Author's Note: So… Fred getting completely and utterly bombed was a very well-received action. Perhaps he will get plastered once again before the story is over. Maybe at his wedding reception! Just kidding. Okay, super sorry for the major-long update time. School let's out for me in like, three weeks so I'm busy with finals and all. So, enough of my groveling for forgiveness. I'll just get on with the chapter!

Oh! Also, congrats to: Gwen Potter, Black Sparkles, BellethePhilosopher'sCookie, Muggle Lover, LadyLupin1020, and Singtoangels. Here are your stars: * * * * * *

:*: 5 – Hermione the Oven :*:

A week later, Hermione still wasn't talking to me. It was almost Christmas and there was not a lot of holiday cheer in our living quarters. It was more like a bitter ice storm whenever the two of us were in the same room together.

Throughout the week, I was trying like Hell to do anything to make her talk to me again. I sent flowers to her work, I talked to her friends (mainly Ginny as I didn't know her other friends) and tried to make it better but it wasn't working.

As Hermione was getting ready to go into work Thursday morning, I asked her "How many times do I have to apologize before you talk to me again, Hermione?"

Hermione stopped messing with her tea and looked up at me. "I don't know, Fred. What you did… it messed me up. I don't know how to deal with it."

"With what!?" I asked, quite upset. "I got drunk. I've gotten drunk before."

"But it's different now," Hermione argued.

"How?" I asked. "How are things different? Because we're engaged?"

Hermione shook her head. "I've been questioning your maturity level since that fiasco at my parents' home and don't say anything because we're through talking about it."

I closed my mouth.

"And last night you proved to me that your maturity level isn't that high right now," she continued. "You're still the little ruffian that blew up toilets at Hogwart's."

"And so what does that have to do with anything?" I asked.

"Life is happening all around us, Fred," Hermione explained. "Things are going to happen that are going to screw with our life… that are going to force us to grow up and I'm not sure you're prepared to handle that."

"Handle what? I'm not too stupid to realize you are trying to convey something that is happening to you right now. But, alas, I'm too stupid to realize what that is."

Hermione was silent for a moment before she said, "You're not stupid, Fred. Just a bit… confused sometimes."

"Just tell me what's going on. Please."

"Fred," Hermione said. "I'm… I have to go to work."

"God dammit! What the hell is going on!?" I screamed.

"For Christ's Sake, Fred, I'm pregnant!" Hermione screamed. "Are you happy now?"

Actually, no… I was not happy. I was shocked.

"Er…" was all I could say.

"Exactly. Now I have to go to work. Good bye."

"What about dinner tomorrow? With your friends?" That had nothing to do with Hermione's announcement, but it was the only thing I could think of.

"Dinner will go on as planned. I'll see you tonight."

And with that, she had disappeared.

My first thought was, Is it safe to Apparate when pregnant? What if you leave the baby – my baby, Hermione's baby, OUR baby! – behind?

:*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*:

"Ginny, I have to talk to you."

I had stormed into Ginny's flat she shared with Harry. I needed some advice and Ginny gave the best I knew of without getting too judgmental. Thankfully, Harry was at work.

"What is it, Fred?" Ginny asked, looking worried. "Is Hermione okay?"

"It's the baby I'm worried about!" I yelled. Then clasped my hand over my mouth and mumbled, "Oh, bugger."

But Ginny didn't look shocked. She actually looked a little aggravated.

"So she told you then?" she asked. "And let me guess, you are now going mad?"

"Pretty much!" I said. "She Apparated to work… isn't that dangerous?"

"That's what you are worried about?" Ginny asked, smiling. "The baby?"

"Hell yeah," I said. "It is half me, as far as I'm aware of."

"You stupid git, of course it's yours!" Ginny cried. "And you're already worried about it! That's so sweet! Oh, Fred, Hermione will be so happy! She was so worried you would be upset over this!"

"Why the bloody hell would I be upset about this?" I asked. "I'm ecstatic. I'm going to be a father! Me! Fred Weasley, Super Dad!"

Ginny jumped up and gave me a huge hug.

"Oh, Fred," Ginny said. "This is so happy. Hermione was worried that you would be upset over it because you had never really shown an interest in children and such. And she wasn't sure what you would think because you aren't married yet and – "

I looked at Ginny and interrupted her, "It doesn't matter what she was worried about. I don't care about that. The only thing I care about is that I am going to be a dad! And you're going to be an aunt!"

"I'm already an aunt," Ginny corrected.

I thought for a moment and said, "Oh, right then. Forgot about Charlie and Bill's kids."

Charlie had one, Michael, and Bill had three: Denise, Jeffrey and Jared.

"Wow… this is so exciting," I mused aloud.

"Are you going to go talk to Hermione now?" Ginny asked.

"Hell no!" I said. "I've got a great Christmas present in mind."

Ginny looked at me suspiciously and I smirked evilly.

:*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*:

I was hiding out in my bedroom when I heard Hermione arrive back home. He didn't call out to say she was home. Damn, she was still pissed off.

"Hermione," I said solemnly, taking a step into the main room. "I need to see you for a minute."

Hermione looked a little uneasy but came towards me. The second she placed a step into my room, I switched on the lights and yelled, "SURPRISE!"

Hermione gasped as light washed over my room. Correction.

It was the baby's room now.

The walls were still a light blue color (they always had been, even before I moved in) but instead of my old furniture and clothes strewn about the place, there was a crib, a changing table and some other baby stuff piled into the small room.

"I talked to Ginny today, and then we spent the rest of it going around to stores trying to find the perfect furniture to decorate the baby's room. We might not have done as well as you could, but we tried," I explained.

Hermione walked about the room and paused to twirl the Quidditch mobile I had installed.

"Do you like it?" I asked tentatively.

"Fred, this is… I mean…" Hermione said, still gazing at the room.

I froze up a bit, waiting for her to express what she was thinking.

"Does this mean you're happy?" Hermione asked, turning to me. "About… everything?"

I laughed and walked over to her.

"Hermione, it's you," I said. "Of course I'm happy."

Hermione started to cry. "Dammit," she muttered. "Oh well, you better get used to it, because I'm going to be doing it a lot in the next few months."

I laughed again and I hugged Hermione tightly and kissed her.

I felt pretty damn good right then and there. My life was actually going to start. I was indeed growing up. All of the fears I had about marriage and maturing before I was ready to… all of it, was just gone. The only thoughts that were swimming through my mind were of Hermione, our wedding and our baby.

But most of those thoughts were filled immediately with fear when Hermione mentioned lightly,

"We're going to have to tell your parents soon."

"No we won't," I said. "They're smart people… sometimes. They'll figure it as soon as your belly starts getting bigger. Or they might just think you're getting grotesquely fat in a short time frame."

Hermione laughed. "I think we should actually tell them."

I whined. "Do we have to? All Mum is going to do is hug you and say how happy she is. Then, after you leave, she's going to smack me upside the head and scream about how irresponsible I am and how Percy was smart enough not to impregnate his girlfriend."

"Fiancée. I'm you're fiancée," Hermione corrected. "You're allowed to do such things to me. And besides, Percy and Caitlin have only been dating for two months."

"Oh, poor naïve Hermione. That will matter not to my mum."

Hermione smiled and placed her head on my shoulder. "I'm sure it'll all work out."

"Eventually," I agreed, then added, "So what are we cooking for dinner tomorrow night?"

Hermione looked puzzled for a moment, then said, "Oh, the dinner! I completely forgot about that!"

I shrugged. "No big deal. Who is all coming?"

"Well," Hermione said, sitting down on the rocking chair I had purchased for the baby. "My friends form home, Caty, Lonnie and Holly, your friends Oliver, Lee and George. Miranda if she has the ability to, although I know they are in Italy, but they can Apparate. Then Ginny of course."

"Of course," I agreed.

"Then Harry I suppose. Ron, cause I'm hoping he and Holly might hit it off a bit." I laughed at Hermione's scheming. "And maybe Caitlin and Percy, just because Caitlin was such a good friend to you from Zonko's."

"Percy?" I said. "You want to invite Big Head Boy Percy?"

"He's your brother," Hermione said. "And there's nothing wrong with being Head Boy."

"Coming from a past Head Girl."

Hermione blushed.

"But it sounds fine," I said. Hermione smiled.

"Good! Because I'm excited," Hermione said. "Now, speaking of the wedding – "

"We were talking about the wedding?" I asked.

"Oh, hush," Hermione said. "We are now. For the past week I've been doing a lot of thinking about the wedding. I'll need a new dress, for one."

"Why?"

"Because I'll be about five months along and kind of big."

"Oh yeah." Honestly, I had forgotten about the baby for a minute there. Our conversation had jumped around a bit and it slipped my mind.

Boy, am I going to be a great father.

"And also, I need to know who your best man is going to be," Hermione said. "And the rest of them."

"George, best man I guess." I thought for a moment. "Then Oliver, Lee, Percy I guess, Ron, Charlie and Bill as the rest of the guys."

"No Harry?" Hermione asked.

"I guess," I said. "If you think he should be."

"Well, if that's yours then I need to balance out," Hermione said. She finally got up form the rocking chair and walked quickly into the living room. She pulled out her wedding notebook and began writing.

"So you'll have eight, all together," Hermione said, making some notes. "And I only have four. I need four more."

"How about Aunt Dolores, Herman?" I offered.

"Shut up, Weasel."

I laughed, sitting down on the couch next to her.

"So," Hermione said. "Who else should be my bridesmaids. I have Caty, Holly and Lonnie, Ginny as maid-of-honor. Miranda, I guess. I should get to know her better since she might be family soon. Caitlin, since she's one of your friends. So I need two more…"

"Parvati and Lavender!" I practically yelled.

"What?" Hermione asked.

"Those two girls from Hogwart's. I'm sure they'd probably die if you asked them."

"Oh." Hermione looked a bit pained at the thought of them being in her wedding party. "But I guess. I haven't talked to them in ages. The could have changed."

"Have lunch with them," I said. "Gauge how they are now. Then ask them."

"That's a very intelligent thing to do, Fred," Hermione said. "I think I'll owl them right now. I wonder where they are right now?"

"I bet they're still righteously obnoxious."

"This coming from the man who once catcalled Lavender Brown."

"I was a third year!" I defended. "Plus, she looked nervous. Thought I'd make her feel a bit more confident. George did it too."

Hermione rolled her eyes and said unfortunately, "I guess I should at least owl them. It would be nice to catch up with them."

I nodded wisely.

"So… when are we letting this – " I placed my hand on Hermione's belly. " – little secret out?"

Hermione gave me a look and said, "I thought we were waiting until, and I quote, I got 'grotesquely fat?'"

"Yes, well."

"We could just tell them tomorrow at dinner," Hermione offered.

"But Mum will want to know beforehand," I said. "She'll turn bloody murderous if she wasn't aware of her grandchild before the rest of the world. She has issues."

"So," Hermione said. "Are you saying we should tell her tonight?"

I sighed, not liking the prospective answers.

If I said yes, Mum would be disappointed in me, happy at Hermione. Or, she could think Hermione was, as Ron had put it in their fourth year (according to Hermione), a "Scarlet Woman." Or, Mum could be ecstatic at it all and then tell the entire world. Which wouldn't be fun because I know Hermione and she will want to tell people herself.

But if I said no, Mum would literally beat me into a pulp for keeping this information from her.

And since I don't like being beaten, I said yes.

"How are we going to get there?" I asked.

"Uh… Apparate?" Hermione said, looking at me weirdly.

"Oh, no!" I said, placing my hand on her stomach. "The baby doesn't know how to Apparate. What if you left the baby behind here? Or what if it ended up somewhere else? Do you want our baby to DIE!?"

Hermione looked at me again and laughed at the expression on my face (a mix of hysteria, anger and worry. Apparently, it's quite funny looking).

"Don't worry," Hermione said, placing her hand over mine on her stomach. "I know for a fact that the baby will never leave this stomach until nine months from now… er… make that seven."

"Seven?" I asked.

"Seven," Hermione repeated.

I nodded.

"You ready?" Hermione asked.

"Honestly?" I asked. "No."

Hermione laughed in a sympathetic sort of way.

"But it's the right thing to do."

"So let's go," she said.

I nodded this time and we Apparated. Well, the appropriate thing to say would be that Hermione Apparated. I didn't. I was scared.

Hermione reappeared a moment later with a frustrated expression.

"Fred," she said warningly.

We Apparated. This time, I did as well. We popped into the kitchen of the Burrow, thoroughly frightening my mum.

"Good Heavens," she said, holding a soapy dish pan over her chest. "Hello you two! How is everything?"

Hermione and I exchanged a look and I said,

"Mum, get Dad. Hermione and I have something important to tell you."

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. Also, the descriptions given for family members were perfect but I'm still up for more if you want a cameo. I need a name and a brief description. They won't be used until the wedding chapters, so feel free to give me some up until them. On to my thanks:

Beau Porteur De Diamant: You are one of the coolest people on the planet, honestly. I am truly honored to be on your "Favorite Author's" list. That is such an awesome thing, thank you.

jaxi: Thanks for the compliments and review! It is very much appreciated.

Queen of the Jungle: I'll try to fit in more of Fred's paraphrasing in at sometime or another. If you can think of a logical placement for the paraphrase, drop me an e-mail or review with the idea.

Black Rein: You know, having someone yell at you when you are drunk is NOT fun. Everything is like, surround sound so it's ten times louder. Though I'm a bit confused: did you like the fact Fred was drunk or not?

tickle the dragon: Thanks for putting me on your favorite stories list; very awesome. And I'm glad that Fred and Hermione are in character (at least in your opinion.). Honestly, I never thought of Fred/Hermione as a couple before but now I desperately want them to get together in the books (though I highly doubt it will happen.).

sweetevangeline: As before, I'm glad my characters are in character. No problem about the plug (though your thanks are appreciated.). I never mind plugging some righteously cool fellow authors.

oneiros lykos: Glad you're not confused anymore. Yes, though he is quite dumb at some times, Fred is still totally lovable.

Kirjava: Things are tense now, and they'll be a bit tense for a while (not with Hermione and Fred, but there will be some parental issues to deal with.). And I will be writing the wedding chapter shortly so I'll write you in.

Isadora: You were the first to notice the whole Sneezing Mouse name thing. Bravo. Also, I'm glad you are entertained by funny drunks.

skittle1528: Your cameo is noted and I'll be more than happy to include you. Thanks for the good luck.

Jen Drake: Thanks for taking the time out to read and review. I'm glad your are enjoying it so much.

Alizee: Inebriated. Looks good to me (and my spell check!). Bravo. Thank you immensely for adding me to your "Favorite Authors" list. As I said to Beau Porteur De Diamant, I am very honored to be placed there. Thank you so much!

Gwen Potter: I am so immensely looking forward to "The Consequences of Alcohol and Depression" sequel. You just don't even know. Congrats, as said before, on your perceptiveness. Very cool.

Sweet Piglet: Yes, you can be a Weasley relative. I added you to my list. I did write more, though it probably wasn't as soon as you wanted it to be. I'll try REALLY hard to be speedy on chapter six.

Black Sparkles: My, aren't we the blunt one. Your review made me laugh really hard. I'm not exactly sure why, but it did. I hope you are enjoying my story.

Lady Laughs-A-Lot: Thank you for the compliments and I know what you mean about the quantity of Fred/Hermione stories. There are lots of George ones, but Fred gets very little love. It's sad, really. But I'm glad you like mine!

eb1981: Cameo added to the list. Check. Thanks for the review!

Hannah Holt: Yay! Another review! Woo! I'm sure you did know what Hermione wanted to say. It wasn't that hard to figure out.

Befuzzled: Thanks for the compliments. I always worry about the characterization of Fred and when people tell me I'm doing a good job, I'm happy.

Alexandra: No words for my writing!? Wow. That was such a righteous compliment, you don't even know. Also, your cameo is dully noted. I'll add you to my e-mail update list.

Angelgirl1: Thanks for the compliment and review. I appreciate them.

BellethePhilosopher'sCookie: You know, just for your sarcasm, I am revoking your big gold star. You now get a small SILVER star. I know, I know. Major burn… Just kidding. One more thing, in OOstvogels, were both "O"s supposed to be capitalized? I just need to clarify before I write.

Muggle Lover: You can be invited to the wedding, but Oliver already has a girlfriend. I apologize.

eudyptulaminor: Dammit. I really want to know what your name is. Can you give me any hints? Is it an animal? Grr… anyways, I'm glad the suspense is (not) killing you. Thanks for the review.

gohansfollower: Well, what Hermione told Fred would have sobered him up. But it all worked out in the end.

LadyLupin1020: Thanks for all the compliments. That's really awesome.

Sunshine Stargirl: Oh, you were so close. I was thinking of that being her big secret, but decided that this one was a bit more plot involving. Sorry. Also, on your review, you wrote, "Update Son" instead of "Update Soon." That was so funny to me!

LadyBrannon: I'm glad you like the "reporter's edge" thing I'm using. I wasn't sure if it sounded like a news article, but I'm glad you think it does. Thanks.

Tell Them True Stories: If you are in search of some really good stories, check out my "Favorite Stories" on my member page because I really try hard to only admit the really good ones. But I'm glad you consider mine one of them.

Young Golden Unicorn: Thanks for all the compliments and reviews. Coolness.

Angel: May I perchance inquire as to what "AGUH" means? I hope it's something good. Thanks. Also, I'm glad I rule.

dragonbrat: Thanks for reviewing and giving me the compliments. You rock.

Quiet One: Thanks for the name cookie. It was delicious. Anyways, thanks for the compliments and review. Woo-hoo.

Singtoangels: I checked out your story, "An Ideal Death Eater" and absolutely fell in love with it. Anyways, I checked out the name thing with Bill's wife, and I couldn't find the name Alexandria in any of my other stories. If you have a specific place where you think you saw it, I'd like to know. Thanks for being observant and letting me know.

Okay, I'm done. Good-bye.