Chapter 3

How To Annoy Voldemort: What We Will Learn This Chapter

1. Paint all the Death Eater's masks in bright colors.

2. Laugh at him.

3. Write him a theme song. Sing it whenever he's about to say or do something particularly clever and nasty.

The Death Eaters stood in block formation, hands folded behind their backs, waiting for their master to arrive.

"You know, this is just like block band," Matt noted.

"Speaking of which, one time…at band camp…there was this --," Lori started.

Bellatrix whipped around and held her finger to her mouth. "Shhh!" she cut her off.

Joey began laughing at the sight of Bellatrix's mask.

"Hehehe, it's pink," Joey laughed. Bellatrix then pulled out her wand, pointing it straight in the center of his forehead. Lucius shook his head in disapproval.

"No no no, Bella, it's too early in the chapter to kill him yet. And besides, it is funny. I mean after all," he said, holding back laughter as much he could, "It's pink."

"So what, Luci? Yours is magenta, purple and orange," Bellatrix reminded him, crossing her arms and coughing to retain her mirth.

"Hehehe, Luci?" Joey laughed again.

"AHEM!" A voice coughed loudly behind them all. Voldemort stood behind them and, taking one look at Bellatrix's mask, he fell backwards.

Jess put a questioning pinky to her lips. "Hm, he should join in on the fun."

She then whipped out a sticker sheet and put gold, red and yellow smiley face stickers on Voldemort's dilapidated and gray colored face.

"Yeah! Gryffindor colors!" Kris cheered, smiling broadly, clapping her hands together and jumping up and down.

Ripping the stickers off his face wildly and tearing Jess' sticker sheet into shards, he regained his sanity, trying hard not to laugh at Bellatrix and Lucius' masks. He then sniffed the air.

"Hey, I smell happy!" He glared at Jess, and then pointed at her. "You, why are you so happy?"

"It's my birthday!" she gaily responded. Lori handed her a present.

"But you said yesterday was your birthday…," Kris thought outside her head.

"Uhhhh, no I didn't?" Jess responded sheepishly. Not responding, she whistled to avoid the truth. Yesterday wasn't even her birthday either. Lori tried to snatch the present from under Jess' arm, resulting in a tug of war. Billow clouds gathered around the now cat fight, the present now abandoned on the ground. Moving towards the present with feline motion, Voldemort grabbed the present.

"Today's not your birthday," Kris yelled at him.

"Uhhhh, yes it!" he responded quickly, running away, opening the present as he jogged. Finally breaching through the wrapping paper and the tape that sealed the box, he opened it slowly, just for some suspense.

(BOOM! Giant explosion and random shot of the Bikini island atomic bomb explosion.)

Voldemort gave a single cough, ashes flying out of his mouth. His face was covered head to toe in ashes, dark enough to even match his robes. Joey doubled over in laughter.

"I guess he didn't know that it was the 'giant explosion in your face' birthday year," Matt reasoned, scratching his head then shrugging his shoulders. Joey continued in his fit of laughter, gasping for air, he had no time to breathe.

Joey abruptly stopped laughing as Voldemort's shadow towering over him. The thunder rumbled in the background accompanied by strokes of lightning.

Cowering at the sight of Voldemort's menacing red eyes, Joey cringed. "Oh, no, not again!"

"Let's see," Matt started, "Lightning and thunder, Voldemort with a menacing look on his face…looks like Joey's going to die, that it does."

"Wait!" Lori randomly shouted. She pulled out a random tape player behind her.

"We can't forget the evil, creepy music in the background," she said as she pushed the 'play' button. (Evil, creepy music plays… )"Now Joey can die!"

Explosion of green light. Joey screams in anguish, stops twitching and dies.

"Next time, we should write Volders a theme song," Kris suggested.

A/N: none…Oh, wait, yes, I forget….Toasty marshmallows!