Author's Note: Bah. I'm done with chapter ten. Though I cannot promise that I'll have eleven done in any quicker of a time frame, I can at least give you this little dose of Fred to maybe tide you over. As you can tell, I'm becoming increasingly more horrible with updates, but sometimes I just cannot help it. I apologize and I hope you enjoy this.

:*: 10 – Party Hardy :*:

I guess my fear of dinner with my mum and dad was quite unnecessary. How did I come to that conclusion you may ask? Well, when I knocked on the Burrow's front door (something I had never done before), I promptly had the wind knocked out of me by my mother who had just short of tackled me.

Turns out, she was hugging me.

"Oh, Fred," Mum wailed. "I'm so sorry for all things I said I'm such a horrible mother I should be happy for you and Hermione I love you both so much and I just felt you were ruining your lives but now I see that you both love each other so much and you must be mature because you've never stood up and yelled at me before and I just feel awful and I'm so glad you don't hate me I love you, Fred!"

Yes, she said all of that in one between-sobs breath.

"Mum, please," I said, hugging her back. "I don't hate you."

"Really?"

I pulled away from her and looked her in the eye.

"How in the hell could I hate you?" I asked.

"Don't curse, Fred."

I smiled.

"You're my mum. After everything I've put you through in all my years, the least I could do to even begin to pay you back is to love you. So we had a fight. Doesn't mean I hate you. I have fights with Ron all the time."

"I feel horrible," she said. "Ask your father."

"She wouldn't shut up about it," Dad said, smiling and walking towards me. He pat me on the back and said, "good to see you, Fred."

"You too, Dad," I replied. Now was my chance. "So what about Percy, eh?"

Mum made a slight snarling noise.

"You mother isn't very happy with that," Dad explained. "Though she isn't nearly as mad at Percy as she was you – "

"Damn."

" – but she thinks they should've told us what they were doing."

"Will this family have no normal weddings?" Mum asked, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"Harry and Ginny," I offered.

"Really? Did they tell you something?" Mum asked eagerly.

"Er… no," I said. "As far as I'm aware, Ginny and Harry are not getting married."

Mum's face immediately fell. I could bet she had a huge chest in the attic full of things she wanted at Ginny and Harry's wedding. If I were them, I'd pull a Percy and elope.

"But you are going to Percy and Caitlin's celebration, correct?" I asked.

Mum waved her hand dismissively.

"Of course, of course," she replied.

"Wouldn't miss it," Dad added.

:*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*: :*:

"I hate parties," I said for what felt like the thousandth time. "Or at least – "

"Fancy dress parties," Hermione finished. "Yes I know. Now do shut up about it. We're here for Percy and to meet Caitlin's family. Oh, wow!"

We had reached the Enchanted Gardens Ballroom and Hermione was right. It was most definitely a "wow" type of room. Most witches and wizards never have the luck to be invited to a ball at Enchanted Gardens, so the fact that I was there was pretty "wow" unto itself.

Hermione kept pointing at things in excitement, like the trays of food floating on sparkling clouds or the lights with sparkles falling out of them or the thousands upon thousands of different type of flower. I wouldn't have been surprised if this place housed every single flower in the entire world. Make that fifty of every flower.

"Fred! Hermione!" I heard Percy call out. I looked around and found him standing with Caitlin in front of a very long food-filled table. We walked towards him, me eyeing all the food until I saw Percy and Caitlin's panic-stricken expressions.

"What's wrong?" Hermione asked.

"I think you should leave," Percy said bluntly.

"What?" I asked. Hermione looked like she was going to cry. It's hormones, I tell you.

"More of my side of the family got invitations than I thought," Caitlin said. "I guess my mum or grandmum sent out some extras – "

"And why does that mean Hermione should leave?" I asked.

"Not just her, but Ron and Harry… Oh, Fred," Caitlin said, now looking like she was going to join Hermione in her crying. "My eighth cousin-fifty million times removed is here and – " I gave an impatient sigh. – "My very distant cousin is Pansy Parkinson… and her husband is here as well."

"Let me guess," I responded. "Pansy's husband is none other than the famous Malfoy himself?"

"Right in one," Percy responded, gripping Caitlin's hand tighter in comfort.

"Most of my family is real great," Caitlin said, arguing with what could only be herself. "But once you get really far in the distant relations, like everyone else I've got some less-than-nice people. And I didn't ever think they would show up. I've only ever seen Pansy twice, if that and when Percy told me about Hogwart's and how horrid they had been to you I – "

Hermione stopped Caitlin and said, "It'll be okay. I lasted seven years with the two of them. I think I can handle a few hours. I'm confident that Harry and Ron can as well. Just don't let them interact with one another for more than a second or two. Actually, don't let them interact at all."

It was quiet and the four of us eyed Pansy and Draco, both of which were (and this is editorial opinion) eyeing the rest of the guests with disgusted looks on their faces. I couldn't help but thinking that if they were so disgusted by who was here, why didn't they leave? My question was answered when Pansy spotted Hermione and whispered something to Draco and he laughed.

He looked kind of scary when he laughed.

But then again, he is a Malfoy. It's his job to frighten other people.

Somehow, in my surveying of the Slytherin couple (Pansy, whom I noticed had a distinctly pregnant bulge in her stomach), Hermione, Percy and Caitlin had disappeared. And judging by the way Pansy had earlier whispered to Draco, I couldn't help but feel a bit suspicious of the whole situation.

As stated before, Draco is a Malfoy.

Before I could dwell too much on this, however, I saw George and Miranda walking towards me. Miranda looked as enchanted (no pun intended) with the Ballroom as Hermione had. George was snickering at something.

"What is it?" I asked, eager to be let in on the little joke.

"Check out Malfoy," George  whispered.

I stole a glance towards him.

"I don't see it," I replied. "What did you do?"

"Oh, no. This was entirely of his own accord, I assure you. Look further down."

I followed George's instructions and let my eyes wander down. I felt like a true idiot, as if anyone had noticed it would appear I was checking Malfoy out. You know: in that way. However, when I reached his manly area, I burst out laughing.

You see, Malfoy has always been one to wear his cloaks to any sort of occasion. This time, it was no different. However, he also had a pair of black trousers on. Trousers with a zipper. A zipper that was unzipped. An unzipped zipper that was revealing some – gold satin, as I viewed from across the room – knickers.

That's right: Knickers.

For women.

Women's knickers!

It must have been some naughty thing he was trying for Pansy but oh, it was one of those priceless moments that you wanted to capture on film. And thankfully, the Witch Weekly Society Pages photographer that had attended the party (Percy and Caitlin are Purebloods, after all) opted at that moment to snap a picture of Draco Malfoy. After the photographer fled the scene with a huge grin on her face was when someone finally informed Malfoy that his zipper was down and he was angry.

"I wouldn't be laughing so hard if I were you," I heard Ron say to me. He must have come when I was entranced with Draco's knickers – which sounds half wrong, half amusing.

"Why?" I said, laughing. "It was hilarious!"

"Because Hermione looks ready to beat someone senseless," he hissed.

I whipped my neck around, trying to locate her, which I did. I saw her stalking towards me in her dark blue dress, fists clenched and a very unhappy expression on her face.

"I want to leave," she snarled.

"What hap – "

"Now!" she snarled.

"But, Hermione, I – "

"Don't patronize me, Fred Weasley. I can't believe you!" Hermione said.

"What's wrong?" I asked, thoroughly confused. I had only ever seen Hermione this mad once before in our entire relationship and that was when we fought over her saying she wanted to have sex and me laughing in her face.

So obviously, I knew this was bad.

"What's wrong?" Hermione interjected my thoughts. "What's wrong!? I'll tell you what's wrong! I can't even believe that I wasted the last few years of my life with you! I can't believe I actually agreed to get married to you and that I'm carrying your child!"

Whoa.

"Where did this all come from?" I asked, starting to grow uncomfortable with all the stares we were starting to receive.

"Like you don't know Fred. Think really hard," Hermione snarled.

I thought, as instructed. However, I came up with nothing. Well, nothing that would invoke such a wrath from Hermione.

"I cannot even begin to fathom what is going on," I finally admitted.

"Neither can I," a very familiar voice from behind me said. I heard some gasps from the crowd that had gathered. I turned around and had to do a double take.

Hermione was standing there, looking almost as confused as I was.

But wait, Hermione was still standing on the other side of me as well. Only that Hermione looked a bit panicked. My Hermione looked a bit ruffled.

"Fred," the Hermione that just arrived said. "What in God's name is going on?"

"I, I don't know," I stuttered.

But no, the surprises just kept on coming for a moment later, the crowd parted and Draco Malfoy sauntered up to Hermione and me and, well, Hermione it seemed.

"I think I know what's going on," Malfoy drawled, as if pained greatly by this whole mess.

"What?" Hermione and I both took the bait.

"This one," Malfoy said, simply pointing to the one who had been yelling at me moments before, "Is not Hermione."

The other Hermione (the one Draco was not pointing at) said, "Well I think that's quite obvious, seeing as how I'm right here."

"Very astute, Granger," Malfoy said. "No, I think this one is my incredibly stupid wife."

A shocked murmur waved through the crowd.

"Draco," Pansy-Hermione whined. "Why did you do that?"

"Because this was a stupid idea," Malfoy said angrily. "I told you when we got the invite not to do anything stupid. Do you just want to throw me back into Azkaban? You know I'm still on probation. I'm not supposed to break any more laws and disturbing the peace is a sodding law!"

"Draco, you never let me have any fun," Pansy simpered.

Finally, Caitlin stepped into the argument.

"Both of you, get out. Pansy, I don't even understand why you would do this as I barely know you. Draco, I appreciate you trying to solve the problem but I would appreciate it even more if you got Pansy out of here and never again let her come to any more of my functions," she snapped angrily, her ears getting red (like Percy's do!).

Malfoy nodded curtly and grabbed Pansy (who still looked like Hermione) and dragged her out of the ballroom, still snapping at her. Of what I heard, I especially liked,

"I'm all for making fun of Mudbloods and Muggles, but why the hell did you have to pull my fly down? Is this why you wanted me to wear your knickers? I can't even believe this…"

An odd silence befell the room, as if no one really knew how to continue with a party after an occurrence like that. But after all, this was a Weasley function and within seconds a Filibuster Firework was shot into the air, sprinkling the entire room and guests with a bright red sparkle.

I looked my twin and saw him grinning and gave him thumbs up. After that, a steady flow of conversation started back up. Most talk was about how unbelievable and irrational what Pansy did was.

"You know," I said to Hermione. "When Pansy came up to me, looking like you and all, and started yelling at me, that was the most confusing thing I've ever experienced. More confusing than the O.W.L.s and a bit more confusing than your emotions. It was all very interesting."

"Well, I hope the fact that I love you isn't confusing," Hermione replied.

"Nope," I said. "That one is as clear as day."

Hermione smiled.

Author's Note: What a severely anti-climactic ending. But it's a warm-fuzzy ending and those are always enjoyable. As usual, I encourage you to review and say what you liked, hated or that you want to beat me with a badger because I'm taking so long to update. Also, if it interests anyone out there, I have a new story almost done and I'll begin posting soon. It's called "The Lucky One" and contains a (very rare) pairing of Ginny and Oliver with bits of Harry/Luna and Hermione/Percy with pinches of George/Alicia, Fred/Katie and Bill/Fleur. As is the case with most of my stories, Ron is single. I've yet to write him having a girlfriend, so if you'd like that title leave me a review and I'll make sure to throw you in. Cheers!

Sneezy Mouse