-- CHAPTER 5.5: Because I Wanted To Do A Christmas Special --

You know what I was thinking. I was thinking that since approximately 87.96 (28 pi to be exact) are looking for some Link/insert chick here spoof, I should put in capitol letters in my summary MALINK!, and it wouldn't be even be a lie if I continue the Maple/Link (aka Wolo/Jaber, aka Wolfos Lover/Jabu-Jabu Lover) side story -jabjab--winkwink- clever huh? Huh-huh? ...ehem, sorry, I'm just disgruntled because I couldn't write a serious romance bit worth scabola(the Greek word for crap – I learned it in church of all places). Well, least I wouldn't think so. Never really tried I guess. But, yeah, if you knew me, you'd probably come to the same conclusion. Anywho, I'm rambling. I just felt like doing a Christmas special, and seeing as how the main story is obviously not winter I decided to spin the Wolo/Jaber wheel. Right, so, even right now I have no clue where I'm going with this bit. I guess I should start though. So here I go ... with my story ... about Wolo/Jaber ... and their Christmas adventure ... because I felt like a Christmas special ... because that's the kinda guy I am ... I suppose ... notice how I'm stalling ... I honestly have no idea what this bit is going to be about ... so it'll prolly suck ... I'm prolly wasting your time ... you should prolly skip this sketch ... I should prolly start now ... I prolly should have started a long time ago ... I prolly should also stop saying prolly ...I'm so pathetic ... my apologies...

"Who's that for, Link? Your giiiirlfriend?" Ryan chirped, running up behind him. He always enjoyed teasing Jaber.

"She not my girlfriend! She's just my normal friend! And it's not for Maple anyways, it's for the teacher!" It wasn't a lie either, the present really was for the teacher. Jaber did have a present for Maple, but seeing as how they lived next door to each other, he didn't need to bring it to school.

"The teacher!" Ryan scuffed, "whatever."

To Link's delight, Ryan didn't say anything else as they made their way to class.

As they approached their classroom they heard a familiar voice boom from inside, "To your seat! To your seat! It would be neat! To be in your seat! It can't be beat! To be in your seat! To your seat, your seat, your seat!"

Jaber heard Ryan mumble "He is SO weird!" under his breath as he went off to his desk, parting from Link as he walked up to the teacher.

"Merry Christmas Thag!"

There stood the teacher, Thag, in all his bare-chested glory. He only wore a loincloth, it was red – the same color as his hair. Not exactly appropriate school attire, but what could one say? It was Thag. You didn't mess with Thag. One quick glance the bulging muscles of the seven-foot monstrosity told anybody that much. And the giant club in his hand didn't help much either. He never parted with it. Something about 'flying monkeys from Oz.' Nobody knew what he was talking about. Despite his appearance, though, he really was a nice guy once you got to know him.

"Aye laddie, and a Merry Christmas to ye too!"

Jaber pause for a second, "Since when were you Irish?"

"Vatever do joo mean by zat?"

Nice perhaps, but very strange.

Link raised an eyebrow, perked his lips to the side, and shook his head.

"Hehe, Just messing with you Jaber. Today we learn about the different languages in Hyrule!"

"...but there are no Irish in Hyrule..."

"Never you mind, son ... never you mind..." Thag sighed, staring at the ground with a depressed expression as if the fact that there were no Irish in Hyrule really bothered him.

There was an awkward silence for a moment before Jaber broke it, "I got a present for you! You can't open it till Christmas though!"

Thag whipped his head up and smiled, completely out of his trance. In fact, Jaber would have guessed that Thag had already forgotten what he was upset about in the first place. "Why thank you Link, that was mighty kind of you! Now class must be started so ... To your seat! To your seat..."

Link went off to his seat droning out the rest of Thag's song, if you could call it that. As he walked to his desk he passed Maple who smiled brightly.

"Hiya Jaber!"

Jaber heard muffled giggles from the back of the room.

"hiwolo," he mumbled as he passed by her quickly.

"Class is now in session!" Thag bellowed from the front.

"Today, units of Koriki, we shall learn about the different languages of Hyrule! Can anybody tell me what language we speak?"

Maple hand shot up, "Hylian!"

"Very good! Now, can anybody tell me the three main languages of Hyrule"

Maple's hand shot up again, "Hylian, Zorish and Goronese!"

"Excellent! Now, can anybody tell me what race speaks what language?"

Maple's hand shot up yet again .... Link took the opportunity to catch up on some sleep seeing as how the story was quickly becoming uninteresting.

- - - - -

"Class dismissed! You all have a wonderful Christmas break!"

Link groggily opened his eyes and yawned. He heard the same from students throughout the classroom.

"What an excellent lesson Mr. Thag! I learned so much!" Maple. So... studious. But thank the goddesses for her. She kept Thag occupied. He was so oblivious.

"Why you are certainly welcome Maple! We'll go more into depth about the origin of the Hylian language when we get back from break!"

"Can't wait!"

Jaber walked up beside Maple, shook his head a little at her interest, then whispered in her ear, "Come on, Wolo! Let's go! You promised!"

"Alright already!" she snapped, much louder than Link would have appreciated, "I'm coming!"

girls... Link groaned to himself as stifled giggles echoed throughout the room.

Jaber grabbed Maple by the arm, "let's go!" and pulled her out the door. Santa Clause was supposed to stop by at Koriki Mart (locals preferred to call it K-Mart) at 2:30. It was 2:00 now, that left plenty of time, but Jaber wanted to get in line early because last time he arrived to late and missed Santa.

"By Din, Jaber! What's the rush! He won't be there for another half an hour!"

Jaber glared at Maple. "You know, it was your fault I didn't get to talk to Santa last year!"

-Flashback-

"Class dismissed! You all have a wonderful Christmas break!"

Link groggily opened his eyes and yawned. He heard the same from students throughout the classroom.

"What an excellent lesson Mr. Thag! I learned so much!"

"Why you are certainly welcome Maple! And when we come back we'll expand on differentiation when we learn about integrals and anti-derivatives!"

"Can't wait!"

Jaber walked up beside Maple, shook his head a little at her interest, then whispered in her ear, "Come on, Maple! Let's go! You promised!"

"Aright already! But first I have to stop by my house, and put on something more appropriate for meeting Santa Clause."

- - - - -

"You look fine!"

"I want to look my best!"

"Your friggin' 8 years old!"

"Hmph!"

- - - - -

"Hurry up! You've been in there for almost an hour!"

"Just a sec!"

- - - - -

"Come on! We're going to miss him!"

"Would you be patient!"

- - - - -

"That's it! I'm leaving with out you!"

"The heck you are! I'm not going to get all dressed up and go to see Santa without an escort!"

grrr...

- - - - -

"Finally no let's go."

"Slow down, a lady does not run."

"But we have to hurry!"

"You will start acting your age and behave more properly around potential future courtesans!"

"I'm eight! Acting my age is screaming 'cooties' and running away from girls ... probably in the direction of Santa Clause ... because, also at this age, Is an extreme fascination with him!"

"How rude! You know what? I don't think I want to come with you anymore! Go ahead! Be off!"

-end Flashback-

"...and when I finally got there he was gone!"

Maple rolled her eyes. "You know, you didn't haaaaave to wait for me!"

"Whatever ... we're here. Wow! There's a bunch of people here early. Well, let's go get in line."

"Santa's not even here yet, I think I'd rather shop a bit until he gets here"

She was heading off when Jaber grabbed her by the arm again. He glared at her, eyes spitting daggers of fire. "Your waiting her with me. We're going to stand in line and stay here until Santa comes. Got it?" He said coldly thru gritted teeth.

Link stood there staring off at nothing in particular with a tight grip of Maple's arm. Looking at his face Maple would have sworn that he was thinking of all the different ways he could kill her if she tried to move. She too blankly stared out at nothing.

It stayed that way until they heard joyous cheers from behind.

"Santa!"

"Ho Ho Ho!"

"I wanna Boeing 747 for Christmas!"

"Wait in line, and then, when it's your turn, you can tell Santa about everything you want for Christmas."

The boy clapped his hands and ran to the line.

"Ew! What's that" a little girl cringed.

"That's Santa's helper Elf, Tingle!"

Tingle smiled widely.

"I don't like it..." the girl kept her eyes on it as if afraid it was going to jump her.

Tingle pouted, "Tingle never did anything to you!"

Santa strolled over to the seat set up for him, Tingle waddling behind him.

"It's Santa, Wolo!"

"Good! Now will you please let go of my arm!" Maple breathed coldly, her agitation unmistakable.

"Oh! ...sorry ... sure."

Jaber and Maple stood side by side as they waiting in line, neither of them speaking a word. Finally their turn came.

"Me first!" Jaber shouted as he ran up to Santa and jumped on his lap.

"Ho Ho Ho! And what do you want for Christmas Jaber?"

"Wait ... how do you know my name?"

"Ho Ho Ho! I'm Santa Clause, I know a lot of things!"

"Hrm? ... Santa ... why do you carry a club? ... it looks almost exactly like ..."

Jaber reached up and grabbed 'Santa's' thick fake beard.

"THAG!!! ALL THIS TIME AND I DON'T EVEN GET TO MEET THE REAL SANTA!"

"For Din's sake boy! Shush! The other children don't ... know ... yet ..."

Cries of disappointed children filled the store.

Tingle glanced up at him angrily "Oh! Now see what you've done! You've ruined Christmas! Seriously, Tingle doesn't know why he ever leaves the forest! Little girls cry and little boys scream ... Hylians are so weird!"

"Now, now" Thag said gently "He didn't mean to stir up such a ruckus. Like my momma always said 'Life is like a bag of cheese, it might stink, but it sure does taste fine!' and I think Link here feels the same way."

Jaber and Tingle exchanged glances, niether had any idea what that was supposed to mean. Apparently it was supposed to cheer Jaber up.

"Uh ... Thank you ... Thag ..." Link said awkwardly

"Right! Now that everything's settled, what did you learn from this?"

"Hmm?"

"Well, you must know, all Christmas stories have morals!"

"eh ... life is like a bag of cheese ....?"

"No, no, the Christmas moral is that nobody, well at least not Mr. Flabbergasted, should ever do an impromptu just for the fun of it. He gets nowhere, interrupts the flow of the story and wastes everybody's time in general!"

"Your words are wise, Thag ... your words are wise indeed" Tingle said very dramatically cueing in the end of this pointless side story.

-- CHAPTER 6: Returning Home Just To Leave Again --

Link stood just outside the forest holding a block of wood with both hands, a tied up hat filled with Fairy dust sitting on top as he stared at his hometown. Koriki ... I've missed you already ... Link smiled to himself happy to be back, even if his stay was to be short lived.

Link made his way back to his house. He dropped the block of wood down just outside the door to finally give his arms some rest. He grabbed the Fairy dust that was sitting on top and sprinted inside.

"I'm back daddy! And I have a surprise!"

"Huh ... -cough-cough-" Jaber awoke from his nap. He napped a lot, there wasn't much else to do. "Link! I'm so happy you made it back!"

"Daddy!" Link ran over and embraced his father. Still holding his hat, it whipped around and hit his father square in the back causing Jaber to cough a few more times. Link didn't seem to notice and Jaber, holding his son in his arms, didn't mind. Jaber was slightly disappointed with such a short hug but he quickly forgot that when he saw Link's bright eyes beaming at him.

"I got you a surprise. Well, it's not just for you it's for everybody. I found it in the woods."

"-cough-cough- Well you bet -cough- better show me what's got you so -cough- so excited. -cough-"

Link took his hat and, grinning, untied the knot that held it shut. Opened, a dim golden glow emitted from the rims. "It's Fairy dust." Link explained.

"You don't say -cough- You know -cough-cough- I met a fairy once. No -cough- nobody believed me though. -cough- Well -cough- except for your mom. -cough-cough-" Jaber smiled weakly. '...I'll -cough- I'll have to -cough- tell you about it sometime."

"Here! Try some! It works, I know it does! A Fairy saved my life back in the woods." Then he smirked, "I'll have to tell you about it sometime"

Link powdered some Fairy dust on his father, nothing happened at first, but slowly ... very slowly the intervals between his coughs lessened.

"Well I'll be. You know, -cough- I do feel a bit better already..."

"See?! I told you! It works! Now you just have to promise to hold off until I've found Fenycks Fortress and come back."

"Fenycks Fortress huh? Is that what they call it?"

"Yeah, that's what he map says. Here look." Link took the map out of his pocket and showed his father. "Down at the bottom, 'Fenycks Fortress of the Healing Magi' That Tingle guy sure was helpful! He was a strange fellow just like you said, but he's also very nice, he gave me a block of wood!"

"A block of wood..."

"Oh, it's a special block of wood! It comes from a dead Deku Tree named Thull. I'm supposed to stop by Hyrule Castle and get it carved into a shield and a staff!"

"Woah, woah, wait a second ... you talked to a Deku Tree?!"

"Well, two actually, and there were a bunch more..."

"Well I'll be condemned to the Sacred Realm ... that's amazing!"

"Yeah, anyways, I need to make sure everybody else gets some of this stuff too!"

Then he burst out the door, and made a mad dash down the street, barging into doors. He didn't bother to knock, knowing most people were to sick to answer. What they must have thought – seeing a little 12-year-old burst in the door, throw some strange golden dust in their face, and as soon as he had come, he was gone. Ringing thru the streets comments went from "What a horrible child!" to "eh? ...What in Hyrule..." to "I feel like a kid again!"

Finishing his rounds, Link stumbled over to his house exhausted, but never happier.

"Daddy! Daddy your standing! Without holding on to anything!"

Jaber had a big grin on his face, he swooped up his son and gave him a big Goron hug. Oh, it felt good to give a strong hug again. And for Link's part, it felt good to receive a strong hug.

Jaber finally put his son down, a single tear fell from his eye. His son had made it back by sunset the day after he left. He had not been gone long at all. Noticing his son's confused expression, he smiled and wiped the tear from his eye. He knew he had to stay strong for his son

"Just a happy tear, Link" he sniffed, still putting on a smile, "You'll get some rest tonight, and leave early tomorrow morning. We won't tell anybody. They won't understand. They don't bare the Mark of the Triforce – they can't understand."

There was a knock at the door. Mr. Rogers, their closest neighbor now that the Smith house was empty, was heard shouting "Can I come in?"

Jaber looked at his son and mouthed 'not a word' and then picked up his voice, "Come on in Mr. Rogers."

Mr. Rogers opened the door and stepped thru. "Well, if it isn't Link! This is all your doing isn't it? Don't hide it, I saw you come running into my room! Look at this!"

Mr. Rogers jumped, lifting his feet a full foot off the ground. Pretty Impressive for a 70-year old who'd been in an out of consciousness for the past month and a half.

"Amazing isn't it? I don't know what you did, but ... by the Goddesses ... Thank you!"

And so it went, for the next four hours people poured in, utterly shocked. Professing their gratitude, looking for answers, talking about nothing particular out of sheer joy to be able to waste their breath, or simply too baffled to say anything at all, The village of Koriki excitedly accumulated at the Koriki residence (reminder: Koriki is both the name of the village and the Links' last name). Finally, Jaber stepped in on Link's behalf, knowing his son needed some rest.

"Thank you all for coming. We can try to sort this all out tomorrow, but my son has had a long day, and right now he needs his sleep."

It took at least another half an hour for everybody to evacuate. Once the house and yard were empty Jaber put out the candle's and bid his son good night. As it turned out Link was already asleep.

-- WRAP UP --

Bah! ...that chapter was boring, I'm sorry, but I figure the transition was necessary. I was thinking about doing something evil like killing off Jaber just to make things more interesting, but I'm not really a fan off needlessly killing off characters for the easy shock value.

Ironically, the meat of this update was in the side story. Yes, it was pointless, but hopefully it was funny. Well, it was fun to write at least. The main story bored me to tears, thus the shortness. Ah well, counting the Christmas Special this will be my longest update to date.

Hope it wasn't too much of a waste of time, but if so make sure to review the story to tell me never to do this again! ...Can you tell I'm desperate for reviews yet? Oh, well if you couldn't ... I am.

Anywho, have a nice day, and since I probably won't update again till after Christmas "Merry Christmas" ... or "Happy Hanukah" ... or "Joyous Kawanzaa" ... I'm sure there's others but I can't think of them.

- - - - -

thag-the-upset: No need for an apology, constructive criticism is always appreciated. And, so, obviously, I already found a use for Thag. He was fun to work with. I'll probably try to use him again if I can. As far as the puzzle went – sorry but the fact the you could jumble out 'wind' was an unfortunately confusing coincidence. Seeing as how they "speak thru the wind" and all. I didn't mean for that to happen.

-breaks from replying to Thag- On that note, unless somebody answers correctly or insist on figuring it out themselves, I'll post the correct answer next update returns to Thag

thag-the-upset: So, anywho. muchas gracious for reviewing yet again. It's very much appreciated. You have a good day now, m'kay?