I sat in the cold seat of the waiting room with Chandler on my right and Tom leaning against me on my left side. How come hospitals always give you that irksome feeling. You can actually smell all the sicknesses and the medicine. You can feel in the pit of your stomach all the heartache and pain of the people around you. But of course there is always some nurse or doctor bopping around like they don't have a care in the world.
" Mon!" Phoebe, Rachel and Ross came running through the door.
" Hey guys." That's the most I've said in about an hour.
" Hey Tommy. Are you alright?" Ross knelt down in front of him.
" I'm fine but Dad's not."
" Yeah, I heard." He turned towards me. " How are you doing?"
" Well, I'm not so good. My husband is in ICU, clinging to his life because of a damn 45 yr. old drunk who can't hold his liquor. My car is going to cost a fortune and that's just a few things to add to my already shitty life!" I looked down at Tom and I sighed. " Now I'm cursing in front of my kid. Him being alright is the only good part of this situation."
As you could see, this wasn't one of my best days.
I saw Chandler mouth something to Ross and he cleared his throat. " Rach, Pheebs, why don't you guys take Tom down to the cafeteria while I return a call that I got earlier." I rolled my eyes. I don't get Ross sometimes. He has a beeper and a cell phone. He only gives us the beeper number and not the cell phone because it's "just for work". Come on, it's not like you have to immediately do surgery if one of the dinosaurs fall over.
" Okay. Come Tommy lets go get some ice cream." Rachel replied. After they all left, Chandler turned to me.
" You have to calm down. I know you don't mean to but try not to snap at them. Granted, his question was one of those what-do-you-expect-me- to-say questions but they do mean well."
" I'm sorry. It's just the guilt eating me away."
" What do you mean? What guilt?"
" My guilt because of what we did."
" What exactly did we do?"
" Chandler! I should not have been kissing you; we shouldn't have been kissing each other. We're married and that means we're committing adultery."
" Adultery? Monica I do feel awkward that we are 'cheating on our spouses' but we're both in loveless marriages and found truelove in each other. It's not like we're screwing around, we didn't even have sex."
" Kissing is just as bad, especially given our history. This is the second time I'm cheating on Richard with you. After the first time, I promised myself it would never happen again because it was wrong and out of character for me. But of course I find myself with you again while my husband and my son were in a car accident. Sure I don't love Richard, but that doesn't mean he wasn't a good man who deserved a loyal wife."
" So you're saying that everything that happened between us shouldn't have; that it was all a mistake?"
" No…well…you see-,"
" You know what, just save it. I hope you're happy with him. Oh wait a minute, you told me an hour ago that you weren't happy with him and you wanted me. Which is it Monica? When you finally make up your mind, let me know." Chandler stood up and walked away while Rachel came back.
" What's wrong with him?"
" Umm I kind of said some things I didn't mean to."
" I'm sure he understands that you're going through a lot right now. We all do."
" Yeah." I replied, " Where are Tom and Phoebe?"
" They're still down stairs, but I just wanted to see how you were doing."
" I'm barely surviving." I lent back in the seat and sighed.
" I can see that. You just have to stay positive. You're doing pretty well so far. I mean, normal women would be weeping disasters, not knowing what to do with themselves but you're using your famous Monica strength to pull through this. I'm proud of you."
" Thanks. At least one of us is proud of me." Rachel gave me a questioning look. "It 's a long story." Before Rachel could question me further, Ross came and interrupted us.
" I just called Mom and Dad, they're on their way. Any news on Richard?"
" No, the doctors are still in there." Ross sat down and silence emerged among the three of us; unbearably awkward silence. Silence that I had to break.
" I'm going to get some fresh air."
" Okay, we'll be right here." Rachel replied. I could feel their sympathetic eyes follow me as I walked away. Moments after I stepped outside, I heard a distant but familiar voice. As I walked towards it, I saw Phoebe talking to Chandler on a bench not too far away while Tommy sat close by eating gummy worms. He always loved those gummy worms.
" I don't think we're right for each other."
" Yeah, I agree."
"I'm not the only one thinking this?"
" No. We don't have that connection. Ya know?"
" Exactly. That might be my fault though. My heart wasn't in it fully. I was using you as the rebound guy because I'm not over David."
" I see. Well don't worry about it."
" No, it was wrong for me to play with your feelings like that and I'm sorry."
" It's really okay. We weren't going to last. We both secretly knew it. We don't even have much in common. Even though the sex was great," Phoebe smiled and nodded her head in agreement " An orgasm doesn't last long enough to stay in a relationship just for the sex." (Courteney said something like this once and the opportunity to use it was to good to pass up.)
" I agree. So we're on the same page? This is a mutual breakup?"
" Yes." They shook hands and smiled.
" You're going to make some woman or man really happy someday."
" What? You still think I'm gay, even though you married me?"
" You never know, look what happened to Ross and Carol. Anyway I'm just kidding. I know longer see that 'quality' in you."
" Thanks. I must say you're the best wife I ever had."
" You've never been married before." Phoebe laughed.
"So, you're still the best." I smiled and began to walk back towards Richard's room. I was relieved that it was a mutual split and that Phoebe's heart wasn't broken. When I got off the elevator, I stopped at the sight before me and my heart started to pound. Ross looked solemnly at me, Rachel had tears running down her face, an officer that was here earlier, took his hat off and was looking down. The doctor turned around when he heard me come in.
" Ms. Burke, Your husband didn't make it."
Okay at the end of the week, I'm going on vacation. I still might be able to finish another chapter before then so if you care, cross your fingers.