
"You haven't told anyone about what you know. Am I right?" My father's voice was calmer now. "You're good, son, almost caught me off guard. But if you had the license numbers and told the others about my involvement they wouldn't have let you come here all by yourself for fear that you'd tip me off." He was pacing back and forth on the snow. "That's all right, you're my son and I've always known you've got good instincts."
"Why?" I called out to him. "Did you kill Davis's father?"
"He was going to IAB to confess about us taking cuts from the drug dealers. I couldn't let that happen."
"So you were dirty? It was all for money then. What? He just grew a conscience all of a sudden?" I demanded.
His back was still towards me. "No, we all wanted the same thing- the best for our kids. Ty wanted his boy to attend law school and there was no way our salary could have paid for it. I was the one who convinced him he needed more money from the side to support his two families, but Ty's had doubts about what we were doing all along. One day he just hit the final straw, I guess."
"What happened?"
My father turned and looked at me in my eyes. "It was the day his boy told him he wanted to become a cop and be just like him." He paused for a while. "I did what I had to do, but I was haunted for all these years. I gave up all that illegal operations 20 years ago. I've never taken any money that didn't belong to me since. But I guess the past always catches up to you sooner or later." He lighted up a cigarette.
"That's no excuse for murder, Dad."
"I didn't want to do it, but one thing led to another, and you end up committing ten others crimes to cover up for one, and at the end you just lose count." He sounded almost sorry.
"You're gonna have to turn yourself in, Dad. Make things right for once." My voice was steady and decided.
He laughed hysterically. "Oh, Brendan, you're so naïve. What would my enemies say when they find out? Huh? They would crucify me. Captain of IAB, a dirty cop? A murderer? Oh, the irony of it! Brendan, think of your own career. If think your life's tough now, what would your colleagues say after this? Your future will be tinted forever as well. I worked so hard for you. I put you in the best schools, got you through the academy. Why do you think I assigned you the 55? It's a tough precinct where you'll see lots of action. Bide your time there for a few years, get a few good collars, make detective before you're thirty, and the sky is the limit for you. Are you going to throw it all away?"
I shook my head. "You know what Dad? Don't make this about me. Whatever you did was for your own greed, pride and ambition! God, you're such a hypocrite. Whatever happened to helping the needy and the weak? What happened to not exploiting those we vow to protect and serve?"
He laughed to himself, "You remembered all that?"
"I remembered everything you taught me. I didn't want anything from you except for you to be proud. I looked up to you Dad. I…I loved you." I couldn't tell if it was tears or melted snow on my face anymore. "Now I know everything's been a lie. If this is what it means to be a cop then I don't care if I never become one again!"
His face turned pale and his voice contorted in a painful way. "I'm so sorry to disappoint you, son. But you've gotta help me. I'm begging you. Nobody else has to know. I'll, I'll resign and retire. Let me end my career with some dignity. Please. Doesn't 20 years of honest work make up for a few mistakes? "
"Dad, just save it. I would always know and I can't live with that. Besides, you're almost out of time." I looked at my watch. It was midnight. "Davis and Sully will be here soon."
"You ratted me out?" he yelled. "You'd put your own father in jail?"
"I wanted to give you time to confess and turn yourself in" I pleaded, "and I wasn't sure I'd have the courage to bring you in myself."
All of a sudden he had the looks of a cornered animal. He reached into his suit pocket and pulled out a gun.
He raised it slowly. "I'm sorry son, call me a coward, but I can't go to jail. Never! I don't want to hurt you, so let me ask you one more time. Will you help me? Please? You know it would break your mother and Jenny's heart if anything happens to either of us." His whole body started shaking.
I couldn't believe it and I didn't care about anything anymore. "You know what? Go ahead." I dared him. "What is one more murder compared to 10, right Dad? Can you still tell yourself now that you did everything for me?"
He started to approach me and suddenly looked very sad. "I'm so sorry for everything, Brendan. But at least I did one thing right, didn't I? You turned out to be a better man than I ever was. Forgive me son."
He pulled the trigger.