Disclaimer: Tenkuu no Escaflowne is property of Bandai and Sunrise, all rights reserved. I am in no way affiliated with these companies, and am not making profit. Any similarities between my work and anyone else's is purely coincidental. Lyrics to "With You" are property of Linkin Park, all rights reserved.
- X - x - X -
"Whisper Memories" -- Part 2: With You
By The Last Princess of Hyrule
- X - x - X -
I woke up in a dream today,
To the cold and the static / and put my cold feet on the floor,
Forgot all about yesterday,
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore . . .
- X - x - X -
The next day school let out for the weekend. A crowd of rowdy, hyperactive students rushed out of Tokyo High as fast as humanly possibly, searching out friends or boyfriend/girlfriends, laughing and joking around together, and jumping into cars to go hang out. Hitomi, however, left the school the same way she entered it, with her head down and her feet shuffling at a lethargic rate.
Things were so different without Yukari around. Sure, Hitomi had other friends to hang out with, but they just were not the same. Nothing was really quite that funny, no guys were really that hot, no amount of homework was really that horrible. It was as if everything had just gone from black and white to a plain, boring gray.
Her eyes watching the cracks in the concrete sidewalk on her way to the train station, Hitomi did not notice at first the person who stepped in front of her, but rather their shadow.
"'Scuse me," she murmured, trying to walk around them, but the shadow deliberately stepped in her path.
"How're you doing, Hitomi?"
Hitomi looked up to see Folken Fanel standing in front of her, looking down at her with his face blank and his eyes portraying no emotion. How so like Folken . . . doesn't give a shit about anything.
"What do you want?" she asked bitterly.
"Just to talk to you."
"Go away."
Again, she tried to walk around him, but this time Folken grabbed her shoulders and held her in place. "You aren't looking very good, Hitomi. I'm worried."
"That's your problem. Let me deal with mine." Hitomi struggled against his grip.
"I want to help."
"I don't give a shit."
"Hitomi, you can't do this to yourself," he said emphatically. Hitomi stopped struggling. "I know you don't like me—I won't even go into why—but I still like you. I mean, if I didn't, I would have made you really regret throwing my phone in the mud."
Hitomi narrowed her eyes and stared at a place beyond him.
"Let my buy you some coffee or something," Folken offered, "and we'll sit down and just talk. I promise it'll make you feel at least a little better."
Hitomi could imagine perfectly what Yukari say to this. "He totally digs you, Hitomi," she would say with a wink. "Go for it!"
"All right," Hitomi heard herself saying.
- X - x - X -
A little taste of hypocrisy,
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake / slow to react,
Even though you're so close to me,
You're still so distant / and I can't bring you back . . .
- X - x - X -
As she expected, the café just across the street from the school where Folken took Hitomi was packed. It being Friday, all the tables were crowded with either couples meeting for coffee or big tables of friends ordering mocha frappes or cappuccinos. The place was so full that it must have been through some miracle Hitomi could not discern that Folken managed to get them a small table beside the windows overlooking the street.
Folken's eyes skimmed the menu quickly as their waitress, a junior with blonde highlights and insane giggles, smiled flirtingly and flounced off. Hitomi, with her chin resting in her hand, stared glumly out the window at the cars whizzing past.
Folken looked up and noticed. "Are you even going to look at the menu?"
"I already know what I want," Hitomi said without facing him. "Tall iced French Vanilla frappachino with extra cream."
Folken looked somewhat impressed. "I guess I'll have a double latte with cinnamon and a scone."
Hitomi turned to him, something of awe wiping away her grim visage. "That's what Yukari always had. Except her's was always decaf."
"I usually get decaf," replied Folken, "but I have things to do later and I didn't get much sleep last night."
"Me either." Hitomi spotted the flirty waitress bustling through the crowds toward their table and turned back to the window.
"Are you ready to order?" she asked in a rot-your-teeth-sweet voice.
"Yes," said Folken, his eyes back on the menu. "We'll haveone tall iced French Vanilla frappachino with extra cream and a double latte with cinnamon and scone." He folded the menus and handed them to the waitress as she hurriedly jotted down the orders.
"Anything for the scone?" she asked, her eyes obnoxiously wide, batting her fake lashes like some kind of beauty queen. Hitomi caught the double message in her question.
"No, it'll be just fine by itself," answered Folken in a rather cold voice.
The smile faded from the waitress's face as she grabbed the menus. "I'll have those for you in a few minutes," she told him snootily and stalked off.
Hitomi watched her go. "You know, she was asking you out," she stated when the waitress was out of earshot.
Folken tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "I know. Normally I'd ask for some strawberry jam, but I figured she'd probably miss the literal request."
Hitomi gave him a studying look. "You just turned down Millerna, the head varsity cheerleader."
"I know."
"Why?"
"I'm already here with you. What kind of sick freak would I be if I started flirting with another girl right in front of you?" Folken's face twisted in a look of disgust.
"What if I weren't around? What would you have done?"
"Probably the same thing I just did."
- X - x - X -
It's true / the way I feel,
Was promised by your face,
The sound of your voice,
Painted on my memories,
Even if you're not with me,
I'm with you . . .
- X - x - X -
Hitomi gave him a doubtful look.
"Well, it isn't like she'd be that great of company," he explained. "She's shallow, an airhead, obsessed with her image, not to mention anorexic. Need anymore reasons?"
"But she's pretty."
Folken looked sideways at the cheerleading waitress who was bending over another table, her silicon-inflated breasts practically exploding from her shirt and balloon-like butt waving like a flag in the air.
"Not really," said Folken.
Hitomi laughed at the look on Folken's face, a mix of revulsion and a teasing smile.
"See, I told you you'd feel better."
A sudden rush of guilt flooded Hitomi and she shut her mouth. Folken silently cursed himself for saying something. "Shit, Hitomi, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."
"It's okay," Hitomi assured him with a wave of her hand. "I mean, it's not okay that Yukari's dead, but it's okay for you to remind me of it," she explained hurriedly. "I mean—"
Folken held up a hand to stop her. "Don't worry. It's no big deal. I mean, well, you understand what I'm saying, right?"
Hitomi understood.
"How are you doing with that, by the way?" Folken's tone became serious. "If you want to talk about it, that is," he added on second thought.
Hitomi nodded. "I want to talk. That's why you brought me here, right?" She was silent for a moment and her gaze returned outside. "I think . . . well, I think I might feel better if I just talked to someone about it. It's not like I can really talk to my parents or anything. If that ambulance hadn't brought me home, they wouldn't even know about Yukari . . . They just wouldn't understand. And no one else even knows she's dead yet. Well, except you."
Her left hand rubbed her neck in a tired motion, trying to work out the stiffness from sitting up all night leaning against her bedroom wall.
"Go on," Folken urged gently.
- X - x - X -
You / now I see / keeping everything inside,
You / now I see / even when I close my eyes,
You / now I see / keeping everything inside,
You / now I see / even when I close my eyes . . .
- X - x - X -
She sighed. "I'm just so fucking confused. Like, nothing makes sense anymore . . . I passed out really late last night and when I headed outside to wait for Yukari this morning and she didn't come, for a second I almost thought she was just sick today . . . But then I remembered everything that happened yesterday and I just wanted to start screaming and beating the shit out of everybody I saw."
Hitomi's brow constricted with angered frustration. "I mean, how can people just go on with their lives like nothing even happened? The people in our building, or at school, or even here—nobody really even knows she's dead."
Behind her, Hitomi heard someone clear their throat. Her blood freezing, she slowly turned and saw Millerna, the waitress, holding a tray with their orders on it.
"Who's dead?" she asked, balancing the drinks on one hand, the other delicately perched on her jutting hip.
"Nobody," said Folken before Hitomi could answer. "It was just an example."
"For what?"
"Nothing of your business."
Millerna's ruby lips puffed out in a dainty pout. "Aw, that's no fun. Maybe I should just take these back to the kitchen." She looked innocently up at the java and wiggled her wrist a little. Hitomi reached out for her frappachino but Millerna moved the tray out of her reach.
"All you gotta do is tell me what's up," Millerna offered sweetly. "Then I'll be happy to you these."
"Just give us the drinks and get out of here," Folken repeated.
"Nope. Not till you tell me."
"It's none of your damned concern," spat Hitomi. Her eyes narrowed and she glared up at Millerna with a fierce scowl.
"Ooo, I think I hit someone's touchy spot," she teased.
"Bitch!" Before anyone knew what she was doing, Hitomi leapt from her seat and slapped Millerna roughly across the foundation-painted cheek.
- X - x - X -
I hit you and you hit me back,
We fall to the floor / the rest of the day stands still,
Fine line between this and that,
When things go wrong I pretend that the past isn't real . . .
- X - x - X -
Millerna gasped and recoiled, one hand going to the red spot forming on her face, the other sliding the tray onto a nearby table. Across from her, Hitomi stood seething, her hands clenched in tight fists at her sides.
"Hitomi, what are you doing?" called Folken. "Leave her alone—it's not that important!"
But Hitomi did not hear a word he said. Millerna barely had a chance to recover when Hitomi swung at her, connecting squarely with Millerna's left eye. This time, however, Millerna leapt back in an attack of her own, knocking Hitomi to the floor.
"You stupid ho!" the cheerleader screeched, clawing at Hitomi's face with her long manicured nails. Hitomi raised her arms to cover her face and suffered a violent lash of tiny pricks to her skin.
Then, Hitomi brought her knees up and drove them as hard as she could into Millerna's stomach. Millerna responded by hitting harder. Around them, a crowd of excited students had congregated to watch the sudden catfight and root at its opponents. No one except Folken was concerned with breaking it up before someone got seriously hurt.
"Hitomi!" he called, pushing his way through the crowd to get to her. "Hitomi!"
When he was at last in a place where he could see the action, Folken found Hitomi straddling Millerna's stomach, throwing punch after punch into the waitress's screaming face. Little red welts had appeared on Hitomi's arms, looking brighter than they ought from the smeared blood of her many tiny cuts. There was a bruise forming on her right eye, but she looked in far better condition than Millerna.
Millerna's face was a mosaic of purple and red. Her makeup was smeared and the front of her shirt a mess of pale foundation and mascara. There were raw scrapes covering her long slender legs as she kicked viciously in a failed attempt to dislodge Hitomi.
Seeing neither girl had done any lasting damage to the other, Folken shoved into the center of the ring. Grabbing Hitomi around the waist, he lifted her surprisingly light form off Millerna. Anticipating that the waitress would try to rise, which she did, to attack Hitomi and get the upper hand of the fight, Folken placed a foot squarely in the soft spot of her stomach, gently knocking the wind out of her.
"Let me go!" Hitomi screamed, fighting to get back to Millerna. "I swear to God, I'll kill her!"
"It isn't worth it," Folken said, trying to calm her.
"Damn you!" she shouted in his face. "No one disses Yukari like that! No one, God damn it!"
"Calm down, Hitomi, please. You're making a huge scene."
Hitomi stopped fighting. "You bastard! You're on her side, aren't you?! You lying fuck!" With a quick jerk, she kicked his shin and his grip loosened in a moment of pain. Free of Folken's restraining grip, Hitomi dashed out of the café without a look back.
"Hitomi!" Folken called after, but she didn't hear. "Fuck it," he muttered, rubbing his leg. On the floor, Millerna was wheezing, being helped to her feet by a pair of her cheerleading cronies.
"What the hell was that all about?!" she demanded of Folken as they converged on him, covering an eye with one hand and making rude motions with the other. Folken shoved her away without taking any notice and ran out the door after Hitomi.
- X - x - X -
Now I'm trapped in this memory,
And I'm left in the wake of the mistakes / slow to react,
Even though you're so close to me,
You're still so distant / and I can't bring you back . . .
- X - x - X -
Outside he looked around and found not Hitomi's fleeing form, but a crumpled mess of she and her crushed spirit slumped out of sight beneath one of the café windows. She had buried her head in her arms and was crying, wailing sobs only partially muffled by her body.
Folken slid down the window and sat next to her. Hitomi did not seem to notice. Suddenly, it was as if all of his senses were tuned to Hitomi's pain and for a moment, he was unable to think or do anything. Every twitch of her shaking form, every gurgled intake of air, and every tear that fell into the small puddle collecting near her feet he noticed. Suddenly, he felt very awkward and, with words failing him, Folken reached out and timidly rested an unsure hand on Hitomi's shoulder.
Yukari put a hand on Hitomi's shoulder to comfort her. "Hey Hitomi, what's wrong? You rushed outta school pretty fast. What took you so long anyway? I thought we were gonna meet on the wall right after school to go over to the café and laugh at Millerna. And why are you crying?"
Hitomi looked up, tears streaming down her face, no longer looking a hard, determined fighter, but weak and vulnerable, like a beaten child.
"Oh my god . . ." Yukari covered her mouth. "What happened?"
"Hitomi . . ." Folken whispered.
"Amano broke up with me," Hitomi told her between sobs. "He . . . he pulled me aside af-after class and told me he . . . he . . . he . . ."
Folken opened his arms took Hitomi in their gentle grasp.
Yukari pulled her friend into a tight hug.
"It's all right now . .." he whispered.
"And then," Hitomi went on, "and then Millerna c-came out and kissed him r-right in front of m-m-me!"
Yukari's eyes narrowed. "Millerna?! Oh, that stupid mattress ho!"
Hitomi hid her face in the folds of Folken's jacket and cried, tears in rivers falling down her cheeks.
"Oh Hitomi," soothed Yukari, rocking her back and forth.
Folken's hand touched the back of her head, caressing her silky golden brown hair.
"What should we do?" asked Yukari softly.
"Don't go," Hitomi whispered through her tears. "Don't leave me alone . . ."
"I won't." Folken's reply was right next to her ear.
"What's going to happen now?" Hitomi asked when she had calmed her choking tears. Her voice was quiet and reserved.
Yukari sat back. "Well, Mom always told me whenever you break up with a guy, you cry a bit—"
Folken could feel the dampness of Hitomi's tears on his skin.
"—and you'll blame it on yourself—"
"I can't believe I was so stupid," Hitomi mumbled to herself. "I should have known. I should have been there for Yukari. It's all my fault she's gone. If I had been a better friend for her, she wouldn't have killed herself. I should have been stronger. It's all my fault."
"—then you'll blame it on him—"
"But she should have said something," added Hitomi somewhat sharply. "If she'd at least said, 'You know, Hitomi, I wish I were dead' or something, at least I could have tried to stop her. If she weren't suck a hard-ass sometimes I could have known what was going on and would have done something about it."
"—you might even get a little mad—"
Folken felt a soft punch connect with his ribs.
"No, she just had to go and fucking kill herself," Hitomi went on savagely. "She didn't even stop to think how it'd fuck up my life, or anything like that. I shouldn't even be feeling so depressed like this. I wish I could just cuss her out right here and now for all this fucked up bullshit."
"—but you'll remember your friends who're there to help you get through all those things." Yukari smiled.
Folken's hand stopped and he touched her cheek, wiping away some of Hitomi's tears with the back of his fingers. Hitomi looked up, her green eyes shining like dew-covered leaves and met his concerned, tender, loving gaze. A place in her heart that had become so cold since Yukari's death began to feel warm.
The entire world around her melted away and it was only she and Folken. Hitomi could hear his heart pounding and felt her breath come faster, sharper. His eyes, pools of her tears and Yukari's blood, were filled with so many emotions, so much complexity and confusion, she could not understand.
To Folken, though, it made sense. Their faces were so close now, only a shadow from touching. Folken could feel her warm exhale caress his cheek. Consciously and subconsciously, planning but never quite intending it to happen, Folken leaned in the fractional space between them and brushed Hitomi's lips with his.
"I'll always be here for you," Yukari pledged. "I won't ever leave you."
"Me either," replied Hitomi.
The two girls laughed and embraced.
Momentarily startled, it took Hitomi only an instant to realize what had happened, and then another to realize it was welcome. Feeling confident, Hitomi kissed him back. His hand traced her cheek, hers pulled him closer, locking them in a passionate embrace.
"Just remember the lesson you learned from Amano the next time you go kissing any boys," Yukari scolded playfully.
- X - x - X -
It's true / the way I feel,
Was promised by your face,
The sound of your voice,
Painted on my memories,
Even if you're not with me,
I'm with you . . .
- X - x - X -