Part Two: Ode to Pizza, it Fixes All

"Wow… Dude… That sucks." Ran-ran said, nodding sympathetically as Lucian finished telling her of his personal reasons for continuing in the Lycan-Vampire war.

"Dude, I seriously think that you need therapy." Stated the little author girl.

"What?" Lucian looked up from his game, "No! I require no such thing!"

"Okay, fine."

Ran-ran took out a pad of paper and a pen and asked,

"Tell me then, have you dated, at all, since Sonja's death?"

There was a pause, as Lucian looked at Ran-ran, no emotional answer apparent on his face.

"No." He finally said, "And I don't plan to."

"Okay." Ran-ran jotted a few things down and then resumed asking questions.

"Have you ever considered suicide, starved yourself, or went into a mad depression?"

Raising an eyebrow, Lucian considered not answering any more questions and just killing Ran-ran. And why shouldn't he? Oh, she was talking again.

"-And then you know what he does? He gets my best friend to call and break up with me for him! He didn't even have the fucking nerve to break up with me himself, the fucking PUSSY!!" Ran-ran cursed openly as she paced back and forth in her heated rant.

"My, someone has a mouth like a sailor." Lucian commented, referring to the profanities used. "And if you ask me, it is you that needs therapy, not me."

"Do not!… Well, maybe just a little would be good…. Who wants pizza?!"

As Lucian was talked into pizza, Neko-neko was busy being escorted to a car, so that Selene could go save Michael.

"Oooh, I'M WALKIN ON SUUUUNSHIIIINE!!!!" Neko-neko screamed as Selene covered her ears, resisting with all her might the urge to kill the annoying teenager as he sat upon the counter.

"Please, for the love of all things good and right SHUT UP!!!" Selene finally yelled, slamming her hands down against the wall, and Neko-neko fell silent.

"Sooo…." Neko-neko started slowly, but before he had a chance to continue, Marcus stopped them.

"Selene! And… Um, what was your name again?" The elder questioned Neko-neko.

"Call me…. Mr…. YAMAGUCHIMUKOYEERIMAKSAKIKUMO!!!"

This random outburst earned an odd look from Marcus and Selene.

"Or, ya know, you could always just call me Neko-neko."

Neko-neko smiled and tilted his head, hoping he wasn't going to get his head bit off. Like he wasn't going to have enough trouble getting out of that place, with it's crazy, Muslim-fearing…. Hey… That was it!

Quickly, and discreetly, as Selene and Marcus were talking about unimportant matter, Neko-neko drew out a lock pick, and quickly went to work on unlocking the handcuffs that bound his wrists.

click

They were open.

While the two were distracted, Neko-neko reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of-

"I've got ANTHRAX!!" Neko-neko yelled as he held up his handful of white powder, and the two immortals were looking fearfully at the teenager's hand. While they were distracted, Neko-neko grabbed Marcus, and held him, spinning around so that he was walking back to the exit.

"Oh my god, SELENE!!!! HELP!!!" Marcus yelled, hysterical, forgetting his own strength at the sight of the powder, which could be used as a serious weapon.

"Alright, Neko-neko, just calm down. You DON'T want to do this!" Selene tried to negotiate calmly. But in all honesty, she was just as afraid of the 'anthrax' as her elder.

Neko-neko shook his head, an insane look in his eye as he headed walked slowly down the stairs. Finally, he reached the door, and he yelled,

"Don't underestimate me, I wont HESITATE to ANTHRAX his ass!!" He shook the handful of powder angrily. Forcing Marcus to open the door, Neko-neko and his hostage walked down the path, being followed cautiously by Selene. Finally, he got to a car, and shoved Marcus into the passenger seat.

"Gimme your cell phone!" Neko-neko demanded, and Selene threw it to him. Catching the cell, he looked at it then slipped it into his pocket.

Sitting in the driver's seat, Neko-neko looked over to Marcus, who was huddled at the other end of the front seat, as far as he could get from the insane youth. In fact, another disturbing yet funny-to-him plan was forming in his mind. After closing the door, and turning the ignition, Neko-neko turned to Marcus and said,

"Hey, Marcus."

Getting the elder's full attention, Neko-neko winked and blew him a kiss, making Marcus shrink back even further. Neko-neko laughed as he turned the radio to play rock, and upped the volume to a blaring level, even for human ears. With his foot as a brick, Neko-neko accelerated the car off the vampire's grounds, and sped back to the city, head banging and gunning the engine working to scare Marcus even more.

"You know what we should do?" Lucian began, sitting lazily in a boot with Ran-ran and Michael, all of them having filled up on pizza and beer.

"What?" Michael asked, picking up another slice of deep dish and munching on it.

"We should go to Tijuana, and have a real party. I hear that there's going to be a rave that's going to last for days on end."

"But what about Ran-ran? Wouldn't she like, not be allowed due to her affliction of being all… Minor…ish?"

In a minor drunken laugh, Lucian said,

"I don't think being a midget is an affliction!!"

At this Michael amazingly laughed too,

"Really? Woow! I never knew!!"

Ran-ran, who was preoccupied with swaying back and forth, spoke,

"Heeey…. You guys are drunk… gimme your car keys!"

"Did we even come here in a car?" Lucian asked, completely bewildered.

"What if we did… But then the Mole People ate it?" Michael asked, as if proposing the cure for cancer.

After a serious moment of silence, they all burst out laughing. Then a small ringing sound made Michael look down at his cell phone as if it was a foreign object.

"Hey guys." Michael began, staring at the ringing object, "I think Lassie's trying to tell us something."

Lucian, too, looked at the ringing cell phone blankly, before Ran-ran took it up, being the most sober one of the group and muttered,

"Fuckin drunks. Hello?"

"Ran-ran! Where are you?"

"Chocobo? Hey, we're at the- ahhh…. A pizza place."

"'We're'? Who are you there with?"

"Oh, uh. Well, me, Lucian, and Mike are here, eating pizza and getting drunk. Come join us!!" Ran-ran said happily, and gave her friend the directions to where she and her drunken immortal buddies were- damn the could sure drink a lot.

"Hey! Ran-ran!" Neko-neko greeted as he forced Marcus in with him.

"OH GOD!!!" The elder screeched, and clung to Michael's chest, whimpering and eyeing Neko-neko.

"Hweow kitty!" Michael said happily as he clumsily stroked Marcus' hair and giggled along with Lucian, who was seeing if he could walk in a straight line on the tiled floor.

"Uh, drunk?" Neko-neko asked, pointed to the lycan leader, who lay currently sprawled on the floor holding his sides as he laughed.

"Muchly. Same with Mikey. And I," Ran-ran said unsteadily, sliding out of the booth, finding standing and swaying very entertaining for a few moments before continuing, "Am tipsy off my happy chicken wing loving ass."

"Oookay, how about I chocobo you to the car?" Neko-neko offered, turning around and bending down slightly so that Ran-ran could hop on.

"Hmmm…. Okay!" Ran-ran smiled and clumsily clung to Neko-neko's back, her hands on his shoulders and legs wrapped around his mid-section.

As Neko-neko began trotting to the door, Lucian, who mistook the teen's leg for a chew toy (or something) and bit down into the calf muscle.

"AHHH! WHAT THE FUCK?!" Neko-neko screamed, kicking Lucian off his leg and running out of the pizza place.

"Hey, I know a place we can go!!" Ran-ran said happily as the two sat in the car, driving insanely fast down the street.

"Really?"

Not half an hour later, the two teenagers were standing in a warehouse, filled to the brim with explosives and ways to set them off in nice, big booms.

Author's Note: Yes, I know they're out of character, but what fun would it be if they WERE? Hehe, keep watch for the final chapter in the second one!!