C h a p t e r  One

The town of Carniville is host to many shows, circuses, and carnivals; you name it, it's there.
But these are not the harmless kiddie-type joy festivals; the circuses give previews of hideous monsters, such as the Batting Bat: an oversized bat who strikes people with a baseball bat, and the Wailing Wolf- Man, who, as you may guess, scares the audience by wailing loudly in their ears.
You may think that the story starts happily, with the Baudelaire orphans, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, far away from Carniville, but those of you out there with a knowledge of these children know that they are extremely unlucky and will sooner or later wind up at this place.
The misfortune of the Baudelaire children began when their mansion burned down, killing their parents but leaving a huge sum of money for the orphans to inherit when the oldest, Violet, came of age.
Due to the death of their parents, the Baudelaires were forced to live with Count Olaf, a terribly repugnant figure with one hairy and scraggly eyebrow, and a tattoo of an eye on his left ankle. He had an unfortunate dislike for the children, but a great liking for their money. Olaf would do anything to get his hands on it: even if it meant killing the poor children, which in this case means 'poor and helpless' as oppose to 'poor without money' (even though at this stage of the story, they are without money).
If anything mentioned so far has caused you any distress whatsoever, please feel free to go back and find another story.

Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire were all sitting in a packed tube station, accompanied by Mr. Poe. They were waiting for their Great-Aunt Zenk to come back from her holiday in Afghanistan, so she could take care of the children until the next misfortune occurred, which often does after a short time. (She wasn't really their aunt, but as always, like me, we are all forced to call someone by a false name, or a title that shows respect. It just so happened that Mr. Poe was unable to find a relative of the Baudelaires, for them to live with, but apparently she was one of the closest friends to Mrs. Baudelaire as could be found.)
"How do you think she'll be like?" Klaus asked Violet.
"I hope she's as nice as Uncle Monty, "replied Violet with an air of great longing.
"Meebo," said Sunny silently, which meant something along the lines of "me too." Even though Sunny was still an infant, and she still spoke in a manner that only the Baudelaires themselves, and a few others, recognised, her speech was getting better.
"Twelve O' clock train from Airhead Airport arriving now," signalled the announcer.
A train pulled up into the now deserted platform. The doors opened, and a tall, slim figure in black stepped confidently out of the train compartment.
"Ah! You must be ze Baudelaires! Allow me to introduce myself. I am Delphine Zenk, but you must address me as Aunt Zenk." Her voice was stern, like a headmistress, and thick with a French accent. She also spoke quickly, as though she had an urgent need to go somewhere, fast.
"Come on, Violet, Klaus, Sunny, and…"
"Poe. Mr. Poe."
"...Mr. Poe. We don't have all day, and your luggage won't pick itself up, so out to ze car." She marched off.
"She doesn't seem very nice," Violet commented.
"Strik!" Sunny shrieked, which probably meant something like, "She's very strict."
"Where does she live, Mr. Poe?" Klaus asked. "Is it far?"
"Well, I don't know much geography, but I suppose it is quite far. Around five hours by car. With rest stops, of course!" chuckled Mr. Poe, as he saw the look on Klaus' face. "Do you have any books with you?"
"No, not with me," Klaus replied, wondering how Mr. Poe could see any books in his luggage. "Why?"
"Well, you can borrow some of mine. You'll need them," Mr. Poe replied. "She lives in Carniville."