Well this is the end! I've really enjoyed writing this, and I hope you've all enjoyed reading it! Aww I'm all sad having to write this, this story has become my baby. Anyways, thank you to all the reviewers, you made my day everytime you said something nice! Thank you to all my friends, Dwight, Ashley, Tesh, Jared, Chelsea, both Kyndras, hell all of my friends that put up with me having them read every chapter! Huge thanks really go out to Dwight, Ashley and Tesh for their help on chapters and editing! I love you guys. Ok I'll stop boring you, read it! lol. This should be typo free, I wrote this at 11:30 pm, geeze
disclaimer: I only owned the ideas in this story, nothing else.
What Heaven Is...
Chapter 15- "Echoes of the Heart"
-Months Later-
I grunted angrily as the swords fell from my grip again. My body screamed in pain, and my wrists were numb. I'd been at this all day, trying to push myself to be better with the swords.
I picked up them up and tried the new move again once again. My wrists gave out once again and I cried out in anger. I rubbed at my wrists, trying to ease the burning of my strained muscles.
"Practicing again I see."
I turned briskly at the voice and sighed when I saw Arthur standing there.
"My lord…"
I went to retrieve the swords again, but Arthur picked them up. He spun them delicately and smiled.
"I remember when you got these, you could barely hold them at first." he said.
I nodded and smiled,
"I remember the Roman officer took me to the black smith, and I watched them make the blades." I stared at the blades. "I was the only one willing to try two blades."
Arthur laughed and spun them in his grasp.
"Aye, the only one brave enough my friend." he said with a smirk.
I felt the blood rush to my cheeks.
"You can handle a sword also my friend." I said.
Arthur nodded and handed the blades back to me. He motioned towards them seconds later.
"Do you remember what you use to call them?" he asked.
I laughed and tried to the move once again.
"I called them honor and dignity." I responded.
Arthur nodded.
"And that they are…" he said.
I smiled softly and looked at the blades.
"How is Guinevere?" I asked.
Arthur locked gazes with me.
"Weak, I fear this child will take all that is left of her." he said.
Sadness washed over me, I hadn't seen Guinevere in weeks. She seemed to be always locked away, out of my reach. I tried to smile, for Arthur's sake.
"She is never weak." I said.
Arthur smiled also,
"She wishes to see you. Has been asking for you many times." he said.
A lump began to form in my throat. I replaced the swords to their rightful place on my back and nodded. I ran my hands through my hair and proceeded to walk away.
"She loves you."
My blood went cold.
Dear gods he knows.
I turned my head towards him.
"My lord?" My voice cracked.
Arthur nodded.
"She loves you, loves you as a brother, like I myself do. Go to her…please" he pleaded.
My body relaxed and I nodded.
"I will go to her Arthur." I replied.
He nodded and I left him.
The words I wanted to say raced through my mind. I wanted to tell her so much, everything I'd ever wanted to.
The maid looked up as I entered the room. She looked between me and Guinevere who lay in the bed. I heard Guinevere dismiss her and she shuffles past me. I watched her leave silently; I lingered near the doorway, not wanting to go deeper inside.
"Lancelot." Guinevere's voice was weak.
I cleared my throat and walked closer. The bed seemed to swallow her whole. I pushed the drapery away and sat at her side. She looked at me silently, her eyes dull and lifeless.
"My brave Knight." Her hand clutches mine.
I shuddered at the coolness of it. I smiled at her and lifted her hand to my lips. I kissed it softly and she smiled.
"I was afraid you wouldn't come." She whispered.
I caressed her hand with my thumb.
"I let my pride get to me, I'm sorry…I haven't come sooner" I said.
She shook her head and closed her eyes. She was sick, I could see this. Her eyes had lost the flame that use to inhabit them. I ran my hand over her cheek softly and she leaned into my touch.
"I love you." She whispered.
My gaze locked with her and she smiled. I ran my tongue over my lips and nodded.
"I love you too Guinevere." My voice cracked with emotion.
Never leave me.
The look on her face made tears come to my eyes. She was so beaten down, defeated.
"Never leave me." I said aloud.
I hadn't meant to say this, but my emotions were taking me. Guinevere reached up and put her hand on my face.
"I promise I'll never leave you." She said.
I collapsed next to her, my head resting on her breast.
Please…I can't endure this. I have nothing left but you.
Her hand went through my hair and she kissed the crown of my head. The tears fell down my cheeks freely and I knew she saw this.
"Lancelot, it's…I'll survive this." She said.
I could hear her tears start and I clutched her hand. We remained like this for what seemed like hours. I heard the maid coming and I unwillingly pulled away from her.
I felt her hand slip from mine, and sadness filled her face again.
"Come back to me." She pleaded.
I nodded and wiped at my face, trying to rid myself of the tears.
I looked up as footsteps approached. I had shrunken down outside the stables, knowing I couldn't make it to the privacy of my rooms before the tears came again.
"Lancelot."
Bors.
When he saw my face he frowned and came to my side.
"I'm fine…leave me." I said.
Bors laughed softly.
"You proud bastard let me help you." He said as he pulled me from the ground.
I put my hand over my face, wanting to hide the tears.
"You went to her didn't you?" he asked.
I nodded sadly, but didn't look up at him. Bors clapped me on the back and sighed.
"My dear friend."
I didn't want him to see me like this.
"Just leave me Bors; I'll fight my own battles." I said.
Bors laughed again and stared at me with an amused grin.
"Why do you do this? Why do you shun all of us away?" he asked.
Because I'm afraid.
I pulled away from him,
"Ah! Can I not get one moment of peace?" I demanded.
"It is not I or the others that bother you Lancelot! You are your own worst enemy my friend. Your heart is what burdens you." He said.
His words struck me, and I bowed my head.
He's right, and you know it.
I turned slowly back to him and sighed.
"Your right, I'm sorry Bors." I said softly.
The thought of her lying in bed, pale and beaten down came rushing back to me. My breath caught and Bors patted my shoulder.
"Lancelot…"
I hated myself for what I was doing. Why are you crying? I was weeping again, and I wanted to be alone with my misery. I raised my right fist and pressed it to the middle of my forehead, willing myself to stop. Bors pulled me forward roughly and he gave me a friendly embrace.
"You are not alone, we're all here for you, never forget that ok?" he said.
-Day's Later-
"There, now don't try to swing too quickly…"
I stood back as the small boy tried to pick up one of my blades. His small hands grasped the hilt and he looked up at me with worried eyes.
"You can do it." I said as a smile spread over my lips.
He nodded and lifted the sword, he swung it slowly but his body teetered and he started to fall back. He cried out shapely before I caught him, he looked up at me and I smiled.
"Ok try again." I said.
He nodded and I sat him back on his feet.
"My lady…"
My heart stopped at his words. I looked up nervously and saw her. She had her hands on her swollen stomach and she was smiling.
"Guinevere." I said.
The little boy swung the sword at me and I blocked the blow. The boy stepped back and swung at the air. Guinevere started towards me and I sheathed the blade and looked at her.
"You shouldn't be out here." I told her.
Guinevere shook her head.
"I wanted to see you, and it'll do me good to get out of that room." She explained.
I nodded and watched the child out of the corner of my eye.
"You love children."
I looked back to her and her smile made my heart swoon. I nodded but sighed.
"I do…"
Guinevere came closer to me.
"Do you have any of your own?" she asked.
Yes, somewhere with nameless women for mothers.
"I know not…Arthur's god has yet to bless me with any." I replied.
She nodded and turned to the little boy.
"I've always wanted children." She said softly.
You wanted to have them with me, you told me that.
I nodded but did not respond.
"Lancelot…" her voice was soft.
I put my hand on her shoulder and I heard her breath catch. She went limp and fell into my arms.
"Guinevere!"
The boy looked at me with fearful eyes.
"Go get the King." I commanded.
I paced the hall in front of Guinevere's room nervously. I ran my hand over my moist forehead. She'd collapsed because she came to see me.
It's not your fault.
Arthur appeared beside me, his face weary with worry.
"Arthur! How is she?" I asked hurriedly.
Arthur looked down at the ground and took a deep breath.
"The child will arrive soon. She is so weak." He said.
I drew closer to him and put my hand on his shoulder.
"She'll be fine my friend, and soon you will gaze into the face of your child." I said.
I wanted to scream, cry, and fight this. I wanted to wake from this nightmare and find myself in her arms.
"Go in…she needs you also. I'm weary, and I do not want her to see this." Arthur said.
I nodded and he walked away from me. I entered the room slowly, trying to prepare myself for the sight. I could hear her labored breaths, followed by murderous coughs.
"Leave us." I said to the chamber maids.
They nodded and left swiftly. She looked up at me and raised her hand weakly.
"Lancelot."
Her voice sent shivers down my spine. I clasped her hand in mine and put on the best smile I could. Her eyes were cold as she looked at me.
"My love…"
Another round of coughs racked her body. I raised her hand to my lips and planted a small kiss on her knuckles.
"I'm sorry I can't be strong for you." She said.
I shook my head and caressed her cheek with my other hand.
"Your fine, I won't leave your side." I responded.
She shook her head and turned away from me. Her hand was clammy and cool.
"Where did Arthur go?" she asked.
I ran my thumb over her fingers. I knew Arthur didn't want to alarm her.
"Gawain had to speak with him." I answered.
"Do not lie to me love. He knows that I am ill; he does not wish to watch me die. He'd rather send you to me…my savior."
Her words made my anger rise. Why was she speaking like this?"
"Guinevere, stop this! You are not going to die." I exclaimed.
She's acting like you were when you fell ill.
She looked towards me again, her face flushed from pain.
"Lancelot, do you remember the day you asked me to run with you?" she asked.
I nodded slowly, not wanting the memory to replay in my mind.
"I do…"
She swallowed and pulled me closer to her.
"I wanted too." She whispered.
I smiled and kissed her forehead.
"Rest…"
She shook her head,
"No, I must say something! Lancelot if I would've chosen you, none of this would have happened! You've never put me in danger, nor have I suffered pain."
I put my finger to her lips.
"Guinevere…please."
She shrank back into the pillows and closed her eyes.
"Sit with me…" she pleaded.
"Of course." I said before she slipped into sleep.
-Hours later-
Arthur paced the hall and stopped every now and then at the door. I looked up from my hands, wanting to say something to him.
What are you going to say? Tell him sorry for loving his wife?
I sighed and settled for silence, knowing I couldn't say anything comforting.
I stood at the sound of a soft baby cry. Arthur straightened and we both looked at each other. A small smile spread over his lips and mine.
"You're a father." I said.
I could see the tears starting to form in his eyes and I embraced him,
"Thank you." He said.
We pulled away and I clasped his shoulder.
"There is no ne…"
"Lancelot, thank you." He said firmly.
I stopped my protests and nodded in thanks. The healer appeared at our side and Arthur turned towards him. I could see the spots of blood on his clothes and my breath caught.
"My lord, the Queen has lost an amount of blood…if I cannot control it soon, I'm afraid..."
I shut my eyes as I heard what he said. This cant be happening.
I opened my eyes and Arthur was looking at me, tears slowly streaming down his face.
"Lancelot…"
He seemed far away at that moment. My world was crumbling around me.
"Lancelot."
Arthur was shaking me softly. I looked at him, but didn't say anything. I saw the healer come out again with a small bundle clutched in his arms.
"It's a girl…"
We both stared at the child, and she blinked her large brown eyes. I smiled and saw the tears starting to appear again in Arthur's eyes.
"My lord, I still cannot stop the bleeding."
Arthur didn't look up from the child. I bit my lower lip softly and studied him.
"Can Merlin help?" he asked finally.
Silence enveloped us. We both looked towards the healer, probing him with our eyes.
"He may be able to…"
Arthur gave me the child and she smiled up at me.
"Lancelot, my dear friend, please…stay with Guinevere, help her fight just a bit longer while I go and find Merlin." He said.
I nodded blankly at him and watched as he turned and ran, his footsteps quickly disappearing from the hall. The little girl had clasped my finger in her small hand and she looked up at me happily.
I walked into the room, clutching the child to me for dear life. The maids rushed around, carrying water, rags, pillows. I could hear Guinevere's pleads and cries for them to bring me to her.
"I'm here my love…" I said I stepped into view.
Guinevere's tears started as she saw me.
"Lancelot, please…"
I gave the child to a maid and quickly went to Guinevere's side.
"Shh, love Arthur's gone to get Merlin, he can help you." I whispered as I kissed her softly.
"Lancelot, I don't want to die…I want to be with you…"
Her tears were over powering her voice and I shut my eyes to stop my own tears. I leaned in and kissed her mouth, which silenced her. I could taste the blood on her lips and I pulled back as a cry of rage broke through me.
Do not do this! Do not take her!
Her hands searched for mine hurriedly, and she clung to them desperately when she found them.
"Please…"
I stared at her,
"My love, help is coming…hold on just a bit more."
Her breaths started to come slower. Her hand still gripped mine, and I smoothed her hair back softly, whispering soft things that I knew might help her keep looking forwards, towards life. Where was Arthur? He should have been here by now. Guinevere looked up at me, the fire almost completely gone from her eyes,
"Lancelot…I love you." She whispered softly.
I shook my head,
"Guinevere, please…" I could feel the tears starting.
She nodded and gave me a comforting smile,
"I'm not afraid anymore, you're with me, I couldn't ask for more…" she said.
"No…Arthur…Arthur will come…"
Her hand came to my face slowly,
"Let me go love…"
I saw a tear fall onto her hand.
"I'll be with my father…my fallen brothers and sisters."
"Death is somewhere that I cannot follow! Guinevere, do not leave me alone!"
"I'll be with Dagonet, Tristan…they'll look after me…"
Her voice was growing faint.
"Guinevere! I'll look after you! Please…"
She locked gazes with me, her eyes searching my face.
"You will not be alone my love…"
I shut my eyes, and felt the tears rush from my eyes.
"I will…"
"No…no…for I left what I could of me behind. I left the child, which is part of both you and me both…"
My breath caught and she nodded delicately. She sucked in one last breath and slowly said,
"For the child is not Arthur's…it is yours my love."
I stood there clutching her lifeless hand in mine, feeling the warmth seep out of it. I felt the tears gather in my eyes and I didn't even bother to hide them or wipe them away. I saw one fall onto her hand and I bent down and cried onto the bed.
Please…bring her back. I can't survive without her!
"If there is any god, you send her back to me; you send her back to me now!" I screamed as I lifted my head towards the ceiling.
I sat there for what seemed an eternity before I got up on shaky legs and let go of her hand. It dropped back to her side as if it had never been touched. I turned slowly, not wanting to let her out of my sight. But as I lifted my eyes to go, I felt my breath catch in my throat.
"Arthur…"