Baralai undid the ties of his heavy cloak and carefully pulled it over his head. Once it was off, he dumped it on the floor with a feeling of definite relief. It was an awfully heavy garment and he wondered why he'd kept it on for so long. The feeling was beginning to resemble the weariness of carrying a person on his back all day and Baralai was perfectly aware that his slender frame was regarded as a source of amusement by many people who didn't really know him as well as they could.

Shrugging his shoulders to relax the tensions in his shoulder muscles, he sat sleepily into his bed and kicked his boots off. Expressing his relief with a sigh from deep inside him, he flopped backwards and pushed himself to the centre of his bed. His overtaxed body sank into the soft mattress gratefully and his eyelids closed of their own accord, but he couldn't sleep. Baralai had experienced many things in his relatively short life so far, but this was definitely a stretch of unexplored territory. He didn't understand it. He didn't understand himself. All his life he'd been the scholarly type, being a deep believer in learning and shutting himself away in his study with piles of ancient books and scrolls. Quite frequently it had been for days at a time. He had delved into Martial Arts and Music and had achieved at high levels but his true passion was that amazing feeling of wonder at finding out things he didn't know, that there would always be something new around the corner... Baralai frowned. All the self-analysis wasn't really helping him understand anything. There was no doubt that his feelings were just one of things that used to be hidden behind yesterday.

All of the lectures and pep talks he'd been giving himself seemed to fade away and he began asking the same old questions he'd been asking for the last couple of days. Why? Why the hell not? Why couldn't he see everything and nothing all together at once. He tried to embrace non-linear time and push himself away from the concept that time was chopped up into the little pieces, created to make humans feel significant. There was more to time then minutes, hours and days. Baralai frowned again and attempted to move his leg while trying still to rationalise his feelings. There was a definite low to living a scholarly life... He could ramble on about the continual flow of time, he could use his possession by Shuyin as an excuse but he couldn't ignore the fact that so much depended on Yuna. Inside he ached when he realised that he didn't really know how she felt inside at all.

At their parting of ways in Kilika, she had been polite, albeit a little cold at first. But then again he behaved exactly the same at that time also. They were just the mere influential figures that they were, as if in a business meeting. It was entirely different from they way they had interacted during their dinner-date a couple of nights earlier. Baralai sighed in reflection. There had been that curious rush of energy that had come from nowhere and seemed to make his tongue run away and his feet stumble. The impulsive kiss and his forward (but innocent) suggestion had seemed perfectly rational as if he had thought them over for a thousand years. He knew Yuna felt the same then. He knew it as soon as he had softly brushed her neck with his fingers as he leaned in to kiss her. That same energy fuelled by dreams, passions and hopes filled her body too. It seemed like endless years since that night. Even so he wouldn't forget how he felt for a very long time, if he would forget at all. It was with a start, Baralai realised that he had felt that way once before in his life.

He hadn't remembered all that much until now for some reason, although it loomed quietly at the back of his consciousness. That brief interlude in the Farplane before he had opened the portal to where Vegnagun was kept. He'd approached Yuna and told her he'd been searching for such a long time for her and that they could finally be together as well as things he chose not to think about. He'd held her in his arms for awhile and it was that moment when he managed to resist possession just for a little while. Perhaps it was those extra few moments that gave Spira the time it needed... Inside Baralai knew that it was Shuyin speaking to Lenne, but they were borrowing Yuna's body and his own after all. He even began to understand why Shuyin had possessed him in the first place. Maybe Shuyin wasn't as different from him as the Praetor imagined... Aching, Baralai realised that Shuyin was once filled with hopes and dreams of his own that were torn apart by a few moments of confusion.

It was 10.00 AM. The silvery haired man was shocked to find that he'd managed to sleep for four hours straight. He was wise enough to admit he'd felt better on days where he'd managed the same amount of sleep spread out over almost a week, but it was still sleep. His head ached and felt slightly lighter than a slab of lead. That feeling of heaviness and pain could be applied to his entire being. Baralai dragged himself out of his bed and rubbed at his deep brown eyes that were slightly marred by the presence of 'sleep'. He had to see her. He didn't care that the Physicians said "No Visitors". A little flame began to burn behind his navel and he stumbled out of his room, feeling stronger. Fuel.

The physician who worked on his ship when it was sailed out of port was all too happy to step out of the way, her eyes wary and slightly fearful, much as Gippal had been after their scuffle. This was easier than he expected it to be. Baralai did feel slightly guilty though... He had always been a kind, quiet and a benevolent leader. But now he would have a lot of apologising to do by the time they reached Bevelle. Still, while he was on a role, he might as well ride the wave out. It was a lot more efficient to his causes than an hour of pleading to no avail could ever be. Or something like that...

His thoughts left him almost entirely as he saw her for the first time since he had helped Gippal pull her out of the icy water. The sheets were pure white but next to her slender, pale body they looked darker. His eyes took in the many bandages and bruises and the pale blue cast to her lips. Silently he surveyed the several machina that surrounded the headboard. She looked so small and vulnerable there. The nurse who was attending Yuna glanced at the monitors of the machina before leaving respectfully. Trembling as if he was a child in trouble, Baralai approached the bed and sat by her side. Not really sure about what he should say to her as she lay in her unconscious state, he took her hand noting how pale and cold it was. Looking into her face, he fought back tears or worse by stroking her hair with the other hand.

"Hey Yuna." He began, choking a little.
"It's me... Baralai... I thought you might be lonely in here, by yourself. Or bored... or something..."
He found it hard to talk to her, without those gently piercing eyes gazing up at him. "Everyone misses you. Rikku, Paine, Gippal... They're here waiting for you. So was Brother, Buddy and Shinra. They've gone to finish things at Bikanel Island. They said they would pick up Wakka, Lulu and Vidina and meet us in Bevelle as soon as possible..."

Baralai shifted awkwardly.

"I know you didn't want to go to Bevelle with me, but were heading there now to make sure you get well. They'll have you better in no time..."

He was so tired still that he nearly fell from his chair, but he pulled himself up and lifted Yuna's hand to his cheek.

"I'm sorry for the other night Yuna, but I don't regret kissing you or asking you to come with me. I'm just sorry that it's not what you wanted." He kissed her hand and stood up. "I want you to know that I'm here for you and that no matter what it takes, I'll keep giving to you even when I have nothing left to give..."

He replaced her hand on the soft covers and returned back to his room. It wasn't until he was back in bed that he cried.