Title: Toxic

Rating: R


Spoilers: None.

Disclaimer: ER or anything associated with it does not belong to me.

I originally wrote this fic as a stand alone. But I have had a few ideas so I wanted to continue with it. I appreciate all the support those of you who have reviewed gave me. Thanks.

Authors Notes at the end.

What I did last night was something that I have never done before. I really surprised myself. Even today it doesn't seem real. Maybe it was just a really good dream. You know the kind that you wake up blushing and you never tell anybody about. What surprises me even more is the fact that we were both on today and we went about our business like it never happened.

For the most part, I avoided him like the plague. I worked with Ray on only one trauma and it was business as usual. He didn't look at me and I didn't look at him. It was as if it never happened.

Yet deep down I am glad that it did happen. I have never done anything so reckless and carefree as that in my entire life. Something that I will always remember, but will absolutely never let happen again. A one time event that I can think about when I am really old and lonely and I'll think about the time that I had sex with that hot young doctor in the rock band. That thought alone ought to keep me happy in my old age.

I don't know whose decision it was to ignore what we did and pretend like nothing happened. I don't think we actually talked about it. It was more of just a mutual decision that goes without saying. We were never meant to be. We're two completely different people from two completely different lifestyles. I'm way too old for him and he is way to punk rock for me. It would never work.

But....the sex was better than anything I have ever experienced.

So maybe that is why I find myself standing outside his apartment door at 1:00 a.m. I don't remember the cab ride over here, nor do I remember climbing the three flights of stairs to apartment 304. All I know is that I am here and suddenly I don't have the courage to knock on the door.

I shouldn't have come here. Yet I can't seem to make myself leave. Finally, I reach out and knock on the door. I shouldn't have done that. Am I crazy? I'm thinking about turning around and running down the stairs as fast as I can when the door suddenly swings open and catches me off guard. I just stand there dumbfounded, not knowing what to say.

"Ray, I think its for you."

Some guy, who I assume is Ray's roommate, opened the door. He leaves me standing in the hallway and disappears into a back bedroom. If my feet weren't glued to the floor right now, I would have had my chance to escape down the hall.

It's too late. Ray comes stumbling out of his bedroom looking half asleep. I must have woke him up. Well, duh, it is 1:00 a.m. What did I expect? What am I even doing here? He saunters over to the door wearing only pajama bottoms and no shirt. He looks so good. Now I remember why I am here.

"Abby?" He blinks a couple of times and leans up against the door frame.

"Hi." I can't even find the words to explain to him why I am here. I think he knows though. No explanation necessary.

He smiles at me and opens the door further as if inviting me in. I don't know where I have found all my courage of late, but I step inside and he closes the door. He nods his head towards his room and I follow him.

We step inside his bedroom and he closes the door behind him. I sit on his bed and look up at him standing by the door. I look him in the eyes and finally smile back at him. He laughs.

"I gotta admit I wasn't expecting this." He says still smiling.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come, it's late." I say the words, but they are without meaning as I lay back on his bed and stretch out.

He laughs again and comes and joins me on the bed. He lays down next to me and we both stare at the ceiling.

"So?" He turns his head to look at me.

"You know why I am here." I say this while continuing to stare at the ceiling.

"I'm not sure if I do." He says trying to sound serious, but I can still hear the smile in his voice.

Sighing I turn my head to look at him. "You're the best sex I've ever had?" I form it as a question and that really gets a laugh out of him.

He pulls me to him and plants a soft kiss on my lips. He pulls away and looks at me through half closed eyes. He is so sexy when he does that.

I climb on top of him straddling his legs and I reach down and pull my shirt off over my head. Then I reach behind me and undo my bra, tossing it on the floor to join my shirt. He moans and pulls me down to him.

So this is how it all started. Our one night stand turned into something more. Sometimes I show up at his place, and sometimes he shows up at mine. He always checks the schedule to see when Neela is working nights before he comes over. No one at County knows. How could they know? We act like we don't even know each other at work. No one would suspect at thing. It's perfect.

Right?

We fulfill each other's needs. No strings attached.

So why do I find myself falling for Ray Barnett?

I promise this is going somewhere. Anway, let me know if you actually want me to go there, or if I should stop! Thanks.