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Ryan was standing in the shadows smoking a cigarette with a shaking hand. He really didn't want to be here anymore. She seemed like a nice enough lady but he was still unsure about what she wanted from him.
She couldn't just want to get to know him. She had to want something.
But he couldn't read her. She seemed really sincere.
A tall man stopped by the front stairs of the hotel. He set his bags down and walked over toward Ryan. "Can I bum a smoke?"
Ryan didn't respond but passed him his pack. The man plucked a cigarette and gave the pack back to him. He lit it with a lighter he pulled from his pocket.
Ryan expected the man to wander off but he didn't move. Ryan cast a suspicious glance at the man.
"You're a little young to be smoking."
Ryan glared at the man. It was then that he recognized the eyes.
"Mom was right. You look just like Dawn," The man stated.
Ryan shrugged.
"I'm Graham. I guess I'm your uncle." He held out his hand.
Ryan glanced at the hand for a long moment before finally shaking it.
"Strong grip. Someone's been training you," Graham smiled.
"I should get back. We're in the restaurant having dinner," He said quietly.
"So you can speak…" Graham teased, picking up his bags and following Ryan into the hotel.
Ryan didn't wait for the man to follow him, he simply returned to the table and sat down. He saw Graham checking in at the desk in the lobby.
"Your son is here," Ryan said quietly to Grace.
"Oh, Ryan, we should have told you he was coming…" Grace apologized, flushing.
"It doesn't matter," Ryan responded.
Sandy leaned over and immediately held out his hand. Ryan stared at it. After a moment, he pulled out his pack of cigarettes and placed them in his hand with a sigh.
"Thank you," Sandy said, putting them in his pocket.
"Ryan, I'm sorry if I upset you…" Grace apologized, watching the exchange with interest.
"It's okay. I bet you were surprised to find Dawn, too," Ryan said quietly.
"Is it okay if Graham joins us?"
Ryan shrugged. Grace got up to get her son.
"Ryan, are you all right?"
"Yeah. She's nice."
"Are you sure it's okay if he…"
"I guess she needs support, too," Ryan replied before he could finish his question.
"Okay, kid. If it gets to be too much for you, just say something."
"I'm okay, Sandy. Thanks."
Sandy nodded. Grace returned with her son at her side. "Mr. Cohen, this is Graham."
Sandy shook his hand as the waiter pulled up another chair to their table. Graham sat down across from him.
"So what did I miss?" Graham asked.
"Ryan was just telling me a little about himself," Grace said.
"What happened to your eye?" Graham asked.
"I had a disagreement with one of my friends."
"A friend?" Graham asked.
"Yeah. A friend," Ryan replied.
"I met with Dawn today," Grace said quietly.
"You found her? Where is she?" Graham asked immediately.
Grace simply shook her head.
"Dawn is pretty messed up. She's been messed up as long as I've known her," Ryan said quietly. He met Grace's gaze. "It's not your fault. She's just got a lot of problems."
"Problems?" Graham asked.
"She's an alcoholic…or at least she was drunk when I saw her. She's thin and…" Grace continued. "And she's using drugs."
"Oh no…" Graham whispered. He turned to Ryan. "But you don't live with her, right?"
"Ryan stays with my family now. He's been with us for a few months," Sandy said.
"What about her other son? Don't you have a brother?" Graham asked Ryan.
"Trey is in jail. He'll get out in a couple of years," Ryan whispered.
"Oh. And your father?" Graham asked.
"Jail," Ryan responded.
"So…so you lived with her until…"
"Dawn did the best she could. She wasn't necessarily a good mother but she's the only one I had. You guys…you haven't seen her in years, you don't know what she went through. I'm not making excuses for her, but she doesn't deserve you judging her," Ryan said suddenly.
"I'm sorry, Ryan," Graham apologized.
Ryan shrugged. "I guess we've all known Dawn about the same amount of time. About fifteen years. Hey, she cut me loose, too, so I guess that's her limit on acquaintances."
"Ryan," Sandy whispered. "You're her son, you're more than an acquaintance."
"You don't know her either," Ryan said quietly.
"Let's all just relax, guys. This is rough on everyone and we are still strangers," Graham said slowly. "Let's just try and get to know each other before we start hurting each other's feelings."
Ryan nodded. He gave Sandy a quick glance.
The waiter brought the appetizers and quickly took their orders.
"So, Ryan. How old are you?" Graham asked.
"Sixteen. Last month," He replied.
"Do you have a car?" Grace probed, wanting to know everything.
"Sandy says once my probation is up that we can discuss it," Ryan replied. "But Newport's small and it's easy to get around."
"And you've made friends here?" Grace asked.
"Yeah. Newport's great. Sandy and Kirsten have been very good to me," Ryan nodded.
"When's the last time you saw your mother?" Graham asked quietly.
"She calls sometimes," Ryan replied quietly.
"She calls you?" Sandy asked, surprised.
"Yeah. I figured you or Kirsten had given her the number. She calls every couple of weeks," Ryan whispered, startled that Sandy didn't know.
"But she doesn't have visitation?" Graham asked.
"She doesn't want visitation," Ryan replied.
"But…" Graham started. "You're her son…"
Ryan shrugged and muttered under his breath, clearly uncomfortable. He glanced at Sandy.
"Ryan…" Grace started.
"I'm going to go to the bathroom," Ryan said suddenly.
Sandy gave him a worried glance.
"Don't worry. You already took my cigarettes," Ryan stated, leaving the table.
"He's skittish," Graham said quietly.
"He's probably talked more tonight than he has in days. He doesn't talk that much," Sandy said. "He's one of the quietest kids I've ever seen."
"Sandy, was he abused?" Graham whispered.
"Graham's a child psychologist," Grace explained.
"Ryan had a rough life. But he's very well adjusted now. He still gets into fights a lot, but it's usually because he's defending someone he cares about."
"But Dawn…did she abuse him?" Graham asked.
Sandy sighed. "He doesn't talk about it. I think the physical abuse was more from her boyfriends than from Dawn. If he finds out you're a shrink, he's not going to talk to you. I'm going to go check on him. He's had a long day."
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Sandy returned with Ryan after a few minutes and their food was waiting on the table.
"Sorry about that," Ryan apologized as he sat down again.
"It's perfectly fine. I'm just glad that you agreed to see me," Grace said quietly.
"Mom…she never talked about you. She never mentioned you at all," Ryan replied.
"You never asked? I mean…" Graham started.
"We didn't ask questions at our house," Ryan replied quietly. Sandy glanced at him. He remembered the statement from when he and Kirsten had first told him about Grace.
"She's pretty angry with me. I was so busy that I wasn't there for her when she needed me…" Grace whispered.
Graham immediately put his hand on his mother's shoulder. "She could've called you to come get her, she could have told you what was going on but she didn't. She knew that you loved her and that she could go to you but she made the decision to run away. It's not your fault."
"But Graham, she hates me…" Grace said quietly. "She's…she's so broken…"
Sandy glanced at Ryan but he was staring at his untouched plate. "Maybe we should continue this another time."
"Can we see you again?" Graham asked as Sandy waved the waiter over and motioned for boxes for their food.
Ryan immediately glanced at Sandy for guidance. Graham didn't take his eyes off Ryan.
"We'll be in touch. Grace knows how to contact us," Sandy said. "We'll give you a call in the morning."
"Thanks for meeting with me, Ryan. It really…it means a lot," Grace said as they stood up.
"I'm sorry that Dawn is being so awful to you. Usually, if you catch her before noon, she's a little more lucid," Ryan said quietly.
"Thank you, Ryan," Graham replied, stricken.
Sandy put his hand on Ryan's back as they turned to leave but Ryan paused before turning back to face them. "I can call Trey for you, if you want. See if he'll agree to see you."
"Would you come with me?" Grace asked.
"Trey and I aren't exactly close anymore. But I'll see what he wants to do. Sandy will call you." Ryan turned and led Sandy toward the door.
Grace turned to Graham to speak but he beat her to the punch.
"What the hell did Dawn do to that kid?" Graham whispered.
Ryan paused once they were on the sidewalk.
"What? You okay, kid?"
"Yeah." He didn't move.
"Ryan, I know that was difficult, but it's over now. You ready to go home?"
Ryan nodded and when Sandy put his hand on his back and urged him toward the car, he matched his gait to Sandy's and they walked.
He was silent in the car but a few miles from the house, Sandy turned to cast a quick glance at him. "Ryan. Can we talk for a few minutes before we get home?"
"What's up?"
"Your mother calls?"
"Yeah. I figured you knew…"
"Does Seth know?"
"No…" Ryan replied quietly.
"What do you talk about?"
"We talk about…about what's going on in her life," Ryan's voice was lowered to a whisper. "Am I not supposed to talk to her?"
"No, Ryan, she's your mother but…but I wish you had told me."
"I thought you knew. How else would she get the number?"
"I don't know. But if she upsets you…"
"She doesn't call for me. It makes her feel like less of a failure to keep in touch. She tells me about AJ and about her jobs. She tells me things that she thinks I'll be proud of…"
"What?"
"Like, she tells me when she gets a new job…she tells me when she goes a day without shooting up…she tells me when she manages to pay her bills…stuff like that."
"She doesn't ask about you?"
"I don't want her to know about me," He replied.
Sandy pulled the car into the driveway and put it in park. "Ryan. If your mother upsets you, I want you to feel like you can come to us. To me. I know she's your mother and I would never try to make you choose us over her but I am worried about what she does to you. What she makes you feel."
"I can handle it, Sandy."
"I know. But you don't have to handle it anymore."
Ryan glanced down. He nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry…"
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"But…"
"If talking to your mother isn't hurting you, I don't want you to stop. But if she's still abusing drugs and drinking then I don't want you to see her without us. But we are here for you. If you need to talk about her or Grace or anything else that's on your mind."
Ryan nodded. "I know. Thanks."
"I'm not going to tell Kirsten that you were smoking again. But if I catch you again, I'm going to come clean."
"Okay. I think I'm going to go lie down."
"You haven't eaten…"
"I'm okay. I'll take it for lunch. Thanks for taking me tonight."
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Ryan was lying in the dark when he heard the door open to the poolhouse.
"Ryan?"
"Hey, Seth."
"What's up? It's like, 9 o'clock and your lights are off…" Seth whispered.
"Why are you whispering?"
"In case you're sleeping…"
Ryan laughed quietly as Seth sat down at the end of his bed.
"How'd it go?"
"Okay."
"Can I get a little more description?"
"She's nice. Her son is nice. They seem nice."
"You met her son? So, now you have, like, a grandma and an uncle?" Seth asked.
"Yeah. I guess so. They want to see me again."
"And you?"
"It was like an interrogation."
"Ryan, 'how are you' feels like an interrogation for you," Seth teased.
Ryan smiled.
"So, you've decided to mope instead of eating and making conversation with yours truly?"
"I just feel like I've had a long day."
"You're lazy. Get up. Summer went with me to the game store but she has zero hand/eye coordination so I need you for this new game. And you can eat something so Mom and Dad will stop talking about bringing the scale out here. They say you're thin."
"I'm not thin."
"You're not as thin as I am but they're still talking."
"I've, like, gained weight…"
"So, you're on a diet?"
"No, dude…" Ryan snorted.
"Then come inside. Come on, man, you're not a hermit, you're not sick, you're just brooding for no reason," Seth pleaded. "Please?"
Ryan tossed the covers back and stood up.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Let's go."
Seth smiled widely as he led Ryan toward the house.
Seth stepped in and immediately yelled, "Ta-Da!" Summer clapped enthusiastically. Ryan gave her the finger and she laughed.
"Seth, how'd you get him to come inside?" Kirsten asked. She was leaning against the counter beside Sandy.
"He paid me," Ryan said evenly. Seth shoved him.
"What happened to your eye?" Kirsten asked, seeing his black eye for the first time.
"Did you apologize to Luke?" Sandy asked before he could answer.
"Yeah. I called him when I got back. His dad bought us some boxing gloves," Ryan replied with a slight smile.
"Really? Hey, will you teach me how to box?" Seth asked immediately.
"Cohen, you're so pale, you bruise if someone looks at you too hard," Summer said.
"Are you hungry?" Kirsten asked.
"Seth said you guys are stressing about my eating habits," Ryan said.
"He can eat after we start this game, I need his ninja…" Seth said, pulling him by the arm into the den. Summer settled on the couch behind them as they sat down in the floor with the controllers.
"How was your meeting?" Summer asked Ryan once Kirsten and Sandy went into his study.
"Ryan now has a grandma and an uncle," Seth answered.
"Heavy," Summer whispered.
"They're nice," Ryan sighed.
"But?" Summer probed.
"They're still strangers," Ryan stated quietly. Seth and Summer waited for him to continue. Ryan's ninja slashed at its attackers. "I don't know what they want."
"What they want?" Seth asked.
"I mean…they don't know me. They didn't even know I existed until, like, yesterday. What do they want?"
"They just want to get to know you. Aren't you curious about them? Like, what if you have cousins or something?" Summer asked.
Ryan shrugged.
"He's already got a family," Seth said quietly.
"Now he's got more. I mean, my grandparents are dead, my mom's MIA and all I have is my Dad. Is there such a thing as too much family?" Summer asked.
"With a family like mine…like, my real family…I don't know," Ryan replied. "I just…it's not something I ever considered. Dawn…" He let his words drift off. "Let's just play."
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Ryan was released from Seth's hyperactive bonding demands around eleven and he went to the poolhouse. As soon as he changed into his sweats for bed, his phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hey, baby. It's your mom."
"Hey." He could hear the slur in her voice and sat down to get ready to listen.
"How are you?"
"I'm okay. Are you okay?"
"No." She sniffled and he could tell that she was crying. "I got into a fight with AJ and…I miss you so much, baby."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault, it's mine…I'm so sorry, baby…I love you so much…"
"I know, its okay…"
"My mom's here."
"I know."
"You met her? You talked to her?"
"Yeah. We had dinner tonight. With your brother, Graham."
"Graham? Oh god…"
"Mom…why didn't you ever tell us about her?"
"Because…just because, baby. I started a new life here. I left all that behind."
"She seems nice."
"You don't know her."
Ryan waited for her to continue.
"I can't believe I'm getting upset about her. But…"
"She's your mom," Ryan whispered.
"I know…it's just been so long…"
"Dawn…"
"Don't call me that, baby, please…" She started to sob.
"I'm sorry, mom, don't cry…" He hated to hear her cry.
"Will you…can you come see me?"
Ryan didn't answer. He was thinking about what Sandy had told him earlier. This was the first time his mother had asked to see him.
"Please, baby?"
"I don't know. I'll have to ask Sandy…"
"I'm your mother…you'd listen to him over me?"
"I live with him. I follow his rules now…"
"Ryan, please, I need to see you. Please, baby…"
"I'll have to see, Mom. Can I call you back?"
"Soon? You'll call soon?"
"Yeah, mom. I'll call you back," Ryan said.
"You promise?"
"I promise. I'll call." He waited until he heard the soft click. He sat in the poolhouse for a long moment before getting to his feet. He saw that the kitchen light was still on so he went inside.
Sandy was in his robe stirring a cup of tea.
"You drink tea?" Ryan asked. Sandy jumped, startled.
"Occasionally. What's up? I thought you were going to bed."
"I got a phone call."
"Oh," Sandy said, surprised.
Ryan sat down at the counter. Sandy took the seat beside him.
Sandy waited for him to continue but he didn't. "Who called you, Ryan?"
"Dawn. She wants to see me. She's never asked to see me before."
"What did you tell her?"
"That I had to talk to you first and I'd call her back."
"It's too late tonight, Ryan. But if you want to see her, I'll take you," Sandy said after a pause.
"What if I don't want to see her?" Ryan asked.
"Then I'll call her and explain it to her."
Ryan hesitated. "It's just…I don't mind her calling. It's nice to talk to her. To know she's okay. But if I see her…"
"I understand, Ryan. It's hard. Your mother…"
"Has a lot of problems. But they're not my problems anymore. I know all that."
"But it doesn't make it easier. What do you want to do?"
Ryan sighed. "I'll call her. I'll explain it to her."
"Why don't you call her now? I'll be right here and if she wants to talk to me, I'll be here for you."
Ryan gave him a slight glance. "I can call her. It'll be fine. You don't have to…"
"I want to, Ryan. Call her."
Ryan walked over to the phone and dialed his mother.
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