A/N: Hey, y'all, thanks for the support. I really enjoy it.I don't know how funny this one will be, but I'll give it a shot. Here's hoping! Don't forget to read and review! Remember, flames roast my toasty marshmallows!

Lena "Mad-Eyes4U" "Akira" "Carter" Pearson

Disclaimer: Lena fears lawyers, fines and jail above all else, so I won nothing except the souls of Joey, Matt, Lori (that's me), Jess and Kris. All characters created in the inigmatic mind of JK Rowling belong to her ... If there are any objections, feel free to kill Joey.

Chapter 5

What We WIll Learn ThisChapter:
1) Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like, "You're the boss, boss" or "It's your funeral".
2)Endevor to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say "Eeeexcellent".
3) Get him drunk.

It was 5 AM and Matt was already starting his morning. Since his friends were so dogged on staying underneath their comforters, Matt was left alone to do the task of opening the window for Artemis, who was incessantly tapping at the window.

"Thanks, Artemis," Matt yawned, too tired to be proper and keep his mouth closed.

"Yeah, thanks a lot Artemis….for getting us up at 5 AM! What's the matter with you, you stupid bird?" Joey groaned from beneath his sheets

Artemis hissed with an angered glare.

"Alright, I'm sorry! Just don't kill me! I'm supposed to die of something else this episode…"

Jess, Kris and Lori rose from their beds, waiting to hear Matt's news. Lori, finding no interest in the matter at hand, grabbed her MP3 player and laid back to read her manga entitled Rurouni Kenshin.

Giving the letter a last look over, Matt announced, "Okay, Remus wants us to actually do some work so we have to give him an owl within less than a week…"

"Why can't we just give him chocolate? Everyone loves chocolate!" Jess shouted out.

"Nah, I think we should actually do something. It's no fun annoying Voldy when there's no reason to do it," Kris interdicted. "Go on, Matt…"

Matt continued, "Yeah, um, Snape and Sirius say hello, noting to make fun of Voldy's middle name next chance we get….hmmm, oh and Harry says he's free Saturday, Jess."

Jess cheered and did her happy dance. (Happy dance will not be described due to strange references to a banana…)

"Hermione would also like to thank Lori for the signed autograph of Michael Vartan…"

Kris glared at Lori. "So that's where my autograph went to…YOU MOFO!!!"

"And I thought you were and idiot," Lori scoffed.

"Children, play nice," Matt urged. "Tonks says she won't go out with you, Joey, due to the fact that you called her fat during an argument you had a week ago."

"Damn! I wonder if pudgy would have been better…" Joey pondered.

"NOOOOOO!!!!" Lori randomly yelled.

Joey stared at the startled Lori.

"You think I should have gone with chubby?" inquired Joey, confused on her immediate and sharp response.

"What?" Lori mouthed, noticing Joey's stare. Then she realized why he was looking at her. She screamed bloody murder at a practical cue of comment. "Oh, no, no, I just got to the part where Kenshin narrowly avoided Saitou's attack. It was exciting! I just…"

Understanding finally that no none cared or didn't understand, she gave up trying to explain herself. "Nevermind…sigh…so misunderstood…"

"So, how are we supposed to get information on Voldemort's next move?" Kris asked.

"We could go to the Death Eater plotting session," Jess commented.

"Or we could be psychologists and psychosis it out of him!" Joey added naively.

"Or we could go to the plotting session."

"Or we could apparate in and out of his room quickly to annoy him!"

"That would get you killed, so let's go to the Death Eater plotting session."

"How about we get him drunk?"

"No."

"I know! Let's go to the Death Eater plotting session! God, I'm so smart!"

"Grrrrr……"

The large hall with the incredibly long table fell silent as Voldemort took his seat, which Matt was jealous of, primarily due to the fact that it was a comfy, swirvy chair that Voldy had taken from Matt's desk.

"Alright, we all know what our objective is. Now, we just have to figure out how it's going to be done," Voldemort started. He bit into a large, jelly doughnut from a tray that was being passed around the room. "Any suggestions?"

"Yeah, mind telling me what our 'objective' is," Lori demanded with an innocent touch in her tone.

"Uhhh, well, the usually bad guy thing. Dominate the world, destroy all Muggles and Muggleborns, give Potter and Dumbledore the can…"

"But…why? He just too cute!"

(Picture of Harry with a heart around him on a pink background)

"And Dumbledore is kind of sexy," Jess commented.

(Picture of Dumbledore with a heart around him on a pink background)

"You've got to admit," Kris said, biting into a Boston cream, "he's got style."

(Pictures of Dumbledore at a fashion show)

"Getting back on topic…" Lucius implored, groaning. "The school is incredibly weak, which is why I suggest that we attack Dumbledore first. He'll have no choice but to surrender himself for the safety of the school."

"I like that idea Lucius, very much indeed," Voldemort praised, steepled his fingers, and leaned back in his chair. "Eeeexcellent…"

Jess tapped Wormtail on the shoulder. She whispered, "I taught him how to do that."

"So, any objections?" Voldemort implored.

No one spoke. Then, muttering under his breath, Joey sarcastically commented, "It's your funeral…"

(FLASH OF GREEN LIGHT then JOEY EVAPORATES)

(…DEAD SILENCE…)

Breaking the ice, Kris asked, "So, now that we've got a plan, what now?"

"How about a party?" Matt suggested. The crowd, or lack there of, cheered.

(5 MINUTES LATER...)

Matt with a lamp shade over his head, said to Jess, "Now we can get him drunk, right?"

Jamming with Antonin and Lucius, Jess responded, "Yeah, sure, whatever…I've got the camera ready."

After the party, Kris took her time to write a letter to Remus, sealing it with a lipstick kiss on the back. Underneath the seal,it read "Kris loves Sirius and Sevvie in a pltonic, non-threatining way 4eva!"

Dear Remus,
We decided to actually do some work today, so yeah we have some info. Volders plans to attack the school. We've also discovered some hidden secrets in his personality. He seems very insecure about his style. Have Dumbles send some fashion tips. Also, he seems friendlier when he's drunk. You can see from the enclosed photo. Don't mind the lamp shade in the background; That's just Matt. He's also a quick learner. Jess taught him how to steeple his fingers and say 'Eeexcellent' just today. (I'd watch your back Sirius; he's got mad steepling powers, along with the killing and manipulation powers, too.) Also, tell Hermione to give me back my signed Michael Vartan photo. Lori stole it from me. IT'S MINE, I SAY, MINE!
Hoping Snape washes his hair one day,
Kris
P.S: Jess says she's free Saturday, Harry.

Thanks again for all the support! I'll be back next time with chapter 6 and a new Joey death. Yeah, I know, this one was kind of lame.....mabey he should get run over by a raging hippogriff....or get sat on by a troll.....nah, I'll leave it to Voldy. Drop some suggestioons on where I should got next and don't for get to hit that pretty button that says "REVIEW". I love you all in plutonic, non-threatining way! Lena "Mad-Eyes4U" "Akria" "Carter" Pearson