Malicious Traitor Chaos

Warnings: None.

A/n: This is a parody/humor fic. Obviously, you must allow for some exaggerated characterization. I don't hate chaos and I don't really think he's a traitor roll eyes I'm not insulting him.... just his corny (English) dialogue and the fact that no one is ever more than mildly suspicious of him even if they have every reason to be.

A/n: I also do not know where this would fit in. Put it anywhere in the time line you like; it doesn't matter where.

A/n: CHAOS' NAME IS CAPITALIZED. I didn't know it was supposed to be lower case until after I wrote it, the find/replace thingy won't replace capitalization mistakes, and it looks awkward for his name to be lower case when it's at the beginning of a sentence. In the future I'll try to leave it lower case.

Get over it and don't flame me about it.

Chaos knelt by the car he and the rest of the gang shared, putting the finishing touches on the tracking device. He sniggered under his breath. Finally, this would be the end of those pathetic losers.

The door to the garage suddenly slid open. KOS-MOS, Shion, Jr., MOMO, and Ziggy walked in. Chaos leapt to his feet, standing in front of the tracking device on the back of the car to hide it.

"Oh, hello guys," Chaos greeted in his hopelessly irritating, elf-like voice.

"Hi, Chaos!" Shion replied. "Watcha doin'?"

"Erm...with the car? I'm, ah, fixing a dent," he said with an obviously fake smile.

"A dent?" Jr. asked, shocked. "My car has a dent?! Let me see it!"

"NO!" Chaos shouted, angry.

Everyone stared at him. Chaos cleared his throat, and spoke again in a calmer voice.

"It's.... all taken care of..." he said. "No need to worry!"

KOS-MOS narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Chaos, but said nothing. Chaos' smile became rather fixed. "Damn. KOS-MOS must be on to me. I guess she didn't buy that line about her being beautiful when she was sleeping," he thought.

"Let's go eat some cake," Chaos suggested in that same cheerful tone. He shooed the others back through the door.

"But we don't have any cake," MOMO protested.

Chaos gritted his teeth. "Then let's make some."

"Oh. Okay!" MOMO said cheerfully, skipping through the door. The rest of them followed, except for KOS-MOS.

She turned back at the doorway to stare Chaos with her crimson eyes. "I can not locate a dent in the car."

"I know! He did a really good job fixing it, didn't he KOS-MOS?" Shion piped from behind KOS-MOS.

KOS-MOS fixed Chaos with another stare, and then followed the others back into the house they were temporarily using as a base of operations.

Chaos sighed in relief. Lucky for him, everyone except KOS-MOS was totally oblivious to his scheming.

Five Hours Later

Our favorite gang entered the door of their base wearily. Everyone slumped down on the nearest piece of furniture, dog-tired, except for KOS-MOS, who stood against one wall, staring at Chaos again.

"How did those U-TIC organization A.G.W.S units ever find us when we were just on our way to the mall?" Ziggy wondered aloud.

Shion shrugged. "Beats me."

KOS-MOS spoke up. "My theory is that someone planted a tracking device on our vehicle," she said, staring pointedly at Chaos.

Jr. sat up from his spread-eagled position on the couch. "That would explain a lot."

"But who would have planted a tracking device on the car?" MOMO asked. "Isn't the garage always locked up?"

"Right," said Ziggy. "We're the only ones who can get in or out, and there were no signs of a break-in."

Jr. frowned. "But that would mean it would've had to have been one of us!"

They stared at each other uneasily. Chaos did his best to look innocent, but KOS-MOS wouldn't quit staring at him.

"Well," Shion spoke up, "where was everyone before we left for the mall?"

"I was polishing my arm," Ziggy said.

"MOMO and I were playing checkers," Jr. supplied.

"I was in sleep mode," KOS-MOS said.

"And I was making lunch in the kitchen," Shion said, puzzled.

She looked at Chaos. "What about you, Chaos?"

Chaos gave her another fake smile. "I was playing ping-pong."

Jr. looked at him curiously. "By yourself?"

Chaos froze for a minute, realizing his folly. But his cleverness and quick tongue soon got him out of it.

"Jr.," he said, admonishingly shaking his head, "there are those who draw well, and those who run fast. And there are those.... there are those who can play ping-pong with only themselves, and the wall."

Everyone stared at Chaos in wonderment.

"Wow, Chaos, you sure are a cool person," Shion said admiringly. The others offered their agreement.

Chaos smiled yet another fake smile. "Well, now that that's finished, I think I'll go see if some of that cake is left."

He turned to leave, but KOS-MOS stood directly in his way.

"You were the last one to enter the garage before the incident."

Chaos' frustration almost boiled over, but he kept his calm and forced a smile on his face.

"What's that, KOS-MOS?" He asked.

"I believe you said you were fixing a dent."

Chaos' smile twitched at the corners.

"Heeey.... that's right! Chaos, did you put a tracking device on our car?" MOMO asked in her childishly innocent way.

Jr., Shion, and Ziggy were now all standing beside KOS-MOS, watching him with suspicious eyes.

"Damn, time for some complicated philosophy jargon."

"No, no you have it all wrong. Your memories are incorrect," he said with a bland smile.

They all stared at him even more suspiciously. Chaos smiled inwardly.

"You guys just got mixed up, that's all. Memories - in other words, events that occurred in the past - become stronger, more selective, and gain a higher priority when they resonate with others that share identical axes in time and space. That memory of me being in the garage isn't real. It just got mixed up in the time-space continuum and was afflicted with other wavelengths that resonate on the same level."

"Ohhh, I get it," everyone (except KOS-MOS) said in unison, even though they had no idea what he was talking about.

Chaos smiled.

"Ping-pong, anyone?"

To Be Continued......maybe.

So, my first Xenosaga fic, and it's a humor parody type fic, which is mostly all I write. Like it? Hate it for reasons other than I explained at the top? Leave feedback, and I shall continue!