Yay! I feel so honored that you all are enjoying my story. Hope you enjoy this chapter, I'll upload the other...4 previously written chapters later. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Dont own anything except the ideas that I put into this. And as much as I hate to admit it I dont own Lancelot :( boo.
What Heaven Is...
Chapter 3- "Absence of Fear"
Chanting in the darkness. My eyes opened and I jumped as I felt hands on my aching wound. My hands wanted to instinctively reach for my swords, but alas they were not there. Nothing could stop which was now in motion. I turned my head to face the owner of the hands. Merlin's eyes met mine and I opened my mouth to protest, but was silenced by the look of fear on both Guinevere and Arthur's faces.
Do not fear me Lancelot…
What was happening now? Was I about to die now, as I should have on the battle field? My body was screaming at me, screaming to be either saved or delivered from this pain.
"Oh be done with it…" I mumbled feverishly.
"Lancelot?...oh thank god." Arthur whispered.
Merlin touched the wound again, but this time applied a cold, wet salve. I tensed up as a freezing sensation came over my body; it seemed every muscle in my body was numb.
"What are you doing to me?" I pleaded through tears of pain.
I saw Guinevere take a step towards me, but Arthur pulled her back and held her tightly. He whispered something to her, and she buried her face into the nape of his neck.
Your body needs to be still…I must stitch the wound…
I saw the gleam of the needle in the firelight and I tried to move in protest, but my body was frozen. Merlin laced a silver thread through the needle and moved slowly towards my chest.
"Please…Guinevere…Arthur…please…" I cried out desperately.
I never pleaded; I accepted things most of the time. I could feel tears coming to my eyes and I closed my eyes tightly and let the water stream down my cheeks. Neither Arthur nor Guinevere moved to come to my aide. I felt the first jab of the needle in my skin, but soon it was gone.
I still can't trust a woad…black magicians are no exception.
Merlin looked up and met my eyes.
"Calm yourself Knight…I mean you no harm." Merlin replied.
I could do nothing but lay there while Merlin carefully stitched my wound together. I watched him do this for several moments, watching the thread pull together the torn sides of the wound.
Sleep knight…you will have your strength tomorrow.
"Alright, come on…"
Arthur carefully helped me from the bed and steadied my on my feet. I smiled at him and motioned for him to step back. I wanted to test the limits of my strength, alas I started to stumble and Arthur caught me before I hit the stone floor.
"I think, dear friend that I'll have to help you around for the time being." he observed as we took a small step towards the door.
"Ah to breathe fresh air again…instead of the stale, sick air of the room I've been in for the past days." I said as sunlight hit me.
Arthur laughed and we slowly made our way towards the wall. I looked at my friend before we got to the steps.
"Tell me…how many Saxons?" I inquired.
Arthur shook his head and we started up the steps.
"Too many to count…" he answered.
I laughed, and to my delight the action didn't jar the wound.
"I may as well ask, how many had two sword wounds?" I asked with a sly smile.
Arthur laughed heartily and helped my get a grip on the wall. He looked over the battle field and took a deep breath.
"I'm lucky…" I whispered.
Arthur looked at me and his eyes narrowed.
"Did you just say…?"
I motioned for him to silence himself with my hand. I looked at him sarcastically.
"Alright…I'll admit it finally. I'm lucky to have survived this. I just wish that Tristan would have been as fortunate." I said bowing my head.
Arthur nodded and patted my back softly.
"He died with honor Lancelot. But I agree, I would have rather taken his place then see another one of my knights die." he admitted.
I looked at him and shielded my eyes from the blaring sun.
"Arthur…"
"Lancelot!!"
Both Arthur and I turned at the sound of the relieved call. I smiled when Guinevere came rushing at us, her crimson dress flowing behind her.
My lady you are even more beautiful in the sunlight.
"Guinevere." I greeted her, trying to shove the happiness from my voice.
She smiled softly, but it seemed to fade when she realized that was all I was going to say. Her eyes brushed past me and fell on Arthur.
"I've been looking for you, Gawain is asking for your presence in the practice ring." she said.
Arthur nodded, and made a noise of understanding. He put his hand on my arm and I turned to look at him.
"Would you like to accompany me?" he asked.
I shook my head and looked back over the field.
"I'd like to stay here just for a bit…" I said.
"Right, well then I take my leave. Guinevere would you help him if he needs something?" Arthur asked.
I heard her agree, but I didn't look towards her. I shut my eyes as a soft breeze hit my face. I heard her come up next to me and she took a deep breath.
"Your feeling much better today I see. Anything hurting today?" Guinevere asked.
I looked over at her; she had placed her head in her palm and was looking at me with those eyes.
Yes, inside my skin I have this space that twists and turns. It bleeds and aches inside my heart. It's waiting for you.
"I'm fine today, thank you. Give my thanks to your magician for me." I replied looking away from her eyes.
"You still don't trust Merlin I see." Guinevere pointed out as she straightened.
I lifted my eyes skyward.
"I've never trusted Woads…but you my lady are an exception." I mumbled.
I looked back at her and saw that her eyes had widened in surprise and a flicker of happiness filled them. My heart began to shred from the look, what was this power she now held over me?
"You know…I sat there those first couple nights with you. You said a lot of things in your fever." she said.
I could hear a hint of hope in her voice. I laughed and turned my whole body towards her, I leaned in closer to her.
"What I said in my fever my lady was just that. Fever…fever makes one's words seem…oh what is the word I'm looking for? Sincere, for lack of other words. I, myself am sincere about one thing and one thing only."
Guinevere's eyebrows arched.
"Oh, and what is that?" she asked.
The feelings I have for you.
"Not getting killed." I responded.
Guinevere narrowed her eyes and started to shake her head while a small smile played upon her lips.
"Why do you hide within yourself?" she asked.
I pushed myself away from the wall without thinking, and I started to loose my balance. Guinevere reached out for me quickly, but she couldn't get her footing back, and we both went tumbling to the ground. When we hit the ground we both gave out a cry of surprise. Guinevere landed on my chest and I winced.
"Oh gods…are you ok?" Guinevere asked looking into my eyes.
I licked my lips to hide the pain that was quickly spreading through my body.
No, I think I'm broken again.
"Yes, I'd be fine if you would get off of me." I said through gritted teeth.
"You clumsy bastard…" I heard Bors comment from behind us.
Guinevere jumped off me quickly and stood, I was not so swift with standing. I laid there for moment, trying to calm my breathing and let the pain subside.
"Come on, up ya go." Bors said as he picked me up.
When I was finally set on my feet I looked at Guinevere and she gave me an apologetic smile. I bit my lower lip and nodded, trying to find amusement in the event.
"Lancelot! Bors! Come to the gate"
I looked down towards the gate and saw Arthur, Gawain and Galahad looking up at us. I looked towards Bors and he nodded, he grabbed my arm and helped me down the steps. Arthur looked me over with his eyes as we arrived in front of him.
"Come…we are to bury Tristan…"
I looked at the mounds of earth that we stood in between. I would have never been buried here, in this sad little cemetery.
Burn me, and cast my ashes to a strong east-wind
I ran my hand through my hair and made eye contact with Guinevere. She smiled softly at me and I returned the gesture before sighing.
"Can I join you?"
I looked up and nodded; Guinevere took a seat next to me. Everyone had already left, save the two of us. I put my head in my hands and stared at the ground. Guinevere remained silent, maybe wanting to respect me.
"Why did you save me?" I whispered.
I heard her move closer to hear me better. God, I just wanted to touch her once…to maybe kiss her at least once.
"What?" she asked.
"Why did you save me?" I asked, raising my head.
Guinevere studied me for a moment, her eyes searching my face. I raised my eyebrows in question.
"Well?"
"I didn't want you to die." she said softly.
I would have died trying to save you!
"You put your life on the line for me. You could have gone to the aide of any of the other knights, to Arthur. But you came to me, me a woad." she replied.
I smirked and looked off towards the glowing lights of the wall.
"What can I do to show you my gratitude? What do you want?" she asked.
I'm wanting, needing you to be here. I need you here inside the absence of fear...
"Only but to sit here for a bit longer…with you"