Alrighty, hope you like this chapter, I'm trying to write the last three chapters tonight, but it seems I dont want it to end lol. Anyways, again enjoy!

Disclaimer: nope, still dont own anything.

What Heaven Is...

Chapter 12- "No More Love, No More Pride"

The sun rose slowly on our death filled night. I wiped at my face, wanting to rid myself of Saxon blood. I walked slowly through the burnt pathways and sighed. They had burned everything, save the few rooms that the Knights, Guinevere, and Arthur slept in. I ran my hand through my hair, shaking the ashes from it.

"Lancelot…"

I turned towards the voice. Bors stood to my right, holding his youngest child. I smiled kindly and he came towards me.

"Thank you for saving Vanora." he said.

I waved his words away,

"Do not thank me; there is no need for I didn't arrive soon enough. I'm sorry for your loss." I said.

Bors nodded sadly but did not respond. I patted him on the back and took my leave.

I winced as Merlin applied salve to the wound on my stomach. He looked up at me and I looked away, his gaze making me uneasy.

"Have you told her?" he asked.

I shook my head in response and he made an aggravated noise.

"She needs to know you went back, that you understand." Merlin demanded.

I sighed and motioned for him to finish.

"In my own time." I replied.

Merlin looked back at the wound.

"Do not linger on it Knight." he responded.

I brushed his statements off, not wanting to worry myself with them.

I looked away from him as someone entered the room. She stood in the doorway, wiping her hands on her dress.

"Will you survive?" she asked, her tone hinting with sarcasm.

Merlin laughed softly and finished wrapping the bandage around me. I sat up and reached for my shirt, I could feel her eyes on my bare best. I pulled the shirt over my head and stood up.

"I thank you Merlin." I said as I started from the room.

Guinevere followed me out into the hallway.

"Lancelot…look at me." she commanded softly.

I sighed and turned to her. She took a deep breath, and I prepared myself for the worst.

"Do not think of me as a weak tavern girl. I can take care of myself, I can and I will if worse comes to worse." she said.

I nodded in response and she beckoned for us to walk, and we started together.

"I know I was weak last night, and I know you noticed this. But I've thought on this all night, I was afraid and weak because of you…"

My eyes snapped to her face and I opened my mouth to protest.

"Now, before you argue with me." her eyes smiled at me. "The only reason for this is because you were alone. I wasn't afraid for Arthur; you were the only thing on my mind. Lancelot, when I saw that Saxon hover over you, my heart stopped." she said.

I looked ahead as we stepped out into the sunlight.

"Guinevere…" I didn't know what to tell her.

Her eyes saddened as she looked at me again.

"Arthur desires to have an heir, what am I to tell him?" she asked.

It felt as if my heart exploded in my chest. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

"Guinevere…Arthur deserves an heir, and I will not stand in the way of that." I said.

Guinevere turned away from me,

"Is that it? Is that all you have to say to me?" she asked.

I nodded sadly and turned her back around to face me.

"I know not what you want me to say! Do you wish for me to just take you from here now?" I asked.

Guinevere's eyes searched my face angrily.

"Did you not just wish that same thing only weeks ago?" she asked heatedly.

I took her hand in mine and tried to keep my emotions in check.

"I wished Guinevere, but that was the past! Was it not you my lady that told me to put the past behind me?" I asked.

Her face went blank of expression.

"Why are you saying such things?" she demanded softly.

I sighed,

"You will always have my heart, I can promise you that. But my lady who am I to stand in the way of denying my good friend and King an heir?" I asked.

She stayed silent and I kissed her one last time on the lips before I walked away.

Weeks passed quickly, bringing with them nameless women and lonely nights. I let myself fall back into my old life, the life I knew before her. I knew I was wrong, I knew I shouldn't let myself go back to the taverns, but my yearning always brought me back.

"Lancelot!" I looked up from the table.

Arthur stood before me, his face that of pure joy. I lifted my eyebrows in acknowledgement and he took a seat next to me. He studied me for a moment before his brows came together with worry.

"You look terrible my friend." he said.

I picked up my cup and placed it to my lips. I made a sound of agreement and swallowed the liquid. A warming sensation passed through my body as the liquid went down. Arthur slid the glass away from me as I set it down.

"Lancelot…"

I waved him off.

I'm fine…

"Do not worry about me Arthur. You've something to tell me?" I asked.

He nodded and smiled.

"Guinevere is with child." He said as the happiness returned to his face.

I felt the liquid try to come back up, but I fought against myself. I nodded and clapped him on the shoulder.

"I'm happy for you Arthur." I said as I reached for my cup.

"Guinevere wanted you to be the first to know." Arthur said.

I felt the sarcastic sneer come to my lips and I put the cup to them.

Now what? She's gone forever, and you pushed her.

"Give my happiness to her." I stated.

Arthur nodded and stood up, my hand dropped from his shoulder and he walked off, leaving me utterly alone.

"Come on son, don't let her do that!" Bors exclaimed.

I laughed as the little girl hit her brother with the wooden sword again. Bors grunted and I turned to him.

"Seems Raelin will be the one to run towards battle." I said.

Bors moaned, and hit me painfully on the shoulder.

"Seems she has taken after me."

We both spun around at the soft voice. Guinevere stood a few feet away, Bors laughed.

"No one better to take after my lady." he said.

She smiled and I couldn't help but look away. I could feel both their gazes on my back and I sighed.

"Do not linger on it Knight…"

Talk to her!!

I fought my thoughts back and I stiffened as her hand touched my back.

"Lancelot, may I have a word?"

You knew this was coming.

I nodded and glanced at Bors. He looked at me sadly, knowing that I dreaded this. I turned to walk after her, and I could feel my chest tightening.

Just tell her you're happy for her, tell her…

She turned briskly on me as we entered the stables. She put her hands on my cheeks and stared me in the eyes.

"I have to tell you something…"

I shook my head.

"Let me speak my lady, for I have been hiding something from you." I said.

Her hands slipped from my face slowly, and I walked a few steps away from her.

"I went back to that estate…"

She remained silent, and I turned to look at her. Her eyes questioned me, and I tried to smile.

"I went back to the place where we found you." I said.

Her eyes dropped to the floor, and her hand went to her breast.

"You what?" her voice was faint.

"I had to go back, I had to…I had to see what had happened."

She put her hand out to silence me and I stopped. She paused for a moment, before she started to walk forwards towards me slowly.

"Guinevere…"

"You went back there?" she asked

I nodded sadly, and my eyes searched her pain stricken face. She took a few deep breath before she spoke.

"Why would you go back?" she asked me painfully.

I searched for the words I wanted to say, but they did not come to me.

"I wanted to see... I wanted to see what you had endured! I needed to know, I needed to understand." I explained.

Her eyes narrowed,

"Then why not just ask me?!" she demanded.

I took a deep breath and shook my head,

"I know not Guinevere, but do not hold this against me. I punished the priest for what he had done!" I exclaimed.

She took a step back away from me, as if I had struck her.

"That is the past, my past, the past I wish to forget…" her eyes strayed to her once injured hand.

"That was my past, the darkness I lived in before you came into my life…" and with this she ran from the stables.