Thanks for the reviews: here's part 6
It had been a month since I've been seeing Chandler. No one knew about us which was a good thing because it took a lot of pressure off of us. However sneaking around reminded me too much of when we were last together, when Richard was around.
I woke up to the feeling of strong arms wrapped around me and smiled. Chandler had come over last night and we fell asleep talking. I looked at the clock and jumped up when I saw the time.
" Chandler! Get up! It's 8:00, Rachel's coming over and she can't see you!"
" Okay, okay I'm up." He answered groggily. As I gathered his things, I turned and noticed that he hadn't moved from his spot on the bed. " Hey Mon, wait for a sec. I need to talk to you."
" Now?"
" There's no time like the present." I sat down next to him with a funny feeling that I wasn't going to like this conversation.
" Okay shoot."
" Alright, we have been together for a while now and I'm just a little uncertain as to why we keep our relationship a secret."
" Chandler you know why. Tom-" I began.
" I know that you want to protect Tom but we agreed that we wouldn't be just 'fooling around'. I told you that I'm all in. So if we are going to have a future like we say that we want, Tommy will need to find out sooner or later. Plus you know that I love that kid like he was my own and would never want to hurt him. So the only real reason I can think of is that you don't really feel the same way that I feel about you."
" That's not true. Why would you say that?"
" Don't play coy with me. You know exactly why I would say that. Just tell me what the hell is going on here because there is something that you are not keeping from me."
" I'm telling you everything."
" Really? Because this whole time you've been acting distant and I can't read your mind."
"Can't you just respect that I need some more time? Don't try to change things or accuse me of anything. If I didn't care about you why would we even be doing this?"
" That's what I want to know! Why are we doing this? What do you want?"
" Look I don't know if this is some insecurity in you that's coming out or something but I'm telling that there is nothing wrong!"
" Oh yeah, then why haven't you told me that you love me?"
" What?"
" Every time I say it, you find some clever way to get around saying it yourself."
" I do love you Chandler. You should know that already."
" Don't lie to my face about something like that!" He started to get up but I stopped him.
" Chandler wait! please!" He pulled away from me and began to put on his coat. Then he paused and looked at me.
" I don't get you Monica. What do you really want from me? You say that I'm the one for you but then you become distant and the fact that you don't love me shows. When you figure out what the hell is running through that little brain of yours, give me a call. You know what, don't even bother calling me." He left the apartment and slammed the door behind him. I then broke down to tears. I hadn't cried in so long. How the hell did I mess up another relationship? Was there something really wrong with me? Why couldn't I just get it together and run after the one person in my life that made sense? It all went back to that stupid word that always got me in trouble: love.
" Mommy?" I looked up to see Tom at the door.
" Hey Tommy boy, come here." I wiped my eyes and motioned for him to sit next to me.
" Are you alright? I heard you and Uncle Chandler yelling."
" Don't you worry about it. Everything's okay."
" But your sad."
" I'll be just fine." I feel like I've been saying that phrase my whole life, or at least a version of it. When was I going to be able to tell someone, 'No I'm not fine, I'm feeling really messed up right now and would like to be alone.' I figured this wasn't the time or the person to say it to. Just then I heard another voice come from the kitchen.
" Hey Mon? Was that Chandler speeding out of the drive way? What's his problem? Where's Tom? I have a present for him."
" Aunt Rachel, mommy's sad." Tom went out to bring Rachel into my room.
" Rach, I'm fine."
" Have you've been crying?"
" Yeah, It's that time of the month, I get very emotional." What a lie.
" Nice try but I'm not buying it. Tommy, can you go play with this in the living room?" She gave him the toy and he ran into the other room. She then closed the door behind her and sat down on the bed next to me. " Tell me the truth. What's going on? Don't lie to me about it either. Ever since Richard, you've been acting strangely. Just not yourself and I'm finally confronting it. Now spill."
" Okay Rach, I'll tell you because I need help and I don't know what to do. I'll tell you the whole story but you have to let me finish. Okay?" she nodded. " Alright, while Richard and I were dating, Chandler and I had a thing on the side-"
" Oh my god! You mean you were dating Richard and Chandler at the same time?"
" Yes, I was-"
" This is huge! How did I not figure that out? For how long?"
" Six months-"
" Six months! And you didn't tell me! Your best friend!'
" Rach, you gave to stop interrupting."
" Sorry, go ahead. I'll keep my mouth shut. "
" Anyway, we were together but I knew how Chandler was about commit. I still had feelings for Richard just not as strong as my feelings for Chandler. When Richard proposed, I used it as an opportunity to talk to Chandler about where our relationship was going. He insisted that he would never change and he would never get married. He basically broke up with me and told me to go back to Richard. So I did. Years later I found myself in a loveless marriage and Phoebe and Chandler getting married. Soon after, he admitted to me that he was in love with me and not with Phoebe. I admitted my feelings for him and we kissed. Suddenly all the pain of our break up came back to me and with Richard in the hospital, I ended it before it really began. He told me to take my time but he will always love me. On New years we decided to give it another shot but to keep it a secret. Today he questioned me why we still have to keep it under wraps."
" That's a lot of information to take in. Tell me, why are you keeping it a secret?"
"I didn't want things to get complicated with everyone knowing and I didn't want Tom to be hurt."
" I see."
" He also accused me of not loving him."
" Well do you?"
" I do and I told him so but he didn't believe. Who am I kidding, I wouldn't believe me. I honestly do care about him but when I try to say it to him, I can't bring myself to do it."
" I think that you were trying to protect yourself more than little Tommy. It's understandable to want to protect yourself when it comes to matters of the heart. Look at it this way, Before you met Richard, you attracted some not so great guys, then you found Chandler, the one, and he broke up with you. Then Richard, your safety and everything Chandler wasn't, ended up cheating on you. Of course your going to be uneasy about love. The most important thing now is for you to embrace your feelings and maybe even talk to Chandler about them."
" I don't know."
" Okay, think about this, do you honestly think that your life would be better with out Chandler. Do you think that there is still someone out there for you to find or is Chandler it?"
" He is the one and only."
" Then that's all you need to know. Don't let yourself run away from something that you know is good for you."
" Well, don't you sound like one of those dating advice books!"
" I know! But seriously, let yourself live the life you deserve to live. Don't let him slip away."
" I know your right. I just…I need to talk to Chandler."
" Go do that and call me the minute you guys are done. Can I stop being the voice of reason and ask you something?"
" Yes?"
" How's Chandler in bed?" I rolled my eyes.
" I knew you were going to ask that."
" He seems like one of those guys who would surprise at how good he was."
" He's …amazing."
" Wow! So that makes two out of three for Chandler." I gave her a look and she knew exactly what I was thinking. " Hey don't look at me like that, I'm already taken!"
How was it? Too short? Not enough action? Horrible? Perfect? Let me know! Constructive criticism would be great!