Author's Note- Thank you for all the reviews so far....they're all really great. To answer some questions, I think Roxie is pretty sure it's Spin's baby...or is she? Lol...that really didn't answer the question at all, but...The song in the last chapter was "Smack" by 3 Doors Down, and I probably should have given them credit before. The song in this is my favorite band Linkin Park, "Faint". I'll probably be updating all my stories more frequently (hopefully), so keep reviewing!
"What the fuck! Where the hell is he?" Spin slurred, leaning heavily against Jimmy's shoulder just to remain standing. The two had searched for Dean outside, but hadn't been able to find him anywhere. Spin had probably had about three more beers since then, and was now angrily ranting about completely random things. Jimmy sighed and glanced around. Since when did this day go completely down the shit-hole? It had started out good enough- up until Hazel had called to tell him Paige was in the hospital. And somehow he had ended up at an overcrowded frat party, with two friends who were off being assholes with girls they had just meant, and another wasted friend who was lusting for revenge against a guy who didn't even appear to be at the party. Was he the only sane one left? Jimmy had the overwhelming urge to just leave, go to bed, and forget this night ever happened.
"Why are we just standing here?" Spin asked suddenly, hurling himself off of Jimmy and throwing his hands in the air.
"Look, I'm taking you home," Jimmy said, putting a hand on Spin's shoulder, trying to steer him toward the door. "You should just go home and-"
Spin whirled around, shoving Jimmy's hand off his shoulder. "No. Fuck you. I'm not leaving until I find Dean. I don't fucking need you. I can do this shit on my own."
"You can't even stand by yourself. Do you really think your going to be able to kick Dean's ass?"
Spin paused for a moment and blinked. "Fuck you," he repeated. "You know what? You're just a lousy friend." He reached out and pushed Jimmy.
"No, I'm not. If I was a lousy friend I wouldn't still be here, following you around while you stumble about and yell incoherently," Jimmy said angrily, pushing him back. "So don't talk to me about being a lousy friend. If anything, your being a lousy boyfriend. Why do you have this deluded idea that going to a party and getting drunk is going to help Paige? You should be with her right now or at least doing something semi-productive with your time." He stopped and shook his head, rubbing his hands over his face. "Sometimes you are such a fucking idiot, Spinner."
For a few minutes, Spin just stood there, staring at Jimmy, and blinking occasionally, as if trying to clear his head. Jimmy was just beginning to think that maybe something he said had actually gotten through to him, when suddenly Spin's eyes wandered over Jimmy's shoulder and lit up. Jimmy turned and saw Dean escorting a tall girl up the staircase. Great timing, Dean, he thought miserably. He was this close to getting Spin to just leave.
Spin began ambling toward the staircase. Jimmy quickly followed him, and the two trooped up the staircase. They reached the large hallways upstairs, just in time to catch Dean and the girl disappearing into a room. Apparently seeing Dean had sobered him up a bit, because Spin stalked toward the room in complete determination. Spin finally reached the room, and threw open the door. He flipped on the light switch, revealing Dean and the girl locked in a passionate embrace in the center of the room. The broke apart, and Dean scowled at him.
"What the hell? Occupied," he snapped, stepping out to slam the door in Spin's face. Spin stepped in front of the door, blocking his way. Dean stepped back and shrugged. "Dude, come on. There are plenty of other rooms."
"You don't remember me, do you?" Spin asked. Jimmy hung back in the doorway, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
Dean smirked. "Um, should I? Look, I'm a little busy right now, so can we do this some other time-"
"No," Spin cut in. "I'm Paige's boyfriend. You remember Paige, don't you? You know, the girl you meant at a party and ra-"
"Ah, yes. Spinner," Dean interrupted quickly, darting a glance at the girl, who was twirling a strand of hair around her finger in boredom. "Look, I said I was busy right now. So why don't you just run back to your little high school and come back when you hit puberty, alright?" He smirked, and shoved Spin lightly, a clear message that he wanted him to get the hell out.
"No. What did you do to Paige?"
Dean glanced at the girl, rolled his eyes, and smirked cockily. "I don't know what you're talking about."
But he did, and Spin knew it. He could tell just by the way he said, by the look in his squinty little eyes. Spin grinded his teeth, unable to believe that this cocky bastard was actually standing there, smiling at him, and acting like everything was fine and it was all some big misunderstanding. It killed Spin to think that Paige was lying in some hard hospital bed, fighting for her life, while Dean was making out with some girl and having a jolly old time. It was so unfair.
"Screw this," Dean said, wrapping his arm around the girls shoulder and smiling apologetically. "Come on, Karen. We'll find some other room." The couple brushed past Spin to head out the door. Spin clenched his jaw and spun around.
"Hey! Karen!" he called out loudly. "You might want to think before you go off with him. Or else you might become his next rape victim." Ouch. That one was going to hurt.
The girl stared at Dean and stepped away from him. "What is he talking about?"
Dean licked his lips and narrowed his eyes at Spinner, sending him a silent threat to back off. Maybe it was the pure hatred for the guy, or the six beers in his stomach, but Spin wasn't afraid of him. He wasn't going to back down. Sure, Dean had muscles that could rival Pop-Eyes, but what he lacked in muscle tone, Spin gained in motivation.
Dean scowled at Spin. "How the hell should I know? I went out with his girlfriend a couple of times. He's obviously not over it."
"He raped my girlfriend," Spin told the girl. "He's a fucking rapist. He met her at a party, just like you, and then he took advantage of her. Yeah, big man on campus is a rapist." The girl stared at Dean in horror, and Dean shook his head.
"Fuck off, Spinner," Dean scowled, stepping up and shoving him. "It's none of your damn business, ok?"
Spin shoved his back. "I think my girlfriend is my business, wouldn't you say?"
"This is ridiculous!" Dean snapped, shaking his head. But the girl just stared at him in disgust and began to walk away. Dean grabbed her arm. "Oh, come on! I'm not a rapist! His girlfriend is just an easy lay, and he doesn't want to realize it. You're going to take some slut's boyfriend's word over mine?!"
Spin lunged for Dean, but Jimmy grabbed him around the waist and held him back. Karen made a face, and then turned and stormed out of the bedroom. Dean threw up his hands and turned to Spin, who was still pointlessly trying to punch him in the face. "God damn it! You just completely fucked that up. Now, I'm going after her to try to redeem myself, and you better not fucking follow me, alright? I swear to God." He hurried out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. After a few seconds, Jimmy finally released Spin.
"I could have had him, Jimmy," Spin snarled. Jimmy frowned.
"Just sit and calm down," Jimmy said, pushing Spin, who fell back on the bed in the center of the room. "Take a few deep breaths."
Why is Jimmy being such a stupid loser? Spin wondered, but he took a few breaths anyway. He rubbed his hands on his jeans and shook his head. "I didn't even get to hit him," he muttered unhappily. Jimmy plopped down next him. "Yeah….well, that's probably for the best. But look- we're in his room," he pointed out, pointing to a framed picture on the desk of Dean and an older woman, most likely his mother. "I say we trash it."
Spin smiled slowly and nodded, and he and Jimmy slapped hands. They jumped up and began destroying anything they could. Jimmy tossed all the papers on his desk in the air, and then grabbed one and ripped it in half. "Oops! Hope he didn't need his term paper on the theory of evolution!"
Spin grinned as he began pulling drawers out of Dean's dresser. "That's a shame. I bet he worked really hard on that."
They trashed his room for a few more minutes, until Spin finally stopped and scratched his head. "I don't know. It doesn't give me that satisfaction, you know? Like, we messed up his shit, but all he has to do is pick it up." Spin sighed and snatched a pack of Dean's cigarettes off his dresser. He took one out and stuck it in his mouth. "The son of a bitch is just going to get away with it."
"That's not true," Jimmy said reassuringly, taking down a 50 cent poster on the wall that he rather liked, deciding to keep it. "Once Paige is alright, she'll tell you what happened. And then he'll get what he deserves." Spin lit his cigarette and nodded slowly. So he hadn't gotten Dean this time- there would be other chances. He wasn't going to let Dean ever ruin Paige's and his lives again.
Jimmy stuffed the poster into his baggy pants. "Alright, can we please go? I say we round up Craig and Marco and get the hell out of here. Go see how Paige is doing."
Spin nodded in agreement, and tossed his barely-smoked cigarette on the floor. "Yeah. Let's go." The two walked out of the room and headed down the hallway, in search of their friends. And they left so suddenly that neither noticed that Spin had forgotten to put out his cigarette. And they surely didn't notice a few minutes later when the cigarette managed to catch Dean's blue curtains on fire and as the small flame slowly crawled up the fabric…
"Ash….this is…this is really hard for me….but I think we need to break up. I just….I don't think this is going to work. You need a boyfriend who treats you right, and I'm just not that guy. I've put you through so much, and you deserve so much better. I just think things would be better for both of us." There. Craig had said. He let out a deep breath.
Roxie popped a Doritos in her mouth. "That was pretty good," she said, licking the cheese off her fingers and shrugging. "But it would have been absolutely perfect if you had actually said it to Ashley."
Craig sighed, ran his hands over his face, and flopped down on the couch. "I know that. God, this sucks. But….I don't have the balls to actually say it."
"Then maybe you can break up with her in sign language," Roxie said sarcastically as she stared into her empty bag of Doritos in disappointment. Had she really actually just wolfed down that entire bag? Christ, what a pig she had become. "Look, Craig, I'm going to be honest with you- you're a complete wimp. I mean, you are way too sensitive and caring. We talked about this, remember? You know you have to break up with her. So do it. And then go buy me another bag of Doritos!" she demanded, crumpling up the bag and hurling it at Craig. It hit Craig in the cheek and he rolled his eyes.
"Yes, I remember the two hour lecture you gave me on what a spineless wimp I am. It was truly motivating. How would you like to break Ashley's heart?" Craig asked.
Roxie sat down next to him and snorted. "Somehow I think she'll manage to go on. Now, I'm having serious Doritos withdrawal."
"And why do I have to go buy the Doritos? I just bought you two bags last night. Plus, I didn't even get to eat any. Every time I reached for one you would shoot me an evil-death glare. No offense, but you've been hording all the food. And you're wearing my favorite sweater."
"Whatever. I'm hungry," she teased, and snuggled up even closer to him. Then she pretended like she was going to bite his neck, and he laughed. She gestured to the oversized hoodie she was wearing. "And you know I look hot in your clothes."
Craig rolled his eyes. "Yes. And you look very attractive with all that cheese on your face, too." Roxie leaned back and wiped the Doritos-cheese off her chin, smiling sheepishly. "Personally, I think you've had enough Doritos tonight. I'm cutting you off."
"Craig! You're just mad because you didn't get any. I'll tell you what-you break up with Ashley, and I'll start sharing my Doritos…maybe." She tossed her hair over her shoulder and stood up. "Anyway, aren't you in love with my new apartment?" She twirled around in the small, mostly empty living room of her new apartment. Ash had pulled some strings and managed to get the teen center, her parent's, and Spike Nelson, who sympathized with Roxie because she too had been a pregnant teenager, to fund Roxie to get an apartment. That was a week ago, and Roxie had just moved into her apartment the previous day. It was pretty small and bare, but Roxie really wasn't in a position to be picky, now was she? "Living by myself is honestly the best thing that ever happened to me. I can do whatever I want whenever I want. And you know what the best thing is- I don't have to worry about my Mom and my sister all the time. I don't even have to think about them!" Ok, so she did. A lot. But who had to know that? She smiled casually and rested her head on his shoulder. "It's the best thing that ever happened to me," she repeated quietly.
Craig smiled as he stared down at her blonde head. They had been secretly seeing each other since they had kissed in park. He didn't understand it, but seeing Roxie so happy made him feel Like everything she was feeling, he was feeling, too. He took that as a seriously good sign. "I know. This is great. And it's all because of….Ash," he said slowly, and then sighed. Roxie pulled her head back, and scooted over slightly. She rested her chin in her hand and stared out the window, and Craig couldn't believe how mentioning Ash completely killed the mood. He rubbed his hands against his jeans and smiled uncertainly. "Um….awkward silence," he said, glancing at her and chuckling. She just blinked at him, and he realized that pointing out it was awkward only made it more awkward. I just need to stop talking, he thought.
"You like me, right?" Roxie said suddenly, reaching over and lacing her fingers through his.
Like her? Does liking someone mean you think about them 24/7? Does liking someone mean you would hurl your body in front of a moving care for them? Does liking someone mean you want to be around them all the damn time? No, I don't like you. I'm in love with you, he realized suddenly. This could be the real thing, which totally scared and excited him. The whole idea was overwhelming. He nodded eagerly. "Of course," he said. "I want to be with you."
Roxie reached out and slapped him in the head. "Then break up with Ashley!" she barked out, jumping up and hurrying into the kitchen.
"But I'm trying!" Craig called out, throwing up his hands. "I almost did last night. It was, like, on the tip of my tongue, and then she told me she liked my shirt, so I obviously couldn't." Roxie reappeared, holding a bowl of ice cream. She rolled her eyes and walked over to the couch. "Well, obviously. Excuses, excuses. Pathetic."
"What did you do last night?" Craig asked, hoping to steer the conversation away from Ash.
Roxie shrugged. "Actually, I'd rather not say."
Craig smirked. "Oh, let me guess. You went clubbing, danced until the sun came up, meant some totally awesome guy who swept you off your feet…."
"Close. I ate Pringles and watched Brady Bunch reruns," Roxie admitted. "It was totally pathetic. I did see the one where Marcia got hit by a football and broke her nose, though."
"Wow! I bet it was the highlight of the night. If you got to see that episode, then it wasn't pathetic at all," Craig joked. Roxie reached over and pinched him.
He was stalling, trying to get off the topic of Ashley. The truth was, Roxie liked having a secret little romance with Craig. As horrible as it sounded, it was all so sneaky and romantic, and even a little naughty. The prospect of getting caught kind of kept things exciting. Like yesterday, when Craig had been there, and Ash had suddenly come over, forcing Craig to hide in the closet for a half hour.
"I know what you're doing. Trying to change the subject. Look, are you going to ever break up with Ash? Well, I know! You can just put it off for awhile! You know, eighty years from now, when you and Ash have been married for decades, have three kids and countless grandchildren, and you own a house together and all that, maybe you'll finally get the courage to break things off with her. At this rate, you're going to spend the rest of your life with Ashley Kerwin. You'll both complain to each other about arthritis, you'll have cute little burial plots side by side-"
"Ok, I get it," Craig interrupted. "I'm breaking up with her. It will happen."
"Good," Roxie said. "It's not that I don't like Ashley- I love her, I really do. Total sweetheart. I just sometimes wish she would jump off a bridge or run into traffic or something."
"Harsh," Craig said, smiling. Roxie smirked.
"I know. But can you blame me if I don't like sharing my boyfriend with someone else? At that school assembly the other day when you two were sitting together, I got so jealous and threw a pencil at you."
"That was you?"
"Well, if you hadn't been practically mauling each other the whole time, I wouldn't have resorted to violence!" she said defensively. Craig chuckled. "Alright. Let's stop talking about Ashley, alright? It's just the two of us tonight. We can just relax and watch T.V or something."
Roxie cuddled up to him, and he wrapped his arm around her. "Alright….maybe we can invite Ashley over. Since she is your girlfriend and everything."
"Roxie, come on," Craig said, shaking his head. "I said drop it, alright?"
"Fine," Roxie said with a long sigh. Craig nodded and flipped on the television. "We could order a movie. Which one do you want to get?"
"I don't know. Why don't we call Ashley and ask her what she-"
"Roxie!"
Manny tossed back another Jell-O-shot as she surveyed the scene around her, taking in the flashing lights and the mobs of bodies dancing around. Manny and some of the girls had decided to blow off some steam and just go dancing, but now Manny was simply leaning against the bar, completely bored and in some serious need of some heroin. She tossed her silky black hair over her shoulder and glanced around, looking for some gorgeous guys to take her mind off shooting up. So far, she hadn't seen a single guy who had caught her eye, and no one had approached her. She glanced down at her seriously short skirt and her shimmering halter top, and she was just thinking about how maybe she didn't look as hot in black as she had thought, when suddenly someone slid up next to her. It wasn't a boy- it was a man.
"Hey, gorgeous. What's a perfect thing like you standing over here all by herself?" he asked, smiling down at her. His teeth were impossibly white. He was handsome, and in fact, he looked like an older version of Craig, which was a large plus. Manny shrugged casually and sighed in boredom.
"This is boring," she said simply. "Nothing is happening tonight."
The man chuckled and glanced around. "It is pretty tame tonight. Come on. Dance with me." He held out a hand, and Manny immediately took it. She wasn't in the mood to dance, but anything was better than hanging around the bar all by herself all night. They made their way to the floor and began dancing. He was a good dancer, but he kept getting a little too close to Manny. A few minutes passed, and his hands were suddenly all over. She stepped back subtly and smiled at him.
"I don't even know your name!" she called, trying to be heard over the music.
"It's Daniel," he called, placing his hands on her waist. They soon slid down to her butt, and Manny smiled tightly. She was no prude (obviously), but suddenly Manny felt uncomfortable. He hadn't even bothered to ask her name. She smiled again. "Well, my name is Manuela!" He nodded vaguely, not looking particularly interested. They danced for another minute, and suddenly Daniel's hand was on her breast, and he was leaning in to kiss her. Manny stepped back, placed her hands on his chest, and firmly pushed him away.
"What?" Daniel asked with a frown. Manny blushed and looked at the floor.
"It's just…I've only known you for five minutes."
Daniel smirked. "Most girls I would have had in bed by now," he said, stepping out and wrapping his arms around her tiny waist. Manny frowned and struggled to step away.
"Look….I want to leave."
Daniel nodded. "Alright. We can go back to my place."
Manny shook her head in disgust. "No. I want to leave….alone."
Daniel frowned. "What is your problem?" he asked, shaking his head. "You were all over me a second ago."
Manny's mouth fell open in surprise. "I was all over you?" What was wrong with this guy? "You're the one with slimy octopus hands! Look, when a girl says back off, back off."
Daniel stared at her. "Please. Grow up. I'm going to find a real woman who knows how to handle a man." With that, he turned and walked off, disappearing into the crowd. Manny stared after him. Grow up? She was only sixteen, for god's sake! She was still considered jail-bait. She glanced down at her outfit again, realizing she didn't exactly dress like a normal sixteen-year-old. In fact, she was dressed like a complete tramp. Manny wrapped her arms around herself self-consciously, and all she wanted to do was get out of the club and to go back to Isabel's and change into her monkey P.J's that she loved.
A few minutes later, Manny was outside on the sidewalk, walking away from the busy club. She shivered as she walked through the dark streets. She kind of wished she weren't going back to Isabel's, but her own home. She could cuddle up with a bowl of popcorn and watch movie after movie in her den, just like she always used to when she had a crappy night.
She stopped a minute later in front of a dark alley that she knew was a shortcut, but she wasn't sure if she should take it. It was dark outside, but it was also cold, and Manny didn't feel like taking the longer way, so she ducked into the alley. She took a few steps, when suddenly she heard a rough voice behind her. "Hey." Suddenly, she felt two arms wrap around her waist, and she gasped. "What are you doing all by yourself, sweet thing?" they whispered into her ear. Before she knew what was happening, she was surrounded by three large men, all sneering at her. She swallowed hard.
"I've seen you before," one said, smirking. "Coming out of that whorehouse up the street. I bet you like it rough, don't ya?" He took a step toward her. Manny felt her stomach clench with fear. Oh, god, she thought. Their going to rape me. It didn't take a genius to figure that out. It wasn't like big, burly men stopped girls in alley's to chat about the weather.
"Get….get away from me!" Manny cried, finally able to find her voice. The men just chuckled.
"We will….once we're finished with you!" one said, reaching out and pushing Manny to the ground. She fell and landed hard on her knee, and she winced in pain. Another one reached out and pulled at her halter top, and the strings snapped, allowing her shirt to fall down. Manny gasped in shock and grabbed her shirt to her chest. The men just laughed, as if this was some fun game to them.
"You're not getting shy are you?" one asked, nudging his friend in the stomach as they began circling her. "Take it off!"
"No!" Manny said, tears streaming down her face. She considered getting up and running, but her knee was killing her, and she knew she wouldn't get very fart. "Leave me alone," she whimpered.
"Leave me alone!" one imitated, leering at her with a large scowl on his face. "I said, take it off!" He reached out and slapped her across the face. Manny fell back, stunned. The men stepped toward her, and Manny wondered exactly what he was planning to do to her….
"Hey!" someone suddenly called out. "Get away from her!"
The three men glanced up, and then before Manny knew what was happening, they turned and scampered off like little mice. She watched them go in amazement, half expecting them to come back and finish the job. But they soon disappeared out of sight, and the next second and man was leaning down next to her. "Hey- you ok?" he asked. Manny glanced at him, and briefly wondered if maybe he was just like one of them. But he was staring at her in concern, and Manny suddenly felt incredibly safe.
Thank God there are still good people in this city, she thought numbly, and she nodded. "Yeah….thank you."
"You shouldn't be out here all by yourself," the man said, taking her elbow and pulling her off the cold, hard ground. "Where do you live? I'll take you home."
'No!" Manny said quickly. "I can get there by myself."
"Are you kidding? So you can have another run in with those guys?" the man asked, shaking his head. "Can't let you. My cars right down the street. I'll drive you wherever you need to go."
Manny thought for a second. She didn't trust him, but it wasn't like she had any better options. Plus, her knee was throbbing, and the thought of sitting in a warm car was quite appealing. She nodded, and they walked out of the alley in silence. They finally reached his car parked down the street, he opened the door for her, and Manny climbed in. A few seconds later the man pulled away from the curb, and they were soon driving through the streets. Manny sat in silence, staring out the window, holding up her ruined shirt against her chest. She realized her breathing was slow and ragged, so she took a few deep breaths. God, that was the most terrifying experience of her life.
But hadn't she deserved it? Walking through dark alleyways, dressed like a hooker, she was practically inviting men to assault her. Shit, how stupid was she? Up until this point, Manny had thought she was invincible, like nothing could fucking touch her. She was wrong. If it hadn't been for this guy, she might be dead right now. Manny glanced out the window, and saw that Isabel's penthouse was coming into view. She pointed with a shaky finger. "Here. It's right here." The man slowed the car to a stop, but Manny made no move to get out. She just stared at the large house, wondering why she couldn't get her fucking body out of the damn car. Then she realized why- she didn't want to go back. This wasn't how a sixteen year old should be living. She should be going to school, going to the movies with her boyfriend, having sleepovers with her friends. Prostituting really didn't fit in there, did it? Manny bit her lip and turned to the man hesitantly.
"Actually….this isn't where I want to go."
"Are you sure?"
Manny nodded slowly. She never wanted to see that place again. "Yes….would you drive me somewhere else?"
"Yeah. Anywhere." Manny stared out the window.
"Great." And suddenly, Manny knew exactly where she wanted to go.
Ellie watched with blank eyes as they pulled the stretcher out of her room. They wheeled it down the hallway away from her, the body covered by a plain, bright, white sheet. Just another dead body, a lifeless corpse. Ellie rubbed her arms, suddenly feeling cold. A small group had gathered in the hallway, and once the stretcher was out of sight, they quietly went broke apart and went their separate ways. Ellie hung back, leaning against a wall as she fiddled with her two red braids. A moment later, Tina, one of the nurses, walked up and put a comforting hand on Ellie's arm. "Are you alright?"
Ellie swallowed hard and stared down at Tina's hand. She hated when the nurses here touched her. They didn't even know her. Why did they think they could go around touching her? "What happened?" she asked in a small voice.
"Dawn's heart stopped. She wasn't eating, and she was malnourished. I'm very sorry. I know this must come as a great shock to you," Tina told her solemnly.
Not really. How was it that even Ellie knew that Dawn hadn't been eating, but the incompetent nurses couldn't even figure it out? Ellie could have predicted that something bad was going to happen to Dawn, but she hadn't bothered to say anything. She had been too preoccupied with her own personal angst. And now Dawn was dead, and Ellie couldn't help but feel responsible. They had found her in her bed that evening, wearing her duck-pajamas and looking so innocent and pure with her shiny blonde hair pulled back in a neat braid. "Yeah…it is," she said distractedly.
"You two were very close?" Tina asked. Ellie shrugged. Ellie hadn't been there that long, but she had formed a special bond with Dawn. She was so cheery and upbeat you couldn't help but like her. One night, Ellie had almost thought about cutting again, but Dawn had talked her out of it. Too bad I couldn't talk her into eating, Ellie thought sadly. Some friend I was.
"Well, this is going to be a difficult time for everyone. You can talk about your feelings in group therapy tomorrow."
Ellie didn't want to talk about her feelings. Why did they always want to "discuss their problems" here? Why couldn't the just leave her alone? They didn't even help people- look at Dawn. Look how she had ended up. This place was a fucking joke.
"I don't want to talk," Ellie snapped, standing up straight. "You suck at helping people here. You couldn't even help Dawn. How could you not know she wasn't eating? Isn't that your job- to make sure anorexics eat? This isn't just a place for messed-up kids to stay for awhile- you're supposed to be helping us with our problems!"
"Well….we….it's just…" Tina stuttered, looking taken aback.
"Never mind. I'd like to make a phone call." Tina nodded sheepishly, and the two walked down the hall to the phone lounge in silence. Ellie sat down in the small phone booth, picked up the phone, and dialed Sean's number. She tapped her foot impatiently as it rang. Please be home, she silently prayed. She needed to talk to someone. She couldn't believe Dawn was dead, and she didn't have anyone to talk to it about, because the person she always talked to was Dawn.
Finally, the answering machine picked up. "You've reached Sean Cameron's...not around, so…yeah…leave a message, I guess." Beep. Ellie opened her mouth, on the verge of spilling out the whole sordid story on the answering machine. Tell Sean how she was going to miss Dawn, how guilty she felt, and how much she just wanted to go home. But instead of spilling her guts, she slammed down the phone. Damn, she thought, irrationally angry at Sean for not being home and not knowing she was going to call. She leaned her head against the cool glass of the booth, and took a deep breath. This was not good. Things were not going well.
I don't think I can take this anymore.
Manny walked slowly through the maze of headstones, the plush grass crunching under her feet. She had only been there once, but she knew exactly where Carter's headstone was. Manny was slightly spooked out by trampling over people's graves at this time of night, but she didn't stop. She had to see Carter- even if he wasn't really there. She just needed to be near him, be near his presence, even if it was just a cold piece of rock. Manny finally came to the plain, gray headstone that read CARTER ANDREW MONROE in big letters, and then his date-of-birth and death. Manny knelt down in front of it, ignoring the pain in her knee.
"I really fucked up, Carter," she admitted to the headstone. "I mean, really bad. Not like the time I stole my Mom's car, or the time when I went to Toronto with you without telling my parents. Remember that? Anyway, this is serious. If you knew what I've been doing, you'd kill me." Gee, that didn't sound right, considering Carter himself was dead.
Manny wrapped her arms around herself and sighed. "I've had the worst night, Carter," she said, tears forming in her eyes. "I've had the worst couple of weeks, too. This is all your fault, you know." She half expected Carter to appear and start yelling at her for blaming him for everything like she always did, but she knew that wasn't going to happen. Her accusation was meant with silence. "Ok, so it really isn't. You were right. I am selfish. And stupid. And I've treated everyone like crap." More silence. "And I got what I deserved." She was sobbing now. "But I want things to be normal again! That's all. I want you to be here, and I want my parents to still love me, and I want to be the old, happy, bubbly me." But she wouldn't be that innocent, carefree, little girl every again. Things had changed.
Manny sat there for a few minutes. "Why did you fucking have to die!" she suddenly screamed. "You just left me!" She stopped and took a deep breath. "I really loved you."
And then, Manny knew it was time to go. She had said what needed to be said, and now it was time to leave. She'd come back- she'd be coming back to visit Carter for a long time. She stood up and brushed the dirt off her knees. She turned and walked through the cemetery, until she came to the large fence, and then realized she had no place to go and no ride to get there. She climbed over the fence and landed on the sidewalk. Manny really needed to start planning ahead. So she did the only thing she could do- she just started walking. And she felt safe, because she was back in Degrassi.
Manny had no idea where she was going, or what tomorrow was going to bring, but she suddenly felt better than she had in weeks. She kicked a twig out of her way and smiled faintly.
Suddenly, things didn't seem so hopeless anymore.
Ashley fiddled with the radio until she found a good station and the settled back in her seat as she drove through the dark streets of her town. Things seemed so peaceful at night. She had just come from Terri's, and now she was heading home. Ash rolled down the window to let some fresh air in. It had been a crazy week. Roxie had gotten her own apartment, and hadn't yet burned it down, and Paige was still in the hospital, but was finally getting better and healthier. Ash made a mental note to visit her tomorrow, maybe bring her a pint of her favorite ice cream and a trashy tabloid. If Paige had a weakness, it was fattening foods and celebrity gossip.
Ash still couldn't believe Paige had tried to kill herself. It was so….un- Paige. She had always acted like she was the most awesome things ever, like her life was so great and glamorous, and everyone had always thought it was. Sure, she could be a complete bitch (rewind to 9th grade, when Paige had totally managed to make Ash a complete outcast), and she was kind of conceited (hello- no one looked in the mirror more than her….except maybe Marco) but Ash knew that Paige was actually a sweet and caring girl. It was just hard to see sometimes underneath all the wholesome cruelty, that's all.
Ash turned a corner and glanced out the window. She saw a small girl walking down the sidewalk, and Ash frowned and glanced at the clock on her dashboard. Who the hell was wandering around this late? And dressed like that? Ash got closer, and suddenly realized who it was. No way. No fucking way.
Ash pulled up next to the girl and leaned out the window. "Manny?"
I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact that everyone can see these scars
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe this is real
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I got.
Manny stopped and turned to her with wide eyes. Geez, she looked like hell. Her hair was all messed up, her eyes were red, she appeared to be holding her ripped halter top against her chest, and her bare knees were all covered in dirt. And she had been limping slightly. She looked like she had just walked away from some kind of car accident. Ash stared at her, not even sure what to say. Hi! Why do you look like you've just been through some kind of natural disaster? So Ash just sat there, staring at the girl she had always despised in wonder and amazement.
Finally, Ash blinked. "What are you doing here?" Not that it was any of her business, but Ash had never been good at keeping her nose out of other's peoples lives.
Manny shrugged. "Nothing."
Oh, ok. Like she always walked around the streets as night dressed like a hooker and crying. Like it was completely normal for someone to disappear for weeks and then just suddenly show up again. "To be honest, Manny, you look like shit."
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't take this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Manny sighed. "I know."
Well, this conversation wasn't going anywhere. Ash really didn't want to do this, but… "Hey, do you need a ride?" Manny stared at her skeptically. "I'm not going to pull a knife or anything. You just look like you're… lost," Ash said. Manny looked thoughtful, and then finally walked around the car and climbed into the passenger side. Ash turned off the music and turned to her. "Are you alright?"
Manny glanced at her. "No, I'm not alright," she said. Suddenly, to Ashley's horror, she began sobbing.
"Manny….where have you been?!" Ash blurted out. "I mean….everyone's been worried about you." Everyone….except me.
"In…in the city," she said, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "I've been living there, and…..I've been doing some stupid things. And tonight…I got attacked by these guys…" she trailed off and covered her face with her hands. Ash mouth fell open in shock. "No one knows I'm here…."
Ash sat back in her seat. No one knew Manny was back. Suddenly, she felt like she had this huge responsibility on her shoulders. Like…she had to take care of Manny or something. What was she supposed to do? This sucked. But she had to do something. She would be a horrible, disgusting person if she just let Manny get out of the car and potentially ruin her life all over again. Ash glanced at Manny. But Manny must have wanted help, because she wouldn't have come back if she didn't. And even though Ash didn't know exactly what had happened to Manny, the girl looked like she had been to hell and back. And she probably had.
I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make sense
I am what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got.
Ash started the car. I can't believe I'm doing this, she thought. This is the girl who stole my boyfriend. This is the girl that I know my boyfriend is still in love with, no matter what he says. This is the girl that, at one point, I wanted to run over with my car. This is the girl that, if she comes back into our lives, she'll most likely steal my boyfriend again, even if she doesn't even try, just because Craig is that attached to her. This is the girl that could ruin everything for me.
But she kept driving, with that girl sitting next to her. And she was going to take her to the one place she could think of that could help.
God, I'm a fucking saint.
Author's Note- Gasp- will Manny and Ash actually become friends? Seems impossible, but who knows. And what happened at the frat house...find out more in the next chapter!