AN: Yeah, I'm in a rut. But I hope this chapter won't ruin it for everyone. Thanks for reading. More to come later.

"Baby?"

"Hey, Mom." Ryan had his back to Sandy so he wouldn't see his reactions. He didn't want Sandy to see him this vulnerable. His nerves had been strained even before his mother's call.

"Are you coming?"

"I can't."

"What? Baby, I need you, I need you to…"

"I said that I can't."

"They won't let you see me?"

Ryan straightened his shoulders. "I can see you if I want to. But I don't want to."

"What?" She gasped. "Baby, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying it's after eleven and I have school in the morning and I can't come to Chino tonight."

"I'm your mother. I'm more important than school or those people you're mooching off of…I'm your mother. You owe me…" She whispered.

Ryan wasn't sure what to say. He didn't owe her anything. But she was his mom, that would never change.

"Ryan, you're my boy and I need you. I need to see you now. More than ever. Please…please, baby…"

Ryan's posture had first alerted Sandy to turn in the conversation. He moved to Ryan's side. He put his hand on Ryan's back and was pleased when he didn't flinch.

"I can't see you tonight, Mom. It's too late, it'd be after midnight before I even got to Chino…" Ryan started again. "I can't see you tonight."

"Why are you being like this? I need you and you're just fucking me over, you don't even care…"

"I do care, Mom…" Ryan started.

"I can't believe that you'd be this way to your own mother…" She started to sob.

Ryan couldn't listen to her tears and didn't want Sandy to take the phone from him so he did the only thing he could do. He hung up. He turned to leave the kitchen but Sandy clamped his hand down on his shoulder.

"Wait just a second."

"I'm just going to bed…"

"You're going to lie out there and not get any rest. Just wait a second. Take a breath."

Ryan hadn't realized that he was holding his breath. He exhaled and realized that he was shaking.

"Sit down, kid. Just for a few minutes," Sandy urged. Ryan accepted the seat at the counter when Sandy pulled it out.

Ryan didn't feel like talking. He felt like downing a pint of something extremely alcoholic and chasing it with something stronger. He felt like smoking until his lungs hurt. He felt like hitting something really hard.

"Do you want…"

"No." He really didn't want to talk about it. He shouldn't have told Sandy anything at all. He should have kept quiet.

Sandy nodded. He sat down beside Ryan and sipped from his tea.

The silence thickened as they sat there.

"I guess…I guess that I'll always hope that she'll get better."

"She's your mother. You'll always love her."

"Even if she doesn't deserve it?"

Sandy nodded. He patted Ryan on the back again. "It's never going to get easier. Until she accepts that she has a problem and gets some help…it's always going to be tough to talk to her. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Ryan glanced at him. "Can I go lie down?"

"Try and get some rest, okay?"

Ryan nodded. "Thanks." He stood up and went to the door. He paused.

"Ryan? Why don't you stay in here, tonight? The guest room is really comfortable."

Ryan turned and looked at Sandy, confused.

"I'd just like to keep you close tonight," Sandy said.

Ryan nodded. He didn't really want to be alone in the poolhouse tonight. He followed Sandy to the guest room.

Kirsten woke up alone in bed. She had felt Sandy kiss her cheek when he left to go surfing but she hated the feeling of waking up alone. She knew if she rolled over that he'd climb into bed with her when he returned but she was too restless to wait.

He'd told her about Ryan's 'breakthrough' the night before. Sandy considered Ryan's midnight confession as a sign that he was gaining Ryan's trust. He hadn't been this excited since Seth had asked him to go to the IMAX movie with him a few weeks ago. In Sandy's eyes, Ryan had given him back his son.

Kirsten wasn't as upbeat about the night before. Ryan wasn't like her or anyone she'd ever met. He was guarded, he was jumpy and she knew that he took things more seriously than other kids. He was hurting. He was confused. He'd never admit to it but he was more upset than she thought her husband realized.

She hadn't known that he talked to his mother and she was pretty upset about it herself. She was proud that he'd gone to Sandy when she'd called the night before but she knew that Dawn would always have a hold on him.

She got out of bed and got dressed. She knew it was too early for Seth but she wanted to be in the kitchen when her boys got up.

She heard murmured voices when she reached the kitchen. Rosa and Ryan were hovered over the stove, cooking. She was surprised to hear Ryan speaking in Spanish as Rosa smiled and flipped the pancakes.

"Morning."

"Hey, Kirsten," Ryan said. His black eye had become even darker overnight and she couldn't stop herself from going to his side and gently touching the bruise.

"Do you want some aspirin?"

"I already took some ibuprofen. It's okay."

"Okay. You're helping Rosa?"

"He had already started when I got here. I'm helping him," Rosa replied.

"You get any sleep?"

"A little," Ryan admitted, sitting down at the counter and letting Rosa take over.

"Good. Yesterday was rough."

He nodded. "And I have a calculus test today, too. I'm going to go get dressed."

"Aren't you going to eat?" She asked.

"I'll get something later. I'm not really hungry. I just needed to do something." He gave her a slight smile and exited the kitchen.

"He hates to eat. He loves to cook but hates to eat," Rosa said quietly.

"He's having a bad day."

"You wouldn't know it to look at him. He seems okay today. Compared to other days," Rosa added. "He's a good boy. Good cook, too."

Kirsten stared after him.

"Maybe you should go talk to him. You never talk to him. He won't bite. He might not talk back, but he won't bite."

Kirsten gave Rosa a grateful smile and went out the doors to the poolhouse.

She knocked softly on the door and heard him call out for her to come in.

"Ryan?"

"Hey. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Can we talk?"

"Already with the talking?" He smiled to show her he was joking.

"Yeah, sorry. Sandy had his turn with you last night and now it's my turn."

Ryan shrugged. "Have at it."

"Sit down." She urged.

He was standing beside the shelves where he kept his clothes. She'd tried to buy him a dresser but he insisted that he had everything he needed.

"I need to get dressed. Give me five minutes and I'll sit down," He said, grabbing clothes and closing the bathroom door.

She glanced around the poolhouse. Seth refused to clean his room or let anyone else clean his room but Ryan kept the poolhouse immaculate. She watched him sometimes through the window while he cleaned. He did his own laundry and she'd seen him changing the sheets regularly. She didn't know how to make him feel like this was his home. Ryan did more housework that she'd ever done.

She saw his backpack tucked in neatly beside the bed and she resisted her impulse to look inside.

They had put him in a house of windows, he deserved a little privacy.

"Okay." He stepped out, dressed in jeans and his trademark wife-beater. He had a shirt draped over his arm. "I'm ready."

His hair was unruly and flattened against his head when he sat down beside her on his bed.

"You look like I'm about to sentence you."

"I'm still getting used to the amount of conversation that has to circulate around here. I mean…I'm just not used to it," He admitted.

"Well, we're getting used to reading your responses better, too. It's tough. Getting to know a brand new teenager when I barely understand the one I already have," She smiled.

He returned her smile, nervously.

"So. Yesterday was hard, I guess."

"Getting to know a grandmother when I didn't know I had one is tough. And an uncle," Ryan sighed. "And then to top it all off, I get a call from my mother. It wasn't one of my best days."

"I guess not."

"I don't really know what you want me to say. I'm trying to…I'm trying to figure out what I should do, Kirsten. How I'm supposed to act…"

"You don't have to act like anything…"

He was clearly trying to put his thoughts into words. "What I mean is…it's hard for me to just believe that she doesn't want anything from me. I mean…why is she going to all this trouble?"

"You're family."

"I guess…I guess I'm not used to it meaning what it means here. Dawn would only throw the 'family' word out if she needed something…and Trey…"

"What about Trey?"

Ryan sighed.

"I get the feeling that something happened between you guys that you don't want to talk about. You…you went to see him for Thanksgiving…didn't you guys have a good visit?" She watched him for a reaction.

She wasn't ignorant; she'd begged Sandy to push him for information after his trip to Chino on Thanksgiving when he returned with a black eye. Sandy had insisted that it was nothing and that Ryan would tell them when he was ready.

Ryan's face flashed with emotion but he didn't speak right away. Finally, he answered. "We had a fine visit. We just decided that it would be better for us if we didn't talk anymore."

"Ever?"

"Well…yeah."

She waited but he didn't continue. "Why?"

He sighed and ran his hand across his face. "Because. He only called because he needed something. I…I don't want to be his little errand boy anymore."

Her parental alarms went off full force. "What exactly did he need?"

"Kirsten…"

"Please."

He was clearly upset by her plea. No matter how closed off he was, he always gave in to her pleas. It made her wonder how much his mother manipulated him by making him feel guilty. She never wanted to do that to him. "Ryan, I would like to know."

"No, you wouldn't. It…it was stupid and…and you wouldn't understand."

"Try me. I've bailed Hailey out enough times to know that shit happens," She smiled weakly.

He let out a nervous breath. "He owed some people money. So I paid his debt."

"How'd you pay it, I mean…"

"I…I can't tell you," He whispered.

"Why not?"

"Because. It wasn't legal," He said quietly.

"Oh. Did you…"

"I know that it was stupid but…things…they would've killed him. It wasn't a matter of choice. I shouldn't have gone but…if I hadn't done it and he had gotten hurt…"

"Oh. Ryan, it's okay, you're not in trouble but…" She stammered. She hadn't expected his confession.

"So I did what he needed and I told him that I couldn't do it again. I told him that it was the last time. I…I have a different life here, I can't take risks like that anymore. I…I have too much to lose now. If I had gotten arrested or hurt…"

"You did get hurt…"

"I could've gotten hurt a lot worse. I'm sorry, Kirsten…"

"I know. It's clear to me, and Sandy, that you're trying to change your life. It's not going to be a single step, Ryan, it's going to be a long process. I'm sorry that you had to make that decision about your brother, I wish…I wish that you had a family that you could depend on…"

"I'd like to think I do have a family I can depend on," He said quietly. She put an arm around his shoulders.

"You do. You do now."

"Ryan, Rosa's making pancakes, are you…" Seth walked into the poolhouse.

"I'm ready, Seth. Your mother was just talking to me."

"Mom, it's entirely too early for deep conversation," Seth said, flopping down in the chair.

"Sorry. You guys are coming in to eat, right?" Kirsten stood up.

"Shortly," Seth nodded. He was looking at the two of them, finally sensing the tension. "If you need a few more minutes…"

"I think we're done. I'll see you guys inside."

Ryan let out a deep sigh of relief once she was gone.

"What's going on? Why's she all parental so early?"

"Sandy's going to kick my ass…" Ryan whispered.

"Why? What happened?"

"I'm so retarded," Ryan muttered. "She started asking me about Thanksgiving and, like a dumbass, I told her…"

"You told Mom what happened at Thanksgiving but you won't tell me?"

"I…"

"Come on, man. You went to see your brother and you came back with a black eye and told me that you didn't have a brother anymore. Something huge went down and you're lucky that it took this long to come out. So spill."

"Seth…"

"Come on, man."

Ryan sighed. "You guys just pick and pick until you get what you want…"

"We don't have to pick and pick with anyone else, you're just a mute. So talk, Ryan. If mom knows, then she's going to tell Dad. Don't you want me to have your back?"

Ryan threw up his hands and stretched out on his bed.

"Ryan?"

"He owed this punk some money and they were beating the hell out of him on a regular basis. He needed me to pay his debt."

"Okay…"

"So I had to take this stolen car to this guy…"

"Whoa. Stop. Ryan…"

"I know, I know…"

"You could've been arrested, you would've been sent back to juvie…" Seth started, pale.

"Seth. I know. It was stupid…"

"It was monumentally stupid, Ryan…"

"I can't explain it to you, that's why I never told you. They were going to kill him. Kill him, Seth. Jail's not like Newport, they don't play games, it's serious. I couldn't just walk away, I had to do what I had to do. I wouldn't have gone if I had known that he…"

"You knew…shit, you told me before you went that he only wanted something from you…"

"Let's just drop it. You were right, it's too early for deep conversation…" Ryan stood up, abruptly.

"Dude…"

"It's over. It's over. I told Trey that I wouldn't do any more favors for him and I cut my ties. Now, if I can just do the same with my mother, then…then it'll all be fine. Let's go have pancakes." Ryan slammed the door as he walked out with his backpack.

Ryan left early for school, taking his bike instead of waiting for a ride from Summer. He ran into Luke on the front steps of the school.

"What's up, man. You still look grouchy."

"Yeah. I'm just a little overloaded right now," Ryan said, sitting down beside him.

"I know the feeling. My dad introduced me to his new 'boyfriend' last night."

"Damn," Ryan whispered.

"So. You want to get out of here?"

"God, the Cohens would kill me if I cut school again…"

"So? Come on, man, if you sit in class all day then you'll just wind yourself up tighter. Let's get out of here."

Ryan hesitated.

"Please. I cut with you yesterday and you owe me after punching me for no good reason…" Luke urged.

"I'm already in trouble up to my ass, they're watching me like a hawk…"

"You're such a punk, Chino…" Luke snapped.

"Maybe, but I can't risk pissing off the Cohens like that. I'm always on the edge of getting sent back," Ryan replied quietly. "I want to go with you. But shit's pretty tense right now."

Luke relaxed. "You're right."

"How about after I fail my calc test, I get sick?"

"We do have gym third period. Coach won't call our folks and he'll cover with the teachers," Luke acknowledged.

Ryan slapped his hand. "Deal?"

"Yeah. Good plan."

Luke's cellular phone rang around noon. He recognized Seth's number and handed the phone to Ryan.

"Yeah?"

"Where the hell are you?"

"Seth…"

"Seriously."

"With Luke. At the beach."

"Dad is so pissed. Like ballistic."

"How does Sandy know?"

"Dr. Kim cornered me looking for you, said you were missing. Mom and Dad just freaked, they said you might be going to your Mom…"

"Oh fuck. I'm with Luke at the beach, we conned Coach Baker..." Ryan realized what it might look like to Sandy and Kirsten in their overexcited parental mode.

"Well, Dad's on his way to school and Mom's already in the office. What do you want me to do?"

"Fuck…can you tell them I'll be right there? Tell them that I'm not in Chino, I'm on my way there. Fuck."

"Dude, are you okay?"

"Not now. I'll see you in a few minutes." Ryan closed the phone.

"Busted?" Luke asked.

"Yeah. Can you give me a ride close to school? The Cohens are freaked out…" Ryan started.

"No problem."

Luke's phone rang as they started gathering their things. "Hello?" He immediately passed the phone to Ryan.

"Yeah?"

"Ryan. Tell Luke to take you home. Now. Kirsten and I will deal with Dr. Kim. Go home and stay there."

"Sandy…"

"Go home. Sit down in the kitchen and don't move."

"Okay." Ryan was surprised when Sandy hung up on him.

"Damn," Luke muttered.

"Yeah."

As soon as Luke dropped Ryan off, he dropped his bags in the poolhouse and stepped out onto the patio and lit a cigarette.

He'd had a few beers with Luke at the beach but he wasn't relaxed.

"Ryan."

He dropped the cigarette abruptly but Kirsten had already spotted it.

"I'd ask if you were okay but it's obvious that you're fine and even if you weren't, I'd have no idea because you're totally unpredictable in your behavior."

He didn't speak.

"We…I thought you'd gone to see your mother…"

"I wouldn't…" He protested, not wanting to see the hurt in her eyes.

"Yes, you would. She's your mother and no matter what you'd go. Your loyalty is one of the reasons I love you so much. But…I don't understand what you're doing…"

"I just couldn't sit at school when I can't focus on anything except all this stuff…I needed some space…"

"Ryan…"

"It's so heavy here…all the talking and the feeling…I just needed little while to myself…"

"Were you drinking?"

"A little. I'm sorry."

She put her hand on his shoulder and he flinched but she pulled him into a hug.

"I was worried."

"I'm sorry," He said.

"You were just doing normal teenage things and we panicked. But you can't afford to cut class or get busted drinking. You know that, right?"

"I know…"

"You're grounded. I'll bring you out some lunch and believe me, Sandy is going to have a long talk with you when he gets home."

Ryan was surprised at her kindness. "That…that's it?"

"I'm the good cop today. Don't worry, though, Sandy's on his way," She smiled. "And the smoking…we'll talk about it later."

Sandy and Kirsten were in the kitchen when Ryan came inside later that night. They'd both talked to him and grounded him but they both knew that this was something different. His blue eyes were dark with emotion and they recognized the tenseness in his jaw as another sign that he was upset.

Sandy spoke before Ryan did. "What's wrong? Did she call?"

"Can you…will you take me to see her?" Ryan asked, breathing the words. "She…I need to go."

Sandy glanced at Kirsten. She nodded. "Call me as soon as you get there."

Sandy let Ryan drive, knowing that he knew where he was going and he didn't mind the silence. Ryan grew tenser the closer that he got to Chino. Finally, 45 minutes after Ryan's plea, Ryan stopped the Range Rover outside a decrepit apartment complex.

"I don't want you to come upstairs but I don't want to leave you out here," Ryan said. He was shaking when he released the steering wheel.

"I'm not letting you go in alone. Come on."

Ryan led Sandy into the building. Sandy was startled at the poor condition of the building. Drug paraphernalia and homeless people are scattered in the halls.

Ryan stopped outside number 11 and knocked. After there was no answer, he knocked again.

"Ryan…" Sandy started.

Ryan pushed open the door, finding it unlocked. He stepped inside.

The apartment was disgusting with trash and dirty clothes scattered everywhere.

Ryan maneuvered the apartment, searching for him mother. Sandy stayed by the door as Ryan went into the back.

He hoped that this wasn't how Ryan grew up. He hoped this wasn't how Dawn lived her life. He couldn't imagine anyone living this way.

He heard Ryan gasp and was immediately alert.

"I told you I was coming…Mom…" Ryan's voice was a whisper but Sandy followed it to the bedroom. He stepped inside.

Ryan was crouched beside a disheveled bed. Dawn was lying on the blankets with a belt still tied around her thin arm. Her skin was blue. Sandy could tell that she was dead. He pulled out his phone and dialed 911. He went to Ryan's side but he didn't look at Dawn's dead, vacant eyes.

"I came, Mom…why would you…you know I'd come…" Ryan murmured, tears streaming down his face as he kneeled beside her body.

Sandy quietly spoke into the phone, giving directions and basic information before hanging up. He put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "Ryan, come on…let's step outside…"

Ryan shook his head.

"Ryan, you shouldn't be here…"

Ryan shuddered. He stood up and leaned against Sandy's steadying arm. He reached over closed his mother's eyes with a shaking hand. He turned and walked out of the room with Sandy close beside him.

Ryan went towards the front door but stopped and turned around, suddenly panicked. "Sandy, should we try CPR, I mean, she's cold but maybe…"

"No, Ryan, I'm sorry," Sandy said quietly. He put his hands on the boy's shoulders to steady him as they heard the first sirens. "Ryan, I want you to breathe, okay? Look at me…"

Ryan met his gaze and visibly took a breath but was still shaking and breathing rapidly.

"Deep breaths, okay?"

Ryan nodded. He took a few steps back and leaned against the wall. He didn't react to the knock on the door. Sandy let the EMTs and police officers in and kept watching Ryan in his peripheral vision while he explained the situation.

Ryan seemed to deflate and slowly slid down the wall to sit on the floor.

"Can I get him out of here?" Sandy asked the officer. The officer spoke to one of the medics that had come to stand beside them while the other medic examined Dawn's body. The medic went to Ryan's side.

Ryan let the man lead him out of the apartment and down to the street. He walked away from the man and sat down on the curb.

Sandy walked down with the officers after completing the reports and making arrangements for Dawn's body. He wanted to be with Ryan, he was worried, but he had to be the grown up.

Ryan was sitting on the curb in front of the Range Rover with a cigarette in his mouth. Sandy went to his side.

"Ryan, are you all right?"

Ryan glanced at him and Sandy knew that he wasn't. Smoke drifted from his nostrils as he lowered his gaze immediately.

"Let's go home, okay?" Sandy offered his hand and helped Ryan to his feet.

"Is…" Ryan started.

"I handled it. They'll take good care of her."

Ryan nodded. His gaze flickered behind Sandy. Sandy turned and saw a tall bulky man approaching.

"A.J," Ryan murmured.

The man's face registered confusion and anger as he recognized Ryan. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Sandy put his hand on Ryan's arm to keep him close and out of A.J's reach. He also wanted to keep Ryan from attacking the man.

"She called me," Ryan said quietly. Sandy realized that Ryan was keeping his eyes lowered and humble. He'd never seen anyone have such a visible effect on Ryan.

"Stupid bitch…" A.J muttered.

"She's dead." Ryan didn't flinch. He was frozen in his spot. Sandy tightened his grip.

"What?" A.J's face softened slightly.

Ryan's eyes flickered to the ambulance then toward the assembling policemen that had approached after hearing A.J's greeting. A.J. could read his expressions and his face immediately flashed with rage.

"What the fuck happened?" A.J. demanded, taking several steps toward Ryan and Sandy.

Ryan didn't move but he spoke quietly to Sandy. "If he touches you, I'll fucking kill him…"

The cops stepped in before AJ reached Ryan or Sandy and pulled him away.

"Let's go, Ryan," Sandy said, releasing his arm after a long moment.

"Go," Ryan repeated blankly.

"Let's go home, okay?"

Ryan nodded and stepped over to the passenger door of the Range Rover.

Kirsten and Seth were in the kitchen when Sandy brought Ryan inside. It was almost four a.m. but they were both drinking coffee.

"Hey. You didn't call and it's been hours…" Kirsten began.

Seth was looking at Ryan. Seth stood up and went to Ryan's side.

"What happened? Did she do something to you?" Seth asked him. Ryan opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Seth knew him well enough to read him, though. "She's dead?"

Ryan nodded and Kirsten gasped.

"Dude, that sucks, I am so sorry…" Seth whispered.

Ryan stepped between Seth and Sandy and stepped out onto the patio.

"Sandy, what happened?" Kirsten asked as Seth followed Ryan outside.

"She was dead when we got there. She overdosed. He found her…he's so upset…" Sandy said as she embraced him.

"But she called him," Kirsten whispered.

Seth stepped in. "So, Ryan's pretty upset but I managed to get him to say a few sentences. He says that you should call Grace…"

"Does he want to see her?" Kirsten asked, surprised.

"He doesn't want to see anyone. He just thinks that she'd want to know," Seth replied. "He also…he wants to go see Trey tomorrow."

"It's too soon for him to worry about that, tell him that we'll take care of it…"

"She's his mom," Seth replied quietly. "Trey's his brother…he wants to be the one to tell him."

"Seth…"

"He says I can stay with him as long as I don't make him talk so I'm going to stay with him."

"Is he…"

"He's upset, Mom, but he's okay. I'll call you if I need you."