Been a while since you've heard from me, but I am almost through with high school, so my stress level is down, I needed writing lol.
Yohji smiled softly, watching Usagi stare at the water, seeming to be steeling herself up for something as the water shone like rubies against the setting sun.
"Saa…. Yohji…"
"Nani?" He asked, jolting out of his stupor.
"What were you thinking about?"
"Nothing," He said with a frown. He couldn't let her get close. 'Too late..' his inner voice said. He told it to get stuffed. She couldn't know his secret… what he did for a living. 'Florist my ass… your lousy pickup line…. Takes a real man to be a florist… feh…' Why wouldn't that voice fuck off and die? He should have left the second he felt an attachment. But he fell in lo…. Like. Yeah, like.
"Usagi, we have to talk."
"Hmm? Sure. What's wrong?"
"This can't continue. You're too attached to me."
"What?! I'm not clingy at all! I give you your space!" She shouted, tears coming to her eyes, the sight of her tears breaking his heart.
"Usagi," he said coolly, you're too attached. Your feelings for me shouldn't be. This isn't the way I operate. It's you."
"Oh don't you DARE blame this on ME! This is totally about your fear of commitment! You're too weak to handle a woman's feelings for you!"
His eyes widened, and pangs of pain rang through his body as her words rang true. He wanted to be stronger, to be with her, and just love her, but could she love him after finding out he was an assassin? No…. too innocent…
"Really?" he asked, taking in a suck of air for what he was about to say. He had to do it… "Well you just don't know how replaceable you are. Though you did entertain me. If I didn't know better that I broke your virginity, I'd swear I wasn't your first. You made me like a professional."
After that word, his head snapped painfully to the side as her hand connected fast and hard with his cheek. 'Deserved that and then some…'
"KUSOYAROU! I CAN'T BELIEVE I GAVE MYSELF TO YOU! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT! I THOUGHT YOU CARED! YOU… you coldhearted son of a bitch…"
'I am different! I do care! It wasn't using!' his inner self screamed. He felt jealous of his inner self. It wasn't afraid of the truth. Wasn't afraid to love her. So why was he?
"You bitch…" he muttered, but he didn't mean it towards her. He meant it for himself.
"DO YOU KNOW WHY I WANTED YOU TO MEET ME HERE?"
"Iie." He scowled. 'Why? Please don't make it hurt worse, Usagi…' He fought the urge to get on his knees and cling to her, begging for forgiveness.
"I'm pregnant. You know you're the only possible father. You're the only one I've ever had sex with. You… you sorry son of a…" She ran off, sobbing.
He stood there, shocked. No… he… why?! He ran to his car. He called the mother of his child a bitch. What did that say about him?! Pathetic. He had to find her. He started the car, searching for her. He had no idea what he'd say to her. He looked at himself in the rearview mirror. Disgusting.
Thirty minutes later…
He threw his stuff down on the bed. She wasn't even at her house. Damn he needed a cigarette. He started to pull one out, but then he remembered when Usagi had cried out of concern for his health.
He threw them into the dumpster. All of them. Lighter and garbage can included. He washed his sheets, his clothes, even the ones he was wearing. He washed his entire room, wiping everything down, walls, using a ladder to get the ceiling, everything, in his boxers.
Three hours later….
Everything was back in order, his room smelled fresh and clean, as if no cigarette had ever been smoked in there. He sighed, clothing on, and sat on his bed whilst in the middle of putting the sheets back on. No more booze. No more smokes. No more sex with random women. None of that. Going cold turkey.
'To torture yourself…' his inner voice said. He told it to fuck off. He didn't need this truth right now.
Omi entered his room. "Oy! Yohji….. whoa…. It smells clean in here!"
"Yeah," Yohji said, staring up at Aya, Ken, and Omi. "Hey, haven't you heard of knocking?"
"Iie, what's that?" Ken joked, earning a glare from Aya.
"I quit. I quit smoking, drinking, and sex." Yohji confessed.
Everyone looked like they had been hit with a piano.
"Is this one of those 'Worst fifteen minutes of my life' jokes?" Ken asked.
"Iie. I'm serious. I lost the most important thing to me. I'm a fucking loser. I need to torture myself." He said, then froze. Why the hell was he being so open with them?!
"So did I," Aya said softly.
They all stared at their fearless leader. They were shocked and amazed. And not only that he had said more than three words at a shot. They had never really confided in one another. This was a big friendship step. Maybe they could take it….
"My imouto… she was everything to me… she's comatose. Her name is Aya. My name is Ran. I…. I couldn't shake it. I knew happiness and innocence. All I know now is pain and anger. It's better not to talk. I just wish she would wake up…"
Ken nodded, and started his Roget's condensed version of his story. "I thought he was my best friend, my soccer buddy. He wanted my position, and he put drugs in my water bottle. I didn't know it. I was all sorts of messed up. After the detox, I got terminated, permanently. Soccer was the only thing I was good at."
"My mother was killed, so long ago. I saw it… right there…. I was upstairs. I didn't understand…" Omi said, and was cut off from the emotion.
Yohji sighed. "After Asuka betrayed me, my promiscuity started. After I had to kill her, I promised no other woman would ever get into my heart. But Usagi did. I took her innocence, and it was all downhill from there. I broke it off with her from fear of what could happen. I want to tell her what I am. ….I'm a bastard… She's going to be the mother of my child and all I could do was treat her that way… I hate myself…"
They all linked hands and squeezed. No one said anything, but all knew that the friendship was there now, and strong.