Chapter Four

As the days drifted into weeks for them, Woody noticed a change in Jordan. He had been aware, that since Max had left, Jordan had tried to change…mature even more…put her mother's murder behind her and look toward the future. But this alteration had nothing to do with that…

It had to do with them. For a lady that was so self-confident in her career and her abilities, Jordan seemed almost self-conscious when she was with him…which was not what he wanted. He wanted her to feel secure and safe with him. He would never hurt her…not intentionally. But sometimes he would catch a look in her eyes that he would swear was tantamount to fear. She never voiced it…but every once in a while, he would see a glimmer of whatever it was in her eyes. It would come and go quickly, but it was there.

And he was determined to find out what it was and why it was there. So one Thursday afternoon he made his way to her office, pausing at the door. She was in the middle of doing her dictations…oblivious to her surroundings. When she had finished and shut the machine off, he softly knocked on the door to get her attention. She looked up and smiled.

"Through?" he asked.

"Yeah. Finally. Reports and dictation. Garret will be amazed and happy."

Woody grinned. Jordan's dislike of paperwork was well known. "Well, if you're caught up, maybe you'd like to celebrate?"

"Just what did you have in mind, detective?" she asked, a wicked grin spreading across her face.

He chuckled then. "Not that…yet, Dr. Cavanaugh. I was wondering if I could entice you to go out to dinner with me…to a real restaurant, where the cutlery isn't plastic and you don't unwrap your food."

"You mean like a 'date'?"

He considered the word for a minute… "Does that scare you?"

"Gotta take the plunge sometime…so no, it doesn't scare me."

"Then you'll go?"

She walked over to where he was at and took his hands. "Well…if you're asking….I'm going."

"Can you be ready by eight?"

She nodded. "Should I meet you there?"

"Not a chance. It's a date. I'm picking you up."

He knocked on the door to her apartment at eight sharp, and when she opened her door, she took his breath away. She was wearing red…not the red dress that really first got his attention, but a close second. It was too cold to wear that one…but it was fitted in all the right places and was off the shoulders. Lacy with long sleeves. She looked just like she did in his dreams…the ones that kept him up at night. "Oh, wow…." He breathed. "You look great…"

"Thanks…you clean up good, too," she replied, giving him a wink.

"Ready?"

"Let me get my purse."

He led her down to his car and they drove to the restaurant, chatting along the way about their day…He was taking her to a restaurant down by the waterfront, to a place that overlooked the bay. It was romantic and quiet…just what Woody was looking for. Dinner was wonderful…he got a couple of glasses of wine in her. When it was over, he held his hand out and she took it…and he led her to the dance floor.

Of all the places they had been…crime scenes, stake outs, his apartment or hers, the dance floor was the one place they both felt entirely comfortable. As he swung her in his arms and drew her close, he marveled at how well they fit together…how her small frame molded to his larger one. He danced her across the floor a few times and into small, glassed in area outside the bar overlooking the water. With his arm around here waist, he gently led her over to one of the large windows looking out into the bay. "Pretty isn't it?" he asked tugging her to him, her back to his front, and putting his arms around her waist.

"Uh-huh," she said, resting her head back on his shoulder. She seemed comfortable and relaxed….

"Can I ask you something, Jo?" he began, gently trailing a finger up the inside of one of her arms.

"Sure, Woody."

"Is there something about us you're afraid of…something you're not telling me?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Just sometimes…I catch this look in your eyes…like you're scared to death of something…is us? A relationship? Losing your identity? What is it?"

Jordan sighed and shut her eyes. It was really none of that. It wasn't them. It wasn't suddenly becoming one half of a whole couple. It was herself… "It's kind of hard to explain, Woody."

"I'm a good listener, I have all the time in the world, and I'll try to understand."

She turned around to face him, remaining in his arms. "I don't know if I can do this…be your girlfriend," she began, but hurried on with her explanation when she saw a look of raw hurt that ran across his face. "It's not that I don't want to…I just don't know how … how to do it right this time. I don't think…" her voice caught for a second, "I don't think I know to love you the way you need to be loved. I'm afraid you're going to end up disappointed … I'm afraid that you'll discover, in the long run, an us is not what you really wanted…what you thought it might be."

So that was it, he thought. "What on earth has put those thoughts in your head?"

"Look at me, Woody. I'm the poster child for dysfunctional families. My mom was so sick when I was little, I never saw what a real marriage was…much less a normal relationship. Dad never dated again until I was grown. Until I met you, I was too afraid of any commitment to a man to even try to work at it. And now…now that I've got you in my life…I'm just not sure if I know how to …"

He pulled her closer to him. "You know, I'm kind of new at this, too."

"You? Come on…Mr. Midwest Lifestyle himself? Your mom and dad? Annie? Give me a break. You could probably write a book about what makes a great relationship."

He sighed and rested his chin on her head. "No. No, I couldn't. When I knew Annie, I was too young to even know anything about commitment…real dating…marriage. I thought I did, but I was so naïve. And as for my parents," he pulled away and lifted her chin with one hand so she was looking him in the eyes. "Jordan, my mother died when I was four….my dad never dated, much less remarried. Then he died when I was sixteen. So…I never had a functional family either."

Sweet Jesus, she thought, looking at him in wide-eyed amazement. That's why he understands me so well…damn… "Woody…." She finally stammered when she found her voice. "I'm sorry….I didn't know. Why haven't you said anything?"

"It just never was the right time…and I came to Boston to make a clean start. I figured when I found someone who was really special in my life, I'd tell them when and if the occasion arose. You're special to me and this seemed like the right time."

"So in other words, we're both working on this from ground level….with no instruction book."

He nodded. "No instructions. No pressure. I don't want you to ever think you're going to disappoint me. Surprise me, yes. Keep me on my toes, definitely. But disappoint me – no way. You mean too much to me."