----------
"Ryan…" Sandy started once he'd parked in the driveway.
"I'm going to go to the poolhouse. I didn't get much sleep last night," Ryan said immediately, bolting across the driveway and around the house.
"I think I'm going to leave him alone on this one," Seth said quietly.
"You think he's okay?"
"He'll be okay, Dad," Seth nodded.
"We'll check on him if he doesn't come out in a few hours."
"You going to call his dad?"
"Yeah."
"If he wants to come…you think Ryan will go to the service?"
"I'm playing it by ear, Seth. Come on," Sandy led him inside.
----------
Sandy was worried when Ryan didn't come inside for dinner. He'd spoken with Ryan's father and had been very surprised by the man. He wanted to tell Ryan, but he hated disturbing him if he was sleeping. But the kid deserved to know.
Sandy knocked quietly on the poolhouse door but there was no response. He stepped inside and saw Ryan lying on top of his made bed with his eyes closed.
"Ryan?"
Ryan didn't respond. Sandy studied him.
"Pretending to sleep?"
Ryan let out a long sigh. "I'm trying to sleep."
"You didn't eat anything for dinner."
"I'm not hungry."
"I'm not caring. You need to eat something. Can we talk first?"
Ryan sat up. "Yeah. What's up?"
"I spoke with your father."
Ryan's face didn't change, he kept it blank and stony.
"He'd like to come to the service."
"Why?"
Sandy was startled for a moment but thought about the question and all the untold history of Ryan's family that he didn't know. "He's found religion."
"What?" Ryan asked, startled.
"He'd like to see you, Ryan. He says that he's been born again, that he's different now and…" Sandy stated slowly. "He really wants to see you."
Ryan stood up. "I need a minute…" He whispered, pacing in a tight circle as he looked for the closest exit.
"Ryan…"
"Just a minute…" He disappeared through the glass doors before Sandy could stop him.
Sandy waited for a long moment before stepping out and looking around. He spotted a cloud of smoke several yards from the poolhouse in the hidden area where the air conditioner was stored. He walked slowly and found Ryan crouched beside the wall, breathing shallowly while taking a drag off the cigarette.
"Ryan…"
"I don't want to call you a liar, but…did he really say that? All that…what you said…"
"Yes, Ryan. He did."
Ryan shook his head in shock. "He…shit. I don't know what to do…"
"Ryan…" Sandy sat down beside him and didn't mention the cigarette. He wondered where he kept getting them from. "Ryan, I don't know anything about your relationship with your father…but I do know that you have a lot to deal with right now…"
"I just…I can't believe that he said he wanted to see me. I…I don't want to see him, Sandy. I mean…it was different with Mom…she needed me, she needed me to help her and take care of her…but Dad…he's…he's in jail because of me…"
"Ryan, you didn't…"
"I know, you're going to say it wasn't my fault, that he put me in a bad position…but doing something like, driving the car for him, it's just like you asking Seth to take out the trash, you know? People have different expectations for their children…" Ryan said, his voice coming out in short bursts.
"I need you to relax. Cigarette or no, you have to slow down and relax, okay?" Sandy was worried that Ryan was going to hyperventilate if he didn't slow down his breathing. He put his hand on Ryan's tense back and finally, the boy seemed to relax slightly and take a deep breath.
"Sorry…"
"It's been a long day. Just relax, okay?" Sandy urged.
Ryan sighed. He took a long drag off his cigarette and then stubbed it out with his shoe. He held out the pack of cigarettes to Sandy.
"Keep them. You're going to have to deal with Kirsten over this from now on, I'm convinced you have an endless supply," Sandy joked.
"I…well, you won't let me punch people anymore, so I need some sort of outlet," Ryan replied with a straight face.
"We'll talk to Kirsten about getting you a punching bag," Sandy teased.
Ryan laughed and Sandy was relieved to see him relaxing.
"So."
"Yeah. This sucks. What's going on with the arrangements?" Ryan asked.
"Well, Grace is a lapsed Catholic, but…"
"Dawn never went to church."
"We're having the service in a small non denominational chapel a few miles from here."
"And my father is definitely coming…"
"Yes, Ryan."
Ryan was silent. He lit a new cigarette.
"Are you…"
"I don't think I'm going to go."
Sandy was silent now.
"I mean…I need to take one thing at a time…and seeing him…I'm just not ready for another family reunion, you know?"
"But…it's your mother's funeral. If you don't go…you might regret it."
"So…you think I should go?"
"It's not about what I think. It's about what you can handle."
Ryan sighed. "I think…I don't know."
"The funerals day after tomorrow."
"Someone should go get her things," Ryan said suddenly.
"Ryan, we'll take care of it…"
"I don't think you should go, AJ's a mean guy…"
"Which is why you aren't going," Sandy replied immediately.
"I don't want some stranger going through her things…"
"We're strangers?"
"You were to Dawn," Ryan replied. "It's something I need to do, Sandy. I need to do it."
"You need to relax. You need to get some sleep and let me take care of things…"
"I'll go to the funeral if you let me go get her things…"
"Ryan, hit pause for a minute, okay? This isn't an argument or a trade-off, it's a conversation. I need you to explain what's going on in your head…"
"I want…"
"Tell me why. Start with why."
"She's dead, Sandy, I'll never get another letter from her, another call, she's just…dead. I'd like to have something to remember her by…AJ will just throw it all out, he doesn't care about that stuff…it's probably already too late, but…"
"Okay, kid. Let me see what I can come up with, I'll talk it over with Kirsten and we'll see what we can figure out."
"Figure out?"
"If you come back from there with even a scratch on you, Kirsten and I will have AJ arrested. I'm serious, Ryan. We don't want you getting…hurt. I, personally, don't want you to go at all."
Ryan sighed. "I can handle AJ."
Sandy raised an eyebrow.
"What?" Ryan asked.
"The first weekend you came to stay here…you had a black eye. Did AJ do that to you?" Sandy asked slowly.
Ryan paused. "Yeah."
"That's why we don't want you to go get your mother's things. In case…that happens again."
"I'll call him. Tell him when I'm coming and make sure he's gone…"
"Ryan. I won't let you go there alone. Under any circumstance, okay?"
Ryan finally nodded. "Okay."
"We'll figure something out, okay? Don't worry."
"But the funeral…"
"If you don't want to go, you won't go. We could take you over before the service…you could have some time…to say goodbye…" Sandy said.
"Is that…you can do that?"
"Of course. But you have time to think about it," Sandy hesitated. "If you want to talk to Trey about it…"
"It's okay."
"Sandy? Ryan? Are you smoking?" Kirsten appeared.
Ryan put the cigarette out immediately. Kirsten smacked Sandy upside the head. "You're letting him smoke?"
"Ow, no…I'm just…" Sandy stammered.
"Here," Ryan held out his pack. Kirsten took it and stuffed it into her pocket. "Sandy already told me."
"Ryan, I know you're upset, but I won't tolerate smoking. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Both of you. Come inside. You need jackets if you're going to sit out here."
----------
"Hey, man. You're gracing us with your presence again?" Seth found Ryan in the kitchen starting at a bowl of dry cereal.
"Yeah."
"Where are Mom and Dad?"
"Talking about my apparent nicotine addiction, among other things," Ryan muttered, waving toward Sandy's study.
"So. What's up?" Seth sat down beside him at the counter.
"Nothing."
"Did Dad talk to your Dad?"
"Yeah, I don't really want to talk about it."
"I figured." Seth paused. "So. What happened?"
"Seth…"
"Come on, man, you have to talk about it. You're my number one pick for spontaneous combustion," Seth joked. "Keeping all that stuff inside can't be good for your health. One day, you're just going to burst into flames…"
"Really."
"Yeah, man, seriously. I saw it on Sci-Fi just the other day…"
"Sci-Fi. As in Science Fiction. Yeah."
"Ryan, come on. What happened? Is he coming to the funeral?"
"Yeah. He is."
"Oh." Seth seemed surprised.
"Apparently, he's found Jesus or something."
"He found Jesus? Is Jesus in the prison, too?"
Ryan couldn't stop himself from smiling.
"Ryan, are you going to the funeral?" Seth asked quietly.
"I don't know." He stared at his bowl of cereal.
"What's that for?"
"Your parents say I have to eat something before I leave the house."
Seth glanced at the bowl. "You picked cereal?"
"I'm not hungry. Kirsten put the cereal out," Ryan muttered.
"You are seriously brooding today…"
Ryan pushed the bowl across the counter to Seth. "I'm done. Will you take care of this for me?"
"I'm sorry, man, I didn't mean…"
"You didn't do anything. I'm just…pissy."
"Maybe if you talk about it…"
"I just talked about it with your dad. It didn't help. Maybe talking about stuff helps you, but it isn't helping me…"
"Dude…"
"I'm going to bed." Ryan walked out of the house before Seth could continue.
Sandy and Kirsten stepped in. "What's going on?"
"Ryan's going to bed." Seth picked up a piece of cereal and plopped it in his mouth.
"Is that…" Kirsten pointed to the bowl.
"It's my snack. Ryan's looked so good that I decided to have a bowl myself," Seth lied.
Kirsten narrowed her eyes. "It's in the same bowl."
"Less dishes," Seth responded.
"Sandy," Kirsten jerked the bowl from in front of Seth and turned to her husband. "Take this to Ryan. Tell him that he will not be going to Chino to get his things and he will be eating four square meals from now on. And no smoking."
"I thought we were going to talk about it…"
"He has to eat. We'll get his mother's things, he doesn't have to worry about that and he has to stop acting like a spoiled brat," Kirsten stated seriously.
"Mom? What are you talking about?" Seth asked.
"I'm talking about…"
"You're talking about Ryan. Ryan is not a spoiled brat. Ryan isn't hungry because he just found out that he has a grandmother he never knew about that wants to get all up in his business and before he even dealt with it, his mother died and he had to face his brother and now his father…"
"Seth…" Sandy warned.
"No, Mom's being stupid…"
"Ryan is going through a lot, but he has to eat…" Kirsten snapped.
"He does eat," Seth protested.
"Both of you need to calm down," Sandy said, stepping in between their staring match. "Kirsten, I will talk to Ryan, but I'm not going to be as fierce as you just were." He turned to Seth. "Seth, apologize to your mother, you're not Ryan's lawyer, I am so don't try and defend him because that's my job."
"I'm sorry, Seth…" Kirsten said earnestly.
"I'm sorry, too. What's this about him wanting to go get his mother's things?" Seth asked.
"That's between Ryan and us," Sandy said.
"He's going to tell me anyway. What's up?"
"He wants to go get his mother's things. From Chino."
"From AJ's house…you're not going to let him…"
"Of course not. Ryan will not be going back to that apartment ever again…" Kirsten stated firmly.
"Kirsten. The boy doesn't want AJ to throw away his mother's things. I will go with him…" Sandy began.
"No, you won't. We'll hire someone to go, with a police eHscort if we have to…"
"Kirsten."
"Just go talk to him, Sandy," Kirsten sighed finally.
She sat down beside Seth once Sandy walked out toward the poolhouse. "I'm sorry, Seth. Ryan…he's not a spoiled brat. He's a man in every way but age."
"What about me?" Seth asked, offended.
"You know what I mean. He's…he doesn't act like any kid that I've ever met."
"He does act pretty…old."
"So…when he's smoking and refusing to eat…I guess I forgot that he's just a kid…this is hard for grown up's too."
"He's not like us. He doesn't know how to talk…I don't think his mom or dad ever let him talk. You and Dad are all about the talk…I forget, too, sometimes…that he doesn't talk. You have to listen to him in other ways."
"What?"
"You have to listen to his eyes and his face…the way he breathes."
"I see what you mean," Kirsten smiled.
Sandy returned. "He's asleep. Like, seriously asleep."
"Already?" Seth asked suspiciously.
"Yeah."
"There'll be time tomorrow…" Kirsten nodded.
----------
When Kirsten came down for breakfast, Ryan was making pancakes.
"Morning."
"Hey, Kirsten. I figured since I was AWOL yesterday that I would cook breakfast."
"Where's Rosa?"
"Cleaning the poolhouse," Ryan smiled. "It was the only way I could get her out of the kitchen."
"Can I help?" Kirsten asked.
"Coffee?"
"I make coffee," She laughed, going to work. "How are you doing today?"
"I need to keep busy. I need to eat. I need to pull myself together and stop thinking so much," Ryan said slowly.
"Ryan…I've very sorry about your mother. I don't know if I've told you that."
"I know."
"But I'm glad you weren't there."
"If I'd been there, she wouldn't have died."
"You…it's not your fault, she wasn't your responsibility…"
Ryan turned back to the pancakes. "Let's not talk about this. I mean, it's early and…I just don't want to."
"Okay." She sat down at the counter. "So, are you hungry? You said you needed to eat…"
"I'm a little dizzy. I drank some juice and a bagel…and we're having pancakes." Ryan set a stack of pancakes in front of her.
"Sit down and eat. You can make Sandy and Seth fresh ones. Come on," Kirsten urged.
Ryan turned off the range and sat down. They ate in silence.
"You make it seem so easy," Kirsten smiled.
"What?"
"Cooking."
"Pancakes are simply, you just have to keep your eye on them. I think you're just easily distracted."
"These are good," Kirsten smiled.
"Thanks."
Kirsten watched him eat until he met her gaze with a small smile.
"Sorry. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself," She said.
"What else?" He asked.
"I don't want you to go to Chino."
"Sandy told you," Ryan nodded in understanding.
"That you wanted to go to AJ's for your mother's stuff. I don't want you to go."
"I know. Sandy doesn't either."
"I hear a 'but' coming…"
"I called AJ last night," Ryan admitted.
"What?"
"I'm sorry. I had to make sure he hadn't thrown anything out. He…he said he'd wait until I came. I believe him."
"You're still not going."
"This is really important to me," Ryan said.
"Ryan, from what I know, AJ is dangerous…"
"My mother is dead. Trey's in jail, I'm the only connection to her left…I'm her son. I don't want her clothes or the junk, I want the locket that she had of her mother's so I can give it to Grace, I want Trey's first baby tooth…I want the few things that she kept from her past…"
Kirsten was silent.
"I don't have anything from my old life, Kirsten. Nothing. I lived with Dawn 16 years and I have nothing…please."
Kirsten sighed. "I…I understand. But I don't want you going without…"
"I called Luke. I thought that Luke and Sandy could 'escort' me," Ryan explained.
"I want more."
"I don't want Seth there…"
"I don't mean Seth, I mean professionals," She replied.
"Professionals."
"Private security. Their on my Dad's payroll…"
"I can't…"
"Yes, you can. You will. I won't have you hurt."
"He won't…"
"He has before. I won't risk it. Compromise."
Ryan met her gaze.
"Please?" She asked.
He nodded. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah. Deal."
"Okay."
"AJ told me to come around noon. Luke's meeting me here at 11."
"I'll make calls."
"Thanks," Ryan replied.
"Can I make another suggestion? Take Seth with you."
"To AJ's?"
"I think…" She hesitated. "I think he keeps you level."
Ryan nodded. "Okay."
----------
Ryan knocked on the door to AJ's apartment. Sandy was waiting in the SUV and Ryan was flanked by Seth, Luke and Kirsten's hired bodyguards, Robin and Wes.
AJ swung the door open. "You brought cops?"
"Not cops. At my guardian's request," Ryan replied. Luke glanced at Seth. They'd both noticed Ryan's tense posture and defensive stance.
"Two. You and one more, that's all I'm letting in," AJ announced.
"I'm going," Robin said immediately. "I have orders."
"No way," Seth protested.
"AJ. They all come in. They won't touch anything. I'll only take one to gather her things. You can watch me."
AJ hesitated, never taking his eyes off Ryan. "Okay, kid."
"Thank you," Ryan said.
AJ stared at him.
Finally, Ryan lowered his gaze. "Thank you, sir."
AJ stepped aside.
Ryan led his entourage inside.
"All her stuff's in the back."
Ryan gave Seth an almost imperceptible nod and they followed AJ into the bedroom.
"Here." AJ shoved an empty box into Ryan's hands. "I…I'm sorry about your Ma."
Ryan didn't respond, he went to the dresser.
Seth was uncomfortable under AJ's gaze. Ryan's demeanor alone was enough to let Seth know that AJ wasn't a nice guy, no matter what he said.
"This is Dawn's," Ryan said, recapturing their attention. He held up a gold necklace with an ornately decorated locket.
"Yeah. You can have that."
Ryan dropped it into the box. He held up a set of earrings.
"No way," AJ said immediately.
"I gave these to her for her birthday."
"You can't have them," AJ said.
"AJ…"
"They're real, aren't they?" AJ asked.
"I'll pay you whatever he paid," Seth interjected. Ryan glared at him and he stopped talking.
"You think he paid for them? Klepto over there?" AJ laughed.
"They're Dawn's. You can't deny that."
AJ finally nodded.
"Okay." Ryan slipped them into his pocket.
"There are photo albums in the top drawer," AJ muttered.
"What?" Ryan asked quietly, not sure that he heard him correctly.
"Fuck you," AJ snapped suddenly.
The door swung open and Robin and Wes stepped in immediately. "Everything okay?"
"Fine," Ryan said.
Wes nodded, watching AJ.
Ryan dropped the albums into the box.
AJ took a step toward Ryan but Luke immediately blocked his way.
"Five foot distance, man," Luke warned.
"Back up, kid. I want to talk to Ryan," AJ stated.
"It's cool. Can you guys give me a minute?"
"No," Wes replied instantly.
"I need a minute. Seth?"
Seth stared at Ryan for a long moment. "Okay. You get five minutes before we come back."
"Thanks," Ryan nodded.
Luke followed Seth and the security guys into the hallway.
"This doesn't seem right, Cohen," Luke said. "Ryan's…he's a little off today." They couldn't hear the conversation but they recognized Ryan's low voice every few minutes.
"Three minutes down," Wes stated.
There was a loud thump from within the room and Wes and Robin immediately pushed open the door.
Ryan had AJ pinned against the wall. "Dawn's not standing between us now, motherfucker…"
"Ryan, step back…" Luke pulled Ryan away from AJ.
"Like you could take me, you little punk, you brought your fucking backup 'cause you thought I was going to hurt your delicate pussy-ass…" AJ growled.
Ryan turned to lunge but Luke held his arms.
"Let's go, Ryan. Now," Seth ordered. He picked up the half-full box and moved toward the door.
"Come on, man," Luke said, holding him by the arm and pulling him toward the door.
"So, punk, the thing I can't figure out is which one's your boyfriend," AJ laughed.
Ryan broke away from Luke instantly and slammed AJ to the floor, punching him violently. AJ was fighting back, but Ryan had the upper hand. AJ's hits didn't affect him, Ryan was wild with anger.
Wes and Luke pulled Ryan off the man finally and Luke dragged him from the room.
"Come on, Ryan, snap out of it…" Luke ordered.
Ryan shook off his grasp, panting with rage. Wes and Robin had closed the door to the bedroom.
"Walk it off, man," Luke said.
Ryan's hands were bloody and his cheek was swelling. He flinched when Seth touched his shoulder to get his attention.
"Ryan, chill…"
"I fucking hate that guy…" Ryan muttered. "I need to get out of here…"
Robin and Wes stepped out. "Let's go. He won't file a complaint," Wes said.
"You okay, kid?" Robin asked.
"Yeah," Ryan muttered. "Fine."