Author: Sunfalling
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language, m/m lime
Summary: Takes place after Horse With No Name, but before Rei and Kira are a couple. An alternate look at the complex relationship between Rei and Tatsuya and their mutual connection to Kira. Featuring the shortest porn video ever. -- Please, no flames simply for the content. If this type of relationship between guys bothers you, the back button is right up there.
"Oh, if only you were my brother; then I could kiss you no matter who was watching…"
-Song of Solomon 8:1
Sometimes Tatsuya had difficulty defining exactly what drew him to Rei. Certainly not the broken bracelet, the girl with the swaying braids, certainly not the roar of the bike as it sped up to the school and the tall blonde boy swung one long leg over to dismount, carelessly as a conquering king descended from his war horse, pulling the dark helmet off his hair with a gesture of royalty.
Eventuallythe seething emotions that had burned in Tatsuya's chest when he watched Rei gradually subsided. When Rei smiled at him and swung an arm over his shoulders, he forgot about all the resentment between them, forgot that Rei had lain with dozens of sleek-eyed, red-mouthed girls while he languished in the barren wasteland of virginity. When they stood by the dock watching the rusted ships go out, when they walked down the street, dirty sneakers flashed under dark jeans, all coldness seemed to slip away, and Tatsuya grinned silently, secretly at the feeling of comradeship, the feeling of not being alone.
Low voices mocked the people around them. They slouched like the teenagers they were, passing confident, scornful looks to the middle-aged, the married, those chained to a life without this careless comfort in the invulnerability of youth. They nodded subtly when listening to the other, smirking and swinging their wrists so slightly with each step.
Entering a video store, Rei offered a slow smile and a wave for the girl at the counter. She looked up, confused, her hair pulled back tightly above slender eyebrows like blades of grass. Tatsuya felt stupid staring at her while Rei had already moved on through the shelves of dvds.
"I want to see that new American action movie," he told Rei, off-handedly, trying to sound current.
"Not today," Rei replied confidently, continuing to the back of the store.
Tatsuya shrugged and followed him, shoulders dropped carelessly, a perfect look of indifference on his face. He had known Rei would ignore his suggestion, but he didn't really care.
"Will this be all?" the girl asked politely, seemingly unaffected by the title of the "adult video" Rei set before her. Tatsuya noticed with disdain that she had colorful hamsters pasted on her fingernails. Almost immediately he felt proud that he had done this—that he had looked at a regularly attractive girl and dismissed her with the same scorn that Rei often dispersed on women he saw, even women he slept with.
"Hamtaro fingernails?" he scoffed when they left the shop, anticipating Rei's answering smirk and the slow nod of his head.
"Girls these days," Rei complained, leaving the statement lazily unfinished.
They went to Tatsuya's house to watch the video, knowing his mother wouldn't dare open the door without knocking. Rei didn't have a vcr at his apartment, but that didn't seem to bother him.
This is another defining moment, Tatsuya decided as the two of them sat down on his bed in front of the tv. This is the time I watch my first porn. Over the past few months, he had experienced many belated defining moments thanks to Rei: his first beer, his first motorcycle ride, his first time climbing to the top of the school building to look down the shirts of the girls going to volleyball practice. Rei had become his savior, treating him to a life he had been too stupid and scared to find on his own. This is the ways guys my age are supposed to be, he thought with reassurance. This is the kind of friend I've always wanted to have.
Rei opened his pack and pulled out two slim cans as the title kanji of the film appeared on the small, dusty tv screen. Opening his, Tatsuya sipped the cold, fruity liquid, tasting a tang of alcohol on the back of his tongue. Warmth suffused his body. Languidly, Rei shifted his body to lie with his stomach pressed against the blue coverlet, back socks resting against the white pillow. He held his can in front of him, resting both elbows on the bed as his looked up at the screen with an almost bored expression on his face. Tatsuya considered hitting him for the smelly feet on the pillow, but he felt too relaxed to start a friendly tussle.
The women on the screen wore too much makeup, their lipstick like garish paint. The way they moved reminded him off children, clumsy and stupid in their attempts at deception. He sighed and slurped the unknown beverage, body loosening like butter warming in the sun. He had expected to be a little more excited by his first porn.
"We're not exactly watching this for the acting," Rei reminded him, hand propping up his chin. His eyelids fluttered traitorously.
"I can't hear what they're saying," Tatsuya complained, just to be difficult. He didn't reach for the volume control on the remote.
"Who cares?" Rei muttered. He had dropped his empty can to the beige carpet, where it lay like a big bright shell in yellow sand.
Tatsuya snorted softly as the two women began to kiss and the delivery boy watched from his hiding place in the hall. "You're falling asleep," he accused Rei.
"Mn," said Rei, abandoning all pretense of watching the film to rest his head on the arms folded neatly beneath his fair hair.
The two women slowly undressed each other with exaggerated movements. Tatsuya watched curiously, but the lazy scorn in his bones refused to let him enjoy it. The man jerking off in the hallway seemed to appreciate the scene much more.
"This is so lame," Tatsuya declared, arrogant in his own indifference. Rei couldn't appreciate it, sprawled on the coverlet like a cat in a patch of sun. His breath whistled a little in his nose.
"Lazy bastard," Tatsuya grumbled fondly. He set down his can and reached out to poke Rei in the side.
"Not my fault if you can't enjoy porn," Rei said, voice muffled against his own arm.
"It's so unrealistic," Tatsuya complained. "I can't enjoy something this bad."
Rei shifted again to lie on his back so he could look up at Tatsuya with open eyes. His shirt pushed up against the blanket to reveal the hem of his dark boxers, a vibrant plum-colored band above his loose jeans.
"What, you can't believe two chicks would want to make out?"
Tatsuya rolled his eyes. "Come on! That would be like Harumi and Kira making out, that would be like you and me making out! It's not going to happen."
Reaching, Rei caught his arm and jerked, pulled Tatsuya off balance so that he fell to lie on his stomach. "Come on, Niichan!" Rei laughed, mocking his words as he sat up to push Tatsuya onto his back. "I'm always ready for something new!"
Shocked at first, Tatsuya mustered a laugh at the way Rei grinned over him, a playful spark of intimidation in his eyes.
"You wouldn't dare," Tatsuya murmured, right before Rei's lips descended. The sensation consisted of simple dry pressure, unremarkable and brief. He felt a little strange, almost disappointed. Low-volume moans drifted from the television. Rei lifted his head and blinked once with a sort of confusion. He looked down into Tatsuya's calm eyes.
Tatsuya could feel the alcohol in his system, the slow heat sliding under his muscles. He admired the cut of Rei's face, soft and clean as a girl's, the face that had drawn so many young women like bright bees to rich honey.
That's what I feel, he decided as Rei bent to kiss him again, like there's warm honey in my body, sliding in my stomach. This time Rei's mouth slid open like a ripe fruit and Tatsuya tasted rich plum behind his lips. Their tongues touched like the hands of strangers and he felt a shiver run under his palms, through Rei's shoulders. He wondered vaguely if Rei was imagining kissing Kira—if he himself imagined her innocent mouth. Lifting a helpless hand, he reached out to touch the other boy's chest, to feel his heart, but his fingers tangled in the loose shirt draping down towards him. Blindly, he fumbled higher for long, blonde hair and it slipped through his fingers.
Rei lifted his head again and Tatsuya's fingertips touched the soft cartilage of his ear. Looking up, he saw that Rei's bright hair had fallen to cover his face like a veil. He sighed without understanding why. From the television a woman pleaded faintly, "God, yes! Don't stop! Oh my god, don't stop!"
Rei kissed his chin and Tatsuya almost smiled. "Your mouth feels like a girl's," the blonde boy said slowly, "Can't tell the difference." They touched lips again to experiment. Tatsuya had only been kissed once in middle school by a girl with knobby braces, so he couldn't really compare. His tongue scraped eagerly for the taste of plum and he wondered if Rei tasted the same in him. Their mouths twisted against each other loosely, unhurried. Tatsuya bathed in honey, caught like a drowning fly in the sweetness.
Sighing, Rei removed his mouth, only to press it against Tatsuya's cheekbones, the flesh before his ear, and the rise of his adam's apple.
"Girls don't have that," Rei reminded him. Decidedly, he pulled up the hem of Tatsuya's shirt and kissed the yielding flesh of his stomach wetly. Tatsuya let out a sound that he couldn't tell was a gasp or a laugh. Distantly he burned with embarrassment over his soft, pale abdomen, so inferior when compared with Rei's tanned, muscular frame.
Cool, calloused fingers explored the lines of his ribs like braille, sliding upward until they brushed his chest, below tight nipples. There, the fingers wavered…and grudgingly retreated.
"You don't have any tits." Rei sighed, crawling awkwardly up to lie on his side. He pressed his face against Tatsuya's neck shamelessly. "It's kind of weird," he admitted, without any malice.
"Hm," Tatsuya said. He slid an arm casually over the firm shoulder to feel Rei's warmth bleeding into his own. A strand of blonde hair caught in the corner of his mouth and the tv played a bawdy rock song to usher out the credits.
Tatsuya decided then that he desired Rei, as a vine grows toward the sun…but it tangled together with envy and competition, the deeply entrenched longing for Kira, and an inexplicable affection. Holding the strong, young body on his bed, he felt like a father or sensible older brother directing Rei's beautiful craziness, falling into it like a stone. I'll protect you, Tatsuya thought foolishly, wrapped up in strong emotions.
Rei's own brother had abandoned him in final frozen act of cruelty that day in junior high. Sometimes Tatsuya wondered how the descent from the roof had ended Sei's life in the flash of that short flight while Rei's fall went on forever. Tatsuya held the lean boy against him and breathed into his hair.
"Touto-chan," he said to Rei. Oddly, he wanted to taste plum again and touch the hard points of Rei's collarbones, but apprehension choked him unexpectedly. Each gentle breath forced hot, moist air against his neck.
"You're never going to tell anyone about this," Rei growled suddenly, as if he had just realized what had taken place. The roughness of the voice trembled against Tatsuya's ticklish skin and he laughed.
"Touto-chan," he sang again, drawing out the simple word melodically. Rei grumbled against his throat as his spoke and he felt his own vocal vibrations mixing in the other boy's mouth. Tatsuya thought of the way Kira's braids swayed delicately as she watched Rei walk away, all liquid beauty like a nervous young deer, terrified he might hurt her, terrified that he would love her.
I would love you, Tatsuya thought. He separated Rei's hair between his fingers like gold thread, feeling warm and content and slightly drunk. Little brother…
The television buzzed loudly as the tape ran out. A fly beat itself futilely against the small windowpane and Tatsuya's mother knocked on the door to ask if they were ready for a snack.
Rei sat up expectantly and rubbed his eyes. "That movie really sucked," he said.
Tatsuya punched him in the shoulder. He wanted to ask why Kira smiled secretly when Rei made stupid remarks, why she only saw Rei when he and Tatsuya walked together side by side. But Tatsuya already knew the answers, even if Kira didn't, and the feel of Rei's strong hands pushing him off the bed in retaliation, the laughter in his throat—these were the only things that grounded him to a life in the half world of another's shadow.
The blind sprout never knows what it's missing until it pushes through heavy, dark soil to finally discover the sun.