Author's Notes: Yeah, I know, I took my sweet time this time around, and I apologize…Time is not on my side these days. La sigh…Welp, anyway, reviews!

Smoke: Thanks, but I don't care what the stained-glass picture of Janos is supposed to have been. It's a picture of a monstrous looking Janos Audron towering over the town while it's in flames. How, then, does a person get the death of Janos Audron out of that?! So in my humble opinion, it's really supposed to be what it looks like: Janos terrorizing Uschtenheim, in which case the Sarafan could have had it there for years at that point. nods As for what's wrong with the Raz Man…Well, you're about to see. :-)

Cobra-kun: Vorador's head exploding…Now, why didn't I think of that?! lol Just kidding, although that would've been pretty funny.

cmartist: Glad you're enjoying it. More idiocy is only moments away…

Varyssa: Since a lot of people like the "Die when I kill you" line, it's only fair tio admit I didn't come up with that. I actually stole it from "Serious Sam". But still! It's a good line considering the situation, don't you think? :-)

Kokuryu: Ah, well, thanks…Read Vayssa's answer above though to see where I got the line. I hope this one doesn't bust your gut…That might be kind of messy. ;-)

Kyrial: Well, a good, complete senseless is pretty messed up in my opinion, and I;m glad you're enjoying it as well as my sense of humor! Hope you did read the original "WVGAATAL"—that's what you can call messed up humor there. :-P

Well, now that those are out of the way, with out any more ado (and I'm not cleaning it up this time, either, so someone else better get it) I bring you…

Chapter Five:
"I Could Have Done 'Mortal Kombat'"
(Farewell, Razielia)

The corridor was not the longest in the Sarafan Stronghold, but at that point in space and time, Raziel was convinced it was the longest in the entire universe as it seemed to have no end. And it wasn't simply because he knew he would have to face his former self at the end of it, either; in fact, if that's all there was to it, he could have handled it just fine, no problem. But oh, no, of course it wasn't as simple as that. No peace for Raziel the Reaver of Souls, not even in this one act. Instead of the delightful little stroll he was supposed to have from his battle with Turel to his battle with himself, he was instead only barely finding the strength to put one foot in front of the other as his blasted double, Razielia the Drag Reaver, prattled on ahead of him about the Nosgoth from her reality—information Raziel could have gone several lifetimes without.

"Now, my sister Melanie was always my favorite," she was saying, her high-pitched voice so chipper that Raziel would have gladly throttled her if he had the will. "True, she was the youngest, and not very strong…or fast…or fashionable…But my goodness, that girl had sense! I bet she was the most practical of us all. She was so environmentally friendly, and she never wasted a thing. She even reused the hides of her victims! Of course, her own hide was rotten and full of maggots, and she stank to high heaven, and most of the skin suits she made were very badly tailored and just plain tacky, but hey, it worked for her. Usually. Now, me, you could never catch me in that kind of outfit, but I have it on good authority that Melly talked Rahabia into modeling one of her designs once…"

What did he do to deserve this? Was he really that ruthless as a Sarafan that he deserved to be punished even now for things like the murder of Janos Audron? Was feeding on blood of countless thousands of innocent victims as a vampire really that bad? Raziel wanted nothing more than for that…he/she thing to shut up and stop following him around. He'd tried running from her, he'd tried attempts on her life, he'd tried amusing her, and still! Nothing seemed to work! She was like a flea that simply refuses to leave, that just bites you on the posterior until it itches so badly you just have to scratch it, only to have her jump onto your arm. Only fleas didn't talk, while Razielia didn't know how to shut up. Raziel just dragged himself and the Reaver along behind her, while she went on.

"…I remember once, Doomie and Turelia got into an argument over this one human guy…Oh, wow, he must have worked out every day because was just to DIE for! Big, firm muscles; dark, smooth skin; big, brown eyes you could have just fallen into and never come back out, and hair that you'd just want to run your claws through until doom's day! Anyway, Doomie said he was captured on her territory, but Tur said he was captured on her territory…So they got into a bit of a scuffle that ended up smearing both of their make-up and ruining their clothes, and while they were busy fighting over Cute Boy, Zephonia just strolled over, picked him up and carried him off! Nether one of them even noticed he was gone! I should have told them, I know, but I was laughing so hard I could barely breath, much less try to break up my fighting sisters…"

If only he could get in touch with Director Henning! If only he hadn't had so much fun picking on Ariel! If only that stupid little programmer hadn't put her back into the game! If only she'd just stayed in her bloody reality and left his alone in the first place! Her voice started to seem a little further off, and the tiniest ray of hope shined out from his heart as he dared lift his head. Razielia was so distracted with her stories that she didn't even notice she was moving away from Raziel. Maybe she wouldn't notice at all…Maybe she'd just go on ahead and just fade out of existence…

No such luck. She realized she was getting ahead of him and, horror of all horrors, turned around and came back. "My, Razzy! You're being so slow for once! Hop to, huh?" she giggled. She then went on rambling. Raziel couldn't even tell what about this time, however. He was doing all in his power to block her out of his mind, but even that was so hard. It was as though she were physically impossible to ignore…

"So, anyway, did I mention what marvelous parties Zephonia used to throw? She was a wily, evil little cockroach in my opinion, but my goodness! Phonia could throw a party that was usually remembered for two, three decades later at the least..."

Raziel groaned a bit. Why wouldn't this wretch shut up? He once had brothers much the same as her sisters, and they hadn't been half as interesting as she seemed to think her sisters were, and yet he would have gladly seen Dumah, that moron, come out of no where an just squish the little Drag Reaver just then…

"…This one party she had, she set up behind Koein's back as an anniversary present…It had been 300 years since we'd kicked ass, taken names, and took over the known world, and we figured that was a good excuse for a celebration. Of course, we thought Rahabia's success at removing a grass stain from her favorite top was a reason to get down and boogie, but be that as it may…"

Why wouldn't she just shut up? Was she ill in more ways then he thought? Was she unable to stop her tongue from wagging despite the fact she had no tongue? Raziel felt his frustration begin to well up again as Razielia just kept talking. She was just going on, and on, and on, and on…

"…She got everything together, including the wine, which I think was really just blood from the drunkest humans she could hunt down, little black paper bats with confetti that we threw all over the place, and so much more... Oh, Razzy, it was just devine!"

"Razielia…," Raziel said softly.

"…But Phonia was also notoriously crazy…I think she crashed as many parties as she held. Tur hadn't quite gotten over the time Phon wrecked her 300th Birthday Party, and so conspired with Doomie, Melanie, and it was actually one of the few times she let me in on one her plans, to wreck it…Did I tell you about what Phon did at Tur's 300th Birthday Party? Remind me to do that later. Anyway,…"

"Razielia…" Raziel raised his voice slightly, and stood up enough to look at her well.

"…Turelia got us all together and said she was going to take a bucket of some of that precious wine of Phonia's and pour it all over her during the party. You used to be a vampire, so surely you know how badly blood stains. We all knew she'd be positively furious with us, which is probably why Doomie, Melly, and I agreed to do it. Aren't we just wicked? But, as I was—"

Raziel raised up the Reaver and slammed it against the wall, the contact of metal on stone sending up sparks, not to mention making a horrible crashing noise that made Razielia jump sky high and look at Raziel with wide eyes. She found her Soul Reaver counter part with his eyes narrowed, and his body shaking slightly. "That's it!" he yelled, "That is bloody it! What do you want from me?! Huh?! What! Do! You! Want from me?!"

Razielia just stared for a moment, flabbergasted, causing Raziel to slam the flat of the blade against the wall again. This made the Drag Reaver flinch as he yelled, "Well?! I'm waiting!!"

"I-I-I, uh…," Razielia stammered quietly, too shell shocked to think straight.

"You-you-you what?!" Raziel snorted. He took a step towards her threateningly.

"I…just wanna help," Razielia finally managed.

Raziel shook his head. "Help?" he said, his voice somewhat lower but no gentler, "You-you-you want to help? Well, hate to break it you, doll," He said the word with such distain that even Razielia could tell he didn't mean it as the endearment she used it for. "But you are anything but helping me! You have been nothing but one catastrophe after another! You have been nothing but a constant headache and a pain in my ass! You have been nothing but the world's most annoying programming glitch!"

Razielia gulped, hurt. "E..even worse than…than Turel?" she asked innocently.

"Three times worse than Turel!" Raziel exclaimed, waving his arms and the Reaver about as he did so, "Six times worse! Nine times! A hundred! Razielia, you are a glitch that is a thousand times worse than Sarafan Turel's decapitated head pointing out the obvious!"

As Razielia whimpered slightly and cowered backwards, clearly hurt, Raziel reached up with his free hand and laid his head in it, covering his eyes. "CapCom was looking for a new dark, anti-hero male character," he mumbled, "'Devil May Cry'…that's what they called the game…I could have done that. I had a contract made out for me by the people at 'Mortal Kombat'…They wanted me for a new character…I could have done that, too…I could have done 'Mortal Kombat'…I mean, who in 'Mortal Kombat' could stand up to me, really? But oh, no…I wanted my OWN game…Eidos said, 'Hey, we just bought this vampire title from Silicon Knights! You want to be our new playable character?' and like an idiot, what did I do? I signed with them! And what did I pass up a place in 'Mortal Kombat' for? What do I get for my trouble?" He looked up at Razielia, who was pulling at her silk veil nervously as she watched him with sad eyes. "To be driven insane by a crazy ass wench like you…I bet Scorpion never has to put up with nonsense like this…"

Razielia let her head drop, so that it was obvious she wasn't looking him in the eye, then lifted her head slightly and said as sensibly as she could, "I'm sensing a lot of negative energy around you, Raziel…"

Raziel mockingly pretended to be shocked, throwing his head back and closing his eyes as much as he could while placing the back of his clawed hand on his forehead. "No!" he gasped, and even that was dripping in sarcasm, "Negative energy? Around me? You don't say!" He resumed his normal stance, but continued on in a sarcastic tone, "Even if I weren't being stalked by an annoying twit of a doppelganger, what on Nosgoth would I have to be negative about? You know, seeing how I lead such a peaceful, blissful life like I do…"

Razielia snorted and crossed her arms. "Easy, there, Razzy," she said, sounding a bit cross. "No reason to be cynical. Besides, no one ever lends money to a man with a sense of humor…"

"What are you talking about??" Raziel would have raised an eyebrow if he'd had one, but considering what he had to work with, he still managed to get the expression across. "Did you go completely mental, you fu—"

"…Rahmphrugical…"

The soft, garbled noise in Raziel's ear was enough to make him freeze. It was a familiar sound…and a familiar voice as well. Could it be…? Was it possible…?

"Ra…Raziel! Raziel, can you hear me?!" Director Amy Henning's voice was a little staticy, and she had to yell before he could understand her clearly, but there was no doubt in Raziel's mind that he was hearing his director at long last. He was so relieved that he fell to his knees, momentarily forgetting his frustration with Razielia.

"Director Henning!" he cried out. He was glad he could no longer cry, else he might have bawled out of relief. "Director Henning! I'm so happy to hear your wonderful, beautiful, angelic voice!"

Razielia's eyes widened and she backed up into a corner, now more nervous than ever before. "Are you really talking to her?" she asked, more than a little concerned.

"Shut up, wretch!" Raziel snapped at her.

"What did you call me?!" Director Henning yelled back at Raziel.

"Not you!" Raziel replied, and eyed Razielia darkly, "Not you, Director, oh no! You're my wonderful, lovely, brilliant director! Why would I ever say anything like that to you?"

There was a pause as Director Henning considered the compliments she just received, which were very odd for Raziel. "Okay!" she said at last, "What went wrong this time??"

Raziel breathed a sigh of yet more relief, and went on to explain the entire lengthy process, from Moebius and Malek making him pick up the Reaver to soon and Razielia's reappearance, to Vorador's sudden entrance and Turel's inability to die, all while the Drag Reaver cowered in the corner.

When he was done, there was another pause. This time it lasted so long Raziel was afraid he'd lost her, until she said, "Okay, look, our signal is weak and unreliable here, so if we get cut off, that's why! About the double, I'm taking care of the problem right now! The programmer that put her back in is being reprimanded, and she's about to be removed from the code! But I'm afraid tharrum ithak ffgu wamp…"

"What? Director Henning, you're breaking up with me!" But it was too late. She had lost her signal and was gone. Saddened, Raziel sighed and stood back up. Razielia instantly perked up, obviously hopeful.

"Was that her?" she asked him again, "What did she say about me being here? What's going on? Are you in trouble?"

"Well, Razielia," Raziel said, his eyes the most pleased Razielia had probably ever seen them as he looked at her, "If you really want to know, I suggest you look down."

Razielia did, and what she saw there made her scream. Her legs were disappearing from the ground up. First the color, then the shape, then the frame, then it was gone. It was moving swiftly up her body, literally erasing her.

"NO!" she shrieked, terrified, "I'm disappearing! But I can't! It's not over yet! Razzy still needs me!!"

Raziel just gave her a friendly wave. "Bye, Razielia…Hopefully, I won't see you next time."

"No!" The Drag Reaver exclaimed, the removal process now having reached her chest and neck. "I can't go! He needs me! HE NEEDS ME!" And with that last, final cry, Razielia the Drag Reaver departed the game of "Soul Reaver 2", not to be heard from again. At least, as far as that particular game was concerned.

For a moment, Raziel just stood still and reveled in the silence of the corridor. No talking…no stupid suggestions…No stupid, high-pitched girlish voice…. Just silence. He stood there for what seemed like forever, before finally jumping up and yelling in the first joy he'd felt in a long time.

"AAAHHHH-YA!" he exclaimed happily, then raced down what was left of the corridor. He was alone, at last, and off to face his last, and toughest enemy. This was what a role playing game was about for the character…This is why he'd taken the Legacy of Kain job over Mortal Kombat…For this, this battle, this journey, this moment as he stopped and opened the door leading to his final confrontation…

Emotions raced through him as Raziel walked into the room. He once imagined his Sarafan self as a noble, proud, honorable person. He'd once revered his mortal life as one of honor and strength, as one of the truly good. Now, knowing what he did, and having bore witness to Janos Audron's dreadful execution, he looked upon his mortal self and knew him to be the hateful, righteous, arrogant creature he had always been. And felt only the loathing and contempt for him as he watched the Sarafan with the black hair and the cruel blade swing his sword down and say, smugly, but with as much hate in his voice as the wraith felt:

"So, vampire—here we are."