A/N: I do not own the song "Fall to Pieces" by Avril Lavigne, which I only heard yesterday and I LOVE! I serious recommend a listen.
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Chapter Fifteen: Fall to Pieces
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That night, Lizzie couldn't sleep. At least she had stopped crying. Her mom had come up at a point in the night and asked her what was wrong. She just said she and Gordo had a big fight. That was true, but she left out the 'dated for one day' part. She was pretending it never happened. Like something you do in Vegas.
She was mostly packed by nightfall. She watched some TV and listened to her Paolo and Isabella CD. She took a shower, hoping everything that had happened would wash away. Her worst fear had come true, after all: messed up the "relationship", friendship down the toilet.
When she finally climbed into bed, Lizzie realized she had never called Miranda and told her about the whole ordeal. If her mind wasn't a total train wreck, she would never left her out of the dark like this.
'It's too late to go over to her house,' Lizzie thought. 'I'll just call her.' She picked up her phone and pushed Miranda's speed dial number.
Miranda had just gotten out of the shower when her phone rang. She hoped it was Gordo, calling to tell her how everything had gone. She picked it up.
"Hello?"
Lizzie was so relieved to hear Miranda's voice.
"Miranda, it's Lizzie. Were you sleeping?"
Miranda was surprised to hear her best friend's voice on the other end. "Hey chica. No, I'm awake. What's up?"
Lizzie took a deep breath. This would take a lot of explaining. She didn't even know where to start.
Luckily, Miranda started for her. "Is this about you and Gordo breaking up?"
Lizzie was surprised. "Um, yea. How did you know about that."
"You may have not told me about it," she replied, "but Gordo came over here this afternoon and spilled the whole thing." She paused. "Major bummer."
Lizzie felt like throw-up was crawling up her throat. "Oh, yea." She rolled her eyes. "It's too bad the situation just got one million times worse!"
"What do you mean?" Miranda asked, surprised by the comment. Didn't Gordo fix everything? Didn't he apologize and get her back?
"We got into another argument," Lizzie said. "It was so stupid. He made some ridiculous comment about the record deal and I got mad and then... oh, I don't know... I went back to things he said in Rome. Why am I obsessing over Rome! Why?!"
"Chill, girl!" Miranda said. "I don't know! I wasn't even there!"
There was a moment of silence. Lizzie tried to figure it out. Why was she so bent on what he had said in Rome? Why was he so sad that she was leaving? Would he have acted this way if they had just been friends when all this happened? She didn't think so. If anyone knew Gordo, Lizzie did. There was a certain reason he was acting this way.
'And if I wasn't so stupid,' Lizzie thought, 'we could have stayed together and we could've worked it out.'
"Do you regret dumping him?" Miranda asked suddenly.
Lizzie didn't say anything. That was enough of an answer.
-I looked away then I looked back at you. You tried to say things that you can't undo-
"Whatcha gonna do?" Miranda asked.
Lizzie sighed. "I have no idea."
"Are you going to even attempt to get him back?" she asked, her tone less than eager, more like exhausted.
"What's the point?" said Lizzie, throwing her pillow across the room. "It would be so awkward. He's keeping something from me, I know it."
"Want me to pry?" Miranda offered.
Lizzie sunk onto the floor. "No, but thanks anyway. I'll figure this out."
-If I had my way, I'd never get over you. Today's the day I pray that we make it through-
"I have to go," said Miranda. "We should hang out tomorrow before you leave."
"Okay," said Lizzie miserably, climbing back into bed and shutting off the light. She knew it would be so different without Gordo. Dating him was a mistake. They ruined their friendship. They'd never be able to get back what they had before all of this muck. She wanted to dismiss everything she was feeling at that moment, but she couldn't.
She still felt something for Gordo.
She just didn't know what.
-Make it through the fall... make it through at all-
After the two girls hung up, Lizzie decided she would try to sleep as best she could. She put her mind on something else, hoping her dreams would emphasize on whatever topic it would be. Anything but Gordo. She thought of the tour, but that made her think of Gordo. She wondered if he was sleeping well, or sleeping at all. After all, he was the one who had had strong feelings longer than her, right?
Just then Lizzie realized something. 'Have I always liked Gordo, secretly, deep-down?' She remembered crushing on him in the fourth grade, but that was just a crush, the little bug everyone passed along. That was nothing.
This was much deeper, and might have always been.
-I don't want to fall to pieces. I just want to sit and stare at you. I don't want to talk about it-
Eventually, Lizzie fell asleep. Lucky for her, she dreamed about nothing. It was just like a giant blank screen that played in her mind's eye all night. She felt nothing in her sleep, which, as she considered, was better than feeling pain deep within the dungeons of a nightmare. Nothingness consumed her, and she was fine with that. Just as long as she didn't have to cry anymore. She was probably dry.
-I don't want a conversation. I just want to cry in front of you. I don't want to talk about it 'cause I'm in love with you-
Gordo wasn't sleeping well. Unlike Lizzie's blank screen, he got a full-fledge, Hollywood-bred, horror flick in an IMAX theater. He dreamed he was standing in the middle of the Coliseum, dressed in his gladiator armor, ready to fight. The Roman crowd cheered, ready to see bloodshed. When the gate was lifted at the opposite end of the arena to unleash whatever monster he'd have to battle, a piano tune began to drift through the air. It was recognizable. It was "What Dreams are Made Of", and coming out of the gate was Paolo. Behind Paolo was Ethan. Behind Ethan was Frankie Muniz, and behind him was Ronnie Jacobs, followed by Mr. Keith and Danny Kessler. They came out in their armor, glistening in the hot sun. They all began to sing (with, surprisingly, as much harmony as Boyz II Men, but this was a dream after all) and it created ear-splitting pain in Gordo's ears. He collapsed onto the ground as if it were nails against a chalkboard, covering his ears. Suddenly, he heard a voice. It was distant, but he could hear it. It was beautiful. He had it somewhere before. He looked up into the stands and saw sitting in the Imperial Box, a lovely Roman Empress. It was Lizzie – or Elizabella – and she was cheering for Gordo's competitors. Then she turned around and laughed at him.
"You are nothing," she said to him. "You mean nothing. You let me slip away and now you are nothing but a footnote."
And that's when Gordo woke up.
-You're the only one I'd be with till the end. When I come undone, you bring me back again... back under the stars... back into your arms-
The next morning, Lizzie woke up and felt better. She got up, put on her robe, and went downstairs for breakfast.
"Hey sweetie," said her mom cheerfully when she came down. She shoved a plate in her hands. "Breakfast?"
Lizzie smiled. "Yea." She sat down at the table across from Matt. Lanny had slept over. Lizzie began to eat when all of the sudden, Matt exclaimed, "Your right, Lanny! Good idea!" and they ran from the table.
"How you sleep?" Jo asked, sitting down at the table.
"Fine, I guess," Lizzie answered.
"Well, that's good," she replied. "You seemed pretty upset last night. What did you and Gordo fight about anyway?"
That's when Lizzie remembered everything and the blank screen disappeared.
-I don't want to fall to pieces. I just want to sit and stare at you. I don't want to talk about it-
After unenjoyed swallowing of bacon, sausage, ham, and cheese, Lizzie went back upstairs to get dressed and call Miranda. They decided to meet at – where else? – the Digital Bean and then hit the mall.
As Lizzie got dressed, she wondered what Gordo was doing. She hoped Miranda hadn't called him. She was not ready to deal with. She did kind of want him to be there on her last day in America, but maybe if they weren't fighting, this wouldn't be her last day.
-I don't want a conversation. I just want to cry in front of you. I don't want to talk about it 'cause I'm in love with you-
When Lizzie got to the Digital Bean, Miranda was already there.
"Hey," Lizzie called out when she saw her.
"Hey," said Miranda. She paused for a second as Lizzie sat down next to her. "You okay?"
Lizzie nodded. "I'm fine."
Miranda just went, "Cool," and began playing with her hair. She knew what Lizzie didn't. Lizzie asked her not to pry, but she did anyway. She had called Gordo that morning and asked him why he had acted that way. She told him Lizzie was suspicious that there was something going on.
So Gordo told her. He told her that he knew she would go on this tour and not care one wit about him when she got back.
"That's not true," Miranda had said. "Lizzie would never forget her best friends."
"Not you, Miranda," he had retaliated. "Me. Because I screwed up."
He was about to hang up when Miranda added in, "You know she still has feelings for you."
She could hear Gordo's breath stop on the other end.
"Gordo?"
"No," he said disbelievingly. "No. She feels nothing for me." And he hung up.
-Want to know who you are. Want to know where to start. I want to know what this means. Want to know how to feel. Want to know what is real. Want to know everything, everything-
Lizzie and Miranda ordered Shirley Temples (Lizzie highly recommended it) and shared an order of onion rings. They didn't touch on the matter of Gordo. They enjoyed their time together. Lizzie seemed fine, but her mind was scrambling. All she could think of was Gordo and their date. She truly wanted to forget about him and enjoy herself, but it was the hardest thing to do.
-I don't want to fall to pieces. I just want to sit and stare at you. I don't want to talk to talk about it. I don't want a conversation. I just want to cry in front of you. I don't want to talk about it 'cause I'm in love with you-
After they ate, the friends went to the movies. They obviously couldn't talk during the movie, but after, while they waited for a bus, Miranda decided to talk to Lizzie about the very delicate matter.
But Lizzie got to it first.
"Did you notice the director of the movie was Gilbert Moorberg?" she asked, turning her back to her friend.
"No," said Miranda cautiously, not sure what she was getting at, "why?"
Lizzie was really trying not cry. "He's Gordo's favorite director." She sniffled as quietly as possible. "He's always talking about his camera angles. He says that he uses the same fast-moving shots as the director of 'E.R.' He says that to put that into an action film on the big screen is..." She couldn't go on. She turned to Miranda and started crying hysterically on her shoulder.
"I miss him so much!" she squeaked out. "I can't believe he's not here today! I mean, I'll be gone for the rest of the summer! I won't see him or you! I just miss him! I hate that we're not speaking!"
"Calm down," said Miranda soothingly, rubbing her best friend's back. "It's okay. Do you miss his friendship..." She paused. "...or his love?"
"Both," Lizzie answered. "He was one of the best friends anyone could ask for. He was such a caring guy, and he loved me! He loved me! And I pushed him away."
-I don't want to fall to pieces. I just want to sit and stare at you. I don't want to talk to talk about it. I don't want a conversation. I just want to cry in front of you. I don't want to talk about it 'cause I'm in love with you-
When Lizzie got home, she looked better. Miranda cleaned her up so her mom wouldn't noticed how much she had cried. She went upstairs and made sure she had packed everything she needed. She probably do a lot of shopping in Italy, of course. She picked up the phone. She wanted to call Gordo, btu she couldn't. He still had said things that had really hurt her feelings. Could she forgive him?
Could her love for him pull them through?
-I'm in love with you. 'Cause I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you-
Hey everybody! Correct to a mistake I made in my note last chapter: I said there would be songs in the next few chapters. I left out the word sad. Sad songs is what I meant. Oopsy!
Keep it Heavenly,
Goddess4LiFe
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Chapter Fifteen: Fall to Pieces
- - -
That night, Lizzie couldn't sleep. At least she had stopped crying. Her mom had come up at a point in the night and asked her what was wrong. She just said she and Gordo had a big fight. That was true, but she left out the 'dated for one day' part. She was pretending it never happened. Like something you do in Vegas.
She was mostly packed by nightfall. She watched some TV and listened to her Paolo and Isabella CD. She took a shower, hoping everything that had happened would wash away. Her worst fear had come true, after all: messed up the "relationship", friendship down the toilet.
When she finally climbed into bed, Lizzie realized she had never called Miranda and told her about the whole ordeal. If her mind wasn't a total train wreck, she would never left her out of the dark like this.
'It's too late to go over to her house,' Lizzie thought. 'I'll just call her.' She picked up her phone and pushed Miranda's speed dial number.
Miranda had just gotten out of the shower when her phone rang. She hoped it was Gordo, calling to tell her how everything had gone. She picked it up.
"Hello?"
Lizzie was so relieved to hear Miranda's voice.
"Miranda, it's Lizzie. Were you sleeping?"
Miranda was surprised to hear her best friend's voice on the other end. "Hey chica. No, I'm awake. What's up?"
Lizzie took a deep breath. This would take a lot of explaining. She didn't even know where to start.
Luckily, Miranda started for her. "Is this about you and Gordo breaking up?"
Lizzie was surprised. "Um, yea. How did you know about that."
"You may have not told me about it," she replied, "but Gordo came over here this afternoon and spilled the whole thing." She paused. "Major bummer."
Lizzie felt like throw-up was crawling up her throat. "Oh, yea." She rolled her eyes. "It's too bad the situation just got one million times worse!"
"What do you mean?" Miranda asked, surprised by the comment. Didn't Gordo fix everything? Didn't he apologize and get her back?
"We got into another argument," Lizzie said. "It was so stupid. He made some ridiculous comment about the record deal and I got mad and then... oh, I don't know... I went back to things he said in Rome. Why am I obsessing over Rome! Why?!"
"Chill, girl!" Miranda said. "I don't know! I wasn't even there!"
There was a moment of silence. Lizzie tried to figure it out. Why was she so bent on what he had said in Rome? Why was he so sad that she was leaving? Would he have acted this way if they had just been friends when all this happened? She didn't think so. If anyone knew Gordo, Lizzie did. There was a certain reason he was acting this way.
'And if I wasn't so stupid,' Lizzie thought, 'we could have stayed together and we could've worked it out.'
"Do you regret dumping him?" Miranda asked suddenly.
Lizzie didn't say anything. That was enough of an answer.
-I looked away then I looked back at you. You tried to say things that you can't undo-
"Whatcha gonna do?" Miranda asked.
Lizzie sighed. "I have no idea."
"Are you going to even attempt to get him back?" she asked, her tone less than eager, more like exhausted.
"What's the point?" said Lizzie, throwing her pillow across the room. "It would be so awkward. He's keeping something from me, I know it."
"Want me to pry?" Miranda offered.
Lizzie sunk onto the floor. "No, but thanks anyway. I'll figure this out."
-If I had my way, I'd never get over you. Today's the day I pray that we make it through-
"I have to go," said Miranda. "We should hang out tomorrow before you leave."
"Okay," said Lizzie miserably, climbing back into bed and shutting off the light. She knew it would be so different without Gordo. Dating him was a mistake. They ruined their friendship. They'd never be able to get back what they had before all of this muck. She wanted to dismiss everything she was feeling at that moment, but she couldn't.
She still felt something for Gordo.
She just didn't know what.
-Make it through the fall... make it through at all-
After the two girls hung up, Lizzie decided she would try to sleep as best she could. She put her mind on something else, hoping her dreams would emphasize on whatever topic it would be. Anything but Gordo. She thought of the tour, but that made her think of Gordo. She wondered if he was sleeping well, or sleeping at all. After all, he was the one who had had strong feelings longer than her, right?
Just then Lizzie realized something. 'Have I always liked Gordo, secretly, deep-down?' She remembered crushing on him in the fourth grade, but that was just a crush, the little bug everyone passed along. That was nothing.
This was much deeper, and might have always been.
-I don't want to fall to pieces. I just want to sit and stare at you. I don't want to talk about it-
Eventually, Lizzie fell asleep. Lucky for her, she dreamed about nothing. It was just like a giant blank screen that played in her mind's eye all night. She felt nothing in her sleep, which, as she considered, was better than feeling pain deep within the dungeons of a nightmare. Nothingness consumed her, and she was fine with that. Just as long as she didn't have to cry anymore. She was probably dry.
-I don't want a conversation. I just want to cry in front of you. I don't want to talk about it 'cause I'm in love with you-
Gordo wasn't sleeping well. Unlike Lizzie's blank screen, he got a full-fledge, Hollywood-bred, horror flick in an IMAX theater. He dreamed he was standing in the middle of the Coliseum, dressed in his gladiator armor, ready to fight. The Roman crowd cheered, ready to see bloodshed. When the gate was lifted at the opposite end of the arena to unleash whatever monster he'd have to battle, a piano tune began to drift through the air. It was recognizable. It was "What Dreams are Made Of", and coming out of the gate was Paolo. Behind Paolo was Ethan. Behind Ethan was Frankie Muniz, and behind him was Ronnie Jacobs, followed by Mr. Keith and Danny Kessler. They came out in their armor, glistening in the hot sun. They all began to sing (with, surprisingly, as much harmony as Boyz II Men, but this was a dream after all) and it created ear-splitting pain in Gordo's ears. He collapsed onto the ground as if it were nails against a chalkboard, covering his ears. Suddenly, he heard a voice. It was distant, but he could hear it. It was beautiful. He had it somewhere before. He looked up into the stands and saw sitting in the Imperial Box, a lovely Roman Empress. It was Lizzie – or Elizabella – and she was cheering for Gordo's competitors. Then she turned around and laughed at him.
"You are nothing," she said to him. "You mean nothing. You let me slip away and now you are nothing but a footnote."
And that's when Gordo woke up.
-You're the only one I'd be with till the end. When I come undone, you bring me back again... back under the stars... back into your arms-
The next morning, Lizzie woke up and felt better. She got up, put on her robe, and went downstairs for breakfast.
"Hey sweetie," said her mom cheerfully when she came down. She shoved a plate in her hands. "Breakfast?"
Lizzie smiled. "Yea." She sat down at the table across from Matt. Lanny had slept over. Lizzie began to eat when all of the sudden, Matt exclaimed, "Your right, Lanny! Good idea!" and they ran from the table.
"How you sleep?" Jo asked, sitting down at the table.
"Fine, I guess," Lizzie answered.
"Well, that's good," she replied. "You seemed pretty upset last night. What did you and Gordo fight about anyway?"
That's when Lizzie remembered everything and the blank screen disappeared.
-I don't want to fall to pieces. I just want to sit and stare at you. I don't want to talk about it-
After unenjoyed swallowing of bacon, sausage, ham, and cheese, Lizzie went back upstairs to get dressed and call Miranda. They decided to meet at – where else? – the Digital Bean and then hit the mall.
As Lizzie got dressed, she wondered what Gordo was doing. She hoped Miranda hadn't called him. She was not ready to deal with. She did kind of want him to be there on her last day in America, but maybe if they weren't fighting, this wouldn't be her last day.
-I don't want a conversation. I just want to cry in front of you. I don't want to talk about it 'cause I'm in love with you-
When Lizzie got to the Digital Bean, Miranda was already there.
"Hey," Lizzie called out when she saw her.
"Hey," said Miranda. She paused for a second as Lizzie sat down next to her. "You okay?"
Lizzie nodded. "I'm fine."
Miranda just went, "Cool," and began playing with her hair. She knew what Lizzie didn't. Lizzie asked her not to pry, but she did anyway. She had called Gordo that morning and asked him why he had acted that way. She told him Lizzie was suspicious that there was something going on.
So Gordo told her. He told her that he knew she would go on this tour and not care one wit about him when she got back.
"That's not true," Miranda had said. "Lizzie would never forget her best friends."
"Not you, Miranda," he had retaliated. "Me. Because I screwed up."
He was about to hang up when Miranda added in, "You know she still has feelings for you."
She could hear Gordo's breath stop on the other end.
"Gordo?"
"No," he said disbelievingly. "No. She feels nothing for me." And he hung up.
-Want to know who you are. Want to know where to start. I want to know what this means. Want to know how to feel. Want to know what is real. Want to know everything, everything-
Lizzie and Miranda ordered Shirley Temples (Lizzie highly recommended it) and shared an order of onion rings. They didn't touch on the matter of Gordo. They enjoyed their time together. Lizzie seemed fine, but her mind was scrambling. All she could think of was Gordo and their date. She truly wanted to forget about him and enjoy herself, but it was the hardest thing to do.
-I don't want to fall to pieces. I just want to sit and stare at you. I don't want to talk to talk about it. I don't want a conversation. I just want to cry in front of you. I don't want to talk about it 'cause I'm in love with you-
After they ate, the friends went to the movies. They obviously couldn't talk during the movie, but after, while they waited for a bus, Miranda decided to talk to Lizzie about the very delicate matter.
But Lizzie got to it first.
"Did you notice the director of the movie was Gilbert Moorberg?" she asked, turning her back to her friend.
"No," said Miranda cautiously, not sure what she was getting at, "why?"
Lizzie was really trying not cry. "He's Gordo's favorite director." She sniffled as quietly as possible. "He's always talking about his camera angles. He says that he uses the same fast-moving shots as the director of 'E.R.' He says that to put that into an action film on the big screen is..." She couldn't go on. She turned to Miranda and started crying hysterically on her shoulder.
"I miss him so much!" she squeaked out. "I can't believe he's not here today! I mean, I'll be gone for the rest of the summer! I won't see him or you! I just miss him! I hate that we're not speaking!"
"Calm down," said Miranda soothingly, rubbing her best friend's back. "It's okay. Do you miss his friendship..." She paused. "...or his love?"
"Both," Lizzie answered. "He was one of the best friends anyone could ask for. He was such a caring guy, and he loved me! He loved me! And I pushed him away."
-I don't want to fall to pieces. I just want to sit and stare at you. I don't want to talk to talk about it. I don't want a conversation. I just want to cry in front of you. I don't want to talk about it 'cause I'm in love with you-
When Lizzie got home, she looked better. Miranda cleaned her up so her mom wouldn't noticed how much she had cried. She went upstairs and made sure she had packed everything she needed. She probably do a lot of shopping in Italy, of course. She picked up the phone. She wanted to call Gordo, btu she couldn't. He still had said things that had really hurt her feelings. Could she forgive him?
Could her love for him pull them through?
-I'm in love with you. 'Cause I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you-
Hey everybody! Correct to a mistake I made in my note last chapter: I said there would be songs in the next few chapters. I left out the word sad. Sad songs is what I meant. Oopsy!
Keep it Heavenly,
Goddess4LiFe