Author's Note: Howdy there, lovely readers. Alas, I am a week late. I am aware of this. But Lord, have I been busy. Wait a second… no I haven't! I've been lazy. Sorry I was delayed a week in posting. I am currently working on three other stories (one of which is my pride and joy). But I'll finish this insane-o rambling after the chapter. Here it comes. Although I'm not quite fond of it. Hope you all are, though. WEEEE!!!

:*: 3 – Herman, Snails and Hissy Fits :*:

It took a while for us to get situated before Hermione and I were off to her parents house for dinner. Despite my recent workout, I still felt the overwhelming Cloud of Doom placing itself over my head. I've met her parents before, so I thought it wouldn't be a problem. But then I get smacked upside the head with this new knowledge that I would be meeting the whole entire Granger family.

I just knew this dinner wouldn't be pretty. I just knew it. A bunch of Muggles vs. one wizard. I don't count Hermione because, in the presence of her family, she more or less reverts back to Muggle life. So I'm going to be the odd man out. The loner.

I could be like the Lone Ranger. Spending my life alone and solving mysteries and saving pretty women.

Cool.

Anyways… I was talking about the dinner. So, after we got ourselves, well, organized, we Apparated to Hermione's parents house (into her room, as not to scare the Muggles). We then walked downstairs. I was mostly just admiring her house and then it happened.

"It," being Hermione's aunt, Dolores.

"Oh, Good Lord!" she screeched so everyone turned. "It's my little Herman!"

I smirked and looked at Hermione, who said, "Not a word, Fred. Not a word."

Aunt Dolores is… a character, which would be the best word. She's around fifty seven and is very blunt. Now, if any of you recall Sybill Trelawny, Hogwart's' Divination teacher, you will immediately think of a large, sparkly, jingly, insect. That's pretty much how Aunt Dolores is, minus the magical powers.

"Oh!" Aunt Dolores said. "Is this that Weasel boy your mother told me about."

"Weasley, Dolores," Hermione said. "It's Weasley."

"Is she related to Malfoy?" I whispered.

"Don't whisper, young lad. It's impolite," Aunt Dolores said.

"Hello," I said. "I'm Fred."

Aunt Dolores gave me an appraising sort of look and said to Hermione, "Well, my dear. You could probably manage to catch a better fish, but I suppose Weasel will do."

"Dolores!" Not only Hermione said this, but Hermione's mother, Fiona as well.

"Uh, it's Weasley," I said.

"Don't correct your elders, Weasel," Dolores said, whisking Hermione off.

I tried to keep a sour expression off my face as I was introduced by Hermione's father, Jeffrey, to the rest of the family. They seemed to be a nice bunch of people. Very warm and friendly. I was strongly reminded of my own family, except the fact that my family is full of wizards.

"So… Fred is it?" One of Hermione's relatives said.

"Yes."

"What brings you over here with my Grandbaby?" So it was a Grandparent. Either a Grandmother or a very feminine-looking grandfather. Very feminine.

"Er… Well," I stumbled. Was I supposed to tell them about the wedding now? Or was that a "Wait until I give the signal, then tell them" sort of thing. I figured it was the second, so I said, "Just here to meet her family, that's all."

"What are you trying to pull, boy?" the Grandmother said.

"Nothing?" I said and asked at once. My, this family was quite the suspicious ones, weren't they.

"You didn't get her pregnant. Did you?"

"No!" I said. Not yet at least.

Suddenly, Hermione appeared at my side and whisked me out into her backyard.

"I'm so sorry I left you with Grandma Louise," she said. "She's a horrid woman."

"That's you're grandmother," I said, a little shocked.

"All the more reason I should be truthful," she said. "Please don't get the wrong idea about my family. You unfortunately met the two worst members first. We all aren't that bad."

"Well, I've met probably the worst: Grandma Louise and Aunt Dolores, apparently," I said. "And then the best: You."

"You really enjoy wooing me, don't you?"

"More than anything," I said, then swooped down to kiss her.

"Ahem."

We immediately broke apart to see Hermione's mother standing at the back door, smiling at us.

"We're getting ready to sit down for dinner. Maybe you could possibly make your announcement now?" she said. "It would make splendid dinner conversation."

I looked down at Hermione and she sighed.

"Can't we tell your parents first?" she asked. I gave her a look. "That's right. They already know. Damn Daily Prophet. Couldn't you have announced it on BBC or something?"

"The what?"

"Muggle television station, sorry." Hermione sighed and in a determined sort of voice, said, "Bring it on."

So we walked inside. Her family was still bustling about, yapping away to each other. Hermione then introduced me to her cousins, aunts and uncles and I think there were some second cousins twice removed or something like that. After I had met pretty much everyone, Hermione cleared her throat loudly.

"Excuse me," she said loudly but politely. As everyone became silent and looked directly at her, she suddenly lost her calm exterior. "Er… Well, as you all know, Fred and I… er, well we…"

"WE'RE GETTIN' HITCHED!" I screamed.

There was a ringing silence as everyone looked at me with a stunned silence. Hermione looked up at me with an "O" mouth.

"Well we are," I said. "Don't look so happy for us, please! The excitement is stifling."

I don't know why they weren't cheering. Or at least crying in happiness. Is that too much to ask? I mean, yes, I did just basically scream out I was marrying Hermione and sure, that probably shocked them a bit… but still. Are a few tears too hard for these people to unleash?

Hermione's mother, sensing a shocked environment, said, "Dinner is ready."

As we made our way to the dinner table, me still grinning and Hermione blushing and looking extremely embarrassed, a few family members gave us a pat on the back and offered congratulations.

"So," one of Hermione's cousins asked. "Have you set a date?"

"Uh," Hermione said, looking at me. "I think we decided this morning it was going to be sometime in April. Most likely the fourteenth."

"And we couldn't be more excited," I said happily, grinning. Hermione chuckled next to me and I got a few warm smiles. Aunt Dolores didn't smile at me. She, in fact, looked mighty suspicious.

"So, Weasel," she said. "What do you do for a living? Are you going to be able to provide for my Herman?"

I snickered at the name and said, "I am a writer for a newspaper."

"Which one?"

"A small town newspaper. It has a great following."

"And what's the name?"

"The - er…" I looked at Hermione and she shrugged. "The Daily Prophet. It's… a very popular newspaper in some circles."

"Is this one of those religious things? You gonna make my baby take some cyanide pill in allegiance to some crackpot wanker who says he's next to God?"

"Cyanide pills have yet to become a topic at any of our meetings," I said light heartedly. Aunt Dolores, however, didn't take it that way.

"I don't like your attitude, Weasel."

"Aunt Dolores, please," Hermione said. "Just leave him be. For now at least."

Aunt Dolores narrowed her eyes at me, then turned to Fiona (Hermione's mother) and said, "So where's the grub?"

Fiona stood up and walked into the kitchen and, along with the help of a few other people, brought out plates covered with food. Very restaurant-y.

"I decided to try something different," she said.

"Mum's been very into ethnic foods," Hermione said. "She went through a Chinese phase, an Indian phase, an American phase."

As I looked down into my plate, I saw some weird meat thing in some liquid, some cheese type thing and a pile of slimy stuff. I poked my fork at it and looked at Hermione with a hidden look of disgust,

"It's French," Hermione said.

"I made Coqu Au Vin – chicken in wine – a small cut of brie and some escargot." Fiona was beaming at her culinary skills.

I personally, really wanted a bowl of cereal. Delicious, simple, no insane spelling, cereal.

"What is this?" I poked at the slimy stuff.

"That's escargot," Hermione said. "Try it. It is actually quite delicious."

I took a small nibble. All right, it was pretty good. It looked a lot worse than it was. In fact, if I closed my eyes and ate it, it wasn't half bad.

"And what is this? The non-foreign name, I mean."

"Snails," Hermione said as if it didn't matter.

It obviously mattered to me, as the snail bits that were suddenly covering Hermione were any tribute to the truth.

"Snails? SNAILS!? You had me eat snails?"

"Fred! Sit down," Hermione said, picking out the snail bits I had spit out all over her.

"Are snails even considered food!?" I cried, hysterical.

"In France, obviously," Hermione retorted.

"Told you he wasn't good enough for you," Aunt Dolores said.

"Aunt Dolores, please!" Hermione and her mother said at once.

"Not refined at all," Dolores continued. "You need someone more cultured, Herman. Someone with a more elegant taste. A love for the finer things in life."

"The finer things in life aren't bugs!"

"Actually," a cousin replied. "Snails are not insects. They are part of the crustacean family, genus – "

"Sod off, Martin," Hermione said. "I'm sorry Mum, Dad… everyone. We have to go. My fiancée is going to have to continue his hissy fit at home. Fred we're leaving."

"I'm going to die!" I screamed.

Hermione drug me outside, where we promptly Apparated home.

"I hope you are happy, Fred!" she screamed as I scoured my mouth with my toothbrush and paste. "You embarrassed me in front of, literally, my entire family! How would you like it if I started screaming like a child in your home?" I was about to answer when Hermione said. "Oh wait, your family probably wouldn't even notice!"

"Hey, hey, hey!" I said, mouth full of toothpaste foam. "That was highly uncalled for!"

"And so was your little production, Fred," Hermione responded.

"Bloody Hell! They were snails, Hermione! SNAILS!"

"You thought they were good until you found out what they actually were!"

"Well sorry for thinking snails are gross!"

"You could've handled it in a more mature manner."

We stewed in silence for a few moments until a sudden revelation hit me.

"Are you embarrassed by me?" I asked.

"After tonight – "

"Not just tonight," I interrupted. "In general. Do you think I'm not good enough for you? For your family?"

Hermione's eyes narrowed. "How dare you."

"That didn't answer my question," I said.

"I shouldn't have to answer your question!" Hermione screeched. "You should know that I am not ashamed of you. If I were, would I have even thought to bring you to my parents house to meet my entire family."

"Then what's your problem? Like I haven't embarrassed you before! I proposed to you in a bloody newspaper!"

"And that's a good kind of embarrassed! That's an embarrassed that shows that I have someone that loves me more than anything and that would risk his pride to do something so sweet for me."

"I still would," I said quietly. "I'd do anything to make you happy… to let you know you are loved. But the fact I was eating some God-damned snails freaked me out."

Hermione grinned a bit. I can talk my way out of trouble so easily. Now would be the time to recall when I almost flushed my relationship with Hermione down the loo when I, ahem, laughed like a maniac when she said she would want to shag me.

"Am I forgiven?" I asked, smirking.

Hermione looked at me appraisingly.

"I'm worth it," I said. "I'm funny, sweet, and great in bed."

Hermione laughed.

"Well in that case," she said, walking over to me and giving me a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you, Herman."

Hermione scowled in an amused way. "I swear, if you tell anyone about 'Herman,' especially George and especially Ron, I will murder you."

"Okay, okay."

Suddenly, the telephone (it took ages for Hermione to get me to stop calling it the fellytone) rang. Hermione had it installed so her family could contact her easily.

"Hello?" she said. "Okay… now?… I see… are you sure? Can't Hannah come in?… I see… Really? Is she going to be okay?… All right. See you in a few minutes." Hermione hung up.

"I have to go in to work," she said despairingly.

Damn. I was expecting make-up sex.

Wow, my mind is very much in the gutter right now.

"Hannah and her boyfriend broke up, so they need someone else at the phones. I'll see you tonight?"

Hermione worked in the Muggle Relations Department of the ministry. She was an assistant to the Head of the department along with two other girls (Hannah, apparently and some other girl). It's the least magical office in the entire ministry, owing to the fact that they have a lot of contact with the Muggle Ministry.

I guess I should explain that a bit too, since most people aren't aware of it, huh? I thought so. Yes, that's right. I, Fred Weasley, know more than you.

Well, most of you.

Okay, okay… some of you.

Alright, ALRIGHT! Two of you (yes, my brother Ron is included on that).

Anyways, ever since Hermione's (and Ron and Harry's, for that matter) fourth year, my sixth, when You-Know-Who rose again, our ministry (well, a part of our ministry since Fudge was all corrupt and stuff) decided that the wizards and Muggles needed to band together to keep us all against You-Know-Who safe. Ever since then, it's been a fast rising, successful department. It only hires Muggle-born wizards and witches since they know the most about Muggles than most pure-blood wizards (Except for maybe my dad).

So that's what Hermione does and what she unfortunately had to go into that night.

"Will you be home later?" I asked.

"Possibly," Hermione replied. "Depending on how swamped we are. It could be an all-nighter."

"Damn."

"I know. I'll see you later tonight."

"Bye."

"I love you."

I grinned evilly. "I love you, Herman."

Hermione gave me a look and Apparated to work.

Aah, my Herman. How I love thee.

Author's Note: Bahaha. On with the thank you's!

surfngurl: I'm glad you liked Hermione's characterization. I was worried everyone would think I made her out to be this Wedding Harpy or something. But apparently, I didn't. WOO! Thanks for reviewing.

Alizee: Wow! I can't think of a cooler compliment other than, "I was having a total crap time until you updated!" kind of compliment. Wow. I'm starting to get a feeling of the happy warm fuzzies. And actually, sometimes I do feel I have a total crap chapter but I post it anyways. I don't want you all to lose interest in my story.

Sweet Piglet: You have such a cute sign in name! Sorry, off topic. Anywho, way to go with the date coincidence. I hope their wedding is most definetly spiffing enough to be on your birthday.

Isadora: Thank you! I actually haven't had time to check out your faves, but I will ASAP. Thanks for letting me know.

Curly-Q: Actually, Hermione's parents did know (as you could see from this chapter). Her extended family didn't. Hope it was actually fun to read.

skittle1528: I checked out the "Ginny's Gift" stories and, though I;m not a big fan of Harry/Ginny (they're only a side couple in this story because I'm not original enough to deal with other couples) and it is now currently on my "Favorite Stories" list. Thanks for the great recommendations and the review.

HogwartsHeadGirl: I'm glad you like my story. I never saw a Fred POV story (feel free to let me know if you have), and I thought it would be entertaining. Lo and behold, it is. Thanks!

Kirjava: In "DSP," there wasn't much newspaper stuff because I wanted the fact that he wrote for the Prophet to be a surprise. It isn't now, so I figured, why fight it? You all know anyhow. I hope that clarifies your wonderings. Thanks.

tickle the dragon: Thanks for the compliments. It's nice to know so many of you approve of Fred's thoughts and such.

Gwen Potter: Okay, deep breath… YOU'RE MAKING A SEQUEL TO "CONSEQUENCES!!!!!!!!!!????????" I don't think an infinite number of "Hoorays!" and exclamation points can express my happiness. I'm eagerly awaiting it already (and e-mail me if you want any help… not that you'd need it 'cause your writing kicks major ass.)

tortify: Yes, yes. Fred and Hermione stories rock. Thanks for the rockin' compliments!

Kat19: Thanks so much for the review and compliments. Compliments/reviews make me type and post faster (unless I'm feeling incredibly lazy…)

sweetevangeline: Rereading my story, eh? Sounds like a crime I am guilty of committing with your stories. Also, I saw you updated your story. I'm going to read and review that as soon as I can. Keep up the good work (and keep on reviewin').

seanbs-gurl: Okay, to clarify: The first chapter, with Hermione giving birth takes place later in the story AFTER they are married. How long after, however, will spoil the plot. Also, is your name is a throw-back to the incredibly sexy Sean Biggerstaff? Because he is very sexy.

Befuzzled: You're name is also really cute! I love the word fuzz! It made me smile, seeing your review and you name. Thanks.

Hannah Holt: I made you obsessed with HP fan fic again? Coolness. Congrats with finishing "Between the Two" if you didn't get my review. I'll be checking out your other works as soon as some time appears in my schedule.

Astrid: I updated, dammit! Please don't hit me with your broomstick. On a semi-related note, I stepped on a rake the other day and in true cartoon style, it flew up and whapped me in the nose. Okay, that really isn't related. I just like telling that story.

LaddyButterfly: Thanks so much fro what you had to say. It's always quite nice when reviewers say something along the lines of, "I don't usually like (insert ship of choice here), but you made me really like them and…" It really rocks my socks when people say that. Thanks so much!

A fan I got an account: I got your e-mail and I will be sending you update e-mails per your request. Awesome that you like my story so much.

Muggle Lover: Yes, I did have amnesia. Now I am offended… just joking. When I read your review, I laughed. The amnesia part was hilarious, I hope you meant it to be. I'm glad my stories (or story) is one of your favorite's. It's completely awesome. Thanks!

Okay, after that long, inane thank you lost, I have one more thing to add. I am starting a new "Update E-mail" list, so if you would like an e-mail when I update my stories, drop me a review and let me know. Thanks for reading and (hopefully) reviewing!