Part 16: SWEET REMEMBRANCE
1998
Long Island, NY
Elana Powers' Townhouse
The phone rang early Sunday morning while Elana was soaking in a hot whirlpool bath.
"Man, who is that?" She said as she cautiously got out of the tub to avoid slipping and put on her heavy white terrycloth robe and reached for the cell phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey girl, it's me. What you doin'?"
"Gail, girl I was in the tub soaking. Trying to relax. Why in the world are you calling me so early?"
"I just wanted to see what you were doing today?" Gail asked.
"Well, I need to take my morning run and I still have a few more details to go over on the Crealite account. After that I just intend to relax, because I'm gonna have to get myself together for this meeting tomorrow morning."
"You still having apprehension over that? Don't let it bother you so much. That was a long time ago and I'm sure that Philip Logan isn't even giving it a second thought. You just go in there and do what you do best. Knock their socks off with your expertise and after you finish with them white boys, I'll bet Phillip will wish that he would have stayed out of his son's business."
Sitting down on her bathroom counter top while she dried her hair with a towel Elana continues, "Yea, I guess I shouldn't be making such a big deal about this. I think what I'm most apprehensive about is running into Sean. I don't know how I'll react if I see him. I was thinking about what I would say and I'm probably just gonna be a nervous wreck."
"You! A nervous wreck? Girl the last time I saw you nervous was when you didn't think you'd graduate with honors in graduate school. If anything, you know how to keep your cool. And as to Sean, it's not a matter of if you see him, but when. He is the President of the company remember. Just be yourself and maybe he'll fall hopelessly back in love with you."
"Girl, I'm not looking for that. I'm sure he's married or something by now. Knowing how much his father wanted him to carry on that dog gone Logan heritage or legacy or whatever he called it."
"You know what? I meant to tell you that after you mentioned this meeting to me, I asked my husband if he knew if Sean Logan is married. He does consulting work for some of the big companies sometimes including Crealite. Anyway, he told me that Sean isn't married, but he's been dating Sheridan Winthrop for about two years. I know her from many of the big fashion shows they put on in New York. She's a very successful image consultant from Connecticut. In fact I think she's looking into doing business in the black community now and I was thinking about submitting some of my international business suit designs to her. If she likes them it sure would boost my fashion designing business."
"Sheridan Winthrop, huh? Yeah I know her pretty well. We went to high school together and our fathers are old fraternity brothers. She was always after Sean even when he was in college, so now I see that she finally got him. I knew that once I was out of the picture Sean would eventually give in to her. But as far as your doing business with her I don't know about that. She always seemed to come off kind of upiddy and borderline prejudice. Even though I don't think she was too racially prejudice just more socially prejudice, so I don't know how that will work out. But in any event I guess I can rest easy, because if he's with her then I'm sure she won't be letting him out of her sight until he does marry her. And I really don't need to be getting into no cat fight over a man."
"Girl you need to get into SOMETHING because you been flying solo for a long time now. You need to find yourself somebody and get your head out of those books and reports and whatever else you keep yourself busy doing. A man ain't so bad to have around sometimes."
"Yeah, I've been thinking about that lately and I've been contemplating on calling a dating service or something and see who they can set me up with. I'm ready to let my hair down a little and try a new relationship. It's been a few years since Henry and I am starting to miss a man's company."
"A dating service? What you want to go that route for? Girl looking like you look, you don't need no dating service, just step outside the door."
"I don't want to deal with just anybody and those services screen the people so you can specify what you want."
"That sounds like you. A professionally ordered man. Girl, what you NEED to do is to go into that Crealite office Monday morning and reclaim your man because you know he's the only one you ever really wanted and probably the only one you'll ever settle for. If you had slept with him like I told you to in college, we wouldn't be talking about this now."
"Now you know I'm not into promiscuous sex. I'm not going to be laying up with a man just to keep him."
"I know that. God knows you've proven THAT all these years. I just meant that if you wanted to get back at his daddy, you should have put the whammy on Sean and snagged him anyway. Especially since he was begging you for so long. You know his daddy wouldn't have disowned his own son."
"I don't know about that, but it doesn't matter now anyway because he's with Sheridan and like I said I ain't gonna be trying to take no other woman's man no matter how much I don't like her."
"I wouldn't worry about that Sheridan woman because if he was so in love with her, then he would have married her by now so that ain't no thang. And you know I got your back. I can tie her up and kidnap her for a while or something, while you go and seduce Sean Logan."
The two women laughed at Gail's antics then Elana explained, "How am I suppose to compete with a blonde, blue-eyed woman for a white man. You know it's already a loosing battle for a black sistah, if she has to compete with one for a black man, let alone a white one."
"Well, I think you're underestimating yourself. A man is a man and if he's attracted to a woman and she gives him the right signals he will go for it. Especially Sean Logan because you already know that he ain't got no problem with dark meat."
"Girl you crazy. Let me get off this phone so that I can get dressed before Jon gets here so we can go running."
"Why you runnin' with him?" Gail asked.
"He said he was worried about me running by myself, so he volunteered to come with me on Sunday mornings. If he didn't have a girl with him the night before that is."
"Well be careful of him because he's a player and you know it. I don't want you to get hurt over him even though he is one fine brother."
"Yeah, I know all about Jon, but we're just friends. He knows I don't want any more than that with him. He's a good guy to hang out with, but just not the type to be dating seriously. He has a list of women he's trying to go through I guess." Looking at the clock on her bedroom nightstand Elana knew she had to get ready. Ok let me go. I'll talk to you later."
"Call me tomorrow night and let me know how the meeting went."
"Ok."
Elana hung up the phone and went to let out her bath water. As she went into her adjoining bedroom to put on a pair of spandex pants and exercise shirt she laughed to herself about the conversation she and her girlfriend had over the phone. Now knowing that Sean was not married, she wondered why he stayed single even though he was dating the woman who had been voted 'Most Beautiful' in high school. Elana remembered going to her house a few times with her father when he was supporting Sheridan's father for the governor's office. She also recalled that Sheridan was always leaving Sean messages or calling while the two of them were on the phone. At school she consistently started rumors that she and Sean were dating, but no one believed her because they all saw how much time he and Elana spent together. Even though no one wanted to admit it, they all knew that Sean was trying get up the nerve to convince Elana to go out with him for years. After hampering over the old days for a few minutes, Elana came back to reality.
She knew that with a woman like Sheridan at his side, Sean would not give her the time of day now and besides she had made a promise to his father to not complicate his son's life. She felt as much as Phillip did that if she and Sean would marry that it would cause a lot of problems for him and he may have missed many opportunities that he would receive with a white wife by his side. She continued to try and convince herself that what she did was right even though it had been one of the most painful things she had ever done in her life. She remembered that loving Sean was so pleasant and natural. They spent almost all of their spare time with each other and they encouraged each other to progress and succeed at whatever they pursued. And even though they never made love, she loved him for respecting her desire for abstinence. Sean never tried to push her, even though he would put up a good argument.
The most memorable occasion was the summer after Sean's first year in graduate school. He had left her with his intentions to ask her to marry him on the day he graduated at the end of the following school year, and that was the last time she saw him...
____________
Summer, 1989
Georgia
Sean had flown to Georgia to spend a week with her while she did a part-time internship at a local CPA firm. It was the summer after her senior year and she had her own apartment. The Friday before he was to leave, they spent the whole day and night together. They wore matching outfits; faded jeans and white shirts. Sean had on a simple T-shirt and she wore a tank top covered by a thin cotton shirt that she buttoned half way up and tucked into her jeans. In the morning they had breakfast, then spent hours at the book store, reading and discussing new business techniques and drinking coffee and feeding each other ice cream at the book store cafe. In the afternoon they walked around the mall, holding hands and not letting go other than to examine an item they contemplated buying, to try on clothes or to pay for something. In the evening they went to dinner, hit a dance club and then watched a movie. Afterwards Sean was driving Elana back to her apartment and they were silent knowing that he had to go back to Connecticut the next morning and that he would start working full time at Crealite until he would have to go back to school to complete his MBA program. Elana was scheduled to start graduate school at Harvard in the fall. So they anticipated being together for a year in Boston, but they still languished over the few months they would have to be apart during the summer.
As they drove into the parking lot of her apartment complex, Sean admired Elana sitting next to him. Neither of them knew what to say because they knew that this night was the end of a week that seemed almost unreal to them. It had been perfect and Sean wasn't ready for it to end. He reached over and softly rubbed her cheek with the back of his hand. "Can I come in for a while? I don't want our time together to end yet." He asked as he looked at her through his seductive eyes.
Looking over at him, Elana knew that his stare was sincere and emotional. She was hesitant, but also didn't want their time together to end. "Isn't your plane leaving at 5:30am. You don't want to miss another one." She said halfheartedly as she turned to look out of the front window. She wanted him to miss that flight and any others. She wanted him to stay there with her, but she knew that was impossible at this point.
"Well, I already missed my plane today. I know that my father is probably mad as hell with me already. He doesn't know where I am. I was supposed to be at Crealite today, but I just had to have one more day with you. Tomorrow it doesn't matter what time I get in. There's a flight going out every three hours." He leaned closer to Elana and put his head on the side of hers. "Please let me stay with you a little longer?" He said softly.
"Ok." She agreed, knowing that Sean wanted to share some intimacy with her. They had been secretly dating for four years now and she didn't want to deny him that or herself. She always loved his touch and on many occasions had cursed herself for telling Sean that she was trying to save herself for marriage because he was always most compliant and would stop before they went too far. She was especially amazed at his self-control and admired him even more for it. What she didn't know was that Sean kept his self-control because he intended to be the one she married as soon as he finished his last year of graduate school. He also loved the romanticism of it and he knew she was worth waiting for even though it always took every ounce of strength he had to stop himself. Sean got out of the car and went around to open Elana's door and escort her to the entrance of her one bedroom apartment. He took the keys from her and unlocked the door.
When they were inside Elana went to the living room with Sean following and cut on the TV. She retrieved the remote control and handed it to Sean. "You sit in here while I go and make us something to drink." Before she left the living room, Elana took off the thin cotton button down shirt that covered her tank top and threw it across a chair. As she walked toward the kitchen, Sean watched her perfectly heart shaped derriere sway unintentionally in her fitted jeans. The tank top she wore revealed that she was not wearing anything underneath and the pair of block heeled sandals she sported showed off her soft manicured feet. Sean felt a surge of desire run through his body and he knew he wanted to do something about it. While she busied herself in the kitchen and talked to him as she washed out a pitcher in the sink, Sean searched her cassettes to put on some soft music. After finding a Sade tape, he turned the television off and put the tape in. As he waited for the music to start he slowly walked into the kitchen and stood against the doorway watching her.
"Sean, why did you cut off the TV?" She yelled over the running water, thinking he was still in the living room. After a few seconds she heard the Sade tape begin to play (Kiss of Life). A soft smile formed on her face because she knew that he was trying to establish a mood and she began to lightly sway to the music.
Sean now moved in closer to her and when he was right behind her he moved her thick, wavy brown hair out of the way so that he could rest his head on her shoulder. He then wrapped his hands around her small waist and swayed with her to the music as she attempted to fill the pot with water to boil for the tea. While they swayed together Sean began to mock the words Sade sang, in Elana's ear "When I was lead to you, I knew you were the one for me. I swear the whole world could feel my heart beat...You wrap me up in the color of love." They laughed quietly together at his singing, and as the song and their swaying continued, Sean began to softly kiss the side of Elana's neck while he messaged her flat belly. He slowly pulled the shirt out of her jeans and glided his hands up to and across her bare breasts until he settled on one and softly squeezed it in his palm. Still holding the pot in one hand, Elana placed her other hand over his larger one that rested on her stomach and closed her eyes at his touch as she leaned slightly back allowing him full range of her neck. After a few moments, Elana could feel Sean react to the mood they had set for each other and he stopped kissing her and moved back slightly to take her free hand into his. "What about the tea?" She asked trying to recover.
"Put the pot down, lollipop."
Elana obediently dropped the pot in the sink and allowed Sean to lead her out of the kitchen. As he took the lead, with him gently holding her hand they moved past the living room and through her bedroom door. When they made their way in, Elana knew that this could not be good for her resolve. She thought that maybe she had already gone too far by allowing him to start explore her bare breasts a few months earlier. "Sean, we've never been in a bedroom together before. Are you sure you can handle this?"
"I'm hoping that your love is stronger than your pride tonight and that you can't handle it this time." Sean said as he pulled her closer to him and began dancing again to Sade's song 'Stronger Than Pride'. He placed his hand on the back of her hips and slowly massaged and pulled her into his groin as he placed long soft wet kisses on her full lips, shifting his hid in every angle to taste every bit of her honey laden mouth. Elana wrung her fingers through the back of his hair and they both sighed with sounds of pleasure at being in each other's arms. Then Sean grabbed hold of the bottom of Elana's tank top and before she knew it, he had rid her of it and threw it to the floor. Despite her own promise to herself to try and save herself for marriage, she couldn't fight the feeling of wanting his strong chest to press against her soft silken breasts, so she returned the gesture and pulled his T-shirt off rendering both of them exposed from waist up. Sean saw this as an opportunity that he had better take before she changed her mind, so with unwavering passion welling up inside him, screaming to be satiated, he wrapped his arms around her waist and effortless lifted her up as he moved toward the bed. He then laid her down and positioned himself between her legs. Devouring her lips and mouth, Sean squeezed her breast in his hand and then moved his mouth lower to partake of it with all the feverishness that he had pinned up for so many years. Elana was hypnotized and beyond consciousness, except for the soft pleasure that the man she loved was bringing to her and thoughts of him being inside of her. All of Sean's self-control had retreated as he moved to Elana's side and swiftly unbuttoned her jeans then eased his hand between her legs. He softly rubbed her hair that was strewn out over the bed underneath her, with his other hand while they looked into each other's eyes. Then he glided his fingers into her moist flesh and slow danced inside of her, causing Elana to groan with desire. Her involuntary expressions continued as Sean showered her neck and shoulders with his soft wet kisses and moaned almost inaudibly against her chestnut brown skin, "Ohhh God, Elana, you're so beautiful. I love you." After a few minutes of his teasing fingers he removed his hand to begin to slide her jeans down her hips.
Elana was aware of how far they'd come and she didn't want to stop, but she had to know that Sean would protect her. "Do you have any protection, Sean?" She asked in a breathless whisper.
Sean heard her question and answered reluctantly hoping he would have her jeans off and be inside her before she could come to her senses and put up an argument. "No, baby, don't worry about that. I'll make sure everything is alright. Don't worry. Trust me." He said trying to kiss away any of her anxiety.
Elana had no doubt that Sean knew what to do, but considering the degree of passion at that moment and the anticipation of their joining their bodies for the first time, she doubted that he would be able to rip himself from her at the height of their pleasure and she knew that she wouldn't want him too. At that, Elana was jolted out of her euphoria and she put her hands on Sean's strong muscular shoulders and tried to move him over. "Sean we can't do this, not without a condom."
Trying to hold on to her and convince her otherwise, Sean resisted, "Yes, we can honey, Yes we can. I promise I'll pull out. I promise. Just, let's take this chance to express our love for each other ..." Sean heard himself rambling and he knew that it was a lost cause.
Still trying to weave her way out from under him, Elana protested, "No, Sean, you know we're not going to stop if we get started. And the possibility of my getting pregnant is out of the question." Finally, he loosened his hold on her and she slipped out from under him and sat up on the side of the bed. Resting both hands on either side of her at the edge of the bed, Elana held her head down and took a deep breath, then held her head back with her eyes closed. Sean was infuriated so he rolled over on his back and folded his hands behind his head and swore under his breath. Then he turned and placed his hand on the small of Elana's back and slowly massaged her as he spoke.
"Baby, I can go run to the drug store on the corner and get some." He said hoping for the slightest possibility that she may be persuaded. "It'll only take me a minute. I promise." Sean was pleading with Elana, but he could see that his pleas were hopeless as she got up to locate her tank top then put it back on. Sean now moved to sit at the edge of the bed, "No, no honey you don't have to get dressed just give me a few minutes." He stood up to locate his T-shirt.
Elana walked over to him and put her arms around his neck and looked into his disappointed clear blue eyes. "Sean, I love you so much. I just want us to be married before we share this together. Then we'll know it's forever."
Sean understood how she felt, but his body could not help, but call out to be satisfied. It had been four years and he had never been able to live out the fantasies he had of making love to her. He had appeased himself with sentiments of his own undying love for her and the fact that she would be worth the wait no matter how long it took, but now he didn't know how much longer he could wait. He put his arms around her waist and held his forehead down so that it rested on hers. "This already is forever lollipop. You're gonna drive me insane here. I don't know what I'm going to do for the next year with us being on the same campus. Why can't I make love to you? You have to know how badly I want you."
"I know Sean. I know because I feel the same way."
Opening up his eyes he now rested his chin on the top of her head, "I'll tell you one thing Ms. Powers. Next year, on the very day that I graduate, I'm going to put a ring on your finger and I don't want any long engagements Elana. Are you agreeable to that?" He waited without looking at her. He could feel her heart beating rapidly and knew she was dying inside just as he was.
"Yes, that's agreeable, I just hope that I at least get a more romantic proposal than that." She said half laughing.
Sean now put his forefinger under her chin to lift her head up to see into his eyes. "You won't have to worry about that. I'll make sure that you get everything you deserve as the woman I'm crazy in love with and then some. Ok?"
"Ok. I think I can trust you on that one."
They smiled at each other and hugged for a few minutes.
"Well, since you're not putting out tonight, " Sean said jokingly, " Can I just spend the night with you in my arms. You can put on as much clothing as you want if you don't trust me." He said with a wide grin.
"I'd love that."
So they laid down on Elana's bed together and Sean held her throughout the night as they slept until the next morning...
____________
1998
Long Island, Elana Powers' Townhouse
The doorbell rang incessantly and Elana was snapped out of her daydream as she ran to the door to answer it.
"Ok, Ok. Here I come." When she opened the door she was greeted by an athletic Jon. He was in a loose fitting tank top and sports shorts that showed off his muscular legs. He had a towel around his neck and a sweat band around his curly black hair.
"Hey there!" He said with a grin.
"Hey yourself, Jon. Give me a sec. I need to pick up my towel and then we can go.
Jon stepped into the door and closed it as Elana scurried to get her towel. "We don't have to go running. We can stay right her and get plenty of exercise."
Walking back towards the door, Elana wasn't in the mood for Jon flirting with her this early in the morning. "Jon if you're gonna be flirting all morning you can just go run by yourself because I don't have time for it. I have too much on my mind."
"Well how am I suppose to not flirt with you with those skin tight pants on and that little shirt you're wearing. Girl you know you can drive a man out of his mind if you want to."
They went out the door of her town house and down the steps to begin their run. "Jon I wear this stuff every Sunday."
"Yea and I feel the same way every Sunday. You can't blame a guy for trying can you." He laughed it off while Elana kept a serious face while running. Jon wanted to lighten the mood so he joked with her. "I'll tell you how you can get me to stop messing with you.
"How's that?" She asked
"You can marry me and then I won't have to flirt with you anymore. I'll give you those couple of kids you want and I'll stay out of your way. Ok?"
They both laughed and Elana punched him in the arm.
"Are you still worried about the Crealite account?"
"Yea. I'm just a little apprehensive about it?" She didn't want to tell Jon the real reason she was nervous about the meeting.
"Well if it'll make you feel any better. I don't have to go to Terrytown until next Monday. Coke called late Friday evening to inform me. So I can help you out during the first week."
Relieved at what Jon was proposing, Elana felt a great weight lifted off her shoulders. "Oh you don't know how much I'd appreciate that Jon. Yes. I would love for you to help me out this week. Thank you..."
They continued their run and now Elana felt a renewed sense of confidence knowing she would not have to face her past alone. She would take Jon and he would back her up if he saw any signs of discomfort. She was determined not to let Philip Logan intimidate her as he once had and she would show no emotion if she ran into Sean. She would remember that they once loved each other, but she also knew he never came looking for her, so she surmised that her decision had been in his best interest and in her own and she would not feel regret if she saw him again.
1998
Long Island, NY
Elana Powers' Townhouse
The phone rang early Sunday morning while Elana was soaking in a hot whirlpool bath.
"Man, who is that?" She said as she cautiously got out of the tub to avoid slipping and put on her heavy white terrycloth robe and reached for the cell phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey girl, it's me. What you doin'?"
"Gail, girl I was in the tub soaking. Trying to relax. Why in the world are you calling me so early?"
"I just wanted to see what you were doing today?" Gail asked.
"Well, I need to take my morning run and I still have a few more details to go over on the Crealite account. After that I just intend to relax, because I'm gonna have to get myself together for this meeting tomorrow morning."
"You still having apprehension over that? Don't let it bother you so much. That was a long time ago and I'm sure that Philip Logan isn't even giving it a second thought. You just go in there and do what you do best. Knock their socks off with your expertise and after you finish with them white boys, I'll bet Phillip will wish that he would have stayed out of his son's business."
Sitting down on her bathroom counter top while she dried her hair with a towel Elana continues, "Yea, I guess I shouldn't be making such a big deal about this. I think what I'm most apprehensive about is running into Sean. I don't know how I'll react if I see him. I was thinking about what I would say and I'm probably just gonna be a nervous wreck."
"You! A nervous wreck? Girl the last time I saw you nervous was when you didn't think you'd graduate with honors in graduate school. If anything, you know how to keep your cool. And as to Sean, it's not a matter of if you see him, but when. He is the President of the company remember. Just be yourself and maybe he'll fall hopelessly back in love with you."
"Girl, I'm not looking for that. I'm sure he's married or something by now. Knowing how much his father wanted him to carry on that dog gone Logan heritage or legacy or whatever he called it."
"You know what? I meant to tell you that after you mentioned this meeting to me, I asked my husband if he knew if Sean Logan is married. He does consulting work for some of the big companies sometimes including Crealite. Anyway, he told me that Sean isn't married, but he's been dating Sheridan Winthrop for about two years. I know her from many of the big fashion shows they put on in New York. She's a very successful image consultant from Connecticut. In fact I think she's looking into doing business in the black community now and I was thinking about submitting some of my international business suit designs to her. If she likes them it sure would boost my fashion designing business."
"Sheridan Winthrop, huh? Yeah I know her pretty well. We went to high school together and our fathers are old fraternity brothers. She was always after Sean even when he was in college, so now I see that she finally got him. I knew that once I was out of the picture Sean would eventually give in to her. But as far as your doing business with her I don't know about that. She always seemed to come off kind of upiddy and borderline prejudice. Even though I don't think she was too racially prejudice just more socially prejudice, so I don't know how that will work out. But in any event I guess I can rest easy, because if he's with her then I'm sure she won't be letting him out of her sight until he does marry her. And I really don't need to be getting into no cat fight over a man."
"Girl you need to get into SOMETHING because you been flying solo for a long time now. You need to find yourself somebody and get your head out of those books and reports and whatever else you keep yourself busy doing. A man ain't so bad to have around sometimes."
"Yeah, I've been thinking about that lately and I've been contemplating on calling a dating service or something and see who they can set me up with. I'm ready to let my hair down a little and try a new relationship. It's been a few years since Henry and I am starting to miss a man's company."
"A dating service? What you want to go that route for? Girl looking like you look, you don't need no dating service, just step outside the door."
"I don't want to deal with just anybody and those services screen the people so you can specify what you want."
"That sounds like you. A professionally ordered man. Girl, what you NEED to do is to go into that Crealite office Monday morning and reclaim your man because you know he's the only one you ever really wanted and probably the only one you'll ever settle for. If you had slept with him like I told you to in college, we wouldn't be talking about this now."
"Now you know I'm not into promiscuous sex. I'm not going to be laying up with a man just to keep him."
"I know that. God knows you've proven THAT all these years. I just meant that if you wanted to get back at his daddy, you should have put the whammy on Sean and snagged him anyway. Especially since he was begging you for so long. You know his daddy wouldn't have disowned his own son."
"I don't know about that, but it doesn't matter now anyway because he's with Sheridan and like I said I ain't gonna be trying to take no other woman's man no matter how much I don't like her."
"I wouldn't worry about that Sheridan woman because if he was so in love with her, then he would have married her by now so that ain't no thang. And you know I got your back. I can tie her up and kidnap her for a while or something, while you go and seduce Sean Logan."
The two women laughed at Gail's antics then Elana explained, "How am I suppose to compete with a blonde, blue-eyed woman for a white man. You know it's already a loosing battle for a black sistah, if she has to compete with one for a black man, let alone a white one."
"Well, I think you're underestimating yourself. A man is a man and if he's attracted to a woman and she gives him the right signals he will go for it. Especially Sean Logan because you already know that he ain't got no problem with dark meat."
"Girl you crazy. Let me get off this phone so that I can get dressed before Jon gets here so we can go running."
"Why you runnin' with him?" Gail asked.
"He said he was worried about me running by myself, so he volunteered to come with me on Sunday mornings. If he didn't have a girl with him the night before that is."
"Well be careful of him because he's a player and you know it. I don't want you to get hurt over him even though he is one fine brother."
"Yeah, I know all about Jon, but we're just friends. He knows I don't want any more than that with him. He's a good guy to hang out with, but just not the type to be dating seriously. He has a list of women he's trying to go through I guess." Looking at the clock on her bedroom nightstand Elana knew she had to get ready. Ok let me go. I'll talk to you later."
"Call me tomorrow night and let me know how the meeting went."
"Ok."
Elana hung up the phone and went to let out her bath water. As she went into her adjoining bedroom to put on a pair of spandex pants and exercise shirt she laughed to herself about the conversation she and her girlfriend had over the phone. Now knowing that Sean was not married, she wondered why he stayed single even though he was dating the woman who had been voted 'Most Beautiful' in high school. Elana remembered going to her house a few times with her father when he was supporting Sheridan's father for the governor's office. She also recalled that Sheridan was always leaving Sean messages or calling while the two of them were on the phone. At school she consistently started rumors that she and Sean were dating, but no one believed her because they all saw how much time he and Elana spent together. Even though no one wanted to admit it, they all knew that Sean was trying get up the nerve to convince Elana to go out with him for years. After hampering over the old days for a few minutes, Elana came back to reality.
She knew that with a woman like Sheridan at his side, Sean would not give her the time of day now and besides she had made a promise to his father to not complicate his son's life. She felt as much as Phillip did that if she and Sean would marry that it would cause a lot of problems for him and he may have missed many opportunities that he would receive with a white wife by his side. She continued to try and convince herself that what she did was right even though it had been one of the most painful things she had ever done in her life. She remembered that loving Sean was so pleasant and natural. They spent almost all of their spare time with each other and they encouraged each other to progress and succeed at whatever they pursued. And even though they never made love, she loved him for respecting her desire for abstinence. Sean never tried to push her, even though he would put up a good argument.
The most memorable occasion was the summer after Sean's first year in graduate school. He had left her with his intentions to ask her to marry him on the day he graduated at the end of the following school year, and that was the last time she saw him...
____________
Summer, 1989
Georgia
Sean had flown to Georgia to spend a week with her while she did a part-time internship at a local CPA firm. It was the summer after her senior year and she had her own apartment. The Friday before he was to leave, they spent the whole day and night together. They wore matching outfits; faded jeans and white shirts. Sean had on a simple T-shirt and she wore a tank top covered by a thin cotton shirt that she buttoned half way up and tucked into her jeans. In the morning they had breakfast, then spent hours at the book store, reading and discussing new business techniques and drinking coffee and feeding each other ice cream at the book store cafe. In the afternoon they walked around the mall, holding hands and not letting go other than to examine an item they contemplated buying, to try on clothes or to pay for something. In the evening they went to dinner, hit a dance club and then watched a movie. Afterwards Sean was driving Elana back to her apartment and they were silent knowing that he had to go back to Connecticut the next morning and that he would start working full time at Crealite until he would have to go back to school to complete his MBA program. Elana was scheduled to start graduate school at Harvard in the fall. So they anticipated being together for a year in Boston, but they still languished over the few months they would have to be apart during the summer.
As they drove into the parking lot of her apartment complex, Sean admired Elana sitting next to him. Neither of them knew what to say because they knew that this night was the end of a week that seemed almost unreal to them. It had been perfect and Sean wasn't ready for it to end. He reached over and softly rubbed her cheek with the back of his hand. "Can I come in for a while? I don't want our time together to end yet." He asked as he looked at her through his seductive eyes.
Looking over at him, Elana knew that his stare was sincere and emotional. She was hesitant, but also didn't want their time together to end. "Isn't your plane leaving at 5:30am. You don't want to miss another one." She said halfheartedly as she turned to look out of the front window. She wanted him to miss that flight and any others. She wanted him to stay there with her, but she knew that was impossible at this point.
"Well, I already missed my plane today. I know that my father is probably mad as hell with me already. He doesn't know where I am. I was supposed to be at Crealite today, but I just had to have one more day with you. Tomorrow it doesn't matter what time I get in. There's a flight going out every three hours." He leaned closer to Elana and put his head on the side of hers. "Please let me stay with you a little longer?" He said softly.
"Ok." She agreed, knowing that Sean wanted to share some intimacy with her. They had been secretly dating for four years now and she didn't want to deny him that or herself. She always loved his touch and on many occasions had cursed herself for telling Sean that she was trying to save herself for marriage because he was always most compliant and would stop before they went too far. She was especially amazed at his self-control and admired him even more for it. What she didn't know was that Sean kept his self-control because he intended to be the one she married as soon as he finished his last year of graduate school. He also loved the romanticism of it and he knew she was worth waiting for even though it always took every ounce of strength he had to stop himself. Sean got out of the car and went around to open Elana's door and escort her to the entrance of her one bedroom apartment. He took the keys from her and unlocked the door.
When they were inside Elana went to the living room with Sean following and cut on the TV. She retrieved the remote control and handed it to Sean. "You sit in here while I go and make us something to drink." Before she left the living room, Elana took off the thin cotton button down shirt that covered her tank top and threw it across a chair. As she walked toward the kitchen, Sean watched her perfectly heart shaped derriere sway unintentionally in her fitted jeans. The tank top she wore revealed that she was not wearing anything underneath and the pair of block heeled sandals she sported showed off her soft manicured feet. Sean felt a surge of desire run through his body and he knew he wanted to do something about it. While she busied herself in the kitchen and talked to him as she washed out a pitcher in the sink, Sean searched her cassettes to put on some soft music. After finding a Sade tape, he turned the television off and put the tape in. As he waited for the music to start he slowly walked into the kitchen and stood against the doorway watching her.
"Sean, why did you cut off the TV?" She yelled over the running water, thinking he was still in the living room. After a few seconds she heard the Sade tape begin to play (Kiss of Life). A soft smile formed on her face because she knew that he was trying to establish a mood and she began to lightly sway to the music.
Sean now moved in closer to her and when he was right behind her he moved her thick, wavy brown hair out of the way so that he could rest his head on her shoulder. He then wrapped his hands around her small waist and swayed with her to the music as she attempted to fill the pot with water to boil for the tea. While they swayed together Sean began to mock the words Sade sang, in Elana's ear "When I was lead to you, I knew you were the one for me. I swear the whole world could feel my heart beat...You wrap me up in the color of love." They laughed quietly together at his singing, and as the song and their swaying continued, Sean began to softly kiss the side of Elana's neck while he messaged her flat belly. He slowly pulled the shirt out of her jeans and glided his hands up to and across her bare breasts until he settled on one and softly squeezed it in his palm. Still holding the pot in one hand, Elana placed her other hand over his larger one that rested on her stomach and closed her eyes at his touch as she leaned slightly back allowing him full range of her neck. After a few moments, Elana could feel Sean react to the mood they had set for each other and he stopped kissing her and moved back slightly to take her free hand into his. "What about the tea?" She asked trying to recover.
"Put the pot down, lollipop."
Elana obediently dropped the pot in the sink and allowed Sean to lead her out of the kitchen. As he took the lead, with him gently holding her hand they moved past the living room and through her bedroom door. When they made their way in, Elana knew that this could not be good for her resolve. She thought that maybe she had already gone too far by allowing him to start explore her bare breasts a few months earlier. "Sean, we've never been in a bedroom together before. Are you sure you can handle this?"
"I'm hoping that your love is stronger than your pride tonight and that you can't handle it this time." Sean said as he pulled her closer to him and began dancing again to Sade's song 'Stronger Than Pride'. He placed his hand on the back of her hips and slowly massaged and pulled her into his groin as he placed long soft wet kisses on her full lips, shifting his hid in every angle to taste every bit of her honey laden mouth. Elana wrung her fingers through the back of his hair and they both sighed with sounds of pleasure at being in each other's arms. Then Sean grabbed hold of the bottom of Elana's tank top and before she knew it, he had rid her of it and threw it to the floor. Despite her own promise to herself to try and save herself for marriage, she couldn't fight the feeling of wanting his strong chest to press against her soft silken breasts, so she returned the gesture and pulled his T-shirt off rendering both of them exposed from waist up. Sean saw this as an opportunity that he had better take before she changed her mind, so with unwavering passion welling up inside him, screaming to be satiated, he wrapped his arms around her waist and effortless lifted her up as he moved toward the bed. He then laid her down and positioned himself between her legs. Devouring her lips and mouth, Sean squeezed her breast in his hand and then moved his mouth lower to partake of it with all the feverishness that he had pinned up for so many years. Elana was hypnotized and beyond consciousness, except for the soft pleasure that the man she loved was bringing to her and thoughts of him being inside of her. All of Sean's self-control had retreated as he moved to Elana's side and swiftly unbuttoned her jeans then eased his hand between her legs. He softly rubbed her hair that was strewn out over the bed underneath her, with his other hand while they looked into each other's eyes. Then he glided his fingers into her moist flesh and slow danced inside of her, causing Elana to groan with desire. Her involuntary expressions continued as Sean showered her neck and shoulders with his soft wet kisses and moaned almost inaudibly against her chestnut brown skin, "Ohhh God, Elana, you're so beautiful. I love you." After a few minutes of his teasing fingers he removed his hand to begin to slide her jeans down her hips.
Elana was aware of how far they'd come and she didn't want to stop, but she had to know that Sean would protect her. "Do you have any protection, Sean?" She asked in a breathless whisper.
Sean heard her question and answered reluctantly hoping he would have her jeans off and be inside her before she could come to her senses and put up an argument. "No, baby, don't worry about that. I'll make sure everything is alright. Don't worry. Trust me." He said trying to kiss away any of her anxiety.
Elana had no doubt that Sean knew what to do, but considering the degree of passion at that moment and the anticipation of their joining their bodies for the first time, she doubted that he would be able to rip himself from her at the height of their pleasure and she knew that she wouldn't want him too. At that, Elana was jolted out of her euphoria and she put her hands on Sean's strong muscular shoulders and tried to move him over. "Sean we can't do this, not without a condom."
Trying to hold on to her and convince her otherwise, Sean resisted, "Yes, we can honey, Yes we can. I promise I'll pull out. I promise. Just, let's take this chance to express our love for each other ..." Sean heard himself rambling and he knew that it was a lost cause.
Still trying to weave her way out from under him, Elana protested, "No, Sean, you know we're not going to stop if we get started. And the possibility of my getting pregnant is out of the question." Finally, he loosened his hold on her and she slipped out from under him and sat up on the side of the bed. Resting both hands on either side of her at the edge of the bed, Elana held her head down and took a deep breath, then held her head back with her eyes closed. Sean was infuriated so he rolled over on his back and folded his hands behind his head and swore under his breath. Then he turned and placed his hand on the small of Elana's back and slowly massaged her as he spoke.
"Baby, I can go run to the drug store on the corner and get some." He said hoping for the slightest possibility that she may be persuaded. "It'll only take me a minute. I promise." Sean was pleading with Elana, but he could see that his pleas were hopeless as she got up to locate her tank top then put it back on. Sean now moved to sit at the edge of the bed, "No, no honey you don't have to get dressed just give me a few minutes." He stood up to locate his T-shirt.
Elana walked over to him and put her arms around his neck and looked into his disappointed clear blue eyes. "Sean, I love you so much. I just want us to be married before we share this together. Then we'll know it's forever."
Sean understood how she felt, but his body could not help, but call out to be satisfied. It had been four years and he had never been able to live out the fantasies he had of making love to her. He had appeased himself with sentiments of his own undying love for her and the fact that she would be worth the wait no matter how long it took, but now he didn't know how much longer he could wait. He put his arms around her waist and held his forehead down so that it rested on hers. "This already is forever lollipop. You're gonna drive me insane here. I don't know what I'm going to do for the next year with us being on the same campus. Why can't I make love to you? You have to know how badly I want you."
"I know Sean. I know because I feel the same way."
Opening up his eyes he now rested his chin on the top of her head, "I'll tell you one thing Ms. Powers. Next year, on the very day that I graduate, I'm going to put a ring on your finger and I don't want any long engagements Elana. Are you agreeable to that?" He waited without looking at her. He could feel her heart beating rapidly and knew she was dying inside just as he was.
"Yes, that's agreeable, I just hope that I at least get a more romantic proposal than that." She said half laughing.
Sean now put his forefinger under her chin to lift her head up to see into his eyes. "You won't have to worry about that. I'll make sure that you get everything you deserve as the woman I'm crazy in love with and then some. Ok?"
"Ok. I think I can trust you on that one."
They smiled at each other and hugged for a few minutes.
"Well, since you're not putting out tonight, " Sean said jokingly, " Can I just spend the night with you in my arms. You can put on as much clothing as you want if you don't trust me." He said with a wide grin.
"I'd love that."
So they laid down on Elana's bed together and Sean held her throughout the night as they slept until the next morning...
____________
1998
Long Island, Elana Powers' Townhouse
The doorbell rang incessantly and Elana was snapped out of her daydream as she ran to the door to answer it.
"Ok, Ok. Here I come." When she opened the door she was greeted by an athletic Jon. He was in a loose fitting tank top and sports shorts that showed off his muscular legs. He had a towel around his neck and a sweat band around his curly black hair.
"Hey there!" He said with a grin.
"Hey yourself, Jon. Give me a sec. I need to pick up my towel and then we can go.
Jon stepped into the door and closed it as Elana scurried to get her towel. "We don't have to go running. We can stay right her and get plenty of exercise."
Walking back towards the door, Elana wasn't in the mood for Jon flirting with her this early in the morning. "Jon if you're gonna be flirting all morning you can just go run by yourself because I don't have time for it. I have too much on my mind."
"Well how am I suppose to not flirt with you with those skin tight pants on and that little shirt you're wearing. Girl you know you can drive a man out of his mind if you want to."
They went out the door of her town house and down the steps to begin their run. "Jon I wear this stuff every Sunday."
"Yea and I feel the same way every Sunday. You can't blame a guy for trying can you." He laughed it off while Elana kept a serious face while running. Jon wanted to lighten the mood so he joked with her. "I'll tell you how you can get me to stop messing with you.
"How's that?" She asked
"You can marry me and then I won't have to flirt with you anymore. I'll give you those couple of kids you want and I'll stay out of your way. Ok?"
They both laughed and Elana punched him in the arm.
"Are you still worried about the Crealite account?"
"Yea. I'm just a little apprehensive about it?" She didn't want to tell Jon the real reason she was nervous about the meeting.
"Well if it'll make you feel any better. I don't have to go to Terrytown until next Monday. Coke called late Friday evening to inform me. So I can help you out during the first week."
Relieved at what Jon was proposing, Elana felt a great weight lifted off her shoulders. "Oh you don't know how much I'd appreciate that Jon. Yes. I would love for you to help me out this week. Thank you..."
They continued their run and now Elana felt a renewed sense of confidence knowing she would not have to face her past alone. She would take Jon and he would back her up if he saw any signs of discomfort. She was determined not to let Philip Logan intimidate her as he once had and she would show no emotion if she ran into Sean. She would remember that they once loved each other, but she also knew he never came looking for her, so she surmised that her decision had been in his best interest and in her own and she would not feel regret if she saw him again.