Chapter 8

Over the next few weeks, Tessa began to acclimate herself to life at Hogwart's. She enjoyed getting to know her students and the teachers alike. She visited the Faculty Lounge as suggested and was surprised at the light and airy feel that it possessed. As a student, she had imagined deep discussions of academic topics being held in those lounges. She found instead that the teachers discussed current events and Quidditch and passed the time together playing chess and other games. There were of course times when someone discussed their classes but largely these discussions were rare.

Her classes seemed popular and successful. She was succeeding in getting even the most reserved students involved in answering questions and demonstrating their skills. Her least favorite classes were the 1st and 2nd years, not because the students were inattentive or unenthusiastic but they consisted mostly of lecturing and very little practical application. She did try to give those classes a bit of spice by doing demonstrations when she could sneak them in for any reason at all.

Her favorite classes were her NEWT and OWL levels because these were almost solely practical. The discussions in these classes were lively and at times heated. Tessa had opened up the NEWT level to students who received as low as Acceptable on their OWLs. She and Dumbledore felt that if the student did well enough to receive an "A" after receiving no practical instruction because of the curriculum the previous year, they could try the NEWT level class if they were willing to try. And it was important in these days that they produced wizards who were prepared to face the Dark Arts.

Much of Tessa's free time was spent strolling the grounds in good weather. In poor weather she explored the castle instead. By the beginning of her third week, she barely needed to consult the map Remus had sent to her, though she carried it with her everywhere.

Nights were the hardest for her; she rarely had homework to grade as she preferred practical exams to written and gave few papers. Her higher level classes did receive essays and research assignments but that was the exception rather than the rule. Between the time she finished her dinner and crawled into bed was the loneliest for her. She would sit at her desk and grade work if there was any, and prepare her lessons for the next day; hunt for interesting information in the plethora of books at her disposal but usually it was still early when these tasks were completed.

She wrote to Remus every night, filling him in on the progress of her classes or giving him some anecdote about a particularly interesting or funny conversation with Professor Flitwick or another member of the staff. She had become close with Professors Flitwick and MacGonagall and was developing friendships with Madame Pomfrey, Professor Sprout and Madam Hooch. She was interested in speaking with Firenze, one of the Divination teachers, but he was aloof and those times she did speak with him, cryptic.

Most nights sleep was a haven for her. She slept in the white light with Remus. They shared dreams together, she believed, but usually no memory of them stayed with her. She woke feeling happy and contented knowing that though they were apart, they were somehow together.

There were other nights, though, which were difficult. Remus worked for the Order still and his duties took him away from Grimmauld Place often at night. She would have problems sleeping on these nights; her dreams disturbed as she waited for him to join her in slumber. Sometimes she had the impression that she was with him wherever his mission took him.

Tonight she sat at her desk again writing to him. She kept a close eye on the clock, however. This was the first night of the full moon cycle. She felt his apprehension though he was hundreds of miles from her. He was watchful and wary so she was also. They hadn't written in their letters to each other anything about his upcoming change. The only thing referencing it at all was in the letter she received from him this morning which said I will write to you in a few days.

She knew Snape had brewed him the potion he needed because about five days ago Snape left the Faculty lounge early saying that he had to do an errand. As he left he glance at her and gave her a look of distaste. He didn't show up to dinner that evening either. She wished that she was more skilled at potions so that she could take over this duty relieving Remus of his dependence on Severus Snape. Perhaps she would have time over the summer break to work on that skill.

She looked over the letter for a moment. She wouldn't be sending it for a few days, she knew, but she wanted to write to him tonight anyway. She dipped her quill into the ink and began to write again.

Harry will probably tell you himself, but we have talked about having an authorized DADA club this year. I hope I can convince him to take charge of it as he did last year. It will be a bit more difficult for him since it will be a larger group and would include anyone who was interested, including Slytherins. I think it could be successful and it would finally give me something to do other than wander the hallways.

She put her quill down. She would add more to the letter tomorrow, but right now she saw that moonrise was nearly on her. She put out the lights in her office and went into her adjoining chamber. She couldn't see the moon because she had no East facing windows in her chamber. She watched the sky darken as the sun dipped below the trees of the forest to the west.

The nights had been unseasonably mild so she decided to open one of the windows. As she moved forward and stretched her arm to the window she suddenly felt a sharp pain spread down her arm. She stopped and gasped for breath as the pain now radiated through her other arm and down her legs. She collapsed to the floor, panting as the pain caused her entire body to ache and left her mind confused. Her skin prickled, burned and itched, her head pounded.

On her hands and her knees, eyes closed, she felt the ache in her body finally subside. Part of her was afraid to open her eyes, sure that they would see fur and paws instead of skin and hands. She forced them open anyway. Slowly she sat back onto her heels looked at her hands, turning them back and forth, opening and closing her fingers, just to make sure. She touched her face and felt the hot skin against her cold hands. She got off the floor, continued to the window and opened it. A burst of cool wet night air greeted her; she was grateful, for the shock of it brought her thoughts into better focus.

She searched her mind, her senses for Remus. He was there huddled in the back of her awareness; She felt his frustration, his sullenness. She also felt his concern for her, knowing that she had shared some of the pain of his transformation.

She imagined him in his room, alone, able only to wait until this cycle past. She wished that she could be there to comfort and reassure him. She wanted to be with him to ease the loneliness that filled him.

She looked out at the evening sky, now bright with the full moon which was Remus greatest fear. She remembered times when she had walked in the moonlight and been happy. Perhaps someday, somewhere she and Remus could walk together in the full moon light without care or fear, but for now she would only see the full moon with sadness in her heart.

She blew out the candles in her room and climbed into bed. She closed her eyes and thought of Remus. Soon she slept and held the wolf in her lap. In her dream she sang to him the song he had sung to her so many weeks before. She stroked his fur and assured him he wasn't alone. The woman and the wolf lay together surrounded by white light. She rolled over in her bed, moonlight flooding her chamber.

By Monday the full moon cycle was over and Remus was out of his room and recovering. Life continued on as usual at Hogwart's for Tessa.

By Wednesday, Tessa began feeling the pangs of loneliness again. She puttered around her chamber feeling hemmed in and restless. The weather had turned cold and rainy and she had been confined to the castle for days. She sat on the window sill staring out the window as rivulets of water made paths down the pane, the watching the waning light of the sun retreat behind the Forbidden Forest.

"I've never seen anyone look that beautiful and sad at the same time," said a voice from her room. She started and scanned the room trying to find from where the voice had come. It took her a moment to see the face watching her from the flames.

"Remus," she said and ran to the fireplace. She nearly leaped into the fire. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd risk saying Hello in person," he said. When she looked at him skeptically, he confessed, "Oh, alright, you seemed very depressed, so I thought I'd try and cheer you up."

She smiled, "I'm glad you did. I miss you so much." She became serious for a moment, "Are you alright? There isn't anything wrong, is there?"

"No, Tessa, I'm fine. Nothing's wrong here. I miss you, too. What about you? I wasn't joking before, you seem really sad." He looked at her with concern etched on his face.

She was going to lie but thought he would know if she did. "I suppose I am. I'm feeling a little lonely right now. I've explored the castle as much as I care to. I've wandered the grounds so much that I can walk them with my eyes shut. I don't have enough to keep me busy, I guess, so I have too much time to think about being alone." She leaned as close to the flames as she could without singeing her nose. "Oh, Remus, I wish there was a way that I could see you, I mean all of you, not just your head."

He laughed and then became thoughtful for a moment but didn't say anything. She said, "You've thought of something haven't you."

"Yes," he said tentatively. "I don't know if it would be allowed though."

She furrowed her brow, "Why? Who wouldn't allow it?"

"Dumbledore. I don't know if he would approve of the idea."

"Remus, what are you thinking about?"

"Hogsmeade. We could meet in Hogsmeade."

Tessa hadn't even thought about the village since she got off the train her first day. Of course, why not? "That is a wonderful idea. I'd forgotten all about it. And I could have been going there all this time myself, couldn't I?"

"Tessa, we had better check with Dumbledore before we do. I wouldn't like to cause any problems for...him. Plus, I'm not the most popular person in that town."

She shook her head. Now that the idea was there she wasn't to be deterred. "It will work, I know it will. It will just be a casual meeting of two strangers, nothing more. When, though? When can we do it?" she asked eagerly.

Remus watched the wheels turning in her head as she formed her plan and shook his head. He could tell no amount of reasoning would change her mind once she made a decision. "All right, we'll try. But only if you get an OK from Dumbledore first."

"Fine," she said, brushing his concerns aside. "So how about Saturday night? Meet you at about 6 o'clock, no wait, earlier, um, 4 o'clock?"

He laughed at her eagerness, "Alright, alright. 4 o'clock at the Three Broomsticks,"

"Great. It's a date." She stopped for a moment. "Our first date, as a matter of fact."

He smiled at her, "See you then, love."

"Sweet dreams, Remus. I love you." They stared into each others eyes for a moment.

"I love you, Tessa. Goodnight." His head popped out of the fire.

She sat there on the floor for a few more minutes just smiling to herself. She rose, put on her night clothes, hopped into bed and turned to gaze into the flames picturing Remus' face there. Slowly she drifted into sleep and the white light.